TNA. Tonight Rhino goes nuts, that's all I know.

We open with the satellite farm, AJ Styles, Monty and Samoa Joe. Then we go right to the ring and sure enough there's Rhino with a bag in his hand. "I've had some decisions I had to make, see Vince McMahon came knocking at my door, wanting to give me a job. And I told Vince McMahon you can kiss my ass. Because I am T.. N.. A!!!" (T-N-A! T-N-A!) See Vince McMahon wanted to start up ECW again. And how can you start up ECW when you don't have their last ever television champion, and their last ever world heavyweight champion on your roster?" (Rhino! Rhino! Rhino!) "See Vince McMahon, see Vince McMahon, you can't do that. Why? I'm the only man to unify those two titles, and in this bag is a title I've had for the last five years in my cellar. I was the last ever unified champion in ECW, and in this bag is the title to prove it. I would pull this belt right out of this bag, but see how Vince McMahon works he sicks his lawyers on ya. But I said to him if you're a man come down to the Impact zone and take this belt from me! Ohh I'm feelin it. You know what?" (Rhino! Rhino! Rhino!) "Shhh. Shhh. Wait wait wait wait. I'll tell you one thing, I stand before you as the WAR, MACHINE. And I'm gonna do something." (Rhino! Rhino! Rhino!) "I'm... I'm gonna do something that I should have done five long years ago." Rhino jumps out of the ring and heads out of the Impact Zone to the backstage area, he throws the bag with the belt over his waist, and Tenay and West are completely puzzled as to what's going on. Now a camera finds him out in the parking lot. "I'm sick of people trying to resurrect the past. Look around TNA - you've got Raven, you've got Team 3D, you've got myself, we're the real heart and soul of ECW, we're all that's left." He throws the title bag in the trash. "Oh you thought I was done? I take things to the extreme. I'm tired of Vince McMahon profitting off of our blood sweet and tears." He fills the trash can with lighter fluid and throws a match in. "I dare anybody to come to this ring and face me, I don't care if it's a 4, 6 or 8 sided ring. The end result will be the same - GORE, GORE, GORRRRRRRRRRRRRRE!"

The main Impact show gets under way with a lot of pyros and shots of people in the crowd holding up "Don't fire Eric Young signs." Then we get Abyss coming out with Father James Mitchaell, and the Monster has a nice new promo video to accompany his entrance - either that or TNA has never actually shown is their TNA-tron when it's playing before but it looks good to me. Now a James Mitchell promo: "For the right price I'd have the Monster Abyss split my grandmother's skull with a steel pipe. And that my friends in Team 3D is a walk in the park compared to what B.G. and Kip James will do to you."

* Abyss v. Norman Smiley

Smile gets the big wiggle, then he gets a big boot to the face. Abyss charges him for a big splash in the corner, and then Mitchell signals for DOOMS-DAY as the crowd sings along. Black Hole Slam, 1-2-3, and it's all over real quick. WINNER: THE MONSTER ABYSS. Tenay promises us six man tag team action Sunday, and to make the point the James Gang come out to the ring to congratulate Abyss on his victory. B.G.: "Senor Monster, we came here to find out if what happened two weeks ago was a fluke, a personal vendetta, or can we count on this behemoth. Now then, I'm gonna do something that I told my momma I would never do. I'm gonna make a deal with the devil. Do your promise that this FREAK will fight side by side with the James Gang July 16th at Victory Road, do you promise that?" Mitchell shakes his hand. "I just made a deal with the devil." B.G. and Abyss exchange friendship knux (B.G. sells it like he got hit with a brick) and then B.G. promises Team 3D that their opponents are on the highway to hell.

Sting: "Jim Cornette had to do what he had to do. I'm not gonna cave in, disappear with my tail between my legs. I'm not running I never have and I never will. Joe doesn't owe me anything but that doesn't mean I'm not dissapointed in him, and that I wouldn't mind locking up horns with him somewhere down the line. This Sunday at Victor Road, I guaranteed you it will be SHOWTIME." Hemme promises us Senshi in action after the break.

Shane Douglas: "Even the Franchise had no idea how hard the job would be. The Franchise reached into their lifeless bodies, I massaged that heart until it began to beat in their bodies again. You see this Sunday, the Diamonds in the Rough, you become the victims of the new Naturals. I swear on my dead brother Candido that I will take them to the top, to the NWA Tag Team Championship."

Don West and Mike Tenay pitch it to the CURRENT tag champions - Daniels: "AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels were probably the better team but whenever we got in the ring with AMW there was always some interference. They always found some way to circumvent TNA's attempts to make it a fair match. But we found a counter in Zirelda, you can ask her." Styles: "Or you can ask Gail Kim. Zirelda did her job." Daniels: "We knew that would be our last chance to get the tag titles. Now at Victory Road the shoe's on the other foot, it will be AMW's last chance."

* Senshi v. Jerelle Clark

Seshi starts off quick with chops but then Jerelle Clark gives him a head scissors then winds up feeling the gut buster on Senshi's knees. Senshi drags him across the ring and gives him a knee to the gut and a hammer punch to the back. Senshi whips him off the ropes but Clark avoids and gets a crossbody for a quick two. Clark knocks him with punches on the ropes but Senshi coms back with martial arts kicks and gets a two. Senshi pulls him upand whips him off, he tries to go on offense but continues to fall victim to the kicks of Low-Ki err Senshi. The two collide in the corner but when they get back to their feet Senshi kicks him in the head, drop kicks him, drags him across the ring to the middle and then hits the ropes for the Warrior's Way double foot stomp and gets the three count for the pinfall. WINNER: SENSHI.

Steiner: "Christian you may be in GQ magazines but you'll always be a dumb Canadian. Sting I've said it before you've been slippin and slidin like a pig in slop but at Victory Road SHOWTIME'S OVER. Samoa Joe at Victory Road your streak ends courtesy of the big bad booty daddy. Jeff Jarrett friends will be friends but in the ring I have no friends, I WILL be the next world champion." Hemme throws us to commercial with The Paparazzi set to debut after the break.

It is the most prestigious title in professional wrestling. The voice of TNA tells us to see Victory Road for the #1 contender's match, the six-man tag, and Raven v. Zybysko hair versus hair - all live this Sunday. Cage: "Cornette started out the right way, he fired the referee, but then he upheld the decision - what good does that do me? At Victory Road the path back to the title starts again. See don't get me wrong there are three great men in that ring but at Victory Road I will be the better man. Sting if it comes down to you and me, I have no problem taking you out."

Alex Shelley: "Paparazzi Productions has become so big I have to branch out." Devine: "You know nobody likes cameras more than Johnny Devine." Shelley: "The best I could do was get us a tag team match on short notice." Devine: "You have no idea how long I've been waiting to punch Christopher Daniels in the face." Shelley: "Let's go out there and make Big Daddy Nash proud."

* Shelley/Devine (The Paparazzi) v. Styles/Daniels {C}

I think this is a non-title match but either way I'm not worried, I'm sure the champions will retain on the last Impact before the PPV since this is not WWE. Tenay says the match will begin after we return from commercial.

We're back with the referee signalling for the bell to ring, and Shelley locks up with AJ Styles. Styles whips him off the ropes and the two collide in the middle. Shelley tries to signal for an amateur wrestling hold but it's a ploy to sucker Styles in and eventually he catches him in the eyes and taps his head to say "I'm the smarter man." Styles looks smarter though when he drags him across the ring to tag Daniels, who comes in like a house of fire and then throws Shelley into Styles' waiting knees. Eventually though Daniels falls victim to a double team while LAX looks on from the Spanish Announce Table. Devine gets the tag but quickly tags Shelley back in as Don West complains about Devine's hairdo. The duo continue to double team and cut off the ring as Rudy Charles gives a two count and Devine complains it should have been three. He whips Daniels off but Daniels leapfrogs him off the ropes into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and then Styles gets the hot tag. He picks up Devine and brings him down but can't get the three, then goes for the Styles Clash and gets cut off by Shelley. Shelley goes outside the ring for the tripod but Zirelda comes out to stop him and the two fight over it; meanwhile Styles and Daniels double tam Devine. Daniels hits him with the pele kick and Styles gets the Clash, 1-2-3 that's all. WINNERS: AJ STYLES & CHRISTOPHER DANIELS. AMW come in the ring on the attack with Gail Kim in tow and Kim ties up with Zirelda while the men face off, as black shirt security try to pull them apart. Meanwhile in the ring the Paparazzi are helping AMW so it's a 4 on 2 beatdown and Daniels is being handcuffed to the ropes. Styles tries to fight back but eats a superkick.

Now a promo from Larry Zybysko with interjections from Raven. First the Z-Man: "Raven's a crybaby. This punk can't handle the pressure." Raven: "I've been scalped once before, and if you recall the blood poured down my skull, flesh was taken out, flesh I would never get back." Z: "We hate the generation who emerged after us who were crybabies." Raven: "Most of my life the voices in my head they were kind of random; they said different things at different times." Z: "Raven not only lost his heavyweight title he lost his dignity, that is something that will never happen to me." At ringside Slick Johnson is passing out pictures of a bald Larry Zybysko, and Larry Z comes out to chase him down and stop him from giving them out.

On to Samoa Joe: "You gotta step over big people. And Sting if you don't like that I walked out on you, you have a bone to pick, it's time to pick it. Cage the difference between me and you I get it done, you whine until somebody fixes it. Scott Steiner it's no longer about beating you it's about hurting you. Victory Road belongs to me, it's a culmination of everything I came here to do. I came here to be champion, I came here to be the man, and after Sunday the world will know the man is on his way." Commercial break!

We're back with the voice of TNA "prestigious title" promo again. After that Jarrett: "I climbed the ladder I won that match. It makes me sick to my stomach these people want to turn on me. I had nothing to do with Zybysko or Hebner's actions. What they did was their own business. Test me, I'll take a polygraph. Christian Cage came into TNA with a lot of fanfare, but I think the gas is out of his tank. Samoa Joe has never been in a big money match, where I do my best work, that's where the men get seperated from the boys. Cornette threw the wildcard in there, Big Poppa Pump, he's got my back but in there you can't trust anyone. And after what happened last week with Sting, it's either gonna be me or him. And if I get backed into a corner I will win. I'll figure out a way to get Sting out of TNA if it's the last thing I do."

D'Amore backstage: "We lose tonight, we disband forever, but we win we're right back in the thick of things. Showtime, if you don't get your head in the game every one of your deepest darkest fears is gonna come true tonight." Roode: "Let's go out there and stick it to Cornette." D'Amore: "Let's go guys 1-2-3. CA-NA-DA! CA-NA-DA! CA-NA-DA!" Young mutters it but he walks out looking very concerned as Jeremy Borash looks on.

* Rhino/Jay Lethal/Team 3D v. Team Canada (shitload of stipulations)

We open with Brother Devon and Bobby Roode, and Roode seems to be getting the better of it at the start until Devon connects with a few rights, ducks, and gets a short arm clothesline and a headbutt. A quick one count and then he tags in Brother Ray, who scoops him up for a double team and a two count. Roode goes for the eyes and tags in Petey Williams. Ray cuts him off and puts him on the top rope, then chops him so that he falls down into a tree of woe. Lethal gets the tag and goes after Williams with a double sledge. JAYWEEFLE~! He ends up on the heel side of the ring, gets away, but Williams catches him with a neckbreaker right before we go to commercial.

Back with Roode giving a beatdown to Lethal but he comes back with an enzuguiri and both men are down. Roode gets the tag first but Lethal tags Rhino and he clears out house so quickly I'm not even sure who on Team Canada got tagged. A-1 gets a shoulder block to the gut and then gets pinned so it must have been him - two count. Rhino tags Lethal and he hits a flying crossbody for two. Clusterfuck and I have no idea what's going on. Williams tries to get a Canadian Destroyer on Devon but can't lift him. Devon hits an inverted DDTbut Roode gets a blody slam but Ray gets a Full Nelso on him but A1 gets a powerbomb on him but Lethal gets a schoolboy roll-up on him God damn this shit's going fast. Lethal dropkicks A-1 but D'Amore comes in with the hocket stick and attacks him with it. Brother Runt comes in takes away the hocket stick and gets an acid drop before the ref can turn around and see it, then leaps off the corner turnbuckle to take down the rest of Team Canada on the outside. Rhino gores A-1, Lethal gets a flying headbutt, and Lethal gets the pin and the three count. WINNERS: THE BABYFACES. As a result of the stipulations for the match, Team Canada is officially disbanded, and Jay Lethal gets a title shot in the future. See you this Sunday at Victory Road~!