ROH DVD Review: Night of the Butcher (Remastered) - Part Two

It's time for yet another installment in our weekly reviews of RING OF HONOR DEE-VEE-DEEZ! This week we bring you "Night of the Butcher (Remastered)" from December 7th, 2002. Ironically this DVD features the first ever ROH appearance of Colt Cabana, while this weekend in Chicago Ridge he'll be making his LAST appearance for ROH. Part One covered Michael Shane v. Jeremy Lopez, Colt Cabana v. CM Punk, Paul London v. EZ Money and Chad Collyer v. American Dragon. And now on to Part Two!

* Deranged & Joey Matthews (of Special K) v. Jay Briscoe & Amazing Red v. SAT v. Da Hit Squad (4 Team Scramble #1 Contender's Match)

The winners of this match receive a title shot against The Prophecy. The match starts with Jay Briscoe and Jose Maximo locking up. Standard trading of wrist locks and go-behinds over and over we see a million times in ROH and the indies to start. Jose comes off the ropes with a shoulder tackle, Jose sweeps the leg for a side headlock. To their feet and Briscoe is shot off but hits a shoulder tackle, slides under but Jose puts him in a headlock again. Maximo leapfrogs but Briscoe catches him on the rebound. Head scissors takeover by Briscoe. Briscoe with a submission hold Jose turns it into a victory roll for two. The screaming is really over the top in this match, from the fans and wrestlers alike. Now it's Joey Mercury err Matthews in the ring with Monsta Mack from Da Hit Squad, who easily overpowers him. Joey responds with elbows to the back, goes for a crossbody and gets caught and slammed hard. Mack to the second rope for a splash but Joey gets out of the way and dances to celebrate. Mack goes to hit him, Joey's had enough and steps out, and Deranged comes in - no tag necessary thanks to scramble rules. Mafia comes in as well. He offers Deranged a handshake, Deranged isn't sure, Mafia pulls him over and says shake my God damn hand, Deranged thinks about it... and then flips him the bird. He turns around to take off his shirt and flex his non-existant pythons so Mafia chops him across the back HARD. Mafia pulls him up by the hand, sort of a forced handshake but more like yanking him out of his boots and socks. Mafia drops elbows but Deranged keeps rolling out of the way. Deranged tries enzuguiris twice but Mafia no sells and flips him the bird right back, then flips him over his head. Deranged lands on his feet and charges Mafia, Mafia just punches him out. Deranged gets up pissed off, goes to run the ropes, and Joey pulls him out of the ring for his own good before he gets KILLED.

Meanwhile Joel Maximo comes in the ring and gets in his face. Mafia offers Joel the handshake and Joel accepts. Red wants in and Mafia steps out and lets him in. Maximo and Red shake. Red misses with clotheslines, they trade leapfrogs, Maximo lands kicks and tries to roll him for a pin but Red rolls out, Maximo tries to pull him in and Red hits the head scissors. Red ducks a clothesline and goes for a pin, Joel tries to make a pin too and Red squirms out. Special K trip Joel from behind, and Trinity comes in to kick their butts, but AngelDust picks her up and slams her into the barricade. Trinity is down and out and AngelDust drags her away. Now Deranged is in with Joel and he goes WOO and hits the figure four leglock. Deranged shot off the ropes, hit with a spinebuster, put in a pendulum, and Jose does a legdrop and dropkick for two measure. Two count. Deranged gets a two as well. Jay Briscoe in to chop Joel, hit a dropkick and get 2. Snap suplex for 2. Double team flapjack with Red, but Jose makes the save. Red hits chops. Briscoe back in, misses a kick, clotheslined hard. Maximo out, Mafia in. Mafia nails Briscoe in the back and screams COME ON BITCH! Forearms back and forth between the two for a minute, Joey charges in, they knock him down and both continue. Deranged tries to jump on and gets double-slammed. MORE FOREARMS. Jay goes for a right and misses and Mafia unloads chops. Briscoe misses him in the corner, Red comes in to help but gets powerbombed right onto his partner. Mafia gets a two count on whoever was left in the ring. Now Monsta Mack is in. Briscoe hits a couple of yakuza kicks and steps out, now Joey's in. Hangman's neckbreaker for 2. Deranged and Joey beat down Mack and give each other a hug, Mack says to hell with this and throws Joey out, he charges Deranged and he sidesteps and Mack goes out. Deranged to the top rope, Red stops him and goes up, superplex to the OUTSIDE onto all the guys fighting on the floor. HOLY SHIT. Mafia's the only one left so he hits the ropes in the ring and does a suicide dive which takes out the wrestlers, the guardrail, and the front row of seats!

Back in the ring Mafia gets a two count then goes top rope to hit a headbutt - he misses. Maximo is out, Briscoe to the top, sitout splash misses too. Jose to the top, his sitout splash also misses. Deranged to the top, somersault misses. Joel misses. Red misses with a frogsplash. It's broken down into a comedy match! Joey goes up top, changes his mind and goes down to the second rope for a Lawler firstdrop to a round of boos, but he misses too! Monsta Mack hits a frogsplash on Joey! He's the only one to land a move off the ropes and he flattens Joey Mercury like a pancake. 2 count. Elevated piledriver on Matthews! Deranged comes in to save his partner, Mack finally gets taken off his feet with a DDT. Deranged pulls him away from the ropes for a pin and gets 2. Briscoe powerbombs him and folds Deranged like a human pretzel. He calls for the Jay-Driller but Mafia blocks it with a spear! Everybody down. Briscoe gets pinned for 2. Mafia gets clotheslined out by Joel, Red runs in, 7-1-8 misses, Joel sets up something, Red counters it into an F5!! That's fucking INSANE! Red Star Press gets 1.. 2.. no! Jose with five piledrivers in a row and Red is dead! To the top rope for a frog-headbutt (seriously) but it doesn't get the pin. Joey picks up Maximo for a Go 2 Sleep, and plants him for two. Everybody in the ring. Deranged gets powerbombed four times, hit with a firestarter, stretched out for a submission, Joey gets put in it too and BOTH of Special K tap out. WINNERS AND #1 CONTENDERS: SAT! Hell of a scramble match.

Special K are trying to bitch to the ref after the match, when all of a sudden a dreadlock dude I don't recognize hits the ring, goozles the ref and picks him up for a fallaway facebreaker. The crowd boos heavily as the dread in shades leaves the ring and walks out through the bleachers into the crowd, as some fan tries to give him a high-five and the dread no sells. He stands there with his arms crossed like a bodyguard, looking on. It's like looking at KRS-One if he was a pro wrestler. Now we get a bonus match from a "High Impact TV Taping" not listed on the cover - Mace from Christopher Street Connection versus some jacked up dude named Paul E Normous. I shit you not. Trying to find info on this guy was an exercise in futility - he has no entry on OWW, half of an interview on some site called Wrestling Clothesline (apparently he didn't answer all 10 questions e-mailed to him) and every other reference to him was THIS ROH match so I just gave up. You can honestly fast forward through this one - it's Mace doing his gay shtick lusting after the jacked up Paul E, and Paul E squashing him like a bug. It ends quickly but not quickly enough, but thankfully it was largely highlight clips.

Next is clips from another unadvertised TV taping match featuring some dork in a Dokken t-shirt and his buddy mouthing off to Bryan Danielson, but thanks to the shitty mic and background music I can't hear what he says other than "I'll rock you like a hurricane." Oh wait - that's Marcos from the Ring Crew Express. You can imagine how well American Dragon took that statement, and how quickly he beat the piss out of him and put on the Cattle Mutilation - another squash. A third TV taping match - Paul London v. AngelDust. Thankfully London powerbombs him into oblivion for the win. A FOURTH TV MATCH - Da Hit Squad v. Outkast Killaz. There's nothing Andre 3000 or Big Boi about these dudes though - hell there's nothing even D-RAY 3000 about them. Hit Squad destroy them with ease. Holy shit, now it's Jimmy Rave versus AJ Styles! Now why did they have to show us this one in clips only? This is a match I would have actually liked to see start to finish. Styles goes for the Clash, Rave counters into a sunset flip roll up, Styles reverses it and powerbombs him, puts him in the Styles Clash and nails it for the three count. Even in clip form, that fucking ruled! Xavier gives him a beatdown afterwards. Finally we're back to the regularly scheduled program.

* Jeff Starr & Shockwave v. Divine Storm

Shockwave is actually billed as "hailing from Cybertron and weighing in at two thousand pounds" - now I've really seen it all. It would have been even funnier had his tag team partner been Megatron. I'll even book it for you - Megatron has to be 100 pounds soaking wet, Shockwave has to hurk him up in the middle of the match, put him over his shoulder and point him like a cannon at their opponent; who then falls over like he took a ten thousand volt blast in the chest before being pinned. If that's not a Wrestlecrap Classic I don't know what is! As for the real match, it's handshakes all around to start, then all four men are in the ring at once until it breaks down to Shockwave and Quiet Storm. Shockwave actually has Decepticon logos on his trunks! I love this kid. Storm nails him with three northern lights suplexes. Shockwave gets off a couple of head scissors in return and tags out. Storm does as well and now it's Chris Divine and Starr in the ring. Enzuguiri by Divine. Starr put in a victory roll but gets out. Shockwave tries to make the save but gets put into a tarantula while Divine has Starr in a cloverleaf. Both are broken up, Starr gets whipped, clothesline by Divine, Shockwave and Storm brawl on the outside, Starr throws Divine off and goes for a swanton! Two count. Divine puts him in the corner and slaps him, whips him across for a handspring forearm, they go up to the top and Divine hits a flying DDT. Shockwave makes the two thousand pound save! Shockwave tries to charge Divine and actually hits an ace crusher before Storm makes a save. Roaring forearm into a widow's peak! Storm Cradle Driver and Shockwave has just been de-rezzed. WINNERS: DIVINE STORM. More or less a squash match but a goofy fun squash match.

Before we can soak this in CW Anderson hits the ring and takes out both of the jobbers. Capetta hits the ring to find out why he's there. Anderson teases joining the Prophecy, then cuts a promo on Gabe Sapolsky without actually naming him, saying he used to kiss his ass in ECW and that he's a Paul Heyman wannabe. "You're going to pattern yourself after a man who ran the greatest promotion ever into the ground." Ouch. Feinstein pokes his head out of the curtain. "Out of respect to you and Doug, there's no heat, but get that little piece of crap Gabe out here right now!" Okay now he's called him by name. "I'm here to show you why The Enforcer still kicks ass in Philadelphia!" Hit Squad hit the ring to calm him down. CW jumps out of the ring and heads down to go through the curtain and fine Gabe himself. Gabe starts screaming like a five year-old girl when CW gets there. I'm not kidding. He screams "WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK!" over and over again. Then yells "YOU ARE FUCKING FINISHED!" Okay... I'm trying to understand the point of this segment. Was it to put over Anderson as a heel? Was it to put over Sapolsky as a punk little you-know-what? I normally wouldn't say this to anybody in the industry but Gabe, before you ever cut a promo or get on camera again, take some steroids.

* Paul London v. Bryan Danielson (#1 Contender's Trophy Finals)

Handshake to start. For the first five minutes it's a lot of stalling, circling, rope breaks, and chops. Danielson is looking remarkably untan, perhaps even paler than usual since Paul London looks dark brown by comparison. As usual Danielson gets the man to the ground and works a head scissors lock, London counters out, and a chop war ensues. I'm not saying all Danielson matches are predictable, but these early ROH ones do have a paint-by-numbers feel at times; which is not to say they're any less fun to watch. Dragon does the same spot to London he did to AngelDust from the TV taping, which is repeated forearms to the face from both sides. London goes on offense with chops and both men look like they're getting blood blisters on the close-up. London fakes out Danielson and hits a magistral cradle for two, then gets a deep arm drag and works on Dragon's arm and wrist. Dragon's shoulders get pushed down for a couple of two counts, Dragon tries to bridge out. London drops the knees on him and Dragon rolls out to catch his breath. Dragon puts him in the corner and goes for so many chops I think he's morphed into Samoa Joe or Kenta Kobashi. European uppercut takes London off his feet. One thing I love about every Danielson match - BELIEVABILITY. For all I know he's light as a feather in the ring, but he really does make shit look like it hurts and he also sells his opponent's offense well. In fact the vibe you get watching him is usually "I have to kill this fucker or he's going to kill me." Case in point, Danielson drops from an indian deathlock into elbows to the back before pulling London's arms out. He looks to be attempting a surfbord but London rolls through and pins his shoulders for two. Danielson knocks him down again and gives him a nasty facewash on the canvas. Dragon picks him up, London fights back with elbows and a couple of dropkicks, then knocks Dragon off his feet with a second rope springboard. Kicks to the gut and a gut wrench suplex followed by a standing moonsault for 2. Crowd applauds in awe.

Danielson responds with a crossarm german suplex that leaves London splattered. London whipped to the corner and hit with a hard forearm. Snap suplex and London looks dead! Dragon to the top rope to hit a falling headbutt and cover him for 2. London to his feet, Dragon winds up a punch, misses and London hits a neckbreaker. Both men down, then up, then end up spilling over the top rope to the floor outside. London gets up on the apron for an asai moonsault but Dragon pulls him off. London hits a superkick instead and throws Dragon back in the ring. Top rope crossbody for 2. More chops on the ground and London goes for a pin again for 2. Bodyslam by London, to the top rope, Dragon recovers and cuts him off, London falls backwards and crotches the top, forearms to the back by Dragon, followed up by a huge back suplex! Dragon clutches the knee selling the match with Collyer earlier. London kicks out of a pin but Dragon bridges and puts on the Cattle Mutilation. London gets under the ropes and survives as the ref forces Dragon to break. Hard chop by Dragon and another uppercut. 2 count. Both men to the top rope again, London knocks Dragon away with elbows and finally after about a dozen Dragon falls down. Dragon gets right back up there again but London knocks him off a second time. Dragon goes up a third time! London gives him headbutts and off he goes. London off the top with a shooting star press! 1-2-3. Wow, awesome finish! WINNER OF THE #1 CONTENDER'S TROPHY: PAUL LONDON. London cuts a promo putting over Dragon afterwards and says it sucks there aren't TWO trophies because Danielson deserves one too. Dragon puts him over in return saying London deserved to win because he showed more heart. London gets on his knees and offers Danielson a handshake, Dragon accepts. The crowd gives Dragon an ovation afterwards. London picks up the mic one more time to mock Xavier saying "Well I guess it's me versus A.C. Slater!"

* Xavier {C} v. AJ Styles (ROH World Title Match)

Xavier is accompanied by Simply Luscious of the Prophecy, who does the ring introduction for him. The announcers inform us AJ is accompanies by Alexis Laree, who he brought to neutralize any interference by Luscious. AJ jumps him right from the bell and hits the Styles Clash with under 30 seconds to go in the match! Luscious saves Xavier by putting his foot on the rope to prevent a three count. AJ Styles starts arguing with her and Alexis Laree comes up behind her, kicks her in the gut and DDT's her. That's my girl Mickie James, you go get her! Mark Briscoe comes out to ringside and helps Simply Luscious to the back. Xavier gets back in the ring and stalls for a year before finally going to a test of strength with Styles. Xavier wins, bridges Styles to his back, and drops knees to the gut. Styles stays knuckle locked though and gets the advantage back. flipping Xavier over and pinning his shoulders to the mat for two repeated times. Both to their feet, still knuckle locked, Xavier appears to have a side headlock but the camera's out of position. Xavier hangs on to the headlock as Styles tries to fight out several times, finally shoots him off the ropes, Xavier tries for a sliced bread #2 or something but Styles counters into a back suplex, clothesline, and dropkick before disdainfully tossing Xavier to the floor outside. Styles climbs to the top but Xavier cuts him off, so Styles decides to corkscrew over the ropes on top of him instead. Styles throws X back in and gets 2. Head scissors, spinning kick blocked into a big slam, AJ kicks out at 2. Xavier gets up slow, boots to the back, kicks to the head, punches, and an overhead suplex. AJ sells the head and Xavier goes for a chinlock. To their feet again, Xavier punches him through the ropes to the floor, then mocks him by holding the ROH title up in his face.

Xavier goes for a whip to the barricade but AJ counters it and comes back with a variety of kicks. Xavier with a kick to the gut, slams AJ into the apron, then AJ thrown back in. Back suplex, 2 count. Snap suplex, to the top rope, AJ cuts him off. Uppercut. AJ climbs up for a superplex and connects! Both men are down. Ref gets to 8. Punch brawl and chops ensue. Enzuguiri by Styles. Xavier shoots him off the ropes but Styles hits a clothesline. Xavier is countered and AJ hits an inverted DDT for 2. Styles signals for the Clash but X blocks it and hits a waterwheel slam for 2. Knees and feet to AJ's head. Xavier picks him up but AJ 'ranas his way out and the two exchange rolling cradle two counts. AJ tries to come off the ropes but has too much momentum and gets pinned for two. Xavier nails a back suplex. People knock the X Man's run as ROH World Champion but all things considered he was a damn good wrestler - he's working really well here with Styles. Shoulder tackle by Xavier to the back leads up to X putting on the camel clutch. X lets go when AJ doesn't give up, sets him up on the top rope, AJ goes for a sunset flip, counter, double counter, piledriver! Two count and Xavier kicks out. Kicks to the knee, Xavier spins into a toe hold, AJ throws him off into the corner barricade. The two exchange blows, Xavier counters a whip, drops him on the knee, hits the Kiss Your X Goodbye but Styles kicks out! Xavier goes up for the 450, Styles gets out of the way and nails a superkick when Xavier turns around. He tries to follow up but Xavier kicks him in the gut and sets him up on the ropes. AJ throws him off. Xavier comes back up again and Styles catches him with a top rope Styles Clash, but he hurts his knee! He's selling, he finally goes for the cover, 1.. 2.. NO! Xavier gets the ropes. AJ tries to follow up but Xavier hits the knee, AJ writhes in pain, and X twists the legs rolls across and over him him for a clean three count. WINNER AND STILL ROH CHAMPION: XAVIER. Give the man his due - he's no Samoa Joe or Austin Aries or Bryan Danielson, but he was a fine ROH champion for the early days of this promotion.

* Bunkhouse Brawl: Carnage Crew v. Abdullah the Butcher & Homicide

And now for the long-awaited main event! It's gonna be blood and guts Kaing, it's gonna be bowling show ugly, it's gonna be a REAL SLABBAKNAWCKA. Ya like the Skittles kids? Homicide comes out wearing a Halloween mask. The cameraman is so scared of Abdullah he can barely hold the camera straight. Abby's got a garbage can full of PLUNDAH already. Carnage Crew keep yelling at him, come get some fat man, yadda yadda. Abdullah no sells it and stares. Homicide gets in the ring first and gets a two on one beatdown, but Abby pulls HC Loc of the Crew out and immediately gets out a fork. He takes the fork to the head while in the ring Homicide goes for a top rope moonsault. I wonder if Abby brought all of the silverware from his restaurant. The camera stays focused on Abby giving a beatdown, nailing him with a chair, and stabbing him with the fork over and over. My goodness, Abby was never a slim man, but he's got rolls of fat on his rolls of fat. PLUNDAH gets used in the form of a hubcap. Loc's blood is spilling all over the Rec Murphy Center floor. Abby throws him into the turnbuckle and the camera gets a close-up. Loc tries to throw punches and Abby no sells then drives the fork into his face some more. We're not seeing any of Homicide and DeVito in the ring, they just stay focused on Abdullah and that fork. Eventually we see a bloody and busted up Homicide going after DeVito with a chair but eventually getting a hubcap to the face. Both men are busted open. It's hard to imagine any sort of finish to a brawl like this. As the Roadkill-esque cameraman looks on we go back to Abdullah now in the ring with Loc still working him over with that fork. I don't know what's more painful for him - being hung on the ropes with a fork in his head, or being squeezed between Abby's giant man tits in the process. Abdullah is the only one NOT bleeding.

Homicide pulls out and puts Loc on a table, crushes him with a chair, he's obviously setting something up. Abby and DeVito brawl while Homicide goes to dive through the ropes but Loc gets out of the way and Homicide eats the table AND the barricade. Loc comes over to kick him in the face for good measure and clobber him with a chair. SLAWBBAKNAWCA KAING!! Finally it's both of the Carnage Crew in the ring trying to give Abdullah the 2-on-1 beatdown but he swats them away like flies. Abby throws DeVito out and grabs a steel chain, Homicide holds up Loc, Abby forks him hard, DeVito tries to run in and gets a fork too, Homicide goes for the Cop Killer but Loc escapes and hits a back suplex. Loc swings a chair at Abby but that was a mistake, and it's more fork for you! Cop Killer connects on the second try and Homicide pins Loc for three. WINNERS: HOMICIDE AND ABDULLAH THE BUTCHER. Homicide puts a noose around Loc's neck and starts choking him to death, and a bunch of wrestlers run out from the back to break it up as Abby hits them wirh forks. You know as much as I was looking forward to this initially I think this show actually could have ended with Xavier v. Styles - the bloodbath at the end actually brought me down instead of finishing this DVD strong. Still there's more than enough good matches to make this one another thumb's up recommendation from ROH! If you're squeamish don't watch the forkings at the end, they may be even more brutal than the ones during the actual match. G'night and see you here next week for more RING OF HONOR DEE-VEE-DEEZ!