Date: 04/09	7:00 PM
Views: 600

Tonight I cover Raw for April 9th, 2018 -- that's right it's the first Raw after WrestleMania 34! Please hit F5 or refresh while the show is in progress for the latest updates.

Raw opens with Stephanie McMahon hitting the ring, her arm in a brace. "You know, I have to admit, I expected a little bit more from you people. I know the night after Wrestlemania, the crowd has a more international flavour than any other year. I smelled it on the way down. But I didn't expect this. Any other crowd would at least have some sympathy. I mean, when you consider-- You might be chanting 'you tapped out', but you have to admit, you were surprised. When it comes to the performance of one woman in particular, there were some rumblings, could she transition? Could she make the jump? And I did transition! I did it! I knew that, if I challenged Ronda in my ring, that I could bring the best out of her. I did my job. Now, without further ado, I know you all want me to bring her out here. I could not be more proud of what she did last night, ladies and gentlemen, WWE's newest Superstar, Rowdy Ronda Rousey!"

Rousey comes out.

Steph: "Ronda, last night you made me tap out. The better woman won. You were spectacular. You showed these people that everything you do, you do with heart, you do with passion. You truly are a role model for young girls everywhere. I got beat by the best, and I don't feel bad about that. And you know that, as a WWE Superstar under contract to me, there's nowhere you can't go. With your talent and my spotlight, we can take it to the next level. I can put it all together for you, and all of these people, they will follow you and our message. Ronda, the thing is, you're smarter than all of them because you're a businessperson. And you taught me a lesson last night, you really did. You taught me a valuable lesson. And I paid the price, I really did. So I think that I would just have to say one more thing: ladies and gentlemen, give it up for my friend, WWE's Rowdy Ronda Rousey!"

Stephanie offers a hand, Ronda gives her a hug instead, then frowns and locks her in another armbar, pulling the brace off first.

After a commercial, Nia Jax comes out to a huge ovation. Bliss and Mickie come out for a tag match against her, mic in hand.

Bliss: "I guess there's no bigger bully in WWE than Ronda Rousey, unless we're talking about Nia Jax. It's time you knew the truth about Nia, because she loves to throw her weight around. Which is a lot of weight, because it's two times Mickie, and three times me. Just stating the facts, people. She attacked Mickie James for no reason, and I was distraught! That's why I lost, people. I am a compassionate woman, and when I saw Nia attack my best friend, Mickie James, I was competing under emotional distress. And I'm sure you loved every second of it, Nia, because we all know that deep down, you're cold as ice. We know it, the locker room knows it, that's why you don't have a partner tonight."

"Shut up, Alexa."

"See what I'm talking about?"

"No, shut up, Alexa. You're right, I did enjoy every second of it. And I forgot to mention, I'm your new Raw Women's Champion. But you're wrong about one thing. I do have a partner tonight, and her name is, are you ready for it? Ember Moon!"

Match One: Women's Champion Nia Jax and Ember Moon vs. Mickie James and Alexa Bliss

Nia and Mickie start off, Nia tosses her across the ring, toss to the corner, avalanche, whip, misses an avalanche, Mickie with a kick to the thigh, stomps, Bliss in, Mickie with one more stomp, Alexa with stomps, Mickie in, whips Bliss into Nia, Nia catches her by the throat, grabs Mickie too, headbutt to Bliss, points to Ember, the crowd pops, Nia tags her in. Nia with a whip, Ember with a spinning elbow, neckbreaker into a double underhook suplex, whip, Mickie with a kick to the face, Bliss in, Ember with a spin kick, enziguri, handspring elbow, springboard crossbody for two, superkick to Mickie, arm wrench to Bliss, whip, leg lariat, goes up top, Eclipse for three.

Winners: Ember Moon and Nia Jax

Backstage, Kurt Angle praises Ember Moon on the phone. Braun Strowman walks in. Angle congratulates him on last night, then asks where his partner is. Braun takes a step back, revealing that Nicholas has been here the whole time. Braun then regrettably announces that they're relinquishing the titles due to a scheduling conflict: Nicholas being in the 4th grade. He says that, as soon as Nicholas is done with school, they're coming back for the titles. Nicholas promises that someone will get these hands.

Match Two: No Way Jose vs. John Skylar

Jose comes to the ring with a massive conga line.

Jose opens with a clothesline, elevated punch for three.

Winner: No Way Jose

Backstage, The Bar request their titles back. Angle says they lost to a 10-year-old, and they'll have their rematch at Greatest Royal Rumble, against a team that wins a four-team tournament starting next.

Match Three: Tag Team Title Tournament: The Revival vs. Gallows and Anderson

Match starts during commercial. Back on air, Gallows is beating down Dawson, fallaway slam, swats Dash, punches away on Dawson, roundhouse kick, tosses Dash to the floor, Dawson with a chop block, DDT to the leg, Dash in, stomps to the legs, leg wrench, Gallows tosses him into the corner, Dawson in, blocks a tag, Gallows with kicks, Dash in, misses a swing to Anderson, Gallows with a superkick, double tag, Anderson with apair of clotheslines, punch to Dash, clotheslines to Dawson, punch to Dash, Dawson with a rollup with tights for two, Anderson with a spinebuster for two as Dash breaks the count, Gallows tosses him to the floor, misses a charge on the floor, hits the barricade, Anderson with a rollup for two, back suplex, blocked Dash in, Anderson misses a big boot, Shatter Machine for three.

Winners: The Revival

After a commercial, Seth Rollins hits the ring. "There have been a lot of ups and downs over the years, but man, that was the loudest 'Burn it down' I've ever heard! And after last night, I can finally say, Seth freakin' Rollins is back, baby! You guys are loud, I've got to admit, Grand Slam Rollins has a nice ring to it. Yeah, man, I finally caught up to Roman and Dean, and now every member of The Shield is a Grand Slam Champion. But what makes it even more special for me is that I got to complete the last leg of my grand slam on the grandest stage of them all, in front of you animals! You guys have made this whole week special--"

Finn Balor comes out. "Seth, I'm sorry to interrupt the celebration, but there's something I've been thinking about all day, and I've just got to get it off my chest, man."

"By all means! One more to the party, come on in, man!"

"Congratulations, man, you deserve it!"

"Thank you."

"You know, you were the better man last night. But last night was a triple threat match. There was a winner, there was a loser, and there was this guy. (points to self) Left wanting more. So I came out here to tell you that I want to be the first person to step up and challenge you for that, the Intercontinental Championship."

He offers a hand, and Rollins takes it. Miz comes out. "I am more than happy to interrupt your celebration. And let me be the first to say that you, Seth, do not deserve it! You do not deserve it, I do, I made that title the most prestigious and relevant title in all the WWE! And last night, I walked down that ramp by myself, because I knew that, if the Miztourage came with me, I would never hear the end of it when I beat you."

Rollins: "Wait, did you just say that you can't win without the Miztourage? I think that's what you're saying."

Miz: "I'm saying that I had to deviate from my winning strategy because I didn't want any excuses. I am a changed man, after the birth of my daughter. I became a father to my beautiful daughter, Monroe Sky, and now I realize that everything I do is hers. Last night, she watched me wrestle in the arms of my beautiful wife. And she said that, when Seth Rollins stole my title, she saw the pain in my eyes, and it made her cry. You made my daughter cry. And that made my wife cry. When I heard that happened, I'm man enough to admit it, I cried."

Rollins: "Miz, I... I got to admit, I'm proud of you. That's really big of you to admit that you cried. Because that's what everyone does when they watch you wrestle. And you want this title back? Not going to happen. As good as you are, you can't lace my boots."

"Maybe you forgot that I have a rematch. He lost, back of the line, but I have a rematch clause that you forgot about!"

"I didn't forget about it, I was waiting for you to bring it up. If you want to invoke your rematch clause, why don't we do it right now?"

"You want to see me invoke my rematch clause? You want to see that tonight? No. I'm in a custom suit, and I will invoke my rematch when I like, and I would like to invoke it at Backlash. Here's a lesson for the both of you: when you negotiate, you negotiate from a position of strength. You want a match tonight, the three of us can take on the two of you."

Balor and Rollins put down their mics and get ready to fight, Jeff Hardy comes out! A staredown ensues, then the Miztourage leave. Which is fair, they were all in suits.

After a commercial, they announce that that match will happen later.

Match Four: Sasha Banks vs. Mandy Rose

Bayley comes out.

Sasha tosses Mandy to the floor, baseball slide, rolls Mandy into the ring, Thesz Press, punches, toss to the corner, foot choke, suplex for one, armbar, toss to the corner, Mandy with a punch, toss to the corner, blocked, Sasha pinballs her head off the turnbuckle for a while, toss to the corner, Mandy with a trip, wheelbarrow suplex into the top rope, commercial.

Back on the air, Rose has Sasha in an abdominal stretch, release, Sasha with forearms, pair of crossbodies, dropkick, Mandy presses her to the apron, Sasha with a kick, top rope knee, Mandy to the floor, Sasha with a double axe handle, Mandy with a punch, gets in Bayley's face, Bayley swings, misses and hits Sasha, Sasha punches Rose, rolls her into the ring, reads Bayley the riot act, climbs into the ring, Rose hits a high knee for three.

Winner: Mandy Rose

Bayley walks off distraught. Sasha follows her.

Paige grabs a mic. "Some of you may know this, but some of you may not. It was really hard for me to sit on the sidelines last night. This ring is in my veins, it's in my blood! But unfortunately, due to neck injuries, I can no longer perform as an in-ring competitor. That was one of the hardest things I've ever had to say in my career. I would like to thank every single female Superstar back there. We all built this division into something huge, something I never thought it could be, so I want to thank everyone back there now. And I want to thank my family, because without them I wouldn't be here today. But most of all, I want to thank Daniel Bryan. He came back from a career-ending injury and had his first match back at Wrestlemania. You give me hope. And I want to thank Edge. He's backstage, he's been talking to me, he showed me that there is life after this. He has a family, a wife, kids, an acting career. As much as I hate to say it, I'm going to have to find something else. Thank you all. Four years ago in New Orleans is where I debuted and won the championship. So four years later, in New Orleans, is where I want to retire. So I want to thank you all. Thank you all, I love you all so much, and yes, this will always be my house!"

After a commercial, Elias is in the ring. "Hello I am Elias, and I have one question for all of you: Who wants to walk with Elias? A wise man once told me that what it needs is what I am, and last night I proved that WWE stands for Walk With Elias! In just one year, I have become the biggest musical act in the world. Last night, all of you paid to see me perform, until it was interrupted. I am going to perform tonight. Granted, I am aware that it's the same unappreciative group of scumbags from last night. (crowd chants 'We are scumbags!') Well I'm glad you can admit it, because right now, I need you all to silence your phones and shut your mouths!

Wrestlemania comes 'round/To all these nothing villages and scumbag towns/I can't wait to get out of this place/As you all clap I want to punch you in the face!"

BOBBY LASHLEY COMES OUT! Elias charges, Lashley hits a neckbreaker, delayed vertical.

Backstage, Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn come in to Kurt Angle's office looking for work. He points out that they got fired from Smackdown for attacking management. They say it won't happen again. He says his tag division is full, but he hears TNA is hiring. He actually said that. He gives them a one-on-one match for a roster spot.

Heath Slater and Rhyno are in the ring.

Slater: "I just want to say that it's a shame that Rhyno and myself aren't in the tag team eliminator thing, because Rhyno and I were the first Smackdown Live Tag Team Champions. I'm going to get straight to the point: I've got kids. Not just one or two of them, but a whole slew of them. I need this job! So if any tag team back there are man enough to take this challenge, bring it on!"

Match Five: Heath Slater and Rhyno vs. Authors of Pain

Slater and Rezar start off, Slater with a superkick, Rezar with a tackle, punches, Akam in, big boot Hart Attack, punches Rhyno, Rezar boots Rhyno, Rezar in, Last Chapter for three.

Winners: The Authors of Pain

After a commercial, Roman Reigns hits the ring. "As you can see, I got my ass kicked last night. But I'm here tonight, and Brock Lesnar isn't. I don't know what happened last night, but as soon as I got to the Superdome, there was something off about the way people are looking at me, and even Vince McMahon couldn't look me in the eye and smarten me up. Brock Lesnar is a smart businessman. Wednesday, news broke that Lesnar was coming back to the UFC. Earlier today, news breaks that he's signed a new contract with WWE. And apparently I have another match with him, that I didn't even know about until I read it on the internet. I don't know what's going on, but if they keep putting me in matches with him, the result will be me becoming Universal Champion."

Samoa Joe comes out! "Everybody get your tinfoil hats, Roman thinks there's a conspiracy. Last night, Brock Lesnar didn't just beat you, he exposed you. For a year, you were going around saying you were the only one who could beat Brock Lesnar! And no matter how many whispers you heard, no matter how many eyes couldn't meet you, you failed! And that makes you a failure! And it makes you a liar! You lied to your family, you lied to yourself, and you're still lying to yourself! Because you can't own up to the fact that every time you're in a ring with Brock Lesnar, you get jacked up! You get put through tables, carrried off on stretchers, and Brock Lesnar gets richer. And every time it happens, you come out here with excuses for why it happened. But the cycle is done! Because after Brock Lesnar's done ragdolling you again, I'll be waiting at Backlash, to put you to sleep."

Match Six: Tag Team Title Tournament: Titus Worldwide vs. Matt Hardy and Bray Wyatt

Matt calls this the beginning of his expedition of gold.

Matt and Titus start off, exchange taunts, lockup, Matt with a rear waistlock, break, Bray in, Titus tosses Matt to the corner, Bray with a full nelson, Matt with a slap, boot, Bray with a clothesline, Apollo in, lockup, Bray tosses Apollo to the corner, Apollo with punches, whip, reversed, Apollo flips across the ring, Bray with a big boot, punch, running senton, mounted punches to the back of the head, Matt in, punches to the back of the head, Apollo misses a dropkick, Matt slams his head into the corner repeatedly, Bray in, does the same thing, punch, Matt in, whips Bray into Apollo, Side Effect for two as Titus breaks the count, Bray tackles him, Matt goes for a Twist of Fate, reversed into a dropkick, Bray in, Apollo with an enziguri, goes up top, Bray catches him, uranage, Matt in, Sister Abigail into a Twist of Fate for three.

Winners: Matt Hardy and Bray Wyatt

Match Seven: Winner Gets a Contract: Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn

Zayn misses a Helluva Kick, Owens misses a Pop-Up Powerbomb, they brawl, Owens lands on the floor, hits a clothesline, punches, Sami tosses him back to the floor, suicide dive, Owens back in the ring, Sami with a springboard, Owens punches him, powerbomb, blocked, Sami slingshots him into the ring post, punch back in the ring, springboard, Owens crotches him, springboard elbow for two, covers again for two, covers a third time for two, commercial.

Back on air, Sami hits a pair of clotheslines, Blue Thunder Bomb for two, Owens to the floor, Sami goes for a DDT through the ropes, reversed with a superkick, Owens with a Cannonball, goes up top, frog splash for two, trading shots, Sami hits a Helluva Kick, Owens falls to the apron, Sami rolls him into the ring, German, blocked as Owens grabs the ropes, elbow, Pop-Up Powerbomb, Owens again falls to the floor, goes up top, Zayn hits a running big boot, superplex, reversed into a spinning superplex by Owens, neither man makes it to their feet by 10.

This Becomes the First Match, To the Best Of My Knowledge, To Ever Actually End With a Double Countout in the Middle of the Ring

Matt and Jeff Hardy meet up backstage. Jeff says he tried to send him a voicemail, but it was accidentally deleted. Matt introduces Bray, who hugs Jeff. He says he feels wonderful.

Main Event: Miz and The Miztourage vs. IC Champion Seth Rollins, Finn Balor and Jeff Hardy

Rollins and Miz start off, Axel in, lockup, Axel with a shoulder tackle, side headlock, Rollins whips his way out, arm drag, Axel with a toss to the corner, Bo in, Rollins with boots to both men, leg drop, Hardy in, Poetry in Motion to both members of the Miztourage, commercial.

Back on air, Bo has Rollins in a chinlock, body slam, blocked, Balor in, boot, punch to Miz, boot to Bo, chop to Axel, double-leg to Bo, double foot stomp, chop in the corner, Eye of the Hurricane for two, Exel distracts, Bo with a boot, Miz in, stomps, running boot to the face, chinlock, punches, Miz Combo for two, toss to the corner, Axel in, snapmare, running flip cutter, stomp, knee to the back, chinlock, punch, clothesline, snapmare, knee drop, another, several more for two, chinlock, Finn goes for a tag, blocked, Finn with punches, back suplex, Miz in, blocks a tag by punching Rollins, Finn with a back body drop, goes for a tag, blocked, dropkick, Axel in, Jeff in, punches, clothesline, inverted atomic drop, leg drop, dropping splash for two, Twist of Fate, blocked, misses a punch to Bo, Axel with a tackle from behind, Bo in, whip to the corner, Jeff with an elbow, Whisper in the Wind to both men, Miz in, Rollins in, Rollins with punches, Blockbuster, suicide dive to Axel, clotheslines Miz over the top rope, suicide dive to Miz and Axel, knocks them into Bo, rolls Miz into the ring, misses a clothesline in the corner, superplex into a falcon arrow for two as Bo breaks the count, Finn hits him with a Slingblade, tosses Axel to the floor, suicide dive to both men, Miz rolls Seth up for two, Seth hits a Curb Stomp for three.

Winners: Seth Rollins, Jeff Hardy and Finn Balor

Jeff hits Bo with a Twist of Fate when he tries to attack after the bell, Finn also hits a Coup de Gras, Jeff with a Swanton, and Rollins with a Curb Stomp, Axel runs in, gets a superkick from Seth, Coup de Gras, Swanton. Rollins hits a Curb Stomp. Raw goes off the air with this celebration.

And that's it for me, folks. We've been relatively quiet about it, but this will be my last regular Raw Recap. I'm sticking with Smackdown for the time being, and taking on some of the B-PPVs in the months to come. I'm glad I could end on a high note like that show, but I've been finding that, long-term, the show's length and uninspired booking has made doing this recap too taxing on my mental resources. I'm leaving Raw, not Angrymarks, and I look forward to contributing to this site for years to come.