Nickolye's WWE SmackDown Recap (3/27)

Tonight's show starts off with CM Punk making his way to the ring. Apparently we're having another tag team match and Punk is the last man out.

* Kane, Shelton Benjamin, Christian & Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle) vs. United States Champion MVP, CM Punk, Kofi Kingston & Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas)

All the men involved in the Money-In-The-Bank match are in the ring for an 8-Man tag match, with the teams slightly different from Raw with only Mark Henry and Christian switching sides. Christian and Kofi start out and both man trade holds and moves with Kofi getting a knock-down and 2-count. Christian does his corner kick move and drops Kofi with a reverse DDT for a 2-count. Kofi tags in Punk and he flips onto Christian with a senton. Rope chicken wing by Punk and he hits a crossbody for another near-fall. Finlay tags in and takes care of Punk, but then Punk flips Finlay for a back body drop. GTS averted thanks to Kane, who then chokes Finlay who's on his team! Commercial.

Back and Shelton is in but once Mark Henry is tagged in he tags out to Kane. Standoff... and neither men fall. Eventually MVP is in and attacks Kane. Once he's knocked down Shelton decides to tag back in. J.R. tells us that next Friday, Shelton gets his rematch for the United States title. As Stevie J would say, "Bully for him~!" Shelton with an armbar on MVP, then when MVP fights back he drops him back down. Kane back in and he chokes MVP on the ropes as we hear Hornswoggle cackling on the outside (which I'm sick of hearing). Facebuster and Punk tags back in. Running knee, and what a shot to the head! Punk jumps right into a chokeslam for a 3-count with no one coming to his aide! WINNERS: Team Kane.

Wow, didn't expect that. Oh NOW everybody gets in the ring for a clusterfuck brawl, makes no damn sense but whatever. Finlay and Christian fighting outside by the announcer's table and Christian pulls out a ladder, proceeds to set it up in the ring, then climbs it. Hornswoggle starts to climb up behind Christian but Finlay pulls him off, then they tip the ladder and Christian falls onto the other six men on the other side of the ring! They're giving away a preview on free TV? Now there's no point to watch the match! DUMB-ASS IDEA! Finlay and Horny high-five at the top of the ladder. We see a small clip of Orton torturing HHH from Raw and they're calling it "Orton's Law." Promo for Hardy v. Hardy at WrestleMania before a commercial.

* 2-on-1 Handicap Match: Jesse & Festus vs. Big Show

I've been wondering where Jesse & Festus have been! We need to see more tag teams around here; they're nearly as extinct in the WWE as the cruiserweight division. Big Show makes way to the ring next. Tazz really is a fucking idiot, talking about the Pussycat Dolls and milk (T.I.F.G.). We see clips of Show taking care of Edge on Raw. Bell rings and Festus goes bonkers, but runs into Show's big boot. Chop to Jesse in the corner and he's done! Show fights off Festus again giving him a chop as well. Big Show is manhandling Festus as Tazz and J.R. talk about feet. Huh? Jesse with a flying shoulder block off the top rope, and Festus knocks down Show with a bicycle kick. But Show powers out of a 1-count and comes back with a big right hand to Festus and a chokeslam on Jesse. OUCH! Show's not done though, so he finishes Jesse with a right hand as well then puts a foot on his chest for the win. WINNER: Big Show.

Now that I think about it - AREN'T CLOSED FISTS SUPPOSED TO BE ILLEGAL?! Big Show surveys his damage before the highlights, then a "12 Rounds" commercial plays and we will hear from Jeff Hardy later on.

Back now and we chronicle the recent events between the Hardys as well as their success. We see Matt Hardy in the locker room petting and kissing his wiener... err, dog. Matt: "Jeff, the black cloud has hung over your head your entire life." Matt talks about Jeff's recent problems and tragedies, kissing and hugging the dog between sentences, and says that he too will get extreme at WrestleMania. J.R.: "With a brother like that, I'm glad I'm an only child." Out comes Rey Mysterio for a match before a commercial break.

* Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero

Back from break and Rey's music is still playing. Here comes Chavo Gopher. Oops, I mean, Guerrero. Chavo starts off with an armbar and Rey reverses it into a snapmare, then knocks Chavo out the ring. Rey with a sliding hurricanrana under the bottom rope. Back in the ring and Chavo cuts off Rey on the top turnbuckle, hitting a 'rana of his own! European uppercut and another armbar applied as the fans cheer Rey on. Rey fights back but an attempted moonsault gets him caught in mid-air and tied into the Tree of Woe. Chavo charges as Rey moves and he hits the post. Flying senton and a springboard crossbody for 2. Roll though dropkick for 2. This is the kind of cruiserweight action that I miss! Chavo manages to hit Rey with a Gory Bomb but only for a 2. Chavo on the ropes but ducks a 619 attempt and hits two of the 3 Amigos, but still hits a back suplex. Rey Mysterio shouldn't have a match until WrestleMania because I fear for his health, he's always getting injured. Rey dodges a Frog Splash, Chavo falls on the ropes again, and this time gets hit with a 619, a diving splash and a 3-count. WINNER: Rey Mysterio.

Right as Rey starts to celebrate he turns around into a big boot by JBL! Commercial break, starting with a promo for the WWE Encyclopedia.

* John Cena promo

Out comes John Cena to plenty of fanfare! It's been a while since I heard a pro-Cena crowd, but what you expect? It's mostly kids! John Cena: "For weeks now, you have heard from every marquee Superstar in this business about the importance of WrestleMania." He goes on about the history of WrestleMania starting with the original in Madison Square Garden to hype up the event. Then he brings up the love triangle between Edge, Vickie Guerrero and Big Show. He actually admits and apologizes for blackmailing his way into the World title match, but says he'll do it again! "Big Show and Edge, they're going into WrestleMania to fight for the affection of Vickie Guerrero. I came out here to say something very serious. I am going to WrestleMania to fight. I am going to WrestleMania to win. I AM GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA TO BE THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!"

WELLLLLL, IT'S THE BIG SHOW. Big Show: "You can come out here and belittle the love that Vickie and I have. But what you don't understand Mr. Smart Guy is that love makes me stronger. Edge found out how strong that makes me. This Monday night, Mr. Smart Guy, why don't you find out." Cena accepts: "You're on!" Big Show steps over the ropes and Cena grabs one his legs then shoves him down on his Big ass! Show is fuming on the outside! "Ohh, you shouldn't have done that!" Cena's music plays as he strips off his shirt and grins in the ring. Another small clip from Monday between HHH and Orton before a commercial break including "12 Rounds."

Even though the movie just came out, I feel like I've seen it already with these damn promos and commercials. Commercial breaks don't even advertise other products anymore, it's all about "12 Rounds"! R-Truth raps his way through the crowd to the ring. "WHASSUP?!"

* R-Truth vs. Matt Hardy

Here comes the evil Hardy. So far, Jeff has had two matches under Extreme Rules... so why doesn't Matt have an Extreme Rules match too? I don't get it, oh well. It's the battle of the North Carolinians. Both men lock up and... HEY, J.R. just stole my line! Matt charges and Truth ducks a clothesline but gets a wheelbarrow slam. Elbow shots to the head and Truth is reeling. Matt connects with a clothesline in the corner but Truth sends Matt into the corner groin first! Truth with a comeback now and lands a dropkick into a flying Matt Hardy for a 2-count. Matt ducks a spinning forearm and sets up a Twist of Fate but gets reversed into a jumping side kick for 2! Matt dodges the axe kick and hits the Twist of Fate for the 3. WINNER: Matt Hardy.

We recap highlights of the match then J.R. and Tazz bring us back to Undertaker's promo from Raw, with Shawn Michaels taunting him from a graveyard saying he represents the light and Taker represents the darkness. An outstanding promo in my opinion. Later on we'll see Shawn Michaels' tribute to the Undertaker.

* WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito & Primo, & Brie Bella vs. World Tag Team Champions John Morrison & The Miz, & Nikki Bella

The Colóns and Brie Bella make their way to the ring before a commercial break. I had a feeling this match would happen since the split of the Bellas. Back now in time to see the slo-mo entrance of Morrison, Miz and Nikki Bella. The twins go face-to-face before the bell, then Primo and Miz start the match. Morrison with a clothesline to Primo from the apron when the ref's back is turned, then later gets tagged in to double team the younger brother. Running knee strike gets a 2. Jawbreaker and Carlito gets tagged in with a kneelift and clothesline. Snap neckbreaker for a near-fall as Miz breaks up the pin. Standing dropkick to Morrison and a springboard dropkick from Primo gets Miz. Bellas brawl on the outside. Carlito floats over an attempted suplex RIGHT INTO A BACKSTABBER for 3! Wow, awesome spot! WINNERS: Brie Bella & The Colóns. Breaktime.

After the announcers acknowledge Kid Rock's theme for WrestleMania is "So Hott," we see Jeff Hardy sitting in a dark room. Jeff: "You arrived on this earth before me. Years later, you witnessed my birth. Time would pass and a journey began. Years later, this dream became reality. It was hard at first until I realized you were sick. It now becomes harder for you as I become your healer. Matt, you took everything away from me. So now I take something away from you. You're right Matt, we're not brothers; not on this stage, not anymore!" J.R. and Tazz run down the card for "The 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania" and then take us back to the situation that took place on Raw between Triple H and Randy Orton which they are dubbing "Orton's Law."

* Divas Championship: Maryse {C} vs. Michelle McCool

Out comes the Divas Champion for a match... wait, a title match! I don't think she's ever put that title on the line, not that this title matters anyway. Oh great, she's fighting Michelle Un-Cool. Woo. I think the Divas title and the Women's Championship should be unified because there is no need for the Divas title if Victoria and Natalya aren't there. This match is nothing special. Both women grapple back and forth and end up outside, then they snake back in the ring to the delight of the horny boys but it could be piped-in whistling. Michelle drops Maryse for a 2-count, and it appears Maryse's knee seems to bother her. This match is heavily edited. I'm sorry, I just can't get into this match... and neither can the fans. HEY! IT'S GAIL KIM, OUR SAVIOR IS BACK~! She attacks McCool with a missile dropkick and hits a hard neckbreaker on Maryse. Nice! NO CONTEST. Gail picks up the Divas title and poses with it, then sets it back down. Too bad she has lame house music for a theme. I'd rather her go back after the Women's Championship. Oh well, Gail Kim is back!

* Shawn Michaels' tribute to the Undertaker

Druid chanting booms out the P.A. system and instead of druids dressed in all black, we see them come out in all white. Then we hear some other ominous music play and out comes a figure walking like Undertaker, with mannerisms like the Deadman, and dressed like Taker but is laced in all-white attire like Mordecai (remember him?) whom we can only assume is Shawn Michaels. He even raises the lights at the steps and dramatically takes off the hat! In the ring HBK looks up with a cheeky smile and flicks his hat. Crowd chanting "HBK! HBK!" Shawn Michaels: "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And the earth was without form and void. And darkness moved across the face of the deep, and the spirit of God moved across the face of the waters. And God said, let there be light, and there was light. And God saw the light and that it was good. He divided the light from the darkness. He called the light day, and the darkness night. Genesis: Chapter 1. My WrestleMania opponent and myself represent both darkness and light. And though we've co-existed in the WWE for nearly 20 years, we've taken very different paths, yet have many similarities. We both find ourselves at the top of our game. We've been criticized and praised, not only by our peers but by each and every one of you. But that is where the similarities end. The Undertaker represents the purest form of evil; he walks amongst the shadows, where I thrive in the spotlight. The Undertaker strikes fear in the hearts of all of his opponents, yet here I stand before you unafraid. Yay though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I WILL FEAR NO EVIL, for thou art with me. I have victory over death, hell and the grave, Undertaker I have eternal life. The same however cannot be said, for your WrestleMania undefeated streak. When you face the Headliner, the Showstopper, Mr. WrestleMania, the man you have never beaten, your WrestleMania undefeated streak will come to a very grisly end. At the 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania in front of 70,000 people Undertaker, yours truly - the Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels, Mr. WrestleMania - will take you to the fiery depths of Hell where only I will ascend victorious."

GREAT, SOLID F'n PROMO! I can't wait for this match! Ominous music plays again as HBK looks down, but soon as he looks up his regular theme music plays and he starts dancing around in the ring and takes off his coat. UNDERTAKER POPS UP THROUGH THE RING! He grabs HBK and drags him down. Once both men stand Taker grabs HBK by the neck. He goes to lift him up and HBK escapes the chokeslam by jumping over the top rope. Undertaker is seething in the ring as HBK's music plays again and he dances at the top of the ramp as SmackDown goes off the air. Great ending, good night!