03/30/07: Killa Kev Recaps TNA Impact

TNA - WEER N UR TV
SWERVIN U MARKS HAHAH

Since Steve J is in Detroit this weekend for WrestleMania XXIV, so I'm taking over the recapping duties this week. Enjoy the show! We recap last week's show with highlights, including James Mitchell leading out Abyss' mom. Then we go to an exclusive Paparazi Productions "Eye Spy" Production. We have Sting and James Mitchell in a face-to-face meeting. Sting is calling Abyss by his real name, Chris. WTF?? KAYFABE MUTHAFUCKAS!! Shit, I *KNOW* this man, but not every mark in the damn world needs to know his name!

Anyhow, Sting wants an explaination as to why Abyss has so many scars, and how much abuse him and his mother took. James Mitchell says that the abuse didn't justify his mom putting three bullets in his dad's back. Sting asks what Mitchell would have done. Mitchell explains that he protected his mother by tampering with the evidence and taking the wrap for a six-year jail term. Mitchell reveals that this is what he holds over Abyss' head, and that if Sting wants to ruin that, he'll reveal the truth to the authorities and she can go to jail for it. He tells Steve, "You can take your little self-righetous routine and shove it up your ass!" He tells Sting to pick up the check, he's got a meeting with Christian Cage.

Welcome to Impact, and for some reason we have Bob Backlund at ringside working the stepmaster. No explaination, he's just working out.

X-Division "Six Sides of Steel" Preview: - Jerry Lynn, Sonjay Dutt, Austin Starr, Petey Williams, Shark Boy, & Alex Shelley

Win here is by pinfall, submission or escaping over the top of the cage. Everybody rushes intot he middle of the ring at once. Williams puts Shark Boy in the Cage, Dutt and Williams are flipping each other in the middle of the ring, Dutty with a BIG moonsault off the side of the cage on Shelley. Starr and Jerry Lynn are now brawling. Petey Williams chops Alexy Shelley, kicks him, Shark Boy with a swinging neckbreaker. Shelley and Austin Starr collide in the ring. Jerry Lynn in the middle of the ring and hip-tosses everybody in sequence, then clotheslines Austin Starr, but Alexy Shelley hits a dropkick, then hits a backdrop suplex on Shark Boy. Shelley whips Shark Boy, reversed into the corner, tries for a monkey flip, Shelley puts him on the turnbuckle, Shark Boy reverses into the Deep Sea Driver, gets the pin, Shelley eliminated.

Sonjay Dutt immediately attacks Shark Boy, hits a series of saults, Jerry Lynn with a boot to Dutt's gut, whips him, Dutt with the boot up, tries for a huracanrana, Lynn catches him, slams him into the cage, Cradle Driver and Lynn elimintes Dutt. Austin Star picks up Lynn for an Atomic Drop, but puts him on the top turnbuckle instead. Lynn elbows him off, then Shark Boy attacks, puts Starr in the corner, goes for the DSD again, Austin flips him off, hits the Brainbuster, pins Shark Boy. William & Lynn work together to throw Starr in the cage, then take turns punching him, they go for a double punch, Starr thumbs them both in the eye. Lynn goes for the Cradle Piledriver, but Williams wants him, Lynn whips starr into him, Williams hits the Canadian Destroyer and gets the pin, leaving Lynn & Williams.

Lynn goes for a clothesline on Williams, Williams ducks it, hits a chop, whips Williams, reversed, Williams tries to flip over via the buckle, but Lynn catches him on his shoulders and them drives him head-first into the cage. Lynn tries to escape out of the cage, but Williams catches him by the boots. Lynn kicks him off, Williams climbs back up. They both get to the top of the cage, they start slugging each other. Williams headbutts Lynn into the top of the cage. They both are on the outside hanging on the cage, climbing down. Lynn drives Williams' head into the cage several times, then falls to the floor to get the win. Lynn raises his arms in victory.

Christopher Daniels then attacks from underneath the ring with the baseball back. Petey Williams chases him off.

Backstage interview w/ Tyson Tomko

We go backstage with Laticia, who is catching up with Tyson Tomko as he enters the building. She welcomes him back, she wants some answers to some rumors. Christian Cage runs over and starts kising his ass. But then his phone rings, so he answers it. Tomko shakes his head and runs off. Cage blows off his phone call, turns around and finds Tomko is gone.

Team Cage In-Ring Interview 

Christian Cage, Scott Steiner and AJ Styles enter the ring. Cage gets on the mic and says he is comfirming that Scott Steiner is indeed the third member of Team Cage for TNA LockDown. Steiner picks up the mic and reminds Christian to not forget his title shot he promised, Cage says don't worry about it, they'll talk later. Cage says he's introducing the fourth member, it's Abyss w/ Jim Mitchell!

After they get to the ring, Cage shakes Mitchell's hand and says it's been a pleasure to do business. AJ Styles tells Christian that he wants to know who the fifth member is. The fans start chanting "WE WANT STING!". Cage tells them to shut up, Sting ain't coming out. Cage then addresses Styles and tells him he's spoiled the surprised, he was going to introduce him next week. He announces him now as Tyson Tomko.

Tomko's music hits ... but no Tomko shows. Cage thinks Tomko just didn't hear him, and introduces him again. After another minute, Tomko appears, and he doesn't look happy. Tomko takes a mic and shoves Christian back, saying he's got a few things to say. He says Christian's made a lot of promises that have turned into lies, and he's gonna set the record straight. First, he plays second fiddle to nobody. Second, Cage still owes him a title shot that has gone unfulfilled, and that he doesn't care who else he's made title shot promises to. Before he joints Team Cage, he wants his title shot, and he wants it TONIGHT. Cage tells Tomko he's being selfish, and he's putting himself before the team. Cage says he's a man of his word, he'll give the title shot, but not until after they defeat Team Angle at TNA LockDown.

The fans start to boo, but then they start cheering as Kurt Angle's music hit, and Angle, Samoa Joe and Rhino walk down to the ring. Angle takes the mic and addresses Tomko. He tells Tomko that Cage wasn't going to give him a title shot, and that if he joins Team Angle, Tomko can kick Cage's ass. Cage takes the mic and cuts Angle off, he says he can speak for Tomko. Tomko snatches the mic from him and tells him to shut up.

This brings out Jim Cornette who cuts them all off. He gets in the ring and says that this isn't a debate or a soap opera, we can settle it tonight inside the ring. One member of Team Cage vs. one member of Team Angle, the winner of the match will get Tyson Tomko on their team at LockDown. Tomko has a big shit eating grin on his face. Cornette then addresses Tomko, and says that if he will go along with those stipulations, he WILL sign a title match between Tomko and Cage. Cage gets in Tomko's face and tells him to think about it, Tomko shoves him off, turns to Cornette, shakes his hand and tells him he's got a deal!

We come back from commercial with a Team 3D vs. LAX promo for LockDown. It is going to be an electrified steel cage match. Back to ringside Mike Tenay tells us that we're still waiting on an official response from Team 3D.

Team Angle Backstage Interview

Jeremy Borash is backstage and asks who is going to compete in tonight's match to fight for Tyson Tomko's services. Angle says that it has to be him, he doesn't want to disappoint his teammates, this is his responsibility. He says that his plans to have Abyss and Christian Cage as his other two members clearly fell through, but tonight Tyson Tomko would become his fifth member. JB asks who member #r is then, Angle tells him, "Right now, some things are better left unanswered."

Eric Young vs. James Storm (w/ Ms. Jackie Moore)

Storm & Moore are already in the ring as Eric Young enters. He plugs his ears again to try to avoid the pyro, but after he think he beats it, it goes off, scaring the shit out of him - LOL. Young gets in the ring and greets the crowd. he again points to himself for some cheers, points to Storm for some boos. Backlund is still step mastering at ringside. Is that a word?

Storm tries to attack Young from behind, Young avoids it. Storm misses several wild swings, Young slides under his legs, hits a dropkick, then does the pointing thing again. Storm gets close to him, Young backs up to the ropes. Jackie Moore grabs Young's legs and trips him, allows Storm to attack. Storm rakes Young's eyes over the ropes, then kicks him in the back. he drags Young over to the bottom rop, hangs his head over, gets outside and nails him in the head with a kick. Storm gets in and tries to pin young, then shoves him in the face. Storm goes for another wild swing, Young ducks and hits a clothesline.

Young tries to whip Storm into the ropes, Storm reverses, Young floats over the top rope, grabs it, lands on the apron. Storm charges, Young with a shoulderblock, slides in under the ropes, hits a belly-to-belly suplex, pin, two-count. Young puts Storm in a corner, whips him out, reverses, Young with the floatover the top, Storm goes for a superkick, responds with a back suplex. Young goes up to the top turnbuckle, but Jackie Moore gets on the apron and shoves him off, and falls right into a superkick from James Storm. Storm hooks the leg and gets the pin.

"Wildcat" Chris Harris hits the ring and security is immediately in the ring to restrain him. Storm comes over and spits in Harris' face. Harris breaks from security and chases Storm. Storm bails into the crowd, Harris gets after him, jumps the barrier, and they chase each other out.

Robert Rude & Tracy Brooks come down to the ring, calls the match crap, says Young is a disgrace to pro wrestling and Robert Rude Inc. Rude slaps him, Young grabs Rude by the collar and shoves him up on the ropes. rude threatens him, tells him that if he hits him, he will be fired. He dares Young to call his friend out. Petey Williams hits the ring and lays into Rude, has him set for the Canaidan Destroyer, but Rude wiggles out and escapes.

Team Cage Backstage Interview

Laticia is backstage with a mic as Cage is having a team meeting, or an argument as it would be. Cage says that after tonight Tomko may not be a part of a team, but that Tomko was nothing before Cage and will be nothing after tonight. Cage wants a volunteer, he says it won't be himself though because he can't risk getting hurt and he sells tickets. Steiner says that his body already sells tickets. Styles puts on his hood and says his hoods sells tickets and starts bouncing around. Cage tells him to stop it, he looks like an idiot. Jim Mitchell steps in and says that Abyss will do the job, that's all he's good for. And if Abyss doesn't like it, he'll call the authorities. Abyss jumps up, Cage & Mitchell tells him to sit down. Cage waves a phone in Abyss' face, and the group walks off.

Christy Hemme vs. VKM Interview

Back from break, Don West & Mike Tenay says that Christy Hemme feels that women have a place in TNA, but VKM thinks otherwise. We got to a side-by-side interview with them both. Hemme says that VKM thinks they've won the battle, but she's still fighting a war. Kip James cuts her off, that this is getting out of hand and it's getting in their way of getting what they want, the NWA World Tag Team Titles. He still thinks there isn't any room in pro wrestling for women. He asks Hemme to stop while she still has some dignity left. Hemme responds that they can never take her dignity, she's got another team lined up ready for LockDown. Kip James responds that he's now pissed off, if she wants to pretend to be a pro wrestler, then she's going to get hurt like one, and again asks her to stop before she gets hurt.

Kurt Angle vs. Abyss (w/ James Mitchell

Tyson Tomko makes his way down to the broadcast table first, holding both contracts. Crazy f'n Backlund is still working out at ringside. Here's a fact for you: did you know he WALKS 20 miles to and from every Impact taping? He doesn't drive, and he won't accept a ride from anybody, not fans, not even other wrestlers. Anyhow, Abyss enters first, then Kurt Angle. Angle poses in the ring as Abyss holds his ears to block the cheers, but eventually gets in.

The bell rings, fans are cheering for Angle, they stare down each other, then approach and lock up. Abyss backs Angle into a corner, Abyss with a go-around reversal, Abyss grabs the ropes and breaks the hold. Angle tries for a shoot, gets the single-leg takedown, goes into a leglock. Abyss grabs him by the head and breaks it, but Angle is up, holds the leg and kicks Abyss's knee, legs him get up, then his a chop block. Abyss is up limping, Angle goes for another takedown, Abyss clotheslines him and tries to shake off the injury. Abyss picks up Angle, Angle sgoes for the single-leg takedown again, goes for the ankle lock, Abyss crawls for the ropes to break the hold.
Christian Cage comes down to ringside with a mic, Abyss gets out of the ring, Abyss gets in Cage's face as we go to break. Back from break, Abyss picks up Angle for a huge vertical suplex in the ring, covers, gets a two-count. Abyss puts Angle's head in a vice, Angle powers his way up, punches his way out, Abyss fires back with a pair of rights, Angle off the ropes with a huge punch, Abyss serves it back, Angle again off the ropes, then a go-around and Angle hits a german release suplex! Angle drops the straps, Abyss is up, Angle with a boto to the side, goes for the Olympic Slam, Abyss shoves him off. Abyss puts Angle up for the Shock Treatment, ANgle rolsl out and into an ankle lock. Christian and Mitchell at ringside yelling at Abyss to not tap out. Abyss is crawling for the ropes, Angle drags him out to the middle of the ring. Abyss rolls over and kicks Angle, but Angle still doesn't break, flips Abyss over and keeps the lock hooked. Abyss pulls Angle in, Angle hits referee Earl Hebner and Hebner falls out of the ring.

Abyss gets up, Angle is up, charges, Abyss goes for a clothesline, Angle ducks it, but turns around and hits Angle with the Black Hole Slam. Abyss goes for the pin, referee Rudy Charles runs in, Angle kick out at two. Abyss calls for the chokeslam, Angle is up, Abyss catches him, picks him up, Angle wraps his legs around Abyss' waist, pulls him down into a roll-up and he gets the pin!

Tyson Tomko stands up and goes to the ring, Cage gets in his face, Tomko shoves him aside. Tomko gets in the ring and raises Angle's hand ... and then clotheslines him. Tomko gets on top of Angle and pounds him. Christian is jumping for joy, hands the Team Cage contract to Tomko, and Tomko signs it. Rhyno hits the ring, Abyss meets him, and tey go brawling. AJ Styles hits the ring and takes Rhyno out, then lays into him, Tomko goes back to Angle. Samoa Joe get sin the ring, Abyss tries to stop him, but Joe starts handing out rights, puts Abyss sinto the buckle, clotheslines Tomko, but Scott Steiner gets in and hits Samoa Joe from behind, nails him with a belly-to-belly suplex. Christian Cage shoves the title in Kurt Angle's face, then all of Team Cage gets together in the middle of the ring and raise their hands in victory.

Team Angle is still incomplete, perhaps we'll find out next week who those last two members will be! We're also still waiting on the answer from Team 3D, as well as who Christy Hemme is bringing to LockDown to battle the Voodoo Kin Mafia! See you next week fans!