Date: 03/11	7:15 PM
Views: 493

Tonight's Raw is probably where the Wrestlemania card starts to solidify. Not only will Brock Lesnar give his answer to HHH's challenge, but the genuine unknowns will start to become known. For example, who is the natural challenger to Antonio Cesaro's United States Championship? The Miz has a score to settle, but Ryback and Sin Cara have recently scored victories over the champ as well. Ryback seems busy with Mark Henry, but is his score truly settled with The Shield? Speaking of The Shield, will Sheamus, Randy Orton and Big Show get on the same page against them or can a house divided against itself truly not stand?

Raw opens with a video tribute to Paul Bearer. Oh, fuck, I didn't realize this would be so hard. Paul Bearer is in so many of my childhood memories it's almost immeasurable, and now he's gone.

The Undertaker hits the ring, an urn in the center of it. He kneels before the urn as an image of Paul Bearer adorns the Titantron. The Undertaker's face is heavy with genuine emotion, until CM Punk's music cuts him off. Seriously? Fuck off.

Punk: "Simmer down, I think you misunderstand me coming out here. I wanted to come out here and extend, personally, my heartfelt condolences. I wanted to extend my heartfelt apologies for your loss. At Wrestlemania. The silver lining in all of this tragedy is that to Paul Bearer, you will always be perfect, you will always be 20-0, but to everyone else, in four weeks, you're going to be 20-1. And the night after Wrestlemania, we won't be playing any heartfelt tributes to Paul Bearer, they'll be playing a tribute to me, and if any of you here make it to Wrestlemania, you'll all be explaining to your kids years from now where you were when you saw CM Punk end the streak."

Okay, I'm pissed. That was the most disrespectful timing and the most inappropriate garnering of cheap heat I've ever seen anyone pull off. Shame on everyone in WWE who enabled that to happen, from the writers who planned it to Punk himself for agreeing to do it. That was bullshit.

Apparently during the commercial, Kane tried to chokeslam Punk off the stage and but Punk escaped. That doesn't make it better. Kane is fuming backstage and throws Alex Riley across a table.

Match One: Big Show vs. Seth Rollins

The Shield huddle outside the ring to discuss what they're about to do. Rollins crawls into the ring, Show chokes him, kick, whip to the corner, misses a splash, Rollins with punches, Show swats him away, repeat, Rollins charges, Show throws him out of the ring, follows, throws Reigns into the barricade, Ambrose and Rollins charge, drawing the DQ.

Winner by DQ: Big Show

Show starts to rebound, Ambrose starts kicking him in the head in the ring, Show with a headbutt, Rollins leaps from the top rope, chokeslam, blocked when Reigns hits a spear. The attack becomes a beat-down, culminating in another triple-team powerbomb.

Backstage, CM Punk confronts Vickie Guerrero about Kane attacking him. Vickie responds by putting Kane against Punk in a no-DQ match.

They're running a video tribute to the career of Paul Bearer in video packages, starting with his debut.

Match Two: Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler

Lockup, Ziggler twists the arm, Bryan with a northern lights suplex, twists the arm, side headlock, Ziggler whips his way out, Bryan with a shoulder tackle, double leg takedown, surfboard stretch, transitions it into a pin for one, European Uppercut, Punk with a boot to the gut, dropkick for two, stomp, throws Bryan into the corner, punch, another blocked, Bryan throws Ziggler to the corner, kicks, whip, running dropkick, cover for two, over-the-shoulder arm breaker, then another, wristlock, stomp, whip, Ziggler with a kick to the face, Bryan presses him over the top rope, goes for a suicide dive, Langston blocks his attempt, commercial.

Back on, Ziggler with a headstand side headlock, Bryan elbows his way out, Ziggler with a kick, dropkick reversed into a catapult, Bryan with kicks, whip, reversed, Bryan floats over, clothesline, charges in the corner, Ziggler with a boot, sleeper reversed, Bryan with a rollup for two, Ziggler with a kick, Bryan with an uppercut, kicks, misses a kick, connects with another kick, covers for two, goes up top, Ziggler crotches him, super hurricanrana blocked, Bryan slips underneath Ziggler and crotches him, super back suplex, Ziggler reverses in midair into a crossbody for two, Bryan misses a punch, Ziggler misses a back suplex, Bryan goes for a Hurricanrana, dumped onto the top rope, Zig Zag for two, Ziggler with punches, Bryan goes for the No Lock, AJ with a distraction, Langston drapes Ziggler's foot across the bottom rope, Ziggler with a rollup for two, Bryan with the No Lock, Ziggler reverses, Zig Zag again for three.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler

Ziggler and AJ exchange a passionate kiss after the match, before Langston hits Bryan with whatever it is his finisher is called. I should look that up. It's called the Big Ending, apparently.

They show a recap of HHH's challenge to Brock Lesnar.

Match Three: Tensai vs. Fandango

Tensai grabs a mic and demands Fandango come to the ring. Fandango comes to the ramp, accuses Tensai of mispronouncing his name and of disgracing the world of dance. Hey, former Johnny Curtis, if it's the way Freddie Mercury said it, go fuck yourself. Fandango then demands Naomi say his name, possibly trying to woo her away from Brodus Clay and Tensai. Tensai grabs the mic and demands Fandango come to the ring, which prompts him to leave.

Match Never Started

A trailer for the new GI Joe airs.

The next Remembering Paul Bearer clip is of his return at Wrestlemania 20. I remember that night extremely well.

Match Four/Three: Team Rhodes Scholars vs. New Age Outlaws

Team Rhodes Scholars proclaim themselves reunited and parody the NAO's entrance before the genuine article make their way out.

Dogg: "Very clever ladies, now let us show you how it's done." What follows is the trademark New Age Outlaws introduction.

Dogg and Cody start off, Dogg with an arm twist, Rhodes with punches, Dogg with punches, crotch chop, punch, then one for Sandow, Rhodes with a Disaster Kick, Brock Lesnar hits the ring for no tangible reason and goes after the New Age Outlaws. The beating culminates with an F5 to Road Dogg.

Winners by DQ: I'd assume the New Age Outlaws

Heyman: "Let me get this straight: HHH wants Brock to know that the game is on. Brock Lesnar doesn't play games, Brock Lesnar hurts people. Take, for example, Shawn Michaels, HHH's best friend, Brock broke his arm. Take Vince McMahon, not just the chairman of the board but HHH's father-in-law. Lesnar broke him in half to the point that Stephanie McMahon, HHH's wife, had to watch her father carted into an ambulance with tears in her eyes. What does that feel like? Now the New Age Outlaws, the last remnants of DX, F5ed into a pile of oblivion in the middle of the ring. Now what am I babbling on about? Everyone wants to know, will Brock Lesnar face HHH at Wrestlemania? The answer is yes. But, we want to name the stipulations. And Brock Lesnar won't tell you the stipulations until after HHH signs the contract. So, you see the dilemma. Either you sign the contract blindly or you, cerebral assassin, avenger, you disappoint your wife, your father in law, the entire WWE Universe and most importantly yourself. And if you're not down with that, I've got two words for you: Brock Lesnar!"

Match Five/Four: Kofi Kingston vs. Mark Henry

Kofi with punches, Henry with a headbutt, elbow in the corner, avalanche to the back, bear hug, Kofi punches his way out, Henry throws him to the corner, body slam blocked, Henry with a kick, Kingston flies across the ring and hits the floor, Henry charges for Kingston, who rests on the ring post, Kofi dodges, Henry hits the ring post, Kofi leaps off the steps and hits a clothesline, climbs to the top rope, crossbody reversed into the World's Strongest Slam.

Winner: Mark Henry

Backstage, Cody Rhodes and Kaitlyn reach for the same bottle of water. They start flirting, before Damien Sandow comes in, takes the water and introduces the returning Bella Twins. Cody seems more interested in Kaitlyn, who leaves. Vickie Guerrero then announces that Team Rhodes Scholars will compete again, against Sheamus and Cody Rhodes.

Match Six/Five: Ryback vs. Heath Slater

Mark Henry arrives on the ramp, Slater with punches, Ryback with a Gorilla Press Slam, clothesline, Meat Hook clothesline, Shellshocked for three.

Winner: Ryback

Drew McIntyre swarms the ring, Shellshocked, Henry starts to head toward the ring, World's Strongest Slam to McIntyre, Ryback hits McIntyre with Shellshocked again, hey, anyone remember when this guy was supposed to be the next World Heavyweight Champion? Henry hits another World's Strongest Slam on McIntyre and he and Ryback share a staredown before Henry leaves.

A promo airs for The Call. This movie actually looks extremely good.

Match Seven/Six: US Champion Antonio Cesaro vs. World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio (non-title all-round)

Lockup, Cesaro with an armbar, kicks in the corner, Del Rio with a hurricanrana, Cesaro presses him to the apron, Del Rio with a forearm, crossbody, kick, Cesaro with a trip taking Del Rio down from the top rope, stomps, elbow drop for two, chinlock, knee lifts, european uppercut in the corner for two, fist drop for two, elbow drop, another, chinlock, Del Rio with a punch, Cesaro with a knee, misses an avalanche, Del Rio with two clotheslines, tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, superkick for two, cross arm breaker blocked, Cesaro with punches, Del Rio presses him to the apron, punches to the back as Cesaro is tied up in the ropes, cover for two, Del Rio to the top rope, leaps into a European Uppercut for two, Cesaro starts to freak out, Del Rio with a kick, Cesaro rebounds with a kick, rear waistlock, Del Rio elbows his way out, cross armbreaker for an immediate tapout.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio

It doesn't even look like the hold was locked in as Cesaro tapped out.

Backstage, Josh Matthews tries to interview Kane, who holds the urn in his hand, and walks off.

Remembering Paul Bearer looks at the debut of Kane.

The "Main Event Preview" of John Cena vs. The Rock airs, using Letters From The Sky by Civil Twilight as a backing track. I haven't heard that song in about two years. Don't know why they never ended up bigger.

Match Eight/Nine: Sheamus and Randy Orton vs. Team Rhodes Scholars

The entrance style for this match is one I don't think I've ever seen. Orton entered, then Team Rhodes Scholars, then Sheamus, meaning that a team actually entered in nonconsecutive fashion.

Orton and Sandow start off, Sandow with a side headlock, Orton whips his way out, elbow, Orton with a european uppercut, suplex for one, Sheamus in, Orton whips Sandow into a Battering Ram for two, Sheamus twists the arm, punch to the shoulder, Sandow with punches, Rhodes in, kick, Sheamus with a punch, fireman's carry senton for two, twists the nose of Rhodes, kick, off the ropes, Sandow pulls the top rope down, Sheamus hits the floor, Sandow with a clothesline, Rhodes rolls Sheamus back into the ring for two, Sandow in, elbow drops, knee drop for two, Rhodes in, stomp, kick to the face, punch, running knee for two, chinlock, Sheamus escapes, Rhodes with punches, Sheamus with a clothesline, Orton in, clothesline, then another, snap powerslam, t-bone suplex for two, hangman's DDT blocked when Sandow pulls Rhodes off the apron, Orton throws Sandow into the barricade, Rhodes throws Orton into the ring post, stomp, punch, throws Orton into the ring, Sandow in, stomps, knee drop, cover for two, leg sweep, elbow of disdain for two, Rhodes in, stomps, exploder suplex for two, Rhodes climbs up top, Orton crotches Rhodes, superplex, double tag, Sheamus with dual clotheslines, shoulder tackle, knee lift, chops in the ropes, throws Sandow back into the ring, White Noise, calls for the Brogue Kick, Rhodes interjects, Orton RKOs Rhodes, Brogue Kick to Sandow for three.

Winners: Sheamus and Randy Orton

Sheamus and Orton shake hands after the match and pose on the top rope.

A collection of Touts share memories of Paul Bearer.

Chris Jericho makes his way out for Highlight Reel Goes To The Movies, with guests Wade Barrett and The Miz.

"Welcome to Raw Is Jericho! And this is the highlight reel, yeah! Is this jacket working? They're very tempermental. My guest tonight is the star of the surprise hit, The Marine 3, let's see a clip, monkeys, roll the footage. (clip airs, looks kind of awful) Did you see my magic trick? I made the Jeritron 6000 disappear. My guest tonight is The Miz!"

"You know, it's nice to be a guest instead of a host. Nice set."

"I used to have a lot more furniture and a set, but I guess there are budget cutbacks. So the Marine 3 blew away studio projections, it's a hit."

Wade Barrett is out. "Oh come on, you have got to be kidding me. This man isn't even a real actor. Besides, everyone knows my movie, Dead Man Down, opened in the top five this weekend. And take a look at this, you're going to see exactly why. (clip airs, looks substantially better than the clip of The Marine 3) Now that is a movie. That is what we should be talking about."

Miz: "Oh we get it, I'm Wade Barrett, I was in a movie with Collin Farrell. We get it, we've been hearing it for the past three weeks."

Wade: "If that was supposed to be an impersonation of me, you've just given away your lack of range as an actor. I on the other hand can do anything from shootouts to Shakespeare. This past week alone I've rejected dozens of offers from Hollywood. Why? Because I'm too bloody busy. I'm too busy being Intercontinental Champion, I'm too busy being Wade Barrett."

Miz: "Really? Really? Because the way I see it is, the only reason you keep bringing up your movie is to distract from the fact that you haven't won a match in weeks, and it's only a matter of time before you lose that title."

Jericho: "Really, really, re-he-he-he-heeeally?"

Barrett: "Why don't you shut your mouth and stay out of this before I drop you right now?"

Jericho takes off his jacket. "Let me remind you who you're talking to, Junior. I helped you into this company, I helped you win the first season of NXT. You've done well so far, two-time intercontinenal Champion, but let me remind you that I'm a nine-time champion. Nine times, more than anyone else in history. What do you think, should I make it ten?"

Brad Maddox: "Hey, knock it off! This will not happen on my show! Allow me to introduce me (sic): I'm a very high-ranking executive here, and let me introduce you to a brilliant management decision from the superhero team of Brickie. Now you're all very good, obviously, and the Intercontinental Championship is the most prestigious championship in the history of the world, so Wade Barrett, you're going to defend it next week against the winner of this next match, Chris Jericho vs. The Miz."

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler proclaim that "the worst segment in Raw history". My mind is certainly full of What The Fuck?

Match Nine/Ten: Chris Jericho vs. The Miz

Broadcast begins with Miz escaping a side headlock, trading blows, Jericho with an axe handle, Miz with a boot for two, Jericho with chops, Miz with a backbreaker, neckbreaker blocked, Jericho with a kick to the gut, bulldog, Miz with a dropkick, charges, reversed into the Walls of Jericho, blocked, Figure 4 blocked, Jericho trips Miz, Walls of Jericho reversed into a rollup for two, Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho again, locks the hold in, Miz eventually gets to the ropes, falls out of the ring, Jericho with a punch to the back, tries to throw Miz into the ring post, reversed, Jericho throws Miz into Barrett on commentary, trading punches, Barrett attacks both men.

Match Result: No Contest

Jericho and Miz start to rebound, throw Barrett in the ring together, Skull Crushing Finale, Codebreaker. You know what the most fucked up part of this whole thing is? I'm not even sure if it makes sense. It's not like it's outright nonsensical, it's just really subtly awful in very strange ways.

They replay Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez's "Mexican Food" promo.

The next Remembering Paul Bearer segment is the 1995 video promo involving Mr. Fuji and both of them in a dress.

Match Eleven/Ten: Jack Swagger vs. Sin Cara

Zeb Colter accuses Sin Cara of brainwashing the WWE Universe to cheer for him with his entrance, then seems to indirectly imply that he's an illegal immigrant. I like how they're slowly turning up the hyperbole on this.

Sin Cara with kicks, springboard elbow, Swagger throws Sin Cara out of the ring, Sin Cara reverses, baseball slide, springboard crossbody, Swagger starts to destroy everything in sight, Sin Cara with kicks, hurricanrana transitioned into a sunset flip, reversed into a whip, Sin Cara with a swinging kick, Swagger with a boot to the face, elbow drop to the leg, Patriot Lock for the tapout.

Winner: Jack Swagger

Swagger refuses to release the hold until Del Rio hits the ring and both men brawl, culminating in a cross arm breaker, prompting Zeb Colter to pull Swagger out of the ring.

They then air an interview with Halle Berry, which is interrupted by a (kayfabe) phone call from David Otunga, warning her that he accidentally gave her phone number to someone, who is revealed to be Kane, who has apparently been writing her every day. That was... oddly funny.

Main Event: No Disqualification: CM Punk vs. Kane

Kane comes to the ring with the urn, which he places on the announce table. Punk opens with a suicide dive, punches, kicks in the barricade, Kane with a punch, throws Punk into the apron, knees, throws Punk into the barricade, into the ring post, snake eyes into the barricade, punch, throws Punk into the timekeeper's area, strips the announce table, I was wrong, the urn is actually on a pedestal, Punk hits Kane with the ring bell, double axe handle, Punk stares at the urn, Kane nails Punk in the stomach with the television monitor, throws the top of the table onto Punk, punch on the apron, kick, knee lift, sets Punk up in the top rope, punch, Punk punches back, rakes the eyes, Kane falls to the ground, Punk with an elbow drop for two, kicks, stomps in the corner, running high knee, then another, bulldog blocked, Kane throws Punk over the top rope, commercial.

Back on, there is a chair in the ring and both men are trading strikes. Punk with a clothesline from the second rope for two, sets up the chair in the corner, punch, then another, whip, reversed, Punk hits the chair, Kane with a clothesline, whip to the corner, clothesline, another clothesline, sidewalk slam, Cactus Clothesline, throws Punk into the barricade, throws a chair into the ring, then another, then a third, then Punk, then himself, grabs a chair, chokeslam onto the chair reversed into a DDT, Punk covers for two, grabs a chair, shot to the gut, chair shot to the back, drags a thumb across his throat, sets up for a shot to the head, chokeslam reversed into a kick to the head, Punk calls for the GTS, gong, chokeslam for three.

Winner: Kane

Undertaker's music hits in lieu of Kane's. The Undertaker makes his way back to the entrance ramp and he and Kane salute Paul Bearer once again before Punk hits Kane in the head twice with the urn. Undertaker starts to head toward the ring, Punk hits Kane a third time and then leaves with the urn. Punk gazes at the urn, then poses with it himself. Undertaker crosses his throat as Raw goes off the air.