Date: 03/18	6:45 PM
Views: 426

A better name will probably follow once Raw is underway. Tonight's Raw is one of the last on the road to Wrestlemania 29. Already on the card is a triple-threat Intercontinental Championship match pitting champion Wade Barrett against challengers (and former WWE Champions) Chris Jericho and The Miz. With no real plans for either of them on the horizon, the winner could be anyone's guess. Meanwhile, The Rock is in London promoting his new movie, but that seemingly hasn't stopped the momentum of his match with John Cena for the WWE Championship at Wrestlemania. Meanwhile, The Shield continue to antagonize their rivals. Where is it all leading? Find out.

Press F5 or Refresh for more updates.

Raw opens with a recap of HHH vs. Lesnar so far, followed by a recap of CM Punk's controversial actions last week. Which I've become marginally more okay with since I've heard accounts from both friends and family of Paul Bearer that he'd probably have been cool with it.

Raw proper opens with John Cena hitting the ring in what appears to be a new yellow and black t-shirt. He asks the cameraman if he likes it, so I think that may in fact confirm that that is a new t-shirt.

"I sense there may be some Rock fans in the audience tonight. It's loud on both sides, some folks riding with Cena, some folks riding with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. You've got twenty days left to pick a side. But since I stand in the middle of a sold-out house divided, I have a message tonight for all the Rock fans. It is the same message I gave to The Rock a few weeks ago. Your time is up, our time is now! I know that's a bitter pill to swallow, but I say that, because all we have is right now. Starting with the Royal Rumble 2013, there's been a tidal wave of momentum for yours truly. And for those of you who have stuck with me, for those of you who have hoisted your signs high and worn it proud, I'm not going to make the mistake of last year and Broadway Joe myself by guaranteeing victory. But I assure you,I a focussed, and I am ready for Wrestlemania."

The Primetime Players interject. Titus O'Neill is dressed in a 'fro wig.

O'Neill: "John, you're not the only one ready for Wrestlemania 29. The Primetime Players are also ready for Wrestlemania 29. Titus O'Neill is my nephew. My name is Rufus "Pancake" Patterson. They call me pancake 'cause I flattens fools, that's what I do."

Cena: "Okay, Pancake, or Ticake, All American Breakfast, Moons Over My Hammy, whatever you want to call yourself, you are in luck, because we are in Pittsburgh, and while they are known for their NFL Franchise the Pittsburgh Steelers and their NHL franchise the Pittsburgh Penguins, a lot of people don't know this but there are also a lot of great doctors here who deal with multiple personalities, they can get you the medication you need in no time."

Titus: "Hold on, John. See, the only medication that the WWE Universe needs is the Primetime Players."

Young: "And the Primetime Players put the E in WWE. Entertainment."

This leads to a "Millions of Dollars" dance until Titus feigns a hip injury.

John: "You just made me smile, maybe you've got something, they don't like you, but I don't think they know you. Your timing's just a bit off, though. I'm 20 days away from Wrestlemania, maybe I'll see you there and you can get it right."

Titus: "But that's the problem. The people don't want to see you at Wrestlemania, John. No, what they want to see is the Primetime Players! I mean, you think about it, we talking about t-shirts, wash rags, and they all say that my boy Darren Young looks like John Cena. Now you're on Fruity Pebbles, so there's no reason my boy shouldn't be on the cover of Cocoa Pebbles. Of course, they'd have to change the name to Primetime Pebbles. Now I'd love to come up there and tear you limb from limb myself, but my gout is flaring up, and I'm four days away from getting my first social security cheque, and bingo is Friday night. But my nephew Darren has no problem taking the opportunity tonight, in the steel city, to tear you limb from limb."

Young: "And when I beat you tonight, you're going to be sitting here on the ramp crying, just like the loser you are, just like last year's Wrestlemania."

John: "Is that what this is about? Okay, you think you're ready for Wrestlemania? Why don't you come in here, and I'll show you exactly what it's like to be ready for Wrestlemania."

Match One: John Cena vs. Darren Young

Lockup, Cena with punches, throws Young to the corner, whip, bulldog, STF blocked when Titus pulls Young out of the ring, commercial.

Back on, Young is down in the ring, Cena charges with a shoulder tackle, then another, protoplex, 5-knuckle shuffle, AA for three.

Winner: John Cena

I think, and I will have to confirm this by timing it at some point, that more of that match actually occurred during the commercial than during the broadcast. Also, Young failed to get even a single bit of offense in. Unless it was during the commercial.

They air a replay of The Shield beating down Ryback on Smackdown, followed by Mark Henry hitting three World's Strongest Slams.

Match Two: David Otunga vs. Ryback

I was going to make a joke about how tonight seems to be "Watch former members of the Nexus get squashed" night until I realized that Ryback himself is a former member of Nexus.

Lockup, Ryback throws Otunga into the corner, punches, chops, ref forces a break, Otunga with a boot, then another, a third, Ryback with a clothesline, tilt-a-whirl body slam, dead lift throw, Meat Hook Clothesline, Shellshocked for three.

Winner: Ryback

At least Otunga got in more offense than Young. Three kicks more offense.

Ryback: "At Wrestlemania, myself, Randy Orton and Sheamus are going to tear The Shield apart. As far as the World's Strongest Man is concerned, on my road to Wrestlemania, we will meet again. And everyone knows that when this happens, it will be feeding time! Together we scream, feed me more!"

This draws Henry out, Vickie Guerrero and Teddy Long interject.

Long: "Don't you even think about taking another step toward that ring. At least not right now."

Vickie: "Ryback, I am taking you out of Wrestlemania. I am taking you out of Wrestlemania. I am taking you out of the six-man tag match. You want to be at Wrestlemania? Then you will go one on one with the World's Strongest Man, Mark Henry!"

That was probably the right booking decision, but it seems really inorganic to have it happen that way. Ryback hits another Shellshocked on Otunga for good measure.

Fandango comes out next, allegedly to compete in his first match. I'll believe it when I see it, but on the other hand they do have a more elaborate entrance set for him, primarily consisting of a curtain of ribbons over the entrance gate and a light-up outline of him in the ring.

Match Three: Fandango vs. The Great Khali

Fandango: "Stop, stop, stretch. It is quite obvious that you are far too stupid to pronounce my name correctly. So I was thinking, tonight, why don't we let the beautiful, sensual Canadian slice of heaven Natalya give it a try? Don't be okay of all this masculinity, okay, m-lady?"

Natalya: "Fan-dang-go get him Khali, now!"

Khali chases after Fandango, who bails.

Fandango: "No, no. Tonight was the night where you almost got to see the debut of... Fandango!"

Match Result: Either no contest or Khali by countout

The bell did ring.

Match Four: Damien Sandow vs. R-Truth

Sandow: "Cut the music! Henry David Thoreau once said, give me not money, or love, or fame, give me truth. He is rolling in his grave right now at the fact that this man calls himself R-Truth. And, looking at the way he's dressed and his actions, the R clearly stands for Repugnant."

Truth: Thoreau was quite the poet, wasn't he? I've got some poetry of my own: Your beard is weird, I don't like it a lot. I've got four words for you: You gon' get got!"

Sandow with a kick, punch, whip, knee to the gut, whip, knee to the gut, snapmare, knee drop for one, knee to the back, chinlock, Truth punches his way out, sunset flip for one, Sandow with a clothesline, punches, stomp, "You're welcome!", suplex for one, chinlock, Truth punches his way out, Sandow with the clinch, knees, Russian Leg Sweep, elbow drop for two, whip, Truth holds the ropes, elbow, clothesline, another clothesline, punches, whip, reversed, Truth with a hurricanrana, heel kick, boot to the gut, Lie Detector, Sandow bails, countout.

Winner via countout: R-Truth

Cody Rhodes is backstage with the Bella Twins fauning over his mustache, Kaitlyn walks in to say that she can't make it to their plans later tonight. She then says that, as far as she's concerned, they can have each other.

The Undertaker's gong hits inside the arena, and the Deadman makes his entrance.

"Punk, last week you sealed your own fate when you decided to make this personal. There's no escaping what's going to happen at Wrestlemania. I'm going to hurt you, and I'm going to hurt you bad. You have one chance to save your soul. I want that urn back."

CM Punk comes on the 'Tron doing a Paul Bearer impression using the urn as a puppet. "No disrespect, I never could hit the high notes. Paul wants you to know that this loss isn't just personal, it's a business loss. He also wants to remind you that if you get disqualified or counted out, it's still a loss. See, I know what 20-0 means. You are undoubtably the best at Wrestlemania. But you've never faced anyone like me. I'm the best in the world 365 days a year. You have powers unmatched in the WWE and you answer to a higher power. I don't have special powers, or answer to a higher calling, I am the higher power. And I'm not going to tell you that I was born to break the streak, or that it's my destiny. I'm the one man who can shoulder the burden of breaking your streak. I am willing to take whatever pain you're willing to dish out to me. I will beat the streak. I am the one. In fact, I'm the one in 20-1. (Punk drops the urn) Oh shit! (That was actually what he said, blanked out, at least in Canada) Top almost came off. Again, no disrespect."

After a commercial, they show a replay. For some reason, they don't censor out the "Oh shit!" on the replay.

Match Five: Primo and Epico vs. WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No (non-title)

Kane starts off against Primo, punches, stomps, Primo bails, Bryan tags himself in, Primo blindsides him from behind, knees, side headlock, Bryan with a whip, Primo with a shoulder tackle, Bryan with a knee, throws him to the corner, kicks, whip to the other corner, Primo floats over, sunset flip reversed into a kick for two, whip, Primo with a boot, Epico in, Bryan with an arm drag, armbar, hammerlock, Epico elbows his way out, Bryan with a back body drop, Primo distracts, Epico with a knee to the back, Primo with a cheap shot, throws him back in the ring, Epico covers for two, stomps in the corner, tags Primo in, stomps, Epico in, stomps, foot choke, Primo in, aided dropkick for two, Epico in, Primo with a leg sweep, Epico with a senton for two, bow and arrow hold, Bryan arm drags his way out, Epico with a clothesline for two, Primo in, various chokes, chinlock, Bryan elbows out, heads for his own corner, Primo grabs a leg, Bryan trips him up, Kane in, clothesline, then another, whip, back body drop, clothesline, whip, Primo with a boot, Kane with a side slam, punch to Epico, heads up top, clothesline, calls for a chokeslam, AJ is out? She skips around the ring, Primo rolls Kane up for two, Epico in, Kane with a chokeslam as Bryan dropkicks Primo, Kane covers for three.

Winners: Team Hell No

Backstage, Chris Jericho notes that the best way he can build momentum for Wrestlemania is to win the IC Championship. Fandango interrupts, and tries to get Jericho to say his name, to which Jericho responds by intentionally getting it as many kinds of wrong as possible, including my favourite, "FanDingo-ate-my-baby-oh". Fandango promises revenge.

Match Six: Cody Rhodes vs. World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio (non-title)

Del Rio enters to a slightly tweaked version of his entrance theme. Very slightly Chicano Rock.

Rhodes with punches, Del Rio with a hurricanrana, kick, arm twist, punch to the back, Rhodes twists the arm, Del Rio flips his way out, trip, victory roll for two, Rhodes with punches, whip to the corner, springboard stomp, punches in the corner, whip, reversed, Cody with an elbow, Del Rio with a flapjack, kick for two, suplex blocked, reversed by Rhodes for two, foot choke in the ropes, arm drag, triangle choke, Del Rio back body drpos his way out, charges the corner, Rhodes dodges, Del Rio hits the ring post hard. Snapmare, boots to the gut, punches, headbutts in the corner, Del Rio with a snapmare, kick to the back, baseball slide to an apron-prone Rhodes, commercial.

Back on, Rhodes with a punch, kicks in the corner, punches, misses a charge, Del Rio with a body slam, misses a moonsault, rolls through, Rhodes with a clothesline, stomps, exploder suplex for two, knee to the thigh, drops Del Rio's leg, twists the leg, Del Rio kicks his way out, Rhodes with a punch in the corner, sets Del Rio up, superplex from the second rope, reversed into a super exploder suplex by Del Rio, trading punches, Del Rio with a kick, clothesline, another, tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, superkick for two, calls for the cross arm breaker, Rhodes with a punch, elbow in the corner, standing moonsault for two, charges, Del Rio presses him to the apron, punches to the kidney, back stabber for two, running knee in the corner, misses, cross arm breaker, Cody taps.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio

Jack Swagger ambushes Del Rio from behind, pummelling him until Ricardo Rodriguez jumps on Swagger's back, getting tossed out of the ring for his efforts. Swagger and Del Rio brawl to the floor, where Del Rio hits a kick, then tosses him into the barricade. Del Rio glances at Zeb Colter, who begs off. Del Rio grabs Colter, allowing Swagger to attack him from behind and throw him into the steel steps. He then throws Del Rio across the announce table. As Swagger starts to leave, he notices Ricardo Rodriguez, who he clotheslines and locks in the Patriot Lock. Del Rio slowly makes it to his feet and stares on as Swagger exits.

After a commercial, Michael Cole informs us that Swagger broke Rodriguez's ankle.

Booker T is announced as the newest inductee into the Hall of Fame. I don't know if I agree with this move, just because alongside Trish Stratus, they've got two people whose heydays began a decade ago and ended only a few years ago. They don't even feel "last generation" yet.

Match Seven: Randy Orton and Sheamus vs. 3MB

Sheamus and McIntyre start off, trading punches, McIntyre with a boot, Sheamus with a fireman's carry senton, Orton in, knee drop, whip, charge, McIntyre with a boot, Orton with a dropkick, Sheamus in, Orton with a European Uppercut causing McIntyre to fall into chops in the ropes from Sheamus, battering ram for two, clothesline, Mahal tries to distract, Sheamus charges, McIntyre with a punch, Slater in, stomps in the corner, break, stomp, foot choke, McIntyre in, Sheamus with punches, McIntyre with a boot to the jaw, Slater in, assisted high kick to the face for two, McIntyre in, goes up top, Sheamus with an elbow to Slater who was attempting to hold him down, double axe handle to the leaping McIntyre, Orton in, dual clotheslines, snap powerslam, hangman's DDT to Slater, Sheamus hits both McIntyre and Mahal with Brogue Kicks, RKO to Slater, who I guess became legal somewhere in there, for three.

Winners: Randy Orton and Sheamus

The Shield immediately enter. They swarm the ring before Big Show comes out and hits the ring. The Shield start trying to enter the ring, but ultimately retreat without a skirmish. Show motions to the Wrestlemania logo, then leaves.

Match Eight: Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler

Lockup, Ziggler twists an arm, Kofi twists an arm, Ziggler with an arm drag, Kofi with a dropkick, arm drag, armbar, Ziggler with a kick, punch, snapmare, side headlock, Kofi whips his way out, Ziggler with a shoulder tackle, Kofi with a leaping elbow, charges, misses in the corner, Ziggler covers for one, dropkick for two, chinlock, headstand, Kofi powers out, Ziggler with a kick, charges in the corner, misses, Kofi with a clothesline, then another, dropkick, misses a leaping clothesline, Ziggler goes for a sleeper, Kofi with a leg sweep, springboard crossbody for two, leaping clothesline, Boom Drop, Trouble In Paradise blocked, reverse suplex blocked, Kofi hits a swinging kick, goes up top, AJ distracts, Ziggler bails, Kofi leaps from the apron, Ziggler dodges, Langston swats Kofi away, Ziggler rolls him into the ring, leg drop bulldog for three.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler

Team Hell No interrupt the celebration.

Bryan: "Congratulations, Dolph. Not on your victory, of course, but on being the only one to finally get Kane and I on the same page."

Kane: "In case you haven't been paying attention, I'm not in a good place right now. Now we've all seen what Big E. Langston can do outside the ring, let's see what he can do inside it. How about Dolph Ziggler and Big E. Langston vs. Team Hell No?"

AJ: "My boyfriend Ziggy, and Big E. accept. Only if you put the tag team titles on the line at Wrestlemania."

Bryan: "Let me think about that. YES! YES! YES!"

Match Nine: Intercontinental Championship: Wade Barrett (c) vs. The Miz vs. Chris Jericho

Barrett starts by teeing off on Jericho, then attacks The Miz, allowing Jericho to hit him from behind, clothesline for one, clotheslines Barrett out of the ring, Miz rolls up Jericho for two, whip, reversed, Miz with a baseball slide to Barrett, Jericho with a suicide dive to both men, punch to Barrett back in the ring, Barrett responds with punches, Jericho responds with a dropkick for two, Miz pulls Jericho out of the ring, kick, rollup to Barrett for two, then another for two, punches, whip to the corner, hanging clothesline, kick to Jericho, goes up top, Barrett knocks Miz down to a prone position, hits a running boot, superplex, turned into a tower of doom by Jericho, commercial.

Back on, Barrett wrenches Jericho to the mat, covers for two, boot to the gut of The Miz, Jericho with kicks, Barrett with a knee lift to Jericho for two, chinlock, Jericho elbows his way out, Barrett with a knee, whip, Jericho with a boot to Barrett, Barrett misses a charge, Jericho with a clothesline, then another, goes up top, crossbody, covers for two, boot to the gut, bulldog, lionsault interrupted by Miz, who pulls Jericho out of the ring before hitting two clotheslines on Barrett, then a backbreaker, Barrett rebounds with Winds of Change for two, Wasteland reversed into a whip, Miz with a dropkick to Barrett's knee, Figure Four Leg Lock, Jericho breaks the hold with a Lionsault, covers Miz for two, stomps Miz out of the ring, punches to Barrett, whip, reversed, Winds Of Change reversed into a rollup, transitions to the Walls of Jericho, Miz swoops in, Skull Crushing Finale to Jericho blocked, Barrett charges, both men press him over the top rope, Jericho rolls up Miz for two, Codebreaker, Barrett throws Jericho out of the ring, covers for two as Jericho pulls Barrett back out of the ring, throws him into the barricade, covers Miz for two, kick to the side, Miz lands a kneeling DDT for two, misses a hanging clothesline, springboard dropkick to Barrett, Miz with a rollup on Jericho for two, Jericho with chops, misses an enziguri, Figure Four blocked, Jericho with a rollup for two, off the top rope, Miz catches Jericho, hits a Skull Crushing Finale, Barrett rolls up The Miz for three.

Winner and STILL Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett

That was a phenominal match.

They then show a clip show from the premier of The Call.

Triple H then comes out for the contract signing with Brock Lesnar. I'd actually be very curious to see how a contract for a match like this would be drawn up, with the stipulation being revealed after signing. It would have to be done up in such a way that it actually granted Lesnar stipulation-discerning authority, rather than simply a reveal, unless it was established that Lesnar had already determined the stipulation prior to signing, and had it written down somewhere prior to signing. Paul Heyman comes out.

HHH: "I would've thought Lesnar would want to come out himself, given that I split his head open."

Paul: "Is that an insinuation that Lesnar is afraid of you? We all know Lesnar is fearless. I am afraid, however. Because I'm afraid you know the situation we have put you in. You have only two options: You disappoint the WWE Universe by depriving them of the match they all want to see. Or, you face Brock Lesnar, the very beast incarnate, without even knowing the stipulation. I think that you do not know what to do, and you're very frustrated. I don't want you taking those frustrations out on me, so I have hired my own private security detail."

"And I see that, in typical Paul Heyman fashion, you've spared no expense. Quality."

"Let me explain to you how this works. Just so you see I'm not lying. My client, Brock Lesnar, has already signed the agreement for Wrestlemania. If, and only if, you sign the contract, then, and only then, I will tell you the stipulations we have decided."

"You forgot one part. I sign, you tell me, then I don't give a crap and kick Brock Lesnar's ass at Wrestlemania. Give me the contract."

"Oh, I'll give you the contract. But since I have you as a captive audience, you don't mind if I take a moment to really enjoy this, do you? Because Brock Lesnar, I assure you, is really enjoying this. As a matter of fact, Lesnar and I have spent hours watching one particular piece of footage over and over and over again, I'm sure you're familiar with it, but I'd like to remind you all what happened three weeks ago on Raw. (footage airs of Lesnar and HHH beating the hell out of each other) I mean, this is as big as it gets, isn't it? And here's my question to you: How do you top that? And being the visionary I am, I know how to top that? Brock Lesnar vs. HHH, the cerebral assassin at Wrestlemania, and HHH is blindfolded! Nah, because Brock Lesnar wants you to look at the man who is destroying you as he's doing it. So we came up with something else: HHH's hands will be shackled and his ankles will be shackled, and that is the way that you will fight Brock Lesnar! Nah, because then you'd have every excuse in the book. Brock Lesnar doesn't want you to have any excuses, if you sign this contract, when he beats you at Wrestlemania. So Brock said to me that I could pick the stipulations, and I wanted to make it really personal, so here's what I came up with: Brock Lesnar vs. HHH at Wrestlemania and the winner gets your wife Stephanie! But since we're getting personal, that won't work, because wouldn't it make more sense if the loser got Stephanie?"

HHH lunges at Heyman, then takes out the entire security force, save for one guy, who stares HHH down for only half a second before bolting. HHH grabs Heyman, throws him across the table, chops him once across the chest.

HHH: "How about this, Paul, since I know that Brock Lesnar's not going to come out here until I sign the contract, and since I have a captive audience, how about I take my time and really enjoy this."

HHH slaps Heyman aruond and chops him, before signing the contract on Heyman's chest.

HHH: "You wanna make it official? Here. Now, go call your monster."

HHH shoves Heyman out of the ring and then dumps a chair on top of him. Lesnar comes out with a folding chair, bangs it on the ramp a few times and heads toward the ring. HHH reveals a sledgehammer taped under the table and Lesnar responds by throwing the chair in the ring. Heyman tries to hold Lesnar back, but Lesnar circles the ring. He points to the Wrestlemania sign and starts to walk for the exit. Heyman grabs a mic.

"I am no tough guy, you're the toughest guy, but man, that beating was worth it to get you to sign this contract. So ladies and gentlemen, and HHH, it will be HHH vs. Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania, no countout, no disqualification, no stopping the match for any single solitary reason because your match with Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania will be no holds barred! Oh, and I almost forgot, must be the beatin that I took. When you face Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania, the added stipulation that we forgot is that your career is on the line!"

HHH stands in the ring looking concerned as Raw goes off the air.