Date: 04/03	7:00 PM
Views: 554

Gather 'round everyone, it's time for the greatest Raw of the year, the Raw after Wrestlemania! After a stellar Wrestlemania, Brock Lesnar is Universal Champion, Kevin Owens is US Champion, The Hardys are back and also tag team champions, and Bayley and Neville retained! Still, none of that matters so much as what surprises are in store for tonight? Will we see NXT Callups? Returning legends? A new GM?

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Raw begins with a recap of last night's show. The crowd are feverishly chanting for The Undertaker, then alternating with chants of "Roman sucks!" They get the latter instead. They greet him with "DELETE!" chants. Then they devolve into "Fuck you Roman!" chants. Then a chorus of good ol'-fashioned "You suck!" chants. Then some "Asshole" chants. Then "Roman sucks" again, this time to the New Day rhythm. Then back to "DELETE!" again. Then "Shut the fuck up!" He hasn't actually started speaking yet. He motions that he has them in the palm of his hand. "Go away" chants also take the New Day rhythm. It has been five straight minutes since he picked up a microphone.

"This is my yard now."

He walks off.

Match One: Raw Tag Team Championships: The Hardy Boyz (c) vs. Gallows and Anderson

In case anyone's wondering, Matt throws up one V1 symbol, then jumps straight to the Broken mannerisms.

Anderson and Jeff start off, Anderson with punches, whip, Jeff with a clothesline, arm twist, arm breaker, punches, Matt in, whip, double team elbow, double senton for two, tosses him to the corner repeatedly, charges, Anderson with an elbow, Matt with a Side Effect for two, Twist of Fate, blocked, Jeff helps him clothesline Anderson to the floor, commercial.

Back on air, Gallows tosses Matt to the corner, Matt punches his way out, Gallows with a punch, Anderson in, takes Matt down, mounted punches, punch for Jeff, arm wrench to Matt, Gallows with punches, Gallows in, boot to the gut, punch, Matt with a kick to the gut, Gallows with a punch, face wash, break, avalanche in the adjacent corner, Anderson in, knee drops for two, front facelock, the crowd is chanting "Fuck that owl", Matt elbows his way out, Anderson tosses him to the corner, knee lift, "Obsolete" chants to the New Day rhythm, Gallows in, stomp to the gut, Matt with punches, punch to Anderson, Gallows hits a big boot, misses an elbow drop, Jeff in, punches, whip, reversed, Jeff with a clothesline, inverted atomic drop, leg drop, dropkick to the face, standing splash for two, Gallows to the floor, Jeff follows, Poetry in Motion using the ring steps, tosses Anderson into the apron, goes up top, kicks Anderson, Gallows crotches him, Anderson in, boots Matt off the apron, Boot of Doom for two, Gallows in Magic Killer, blocked by Matt, Twist of Fate, Matt in, Twist of Fate, Jeff hits a Swanton, Matt covers for three.

Winners and STILL Tag Team Champions: The Hardy Boyz

After a commercial, Neville is in the ring. "Aye, aye, aye, aye, would you look at that? I did everything I said I was gonna do, whereas Austin Aries, he did a lot of that (motions talking with his hands), but he turned out to be better talker than a fighter! Now, you may not like my methods, you may not like my tactics, but you cannot deny my results! Now tomorrow, on 205 Live, we're going to have a proper celebration, but tonight, I couldn't pass up an opportunity to prove you wrong, to show all of you--"

He's interrupted by his opponent.

Match Two: Cruiserweight Champion Neville vs. Mustafa Ali (non-title)

Neville with a shove before the bell, then it rings, lockup, Neville presses him to the corner, Ali with forearms, whip, Ali does backflips, hurricanrana, presses Neville to the apron, spin kick, Neville to the floor, Ali with a suicide dive, rolls Neville into the ring, Neville with a flapjack, drags him up, tosses him to the floor, commercial.

Back on air, Neville has Ali in a chinlock, snapmare, keeps the hold locked in, Ali to his feet, Neville with a knee, whip, Ali reverses a flapjack into a dropkick, swing kick in the corner, neckbreaker through the second rope for two, tosses Neville to the corner, foot choke across the bottom rope, back suplex, blocked, Ali goes for a German, blocked with an elbow, Neville hits a back suplex, clothesline for two, stomps, goes up top, Ali with punches, C4 from the top rope, forearms, Neville with a spin kick to the gut, misses a running dropkick, Ali with a superkick, inverted hurricanrana, DDT for two as Neville gets to the bottom rope, Ali goes up top, misses the inverted 450, Neville goes up top, decides not to go for the Red Arrow, locks in the Rings of Saturn for the tapout.

Winner: Neville

Backstage, Vince McMahon pulls up in a limo.

They recap the press coverage of Wrestlemania last night, then the Chairman hits the ring.

"Thank you. I'd like to say something to you tonight, like to say something to each and every one of you tonight, all of you here, and all of you watching at home. I don't say these words often enough, but thank you. Thank you for being the most passionate fans in the world. And thank you for helping us live up to the moniker of Wrestlemania: The Ultimate Thrill Ride. But Wrestlemania was last night, and this wheel, we're not lethargic, I've confirmed with Smackdown, and next week we're going to have ourselves a Superstar shakeup! There were a lot of big moments last night, but sometimes moments happen that you don't want to see, we saw this last night."

Clip of Stephanie going through a table.

"Unfortunately, my daughter, well, she's going to be out of action for some time. (pop) Wait a minute, she almost got broken in half. You're the most passionate fans in the world, but you're being a little insensitive at the moment. You're being downright cruel! You're being bloodthirsty, what's the matter with you? Well, since we have no Commissioner here tonight, and since we have no Raw General Manager, Mick Foley was fired, it's time to name a new Raw General Manager. It's no secret that this man was inducted into the Hall of Fame--"

Theodore Long comes out.

Vince: "Cut the music. Cut the music! Stop that dancing! Teddy, it's not you!"

"It's not me?"

"I don't know what the confusion is, it's not you."

"Well, my bad. Holla, holla, holla!"

"Ladies and gentlemen, your new General Manager! (No music hits) I'm going to try that again, ladies and gentlemen, your new General Manager of Raw! (No music hits) This man's quite the prima donna, I want to make sure I didn't make a mistake, ladies and gentlemen, your new Raw General Manager, Kurt Angle!"

Angle hits the ring. "I only have one thing to say: It's great to be back on Monday Night Raw! Oh, it's true, it's damn true!"

After a commercial, The New Day come out.

E: "What a night! Wrestlemania was one for the ages! A Wrestlemania so thrilling that all of the blood from my head rushed straight to my--"

Kofi: "Now, now, now! Sir! Now we were all very excited to host a record-setting event for all of you people."

Woods: "You people? What do you mean you people?"

Kofi: "I didn't mean it like that, I meant like the WWE Universe. Now we were a little upset that we couldn't do what we do best, and that is get in this ring and put a whoopin' on someone."

Woods: "That's why tonight, we are issuing an open challenge. And that's to any team in the locker room that thinks they're man enough to come out here and catch this cream. So who?"

All: "Who?"

Woods: "Who's it gonna be?"

Match Three: The New Day vs. The Revival

Woods and Dawson start off, Wilder grabs a leg, Dawson wrenches an arm, Wilder in, double axe handle, strikes, snapmare, armbar, whip, misses a clothesline, misses another, Woods with a headscissors, chop, Wilder with a shove, Woods with a rear waistlock, Dawson in, tackle, commercial.

Back on air, Woods hits Dawson with a chop, Dawson with a clothesline for two, Wilder in, Dawson puts Woods into a hammerlock and tosses him into a knee from Wilder, Wilder with punches, whip to the corner, stomps, wrenches his arm in the ropes, headbutt, sets him up top, Woods with punches, headbutt, Wilder punches the arm, sets him up top, superplex, blocked with punches, Woods shoves Wilder, missile dropkick, Dawson in, blocks a tag, Woods makes the tag anyway, E with a belly to belly, another, a third, running splash, intercepted by Wilder, who he clotheslines over the top rope, tosses Dawson to the floor, Woods tags in, E misses a suicide dive, Woods with strikes to both men, tosses Wilder to the apron, Woods with punches, Dawson with a forearm, Woods with a discus clothesline, goes for an Honour Roll, caught for a Shatter Machine for three.

Winners: The Revival

They beat down Kofi and do that double team Pillmanizing move they do.

Backstage, Enzo and Cass walk into Kurt Angle's office. They introduce themselves, Kurt says he's having a great week, they complain about the Hardy Boyz being added to the match last night, Kurt Angle says he has no idea what anything they're saying means, but gives them a #1 Contender's Match against Sheamus and Cesaro.

Match Four: Women's Champion Bayley, Dana Brooke and Sasha Banks vs. Emma, Nia Jax and Charlotte

Emma and Dana start off, Emma tosses Dana to the corner, Dana with a knee, body slam, blocked, Emma tosses her down, running boot to the face, calls for a tag to Bayley, Dana obliges, lockup, jockeying for position around the ring, Emma with an arm wringer, arm breaker, arm drag for one, whip to the corner, Bayley with an elbow, arm drag, drop toehold, spins around on her back, Charlotte with a knee, Emma with a clothesline, commercial.

Back on air, Nia is standing over Bayley, knee drop, Charlotte in, chop, tree of woe, stomps, Emma in, stomps, hair pull recliner hold from the floor, slides back in the ring, Charlotte in, blocks a boot, knees to the back, chop, another chop, Bayley with a chop, Charlotte shoves her to the corner, pulls both opponents off the apron, gets in Sasha's face, blocks a tag, Sasha gets in anyway, double knees from the top rope, clears the corner, boot, hurricanrana, knees in the corner, sets Charlotte up sideways, slap, double knees for two as Emma breaks the count, Dana elbows Emma and hits a Fireman's Carry Slam, teams up with Sasha for a double dropkick to Nia, Nia pulls Dana to the floor, Bayley hits her with a crossbody, Natural Selection, reversed into a Banks Statement for the tapout.

Winners: Sasha Banks, Bayley, and Dana Brooke

Charlotte shoves Emma and Nia after the bell, then Nia again, Nia tosses her to the corner, hits an avalanche, tosses her across the ring, elbow drop, walks off.

So Emma's back. She is just all kinds of obnoxious, aggressive goodness right now, hopefully there's a push in line for her.

Backstage, Sami Zayn tells Kurt Angle that he wants to get off on the right foot with him the way he did with Foley. Kurt tells him he has the 3 Is, so no matter what, he's going to do just fine. Jinder Mahal walks in and complains about not winning the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royale, he and Sami start bickering, Kurt makes a match between the two of them, then dismisses them both.

The new Universal Champion BAHRRRRROCK LESSSSSSSSNAR hits the ring, complete with the man who says that the way I just spelled it.

Heyman: "Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and I am the advocate for the reigning, defending, undisputed Universal Champion, Brock Lesnar! A little something different tonight, my client has allowed me to be a little personal and reveal a little bedtime story that Brock tells his children, that I tell my children at night. Once upon a time, there was a man who fancied himself a superhero. And he represented all of the things that we as a society should rise up and rebel against. You know, honour, dignity, honesty, family. I'm going to throw up in my mouth. One day, the superhero took his spear and his jackhammer and went into town. This superhero's name was Goldberg, and he was known as the baddest man in the village. All of the villagers would see him and say, 'Oh, that's Goldberg, he's a bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad man.' (Lesnar whispers in his ear) That is the best part. After Goldberg took everything from the superhero, like, oh, say, the Universal Championship, he took a left turn and took an ultimate thrill ride into suplex city. Suplex city, where honour and dignity and family and tradition are not respected. But don't worry, for all the kids being tucked into bed right now, this story does have a happy ending. That happy ending is that you won't be seeing Goldberg around here anymore. So yes, thank you Taker, and thank you Brock. Now, ladies and gentlemen, that leaves us in a situation where my client, Brock Lesnar, is looking for new challenges, and new challengers. So, let's go down the list. Can you imagine, after his victory over HHH last night, Seth Rollins vs. Brock Lesnar. You know what, you still owe one to The Architect. Can you imagine, after his spectacular return last night, Matt Hardy vs. Brock Lesnar? Can you imagine Jeff Hardy vs. Brock Lesnar? I can imagine both Hardys vs. Brock Lesnar. Understand, Brock Lesnar isn't going to be one of those champions who takes lots of selfies with the title, and cherishes every moment, and understands that time is fleeting. Brock Lesnar is the disruptor of the status quo. But we need to talk about the 2 in 23 and 2. History dictates that those two face off to determine whose yard it really is. Yes, we're talking about you, Roman Reigns. Because Roman's been walking around barking backstage, telling everyone that he's the big dog. So what comes of this situation? Because if Roman is the big dog, Brock Lesnar is animal cruelty. My client told me this coming out here tonight: It's time to give the Monday after Wrestlemania crowd something to remember. Because it's time to give the crowd that one on one, it's time to deliver, so why not have that one on one tonight? So before--"

Braun Strowman comes out. "I see Roman Reigns has your attention. When I'm finished with Roman Reigns, maybe I'll have yours. Because Brock Lesnar, you damn sure got my attention."

They stare each other down, Lesnar lays the title down and dares him to step across it. Braun leaves the ring instead.

Charly Caruso asks Chris Jericho about his upcoming US Title match at Payback and his tag match tonight with Seth Rollins against Joe and Owens. Jericho talks up the crowd and says Owens barely squeaked by. He's about to put the tip of Owens' finger on the list, Owens and Joe attack him and put him through a table.

After a commercial, Kurt Angle is leaving the trainer's room. Seth Rollins asks about his status, he says he's in no condition to compete, but Kurt will find him another partner.

Match Five: #1 Contender's Match: Enzo and Cass vs. Cesaro and Sheamus

Enzo and Cesaro start off, Enzo with a side headlock, Cesari with a whip, shoulder tackle, side headlock, Enzo with a whip, reversed, Enzo with a head scissors, Cesaro with a back suplex, double tag, Sheamus with a side headlock, Cass with a shoulder tackle, lockup, Cass presses him to the corner, punches, Sheamus reverses position, punches, whip, reversed, Sheamus dodges an avalanche and hits a hip attack, Ten Beats blocked with elbows, Sheamus drops him across the top rope, misses a double axe handle, Cass with a body slam, Enzo in, Cass tosses him into Cesaro who tries to interfere, then into Sheamus, tosses Cesaro to the floor, gorilla press slams Enzo into both opponents, commercial.

Back on air, Sheamus has Enzo in a chinlock, Enzo punches his way out, Sheamus shoves him to the corner, Enzo boots his way out, goes for a tag, Sheamus reverses into a Fireman's Carry rolling senton, Cesaro in, springboard double foot stomp, drags Enzo up, Sheamus with a punch to the gut, whip, misses an avalanche, Enzo drops Cesaro to the floor, Cass with punches on the floor, Sheamus hits him with a baseball slide, White Noise to Enzo reversed into a DDT, Cesaro in, running European uppercut, Cesaro Swing, locks in the sharpshooter, Cass floors him with a big boot, boots Sheamus over the top rope, gets in position for a tag, tags in, shoulder tackle, avalanche, another, side slam, Empire Elbow, running big boot, Enzo in, Bada Boom Shacka Lacka blocked with a Brogue Kick to Cass, tosses Enzo into a European Uppercut by Cesaro for three.

Winners: Sheamus and Cesaro

Match Seven: Jinder Mahal vs. Sami Zayn

Jinder kicks Sami off the apron before the bell, stomps on the floor, tosses Sami into the steel steps, punches, tosses Sami into the steps again, rolls him into the ring, the ref rings the bell, Jinder with a clothesline in the corner, punches, knee springboard knee drops, clothesline, dropkick for two, chinlock, tosses Sami down, pair of knee drops for two, chinlock, Sami punches his way out, whip, reversed, Jinder with a knee lift, Sami catches him for an Exploder Suplex, Helluva Kick for three.

Winner: Sami Zayn

Main Event: US Champion Kevin Owens and Samoa Joe vs. Seth Rollins and TBA

And, of course, as tons of people were calling it, it's Finn Balor!

Main Event: US Champion Kevin Owens and Samoa Joe vs. Seth Rollins and Finn Balor

Seth and KO start off, lockup, Rollins with a chinlock, reversed into a rear waistlock, Rollins reverses into an armbar, Owens with a boot, side headlock, Rollins whips his way out, Owens with a shoulder tackle, superkick to the gut, suplex, reversed into a rollup, reversed into a kick, blocked, Rollins dares him to come closer, Joe in, trading punches, Joe tosses Rollins to the corner, punches, Rollins with alternating punches and chops, Joe with a kick, another, Owens in, punch, punches to the gut in the corner, chop, whip, Rollins with an STO to the turnbuckle, arm wrench, Balor in, staredown, Owens feigns a tag, goes for a punch, misses, Balor with punches, Owens with a whip, reversed, Owens with a rollup, reversed into a kick, Owens tosses Balor to the apron, Balor with a kick, Owens bails, Balor hits a running dropkick into the barricade, arm wrench, Rollins in, double team whip, Owens bails, Rollins with a suicide dive, Joe chases him back into the ring, then checks on Owens, Rollins hits a suicide senton to both men, clutches his knee, rolls Owens back into the ring, follows, kick, blocked, Owens kicks him in the knee, DDT for two, covers again for two, Joe in, punches, punches in the corner, elbow, punch, trading punches, Rollins with a whip to the corner, reversed, Joe with an elbow, flip kick for two, tosses Rollins to the corner, Owens in, kick to the gut, keeps the foot in, stomp, punch, another punch, another, stomp, running senton for two, elbow to the side of the head, chinlock, Rollins punches his way out, Owens tosses him down, Joe in, stomp, punch, kick to the knee, single-leg takedown, spinning toehold, Rollins breaks with boots to the face, punch, whip, blocked, Rollins with punches, tries to make the tag, Owens with a shin breaker, Owens in, stomp, stomp to the knee, Joe in, running senton, goes for another, Rollins dodges, Joe goes to pull Seth off the ropes, Rollins lands on his feet, Joe catches him in the Coquina Clutch, Rollins forces a rope break and hits Joe in the face with the top rope in the process, flip kick, double tag, Balor with kicks, dropkick, chop, whip to the corner, running chop, whip, running chop, whip, Owens with an elbow, goes up top, Balor catches him with a kick, kick for Joe on the floor, goes up top, misses a Coup de Gras, Owens hits a fallaway White Noise type move, Pop-Up Powerbomb, blocked, Balor hits a Slingblade, Joe locks him in the Coquina Clutch, Rollins with a superkick to Joe, Owens with a superkick to Rollins, Balor with a dropkick into the turnbuckle, goes up top, Coup de Gras for three!

Winners: Finn Balor and Seth Rollins

Balor stares down Joe and Owens as they stand on the ramp, then stares down Rollins. They celebrate as Raw goes off the air.