Welcome once again to all AngryMarks to the "Better Late Than Never" edition of RAW is OPRAH OH MY GOD JUST SHUT UP AND WRESTLE! Due to my continued sinusitis case and an issue with my DVR forgetting the first 15 minutes of the show (Okay, really I forgot to set it to record and the wife forgot to check! DOH!), I misssed a lot of yapping that I probably don't really care about. Seriously, the first match didn't start until 20 inutes into the show.

First thing's first, we'd like to congratulate Jean Paul Levesque and his wife Stephanie on the birth of their baby girl last night, Aurora Rose. The entire McMahon clan rushed away from RAW to attend the birth according to news reports. She's got 10 fingers, 10 toes and one hell of an ego trip to live up to. Praise the Lord.

So, since I didn't actually get to see it, here's a recap of the blabbity-blabbity: Shawn Michaels comes out and informs the crowd of the baby mamma drama. I'm sure the crowd appreciated the acknowledgement that Steph's child is no longer a bastard. Johnathan Coachman comes down with a phone in hand, informs the fans that he's officially in charge of RAW for the night. HBK takes the phone and taunts Vince, gets the fans to yell a "SUCK IT", gives the phone back to Coach and tells him Vince is already pissed. Coach gets on the phone and finds out him and HBK get to wrestle each other. *rolls eyes* Great, just what we needed. Anyhow HBK thinks its a joke, he was counting on a 5-on-1 rematch with the Spirit Squad.

We recap Hogan getting attacked by Randy Orton on SNME on the 15th, then go to break. We come back and we recap Lillian Garcia getting dropped by Viscera a few weeks back. Then we finally go into a match.

WWE World Tag Team Championship champions The Spirit Squad (Kenny & Mikey w/ Nicky, Mitch & Johnny) vs. The Highlanders (Robbie & Rory McCallister)
Well, it looks like if you can string two victories together on WWE TV, you qualify as the #1 contender to belts. Then again, when your World Tag Team division consists of 5 male cheerleaders and a drummed out school teacher & his pornstar-looking partner, two men who sleep with sheep can probably climb up the ranks pretty quick.

Still having to borrow the results from a few other sites to get an idea what happened, my DVR picks up in the middle here. Anyhow Rory and Kenny square off, Kenny takes the offensive, tags to Mikey, who tries to slam Rory but gets slammed himself instead, Rory tags Robbie who is bodyslammed into Mikey by Rory. Robbie covers, Kenny breaks it up. DVR is on now. WHEE!

Highlanders put Kenny & Mikey in opposite corners, they go up for matcing ten-round counts of punches and a teabag for each. Jack Doane throws Rory out, Kenny whips Robbie into a clothesline by Mikey, Mikey covers for a two count. Mikey tags Kenny in, they whip Robbie off the ropes, Mikey drops down and Kenny with a dropkick, covers for a two count. Kenny punches Robbie in the head, clubs him in the back, stomps on his foot and tags Mikey in. Mikey with more rights, a knee to the face, whips Robbie off the ropes, Mikey goes for a gorilla press slam, Robbie floats over and grabs Mikey's neck for a neckbreaker.

Mikey rolls out and tags Kenny back in, Robbie reaches Rory, Rory with double axehandle smashes being delivered like knife-edge chops. OUCH! Rory with rights puts both SS members down, Kenny with a high flip, Mikey gets a backbreaker over Rory's knee. Robbie back in and the two set up Kenny for the Scot Drop. Mitch gets up on the apron and blows the airhorn in ref's face to distract him. The rest of the Squad come in to take out the Highlanders. Kenny nails Robbie with an inverted swinging neckbreaker.

We then go to Mick Foley "live" in the WWE Studios again. Foley is again bitching about Ric Flair calling him names. I'll save you the drama because this shit bores me, but basically Foley says that Flair is making desperate actions to try to get Foley back in the ring, and once again a rematch won't happen. Apparently he's also upset that Flair accidently bumped Melina last week, and he's going to come to next week's RAW to address the situation. Commercial.

Oh, apparently we're no longer getting WWE.com Unlimited. WWE never made the promised updates last week, and word is that USA finally decided to object to the segments and advertising for it after they embraced it last year and said it wasn't a problem for them.

So, that's how we waste 30 minutes. We come back and this week's edition of "WWE 24/7 Presents... This Week in Wrestling History", it's The Great American Bash 1989, Ric Flair defending the NWA World Heavyweight Title against Terry Funk w/ veteran Gary Hart managing at ringside. After Flair defeats Funk, The Great Muta attacks, and Sting slides in to help. You know, I bet you that the whole replay of the '89 GAB would have been better than Sunday's big f'n mess.

Okay, back on the air, and instead of Ric Flair 1989 we get Ric Flair 2006. Flair comes out to address Mic Foley, mentions beating Foley's idol's ass 16 years ago. Flair again challenges Foley to a match and does more namecalling. Flair gets interrupted by WWE Champion Edge & Lita. Another "Friends of Foley" segment apparently. Edge says Foley is right, Flair is no longer the man, Edge is now the man, and he's not going to hear any more about it. Flair comes towards the ropes. Johnny Nitro tries to slide into the ring from behind, but Flair takes him down. Edge slides in and nails Flair from behind. Edge & Nitro double-team on Flair until John Cena slides in without any introduction and sacks Edge. The heels take off, Melina runs out and meets Nitro. Cena stomps around the ring and calls them both out, then goes to check on Flair.

You know, even though I don't really care for the Flair/Foley storyline, I do appreciate Ric Flair doing what he's doing, which is using his reputation and status to put over today's guys. That's a CLASS ACT right there, folks, and you don't see that too often in pro wrestling on ANY level these days.

We go backstage and Carlito & Trish Stratus are backstage complementing each other again. Carlito leans over and whispers something in Stratus' ear in Spanish. Trish blushed, but then tells Carlito she doesn't speak Spanish, but wishes Carlito good luck in his match next. Carlito asks if they can hang out after his match, Trish says sure *TEE HEE!* You know, its almost disgusting, but it is kinda interesting. I wanna know what Carlito said, because I don't speak Spanish, either! Somebody send me a translation!

We come back from break after viewing a new USA/RAW commercial. Backstage Coach is getting undressed bitching to Vince about the match when Edge & Lita bust into the office complaining about Cena. Coach apologieses for not seeing it, not really paying attention, but promising that he'll address the problem, then telling Vince that he's going to tell them something now. He says Vince has a solution to the problem, Edge & Nitro vs. Flair & Cena. Edge can't believe he has to tag with "Johnny Metro" and doesn't know what to think. Coach says they can show themselves out.

Todd Grisham comes out on the mic and officially announces the birth of Aurora Rose Levesque. The crowd applauds.

#1 Contender for the WWE Intercontinental Championship: Shelton Benjamin vs. Carlito Colon
Didn't we just have one of these a few weeks ago? There's a dispute again? Benjamin enters first, starts bitching at the referee about watching the ropes. Carlito enters next, throws his shirt non-chalantly into the crowd.

Bell rings, Benjamin bitches more about the ropes. Carlito rolls Benjamin up from behind for a quick two-count, then a cradle for a pin right after that. Carlito with a boot to the gut, a right, whips Benjamin off the ropes, another boot to the gut, Carlito off the ropes with a running knee lift, off the ropes again and finishes Benjamin with a short clothesline. Benjamin crawls over to the ropes, Carlito chokes him on it, then goes to run off the ropes to try to jump on Benjamin's back. Benjamin gets up, though, goes for a press slam, but Carlito kicks his way out, covers Benjamin for another two-count.

Carlito whips Benjamin off the ropes, ducks down, Benjamin with a kick to the face. Benjamin with a front facelock, tries to pulls Carlito up into a suplex over the ropes, Carlito reverses and tries to suplex Benjamin out over the top rope, but Benjamin, holds onto the rope and wrenches Carlito's arm over the rope on his way down. Benjamin grabs the injured arm in a hammer lock and rams the exposed shoulder into the ringpost. Carlito falls out of the ring, Benjamin brings him back in. Benjamin picks Carlito up, Carlito punches out, whips Benjamin, Benjamin reverses and executes an armbar takedown, covers and gets a two-count. Benjamin applies an armbar, Carlito tries to punch out, Benjamin with an eye rake and a kick to the guts, followed by some rights.

Carlito in the corner, Benjamin gouges the eyes more until the ref breaks it. Carlito with a standing hurracanrana out of nowhere. Benjamin with the rights, Carlito is forced to use rights as well since his dominant left arm is now very injured, Carlito carrying it. They slug it out, Carlito gets the upper hand, but Benjamin with a boot to the gut. Benjamin bounces off the ropes, but Carlito catches him with facebuster, covers for a two count. Carlito still holding the arm, tries to whip Benjamin off the ropes, Benjamin reverses, Carlito springboards off the middle turnbuckle, hitting Benjamin with a left elbow, still covers for a two count. Whips Benjamin into the turnbuckle, tries to charge, Benjamin with a boot to the face, tries to set up for another move, but Carlito shoves him off and hits a standing dropkick.

Carlito goes outside and climbs up to the top turnbuckle, but Benjamin leaps up from the apron to the top rope to try to attack. Carlito shoves him off and sets back up for a move. Carlito jumps, but Benjamin grabs the injured left arm and whips Carlito into an amrbar submission. The fans get behind Carlito, and he eventually crawls to the ropes. Benjamin with a knee to the injured arm, sets up Carlito for a powerbomb, Carlito rolls it into a sunset flip into a pin in the corner, gets a two-count. Benjamin misses a wild clothesline, Carlito tries for the Back Cracker, but Benjamin backs him into the turnbuckle to break it. Carlito thumbs Benjamin in the eye, then hits the Back Cracker, goes to cover but Benjamin throws a foot over the ropes to break the count. Carlito starts to argue with the referee about it, allowing Benjamin to work on exposing a turnbuckle. Benjamin turns around and charges Carlito, Carlito backdrops him.

The referee checks on Benjamin, Carlito realizes what Benjamin was up to, finishes taking the padding off. Referee Chad Patton see what happened, warned Carlito not to do it again, and gets distracted putting the padding back on. Carlito goes to Benjamin, Benjamin goes for the spinning heel kick, Carlito ducks it, hits a boot to the gut, goes for the DDT but Benjamin slips out, holds on to the legs, turns Carlito around and tries to flip him into the exposed turnbuckle. Carlito catches himself and stops, then tries for a moonsault off the top turnbuckle. Benjamin charges in to avoid it, Carlito catches himself and Benjamin nails kick to the jimmy after blowing it the first time. Benjain with a quick roll-up for a succesful pinfall.

Damn, Jerry Lawler was right - that WAS a lot of fucking action! Good thing I recorded this, I had to spend 15 minutes rewinding just to get it all in! Phew my hands are tired!  We recap the action before we recap what happened during the Diva Search on SmackDown, this week it's a Diva Dance-Off and they get 30 seconds to show off. They all dance like strippers. I thought SmackDown was the show that you took your kids to? Really? Do YOU take your kids to a strip club? Afterwards we get teased that Hulk Hogan's segment is next.

The WWE Rewind (sponsored by the DVD release of "V for Vendetta") is Randy Orton nailing Hulk Hogan on SNME. Geez, who didn't see that coming? Heh. I still marked out for it, though. :-)

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Back live on RAW, the Hulkster comes down to the ring, dressed in his gear and with the feather boas too, looks like he's ready for battle. You know sometimes I think Hulkster is more of a parody of himself than anything. But once again, I'll mark out for it. Hogan doing what he does these days makes me happy, it's limited and its fun. Hogan takes his time posing for the fans before he takes the mic. Seriously - he's still over. I can't even force myself to fast forward through the B.S. to get to the speech. Fans are chanting Hogan's name now, Hogan is soaking it up, and he continues to egg them on.

Hogan says that he knows there's a bunch of "crazy Hulkamaniacs" in Cleveland, and Randy Orton is in trouble. He stressed the fact that Randy Orton tried to lecture him about respect, and says Orton has no respect for the fans and "the traditions of this business". ROFL OMG LOLZ! Okay that had to be Hogan shooting on himself. Hogan says that this isn't the first time he's tangled with an Orton, him and "Ace Cowboy" Bob Orton Jr. tangled for a long time, but in the end they respected each other. He says Randy Orton broke that chain of respect by calling him out on SNME. Hogan makes a claim about still having the largest arms in the world, and says that Orton will learn what respect means.

Randy Orton's music then hits and Orton comes out on stage with a mic, looking a little agitated. Hogan looks livid in the ring. The boos rain down on Orton. Orton says that Hogan will have to wait until SummerSlam to beat some respect into him, but Orton came out to talk about his daughter, Brooke Hogan. Hulkster tells him not to go there, Orton says he wants to be heard out. He says that when he met Brooke a few weeks ago, there was "a large amount of chemistry" between the two of them, and Hulk would have to be blind not to see it. He then throws out a jab about Hogan's age. Fans start up a Hogan chant that interrupts the segment. Orton starts implying that Brooke was very taken with him, Hogan doesn't look too convinced. Orton says that his only regret is that she's going to have to witness the destruction of Hulkamania at the hands of Orton.

Hogan tells Orton not to let the fear hold him back, come down to the ring and lets wrestle now. Orton sets his mic down and goes to the ring. Hogan is lined up ready for battle. Orton climbs up on the apron, Hogan charges and Orton backs off. Orton circles around the ring, edges u pon the apron again, Hogan closes in and Orton backs off again, falling into the announcer's table, bumps into Jerry Lawler and snaps at him. Orton turns back to Hogan, Lawler gets up and throws Orton in the ring. Hogan starts wagging his finger at Orton, Orton tries to fire with a right, Hogan with a triad of rights, whips Orton off the ropes, goes for the big boot, Orton bails and runs up the ramp. Hogan starts going off in the ring and Orton is throwing a hissy fit outside. Hogan again challenges Orton to come down into the ring and draws a figurative boundary line. Orton wants nothing more of it and walks back up the ramp, and we go to commercial.

The WWE "Slam of the Week" is Candice bitchslapping Mickie James last week and throwing her out of the ring, allowing Trish Stratus & Torrie Wilson to win.

WWE Women's Champion Mickie James vs. Candice Michelle (non-title match)
Candice Michelle makes her entrance first, strips and is wearing a nice silver number of some sort. She gets a small cheer from the fans, apparently her refereeing last week's match and attacking James hasn't turned her into a babyface in the eyes of the fans. Mickie James makes her entrance next, and she gets a MUCH larger cheer from the fans.

WTF? Jim Ross actually said this in regards to James' pyscho personality, and I quote, "I think I'd rather see Star Jones naked than go on a long car trip with Mickie James."  Wow, WTF? Even Jerry Lawler had to question him on that one.

James charges Michelle before the bell rings, sacks her with a double-leg takedown and starts wailing with the punches. Ref pulls her off, James wick a kick to Michelle's ribs, then a hairpull, covers and gets a one-count. Mickie with a snap-mare takeover into a side headlock, Candice complains about being choked. Mickie screams at her to submit. Michelle works her way up, elbows out, James cuts her off with a knee to the midsection, then drives her backwards into the corner. James with several shoulderblocks, then puts Michelle up on the top turnbuckle.

James climbs up, but Michelle punches her off, then grabs a hairful of of James' head, gets her in a legscissor, drops over the top rope and chokes James over the ropes. James staggers in the ring as Michelle does her Go-Daddy twirl on the apron, then goes up to the top turnbuckle as the fans cheer a little. Michelle plants a lateral press off the top rope, but James floats over, grabs a hand full of tights and hangs on for the pin. James rolls out of the ring and the referee raises her hand. Candice looks distraught in the ring as James taunts her on the outside.

"The Heart Break Kid" Shawn Michaels vs. Executive Assistant Johnathan Coachman

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HBK enters the ring first, but gets no pyros. He gets on the mic and complains about it. HBK delivers the standard D-Generation X introduction. What is up with that stupid smirk? Well, he STARTS to deliver it until Coach's "music" ...  yeah? WTF is this? Did Coach just put his mic up to a boombox or something? Hellalame. Anyhow, Johnathan Coachman makes his ring entrance.

The bell rings, HBK holds up the action, rolls out of the ring, looks for something under the timekeeper's table. It's a black swimmers cap. I think he's trying to mock Coach being black and bald. They lock up, Coachman is backed into the corner, but reverses and tries for a wild swing. HBK jabs him on the chin a few times, kisses his black blad head and finishes him off with one more jab. Coach then gets depantsed and punched again. HBK takes the cap off as Coach puts his pants back on, then thumbs HBK in the eyes, whips him off the ropes, HBk with a flying forearm and a kip-up.

HBK orders Coach up, plants him with an inverted atomic drop and another punch, followed by a bodyslam. HBK goes up top and delivers the elbow drop, looks around and plays up to the fans in advance of the superkick. Spirit Squad runs into the ring and they all get laid out and then thrown out of the ring. Mitch takes a superkick as he runs in at the very last, HBK rolls him out and sets up for the superkick again, stomps his foot a few times, and delivers. HBK delivers a crot chop, but doesn't see Umaga slide into the ring behind him. Umaga picks him up, throws him WAY up in the air and then catches him and drops him with a Soman Drop! MY GAWD! That's fucking amazing!

Armando Alejandro Estrada runs down to the ring and addresses Umaga. The Spirit Squad regroup and prepare to hit HBK with the Team Lift. Umaga turns around and throws them all out of the ring. Estrada gives him the order, and Umaga grabs HBK by the hair and nails him with the Samoan Spike. We recap the match, then cut back to HBK clutching his throat and flopping around in the ring like a fish. Umaga & Estrada are walking up the rope celebrating. We replay the Samoan Drop again. Back to Umaga, back to HBK on the mat. Commercial break.

Back from break, we again recap the last segment. Lawler & JR wonder who ordered Umaga to attack HBK, JR thinks it's HBK. We cut backstage to Maria interviewing John Cena. Maria starts intentionally flubbing her lines and says she's confused. Cena looks at Maria, asks if she ate paint chips as a kid. He then says something about looking at Maria and thinking naughty thoughts. Cena says he has to be more serious - and he starts with a joke about it being "steamy in Cleveland tonight". Cena starts recapping the nights events making fun of it. Sorry, too much funniness here to try to recap myself, you need to just go watch it someplace. But I promise that NOBODY escapes the comedy stylings of John Cena. Cena finally wraps it all up to make his point -- he gets to team up with Ric Flair and kick Edge's ass.

Back to the action, we get a short recap of Jerry Lawler throwing out the first pitch for a Cleveland Indians game th is weekend when WWE visited. For those who don't know, Lawler is a big fan of the Indians.

Speaking of screwballs, here comes The Mizark, it's time for the Diva Search. Cut to the chase, Maryse got the least number of votes. Miz says the next round on SmackDown this Friday in a Divas Musical Chairs contest. Well, Mizain didn't fuck anything up, so I can't make fun of his haircut. Pissbreak time, it's the main event next! We go to commercial with a nice promo package for SummerSlam.

We come back from break and are told that next week it will be Shawn Michaels vs. Umaga.

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Nitro & Melina make their entrance first, Edge & Lita next. Ric Flair is 3rd, his extended entrance gives time for the heels to gather outside the ring. John Cena enters last, and I think he's gonna CLICK-CLICK-CLICK!

Finally we're ready to go, Cena and Nitro are set to square off, but Flair and Nitro start jawing, and Flair gets in instead. They lock up, Nitro puts Flair in the corner, goes for a punch, Flair whips him around, chops him, chops him out of the corner, chops him to the ropes, Nitro with a thumb to the eye. Nitro tags out to Edge, Flair chops him. Flair with a side headlock, Edge shoves him off, Nitro with a knee to the back as Flair bounces off the ropes, Flair levels him with a punch. Edge attacks him from behind, Nitro in, Cena in, heels thrown out, we go to commercial. No more Unlimited to continue watching the action. Boo hiss.

Back live Nitro has Cena in a headlock in his corner, tags to Edge. We don't recap what we missed in the break. Edge stomping on Cena, Cena firing back, Edge cuts him off, puts him in the corner and punches him down. Ref backs him off, Nitro chokes Cena in the buckle. Edge tags to Nitro, Nitro nails Cena in the back, stomps him into a neutral corner. Nitro with a punch on Cena, whips him out to the opposite corner, charges, Cena bails and tags Flair. Flair takes Nitro down with some rabbit punches, throws him off the ropes, back elbow smash, followed by a chop and a punch and another whip off the ropes for a back body drop. Flair with the chop block from behind, sets up for the Figure Four leglock and executes it. Edge dives in to break it up, Cena runs in, Edge throws him over the top, gets back to his corner and makes the legal tag from Nitro. Edge catches Flair with the spear, covers, John Cena with the last-ditch break-up. Ref puts Cena outside, Edge calls Nitro in with out a tag. Nitro with a hangman's neckbreaker on Flair, then stomps him until Flair rolls out of the ring. Lita & Melina attack Flair as the referee is distracted by Nitro and Edge runs interference.

Nitro drags Flair back in, clubs him on the back. Flair fires back with a chop. Nitro with a right. Flair with a chop. Nitro with a kick. Flair with a flurry of chops, whips Nitro off the ropes, misses a clothesline, Nitro doesn't miss his though. Nitro tags out to Edge, they double-team Flair with a pair of back elbow smashes. Flair rolls out, Nitro follows and beats the hell out of Flair outside while Edge taunts Cena and distracts the ref. Nitro rolls Flair back in, Edge punches him and the go to a corner. Flair chops, Edge punches, Flair chops, Edge punches, Flair chops, Edge lays in the punches and Flair slumps in the corner until the referee breaks it. Cena reaching out for a tag. Edge pulls Flair up, whips him to the opposite corner, reversal, Flair charges, Edge with a boot to send him down. Edge goes up to the middle turnbuckle, waits, jumps and Flair chops him down out of the air! Both men are down, looking to make the hot tags, Nitro in, Cena in and Cena lays both opponents out. Clothesline on Nitro, shoulderblock, and a big slam on Nitro. Sets up for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Lita & Melian get up on the ropes to distract the ref. Edge nails Cena from behind with a chair, then takes down Flair with an elbow.

Nitro goes for the cover, Cena kicks out at two. Nitro sets up for a move of some sort, but Cena wiggles out and puts Nitro in the STF. Edge crawls in, but Flair is dragging him back out, Nitro taps and Cena gets the win! Cena rolls out and hugs Flair as the referee raises their hands. They slide back in the ring and get their hands raised again and then celebrate. Edge, Nitro, Melina & Lita are on the ramp running their mouths as we recap the highlights.