Date: 11/07	7:00 PM
Views: 479

Tonight's Raw emanates from the GREATEST ISLE ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH, MY ANCESTRAL HOMELAND OF SCOTLAND! The final member of Team Raw is expected to be named, the rest of the teams will shore up, and oh yeah, IT'S IN GODDAMN SCOTLAND! Pour a dram of your best whiskey, put on your finest wools, and settle in for a night of hard-hitting Scottish action.

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Raw opens with the usual recaps (not that there's anything wrong with that, amirite?), then Stephanie McMahon hits the ring.

"Welcome everyone to Monday Night Raw! Now, unfortunately, General Manager Mick Foley could not be here tonight, so in his honour, let me say it's glad to be here right here from Glasgow, Scotland! Now, as you know, we're in the middle of a tumultuous war, it's dividing husband from wife, brother from sister, red vs. blue, that's right, I'm talking about Raw vs. Smackdown. Raw is in for the fight of its life as our 3 best men, women, and tag teams go up against Smackdown's best in three traditional Survivor Series matches. Not only that, we're going to see Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg! But without further ado, let me introduce the five men who will represent us on Team Raw. Beginning with the WWE Universal Champion, Kevin Owens!"

Owens comes out to a huge ovation.

"His best friend, Chris Jericho!"

Jericho comes out to a moderately lesser but still palpable pop.

"The United States Champion, Roman Reigns!"

Reigns comes out to unanimous boos.

"The man who has been decimating his opponents on Raw, Braun Strowman!"

Strowman comes out to a muted reaction.

"Gentlemen, allow me to introduce to you the fifth and final member of Team Raw."

Seth Rollins hits the ring.

Owens: "Stephanie. Stephanie, come on. This is a joke, obviously, you can't put him on our team, you can't be serious."

Seth: "Look, Kevin, Stephanie knows that if she wants a certain victory, she needs the man on her team. I've been given certain assurances just to be on this team, but rest assured when it's over, nothing is finished between you, me, and ol' sparklecrotch."

Stephanie: "I know there's no love lost between you guys, but let's look at who we're up against. (graphic of Team Smackdown) Dean Ambrose, what's going to happen with the former Shield members? Braun Strowman, do you see Bray Wyatt up there? The man who never let you shine in the spotlight. Chris Jericho, all five of these men should be on your list. Kevin Owens, are you the better champion? Or is it AJ Styles? This is the best Smackdown has to offer. And are you going to win, or are you going to prove Daniel Bryan right? That Raw superstars are lazy and complacent? You need to fight like your jobs depend on it, because they do."

Stephanie drops the mic and walks off.

Owens: "She's right. We all need to get on the same page. Now, Team Kevin and Chris have been running things here. And we've made a lot of enemies, we're man enough to admit we've even made a few mistakes. Not a lot, but a few."

Chris: "We know you're all still jealous that me and Kevin are the WWE Universal Champion, but we can all do this. Even though you're all stupid idiots."

Owens: "You're all great. Even you (Braun). But you're not good enough to be co-captains. Under us, we're going to be a great team. Way better than that stupid team you used to be a part of. What was it called?"

Chris: "The Shield?"

Owens: "The Shield. Stupid team. That's probably why they broke up. Oh, no, wait, it was because you were all basically terrible human beings and kept turning on each other."

Seth: "Guys, come on."

Chris: "You hear me, Seth?"

Seth: "I hear you, Chris."

Seth starts brawling with Jericho, Owens and Reigns join in, Reigns and Owens brawl to the floor, Strowman beats down everyone else, stares down Reigns briefly, then starts to leave. Stephanie McMahon comes back out.

"Okay, you guys are going to be a team at Survivor Series, but tonight you can get it all out of your system. It's going to be Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins vs. Chris Jericho vs. Braun Strowman in a Fatal 5-Way Match!"

Match One: Rich Swann and Sin Cara vs. Brian Kendrick and Noam Dar

I wondered when Dar would be showing up. Scotland's own, and a perfect example of why we need 205 Live, Dar makes his way to the ring.

Dar and Swann start off, they jockey for position, Swann with a whip, Dar with a boot, kick, dropkick in the corner for two, Swann presses Dar to the corner, Sin Cara in, forearm, whip, clotheslines Dar to the floor, suicide dive to Kendrick, rolls Dar into the ring, follows, Kendrick pulls him to the floor, commercial.

Back on air, Kendrick has Sin Cara in a chinlock, presses him to the corner, Dar in, punch, back suplex for one, European uppercut, chinlock, wrenches the neck, Sin Cara to his feet, punches out, Dar with a whip, Sin Cara with a rollup powerbomb, double tag, Swann with a pair of clotheslines, spin kick, double foot stomp to the back, charges Kendrick in the corner, Kendrick with a kick, Swann with a super hurricanrana, rolling thunder for two as Dar breaks the count, Sin Cara tosses him to the floor, suicide senton, Swann with a rollup for three.

Winners: Rich Swann and Sin Cara

Kendrick grabs a mic and looks at Dar. "Listen good, kid! I did not lose that match, you did! Because Noam Dar is a loser! You lost the Cruiserweight Classic because you don't have any talent. You lost in your home country because you don't have any heart. And you lost as my partner because you failed to realize that I am the greatest Cruiserweight in the world. You're just like TJ Perkins, you never win when it counts. Because you are a disrespectful--"

Kendrick cuts himself off to sucker punch Dar. He stomps him, Dar with punches, Kendrick with a kick to the gut, Dar with kicks, Shining Wizard.

They show a video package for Goldberg.

Backstage, Stephanie tells someone on the phone that she can't appear on Smackdown tomorrow, but she'd like to invite their guys to join them next week. Sami Zayn walks in, they banter. Stephanie says she finds Zayn irritating, reveals that Mick Foley approved Zayn to face Ziggler at Survivor Series. Stephanie says she thinks it should go to Rusev, she makes a #1 Contender's Match.

Enzo and Cass come out. "My name is Enzo Amore, and I am a certified G and a bona fide stud, and you can't teach that! And this right here? This is Big Cass, and he's seven foot tall, and you can't teach that. Bada boom, realest guys in the room, how you doin'?"

"Team Smackdown Live, at Survivor Series, Team Raw will prove that there's only one word to describe you, and I'm gonna spell it out for you! S-A-W-F-T, SAWFT!"

Gallows and Anderson follow, then Golden Truth, then Cesaro and Sheamus.

Sheamus: "Oi! You finished? So, since our so-called Team Captains haven't bothered to show up, I would like to step in and say what a great Celtic country... Ireland is!"

Cesaro: "Look, they like you the same amount here as they like you everywhere."

Sheamus: "With those unicorn-wearing losers as our captains, we have as much chance of beating Smackdown as Scotland has of qualifying for the World Cup. You know, the number one Scotting passtime is standing in line for the gyro every week. As the captain of this team--"

Cesaro: "You're the captain?"

Sheamus: "I've taken it upon myself to step in."

Cesaro: "I think I'm the captain, and I think Scotland agrees."

Cass: "I think you have better things to worry about than being captain."

Enzo: "Like the sun. Or looking in the mirror. Or all those kids stealing your Lucky Charms. Or ultimately dying alone."

Cass: "That was pretty harsh."

Sheamus: "And as for you, Lurch (turns to Enzo and Cass), don't think I forgot that you guys were embarrassed by that short-arm wearing little bastard last week."

Gallows: "Listen, nerd. If you don't shut up, we're going to roll you into one giant ball of Eurotrash."

Cesaro: "I felt it in my glasses when you called us Eurotrash. Very original. Might as well have called me Swiss Miss, or bald. I mean, you could've had so much fun with Sheamus, you could've called him the Red Rooster."

Sheamus: "Red Rooster?"

Cesaro: "Shame on you, Sheamus. Shame. Shame."

Goldust: "Come on, everyone, let's all just take a breath--"

Sheamus: "Shut up! I've got my own career to worry about, I'm out. Prepare to get embarrassed by Smackdown."

The New Day come out, dressed as William Wallace in Braveheart.

Kofi: "Xavier, were you singing into the bagpipes? I thought you were going to play."

Woods: "First of all, this is Francesca's Scottish cousin, Agnes. Second, playing the bagpipes is hard! I have new respect for the Scottish people."

Sheamus: "I'm leaving."

Woods: "But Sheamus! Don't you remember that we're your captains? And not only that, but we're your WWE World Tag Team Champions! And at Survivor Series, we're going to lead our team to victory!"

Anderson: "Not us, we're out too. With captains like you, we're going to lose."

E: "Fight, and you may lose! Run and you will live!"

Kofi: "What kind of Scottish accent is that?"

Woods: "I thought he was nailing it."

Kofi: "I thought he sounded more like a pirate."

Woods: "Aye!"

E: "But dying alone in your beds, some time from now, would you trade all the days between then and now to tell Smackdown that they may take our lives, but they can never take our freedom!"

Enzo: "I don't know what you've been smoking in those bagpipes, but I like it. We're in."

Goldust: "You have such a brave heart. We're in."

Cesaro: "On behalf of the team of Cesaro and Sheamus, we're in."

Sheamus: "Since when do you speak for me?"

Cesaro: "I am the captain."

Sheamus: "I'm the captain. And I say we're in."

E: "So that just leaves... you gentlemen."

Gallows: "Look, you can wear your costumes, and you can take your titles, but you're not in charge of us."

Anderson: "And the first chance we get, we're going to stab each and every one of you in the back."

Anderson tosses Woods' toy sword to the ground, to which Woods acts distraught.

Gallows: "A grown man crying over a toy. This is exactly the problem. You guys are jokes. And you can count on us to beat up Rhyno and Slater, the Hype Bros, and all those other teams that aren't even worth mentioning, because they're just like all of you, jokes."

Woods: "If we're jokes, and we've beaten you on multiple occasions, what does that make you? See, we knew you'd say something like that, so we asked for a special match."

Kofi: "The two of you against who?"

Woods: "That would be us! Because we are the champions of this division."

E: "And we will show that Team! Raw rocks!"

Match Two: Raw Tag Team Champions The New Day vs. Gallows and Anderson (non-title)

Kofi and Anderson start off, Kofi with an arm drag, kicks, Unicorn stampede, E finishes in the ring, abdominal stretch, elbow, goes for a splash, Anderson tosses him to the apron, E punches his way out, Gallows with a roundhouse kick, Anderson with a kick in the mouth for two, Gallows in, stomps, punches to the gut, uppercut, Anderson in, stomps, Gallows in, avalanche, Anderson in, inverted 3D for two, chinlock, knee lift, mounted punches, Gallows in, roundhouse kick, elbow drops for two, mounted elbows to the shoulder, chinlock, big boot, punch to Kofi, misses an elbow drop, double tag, Kofi with a springboard elbow, pair of clotheslines, dropkick, leaping clothesline, Boom Drop, misses Trouble in Paradise, misses an avalanche, holds the ropes, springboard crossbody, spin kick, E in, Midnight Hour blocked by a Gallows superkick, Kofi leaps anyway, Anderson catches him, whip, Spinebuster, Gallows in, Magic Killer for three.

Winners: Gallows and Anderson

Backstage, Truth reveals to Goldust that he traded their spot on the team to the Shining Stars for a timeshare. Goldust points out it's a terrible deal and sets off to get their spot back.

They show a promo for Brock Lesnar. He acknowledges he had given up on wrestling at Wrestlemania 20. They announce a face-to-face for next week.

Backstage, Jericho is mad at Braun Strowman. Owens says they should get him on their side, permanently. Jericho storms in to Strowman's dressing room and starts to put him on the list. Owens tries to talk him into joining up with them. He floats the idea of Team Kevin, Chris and Braun. Braun says he's on Team Braun.

They show another promo for Emmalina. These promos are excellent at making me bored of Emma, which is hard to do.

Match Three: Golden Truth vs. The Shining Stars

This is a Survivor Series Qualifying Match.

Truth and Epico start, Truth with a boot, whip, hip toss, leg drop, another leg drop for two Epico presses him to the corner, Primo in, Truth punches his way out, Primo with a dropkick for two, stands on his throat in the ropes, leaping inner thigh attack, springboard diving senton, Epico in, double team suplex for two, tosses Truth to the corner, stomps, Primo in, Truth with a boot, Primo with boots, snapmare, chinlock, knee, Truth goes for a sunset flip, Epico in, double team dropkick for two, crossface punches, stomp to the hand, stomp, chinlock, Truth elbows his way out, Epico with a stomp, misses a running strike, double tag, Goldust with a clothesline, another, drop-down punch, inverted atomic drop to the attempting-to-interfere Epico, bulldog to Primo, ten-punch, whip, Primo with a boot, Goldust with a spinebuster, Epico tries to sell him on the timeshare, Goldust rips the brochure, punch, Truth clotheslines him out of the ring, Primo with a rollup with the ropes for three.

Winners: The Shining Stars

Shane and DB are official for Raw next week.

Michael Cole is in the ring. "Ladies and gentlemen, fantasy warfare comes to life next Sunday at Survivor Series. This includes three Raw vs. Smackdown traditional Survivor Series Matches. Now, in these matches, you can be eliminated any number of ways, pinfall, submission, disqualification or countout, and that can lead to any number of situations. 4 on 2, 3 on 2, 4 on 1, even 5 on 1. Now one of those matches is a Women's traditional Survivor Series Match, pitting Team Smackdown, captained by Becky Lynch, against Team Raw, captained by Charlotte."

Charlotte hits the ring.

Cole: "Congratulations on last week, you had quite the historic week, stepping inside Hell in a Cell, and then being named team captain for Raw."

"Thank you, Michael. And if Becky, or Nikki Bella or any of those other Smackdown girls think they're going to take away my spotlight, they can keep drinking the blue Kool-Aid."

Cole: "And the second member of Team Raw, the most dominating presence we've maybe ever seen, Nia Jax."

Jax hits the ring.

Cole: "Nia, you've been on a roll ever since you came to Raw."

Charlotte: "Yeah, and she showed everyone last week when she beat up the weak link, Bayley."

Nia: "Look, let's get one thing straight, you may be the captain, but I don't work for you. I do what I want, when I want."

Cole: "Introducing the third member, a former champion who will bring a veteran presence, Alicia Fox."

Fox hits the ring.

Cole: "Now, we know you've had your differences with Nia Jax, can you be civil or will it be a civil war?"

Fox: "If my girl Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt can be civil, during a divorce as divorced parents, I can manage it."

Cole: "The fourth member of Team Raw, she's a hugger, Bayley!"

Bayley hits the ring. "You called me the weak link, Charlotte, but in two weeks at Survivor Series, I'm going to show you why--"

The crowd won't stop chanting.

"You know I'll be your girl any time, Glasgow! You keep chanting. You know-- I promise, I will. Look, at Survivor Series, it could come down to me vs. Alexa Bliss, it could come down to me vs. Becky Lynch. Thank you, thank you all. Charlotte, it could even come down to you and me vs. Nikki Bella and Carmella. If Team Raw is going to dominate at Survivor Series, we need to learn to work together."

Cole: "Well, there is one more member of Team Raw."

Charlotte: "Allow me."

Crowd is still chanting for Bayley.

Charlotte: "Bow to your queen! What are you even saying? These accents are terrible! So this next woman-- I will never forget this. She and I have history, you better not disrespect this woman. She started the Women's Revolution, she made me a better wrestler, she made me a better person. Dana Brooke!"

Brooke hits the ring.

Charlotte: "Yep, that's the fifth member!"

Cole: "Look, no disrespect to Dana Brooke, but we all know that she is not the fifth member."

Charlotte: "Yes she is."

Cole: "The fifth member is this woman!"

Sasha Banks hits the ring.

Charlotte: "Oh, Sasha, I'm so sorry. I figured after all the injuries you suffered at Hell in a Cell, you wouldn't make it to Survivor Series. That's why I made my protege an alternate."

Sasha: "What were you saying? I couldn't hear you over all this music. It'll take more than a couple of tables to-- if you'll beee my giiiiiirl. Yeah. It'll take more than a couple of tables to keep me off Team Raw."

Charlotte: "The only thing you left Hell in a Cell with was swagger phonier than Lindsay Lohan's new accent. You're not the boss anymore, not after what I took from you at Hell in a Cell! Ask Nia Jax! Ask her if she thinks you're her boss!"

Nia and Sasha stare each other down as Raw goes to commercial.

Match Four: Nia Jax, Women's Champion Charlotte and Dana Brooke vs. Bayley, Sasha Banks and Alicia Fox

Jax and Bayley start off, lockup, Jax presses Bayley to the ropes, sets her up top, slap, Fox in, Jax swats her around the ring, Charlotte in, side headlock, Fox whips her way out, takedown, Northern Lights Suplex for two, keeps the bridge, Sasha in, double team suplex, Brooke in, Sasha with a trip, slap, Brooke misses a clothesline, Sasha with a dropkick, another, triple team baseball slide to Nia Jax, who doesn't go down, Jax commands Dana back in the ring, Sasha locks in an armbar, rollup for two, front facelock, Dana presses her to the corner, Jax in, misses an avalanche, Banks with roundhouse kicks, Jax with a tackle, commercial.

Back on air, Dana has Sasha in a chinlock, break, misses a stomp, foot choke, Nia in, Sasha with punches, Nia with a headbutt, Charlotte tags in, chop, snapmare, knees to the back, straightjacket hold, Sasha to her feet, Charlotte tosses her down, punches Bayley, knees to the back of Sasha, straightjacket hold, adds in a recliner element, Sasha hip checks her way out, Charlotte with a whip, Sasha with a boot, tosses Charlotte into Dana, goes for a tag, blocked, Sasha with an elbow, Charlotte goes for a body slam, reversed into a rollup for two, Bayley in, pair of clotheslines, punch to Nia, crossbody to Charlotte, clothesline, tosses her to the apron and hits a hangman's cutter, running shoulder tackle in the corner, running hip attack, elbow, goes up top, spinning elbow for two as Dana breaks the count, tosses Bayley into the ropes, Fox scares her off, Nia Jax drags Bayley by her hair, Fox with punches, Nia tosses her into the turnbuckle, avalanche, Sasha with a pair of knees in the corner to Nia, ducks a Charlotte big boot sending her into Nia, Charlotte with knees to the back, Bayley hits a Bayley to Belly for three.

Winners: Bayley, Sasha Banks and Alicia Fox

Backstage, Charly Caruso asks Seth Rollins why he joined Team Raw. He says he was promised things, but he knows no one on Team Raw likes him and he doesn't like them. Braun Strowman walks in and says he never liked Rollins and he's going to beat him down tonight.

Lana is in the ring. "Thank you, but I don't need the support of this pathetic little village. Now, America (sic), I ask you to rise for the true American hero and the man who will bring the Intercontinental Championship to Raw, he is my husband, which means he is the only man who can have me, the Bulgarian Brute, Rusev!"

Match Five: IC Title #1 Contender's Match: Rusev vs. Sami Zayn

Rusev with a tackle, stomps, punches in the corner, whip, Zayn sells hard, Rusev covers for one, elbows, forearm choke in the ropes, guillotine catapult for two, tosses Zayn to the apron, Zayn with a shoulder tackle, dropkick, commercial.

Back on air, Rusev has Zayn in a chinlock, Zayn elbows his way out, trading punches, Rusev gets the better of it, shoulder tackles in the corner, Zayn crumples in the middle of the ring, Rusev drags him up, Zayn with chops, Rusev with a chop, Zayn trips him to the floor, suicide dive, rolls Rusev into the ring, top rope crossbody for two, Rusev with a side headlock, elbows to the back of the head, roundhouse kick to the head for two, misses an avalanche, Zayn goes for a Helluva Kick, reversed into a superkick for two, goes up top, Zayn catches him with a Helluva Kick for three.

Winner: Sami Zayn

They announce a show called State of the WWE Universe for next Monday after Raw.

Main Event: Universal Champion Kevin Owens vs. Seth Rollins vs. Braun Strowman vs. US Champion Roman Reigns vs. Chris Jericho (non-title)

Jericho and Owens tee off on Rollins and toss him to the floor, keep brawling on the floor, Roman and Strowman stare each other down, Jericho and Owens hit the ring and urge on Strowman, who elbows Jericho, Owens hits the floor, Rollins tosses Jericho into the barricade, Reigns and Strowman stare each other down, Reigns with punches, Strowman with a clothesline, rolls out to the floor, Rollins has a kendo stick, starts teeing off on Strowman, grabs a table, Strowman clubs him from behind, grabs the table, commercial.

Back on air, Strowman goes to reverse-chokeslam Rollins through the table, he leaps back in the ring instead, Strowman hits him with a clothesline, Reigns with punches to Strowman, who responds with a reverse-chokeslam, boots Jericho out of midair, Owens tries to talk him down, starts punching, Strowman with a clothesline, the entire rest of the team all launch a beatdown, Strowman tosses them all off, Jericho goes for a Codebreaker, gets caught for a chokeslam, Strowman adds Reigns for good measure, Owens blocks with a superkick, Rollins hits Strowman with a top rope knee, Reigns Superman Punches Strowman out of the ring, Rollins and Owens start brawling as do Roman and Jericho, the former Shield members clear the ring, stare each other down, Braun Strowman heads back into the ring, Reigns hits him with a Superman punch, Rollins adds a suicide dive, they follow, beat down Strowman, Shield-style powerbomb through the table broken up by a sneak attack by JeriKO, they tee off on Reigns, who punches both of them, Superman Punch to Strowman, who lays out against the table, JeriKO toss Reigns into the barricade, then into a different part of the barricade, Owens rips up a Roman Reigns sign, they toss Reigns into the steel steps, cannonball to Reigns across the barricade, Jericho drags Rollins up, cannonball, reversed into a reverse STO into the barricade, Rollins boots Jericho in the gut, powerbombs him through the table, which Strowman is still on, Rollins rolls Owens into the ring, knee to the face, suplex, reversed into a rollup, reversed into a superkick for two, goes up top, misses a frog splash, Owens goes for a Pop-Up Powerbomb, reversed into a Pedigree for two as Jericho pulls the referee out of the ring, Rollins hits Jericho with a suicide dive, rolls him back into the ring, misses a springboard knee, rolls through, Jericho goes for the Walls, blocked, Rollins with an enziguri, Pedigree, Owens hits Rollins with a superkick, Reigns hits Owens with a Superman Punch, Owens lands on Jericho for three.

Winner: Kevin Owens

Roman looks on in horror as Owens has his hand raised.

Owens celebrates and helps Jericho up as Raw goes off the air.