Anyone who watched RAW on Monday sat through the contract signing for Cena v. Reigns at No Mercy. Cena, love him or hate him, showed no mercy on Roman and gave him a verbal beating for the ages. Maybe it's my Roman bias tingling, but did anyone think that Roman wasn't really given anything to fight back with?

It's like Cena had a 50-cal and Roman had a pea shooter. That bothered me... a lot.
So I dusted off my transcription skills and wrote the exchange down so I could digest it better. Roman may have lacked ammo, but Cena proved some of Roman's few points correct. So while on the surface Cena won (because LOLCena wins) it just makes me wonder what Roman could have done in this situation. Seriously. I know there's a hundred jokes to be made about Roman and/or Cena, but I think this exchange needs some more microscope. Shall we? I'll put my comments in italics for you, too.

We now join the verbal combat already in progress...

Roman: It's not that I don't wanna fight you, Maybe I just don't NEED to.

I kinda agree with Roman in this case, because there's a lot of people who don't want to see this. I'd like to see it, but honestly I'll be listening to the crowd more than watching the action.

Cena: You're right – No, he's right! He's right, you don't need to fight me, you are the high exalted (kneeling) Roman Reigns. You are the "Big Dog", everyone in the back there knows it! Everyone out here is still kinda trying to figure it out.

Now exactly whose fault is that? Some of this could be shed on Roman for not having the best turd-polishing ability. Some of this has been timing (Roman should have won the 2014 Rumble and not 2015, for example) and some of this has just been the bizarre booking and promo writing.

Cena: You see Roman, I'm what you would call a "Polarizing figure" – every week there are people that cheer because they stand for what I believe in, and then there are people that boo because they don't...

I wholeheartedly respect what you do OUTSIDE of the ring, Mr. Cena, it's a lot of what you do IN the ring that causes a lot of the booing. To quote the "Cool kids", we've "Cena Nuff".

Cena: And every single week you can audibly hear those people so desperately wanting to change the content of my character. Maybe a little heel turn...

I think that those that are requesting that are at least honest about the fact that you've had the same character for 10+ years, Johnny boy. However, I stopped making that argument when the Cricket Wireless "Surprise for Cena" ad showed me how much Cena DOES touch other people with his message. Maybe a lean towards more serious instead of mocking, maybe actually selling when someone insults you with the truth, maybe actually reacting how anyone ELSE would react to an insult would at least make me see you a little more human than the Superman/Prototype robot that WWE has made you. Shamelessly stealing something I read: "Aging is the ONLY way we know that Cena isn't a robot".

Cena: But with you, it's different.

Not really, Roman's just as polarizing. Please continue.

Cena: I don't know if anyone's ever told you this, but they go back and forth with you because when they look at you, they see what I see –

Your reflection, John? That's essentially what the booking and writing have done to Roman.

Cena: A cheap-ass, corporately created John Cena bootleg!

Yep, your reflection. WWE wanted Roman to be Cena 2.0 and succeeded.

Cena: This chump right here, he ain't THE Guy, dude you're just A Guy.

That's because you won't let anyone ELSE be THE Guy.

Cena: A guy who is desperately trying to fill shoes that you never will!

See my point above.

Cena: Listen carefully, young man –

"Here comes the shovel! (Here we go) Here comes the shovel....
Shovel shovel shovel shovel shovel (shovel shovel, shovel shovel)
Shovel shovel shovel shovel shovel (shovel shovel, shovel shovel)
Shovel shovel shovel shovel shovel (shovel shovel, shovel shovel)
Dig dig, bury bury, won't flatter
You don't talk well so your talkin don't matter
Dig dig, bury bury don't even try to stop me
I'm a part time top man of the WWE"

(with apologies to Shane McMahon)

Cena: I'm not the Undertaker. I'm not a battered veteran at the end of his career with a bad hip.

Apparently, Cena's still mad he didn't get to retire the Undertaker and resorts to BURYING institution of the WWE.I guess having a match with his fiancé and burying Miz for the 3rd or 4th time wasn't enough compensation for him. Roman at least respects Undertaker and while he could have done a LOT more with that feather in his cap, someone apparently didn't want him to.

Cena: I am the fastest

Kalisto?

Cena: Strongest

Strowman?

Cena: and hungriest that I have ever been in my entire life!

Ryback? (sorry......)

Cena: And the reason you won't sign that because (condescendingly) you know if you do, your "Roman Empire"... (motions "Poof" and "you can't see me")

Even CENA admits LOLCENAWINS.

Roman: .... He did it again. He's the King of this. He can take anything and spin it, that's what he does. But it blows my mind that he stands out here and he runs his mouth and he's talkin about "Y'all boo him because y'all want him to be a bad guy?"

While delivered a little on the flat side, Roman has pointed out what I said earlier – not everyone is booing Cena because he won't turn heel. We're booing him because he's here at all.

Roman: They boo you because first of all, you suck...

That's a little too obvious, Roman. Low hanging fruit.

Cena: Hey, according to them, so does Angle, and he won a gold medal.

Ouch.

Roman: Just shut up for a while, how about that?

That never works, Roman.

Roman: And second of all....

Cena: Go ahead, find it. I'll wait.... It's called a promo kid

Roman: Shut your mouth, John

Cena: (interrupting) IF you want to be the "Big Dog" you're gonna have to learn how to do it. Go ahead.

Roman looked flustered enough before Cena decided to be outright rude and not let Roman finish his statement. It makes me wonder more that Roman was already aware he didn't have material or wasn't given material to do it. So exposing Roman like this is supposed to make me sympathetic to him? Keep swinging that shovel, John.

Cena: See ya, fourth wall!

Somewhere CM Punk is rolling his eyes. I know I was.

Roman: The reason why they boo you is because they see right through you. You're a phony!

"Phony" isn't a very strong word, Roman.

Roman: You're a "Yes man" who can learn how to do anything or be anything!

How is this an insult? OH wait, now I know who's REALLY protected in this one....

Roman: So if you wrap all that up, you're just a fake bitch.

Still a little on the weak side. Foul language is the first refuge of a poor linguist.

Roman: we talkin now, ain't we? You hearin me now, aincha? Not only that, he's a Part timing fake-ass bitch!

This is probably the emptiest insult about Cena. Even when he's NOT in a WWE ring, he has the logo on his cape while he's out promoting the company, making movies, and doing anything but sit at home and stare at Nikki Bella's bewbs. Can't WWE creative NOT use that one for once?

Roman: And I'll be damned if I don't bust my ass Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday every single week so you can hang out on the Today show, then jump on his big ol bus and "Hell, maybe I'll come on a WWE show if they pay me enough."

That doesn't work either – Cena's making so much money from so many different directions I doubt he even cares about the money.

Roman: But what are you really gonna do, John? What're you gonna do, huh? You're gonna jump off that bus with that bigass shovel...

NOW we're getting somewhere.

Roman: That big sho- that big shovel, that's what you're gonna do and you're gonna bury as much young talent as you can.

Ding ding ding ding! Give that man a beer.

Roman: Because that's what you do, right? That's how you stay on top of the mountain. You'll do anything – you're just a backstabbing shark. But the thing is the reason you don't like me – what irritates you about me – you can't bury me, John.

Actually, Cena already did, Roman, even if you ARE right. Ask the Miz. Ask Rusev. Ask Wade Barrett (I recently heard a shoot interview where Barrett is convinced that staff was blowing smoke at him about Summerslam 2010 and not telling them the finish of the 7 on 7 until day of, where it was revealed that Vince felt Cena HAD to win to "Send the crowd home happy". To this I say "There are 100 other ways you could have done it and still made the Nexus look strong by letting them win – let Cena snap afterwards, have him beat up Tarver, maybe pick up the mic and defy that he was defeated, lead all that into the "Cena is forced to join Nexus" and actually Humiliate him for a little while. Oh wait, gotta protect that Cena guy!)"

Roman: You can't touch me – you know, this is fitting because I'm the one guy in WWE that John Cena can't see.....

I wish it were that simple and that true, as the dialogue continued.

Roman: So now tell me this- why would I want to lessen myself – my legacy, my bloodline to be the next John Cena? When I can be the one and only Roman Reigns.

Joke answer: Because outside of the Rock no one else in the Samoan family has outdrawn Cena.

Real Answer: Don't worry, you already are.

And no, that's not backwards.

Cena: You done?

Yes, because that's probably all he's allowed to say.

Cena: you done?

He heard you the first time, smugass.

Roman: (tries to continue)

Cena: (interrupts) you see, you see, because Roman Reigns is a fool.

Yeah, because he agreed to put you over in the course of trying to insult you.

Cena: Roman Reigns is a damn fool! There's an old saying "It's better to keep your mouth shut and have people think you're stupid than to open it and prove them right". You of all people – you! Waltz down here and use the same pathetic excuse that every other single person before you has done! You, with all your gifts, and all your opportunities, you have the GALL to blame me.

Wait, wait, wait.... "Blame you"? I guess I need to read even deeper into the paperwork because Roman did not even ONCE blame you for anything that's happened in his career. He laid out on the table what's been going on in YOUR career and EXACTLY what you'll do now that you're back in town.  How is that "Blaming" you? Did the truth about you burying talent strike a nerve? Seriously, someone please name me more than two people that have benefitted from working with Cena.

Miz has flourished in his actor character and was doing brilliant work making fun of Cena. He got killed for it in 2009, got killed for it this year, and essentially got killed again last week when he came out and outright asked "Dude, where's MY respect?"

If it wasn't for John Cena, we would have had Wade Barrett as a top champion where he belongs.

Zack Ryder would have had more than one B-belt title on his resume if it wasn't for Cena.

Bray Wyatt would be seen more as a threat if it wasn't for John Cena.

Cena: No, that's fine, that's fine, "Big Dog", congratulations, it took you five years to cut a half-way decent promo. Well, now I'm gonna shrink you down to size.

Mr. Cena, may I comment on the amount of damage you've done already to a handcuffed performer who spent half of his promo PUTTING YOU OVER WHEN YOU DIDN'T NEED IT, and the moment he grows a backbone you clobber him with the shovel again?

Cena: Okay! So everybody back there thinks I have this mythical Golden Shovel.

It's no myth, John. You got it from HHH, who wielded it just as expertly in the early 2000s.The EVIL BOSS DR LEVESQUE has upgraded to a gavel.

Cena: That I've got these magical powers that I can control everything and keep everybody's fate. Dude, I can't tell if you're blind or stupid.

How about "He's right"? YOU, John Cena, have said yourself that you are some "Required boss" shit that people have to pass muster before the company machine has your permission to push them.

Cena: Look and listen – they (pointing to the crowd) hold the keys! They always have, they always will.

If that was true, Roman's push would have started in 2014 and Cena would be relegated to road agent. Vince and HHH hold the keys, and as long as the money's coming in on Cena merch, they don't care with the fans think. Roman makes money too- not as much as Cena – proving there ARE people out there for Roman, too.

Cena: Buuuuuuuuuut, you gotta blame me! Fine, I've been hearing that for 10 years and I ain't tired yet. I'm strong enough, I've been called a lot worse by a lot tougher.

Translation: I don't care, I'm no selling your promo because I'm John Fucking Cena.

Cena: But you actually believe that I'm a shark. That I hold everybody down, that I swim to the top and keep em underwater at any and all costs.

Well put, John, well put. You always sound better when you're telling the truth.

Cena: I'm a level with ya, homie – I haven't main evented a Wrestlemania in 5 years.
Ok, but you are 9-3 at mania. Roman is 3-1 so that's a wash. However, Cena has beaten the Rock, Bray Wyatt, the Miz, and might someday claim that WM32 sucked because he didn't have a match. Cena's beaten HHH(22), HBK(23), and made Miz(who was WWE CHAMPION) look like a third wheel in his title defense at WMXVII. Miz won the match, but who cares, CENA AND THE ROCK!

Cena: I was the opening match at Summerslam.

And you won that match.

Cena: I was honored and privileged to earn the United States title at this stage in my career and use it as a beacon of opportunity to introduce new superstars to the WWE like Kevin Owens and AJ Styles, just to name a few!

At least you put KO over, and AJ Certainly didn't need your help. The only rub AJ got from you is when he and the Club wanted to spend their time "Beating up John Cena!" Everyone else who faced you, John, LOST.

Cena: And YOU took the US Title as a demotion.

This is one that I need to hear the other side of the story. Roman got the US title despite a widely-publicized Wellness Violation and was probably grateful that WWE was willing to give him that. Roman hasn't held the title for a while, and given who else is in the main event picture, may be a while as yet. This comes as a mixed blessing, as he can gravitate back to his Shield mates and hopefully win some fans back.

Roman's expression after said accusation was an entire page of "Fuck you, John".

Cena: And you stand there and Blame me.

"Blame"... you keep using that word, John, I don't think you really understand what it means.

Cena: Fine, I blame YOU. I am still here because you can't do your job!

Roman at least jobs. It takes shenanigans from 20 different directions to see you lose, John.

Cena: when it comes to this yard, you probably haven't learned it yet! There's only one rule, "Step up or step aside".

We already know what YOU want Roman to do.

Cena: And over the years, there's been a few to step up but no one to ever keep up!

Because we can't have THAT, now can we?

Cena: And then I hear about this ONE guy, THE guy, THE Roman Reigns, THE One that can keep up!

And so you came back and cut him off at the knees like everyone else.

Cena: And now I look at ya, and I listen to ya.... You should be ashamed that I'm a part-timer, cause I can do this part-time better than you could ever do it full-time.

Roman Reigns has done what he's been told to do, put in the work and been a victim of bad timing and bad booking. I wonder what Cena would be today if he had lost to Big Show at WM20, or JBL at WM21. What Cena did was only prove Roman right. Roman, to a point, proved that Cena's right too.

These two "Rights" make it all "Wrong". And we get to watch Cena do it again.