| Date: 08/20 | 8:00 PM |
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Killa Kev will be back with a full recap later but for now here are the results.
The announce team tonight is J.R. and Tazz as Lawler is still "suffering from the beating" Booker gave him. Randy Orton comes out to the ring and says Cena may not make it to SummerSlam after last night and may not be here tonight.
Vince McMahon comes down to the ring and says your match at SummerSlam is important but I need to know who my illigetimate offspring is. I've been informed my heir is male - Randy it's a shame it's not you. He has a "hunch" he'll find out who his son is tonight and wants all of the Raw audience to welcome him with open arms. Naturally the crowd boos. This whole thing takes up the first 10 minutes of the show.
Vince says he hopes his son is more like Orton than that guttural piece of trash John Cena. This cues Cena on the Titantron and he's walking backstage, then his music hits and Vince waits with RKO for him to come down to the ring for a confrontation. Orton jumps out of the ring and leaves Vince by himself as Cena comes to the ring.
Cena says these people don't like you, I don't like you, and Vince says "Who cares! I'm rich." Cena says keep your damn money, I'd be embarassed if you were MY dad. Cena says he's not down for the count and out, and his message is that he'll be at SummerSlam on Sunday and he'll retain his WWE title. McMahon says if he doesn't make it to SummerSlam, he'll strip "Mr. Cena" of the belt. And SPEAKING of stripping, that brings Vince to "your mother." McMahon says he probably screwed her too so Cena slaps the taste out of McMahon's mouth.
McMahon: "You want action tonight! You got it. You're gonna be at SummerSlam! You're gonna be in that ring tonight. Competing one-on-one with the undefeated Snitsky!" McMahon's music plays. He and Orton leave.
Promo for Rey Mysterio's return at SumerSlam after the break before Melina comes out and Lillian announces a diva tag team match.
Melina & Beth Phoenix v. Mickie James & Candice Michelle. Michelle has a new techno remix of her music. Regal says he's organized a women's battle royal for SummerSlam with all the women except Michelle because whoever wins gets the title shot against her. Michelle gets a "unique, different" roll up for the pin before all the divas take turns doing Rumble style eliminations, with Beth Phoenix tossing Melina to be the last one standing. Carlito's Cabana preview and Umaga will be on it tonight. Commercial.
Recap of Santino and Ron Simmons last week after the break. Santino confronts Regal backstage and demands he stop the date between Ron and Maria. He refuses. Santino says it's hard to hear Regal with "such a ridiculous accent." Regal FLAT OUT refuses. Santino mutters it's "time for plan B" and leaves. Then King Booker promises to show this so-called "King" Triple H what he's made of tonight. Vince and Coach are walking and Coach says Hunter's going to be here tonight. Coach wonders if that could be his son... no chance. They run into Val Venis. "HELLO DAD!!" Coach says it would "explain a lot." Shawn Daivari kisses Vince on both cheeks and puts a headdress on him. Coach shakes his head no and Vince screams at Daivari to take this thing off. They give Kennedy a glance and keep on walking as we go to commercial.
Shelton Benjamin (with Charile Haas) v. Cody Rhodes. Lillian is sure to introduce him as "North Carolina's own" on his way out. Cody beats Benjamin and J.R. calls it an upset. Charlie Haas stomps him down afterwards and they give Cody a 2-on-1 beating before the ref orders them to leave. Surprisingly good heat for this. SummerSlam commercial promoting Orton v. Cena as we go to break.
J.R. reveals that Raw will be on Sci-Fi next week, confirming the AngryMarks.com update from earlier.
Cade & Murdoch v. London & Kendrick. One fall, non-title. After L&K hit a double suicide dive to the outside Cryme Tyme run out and sell Trevor Murdoch's hat to a kid in the crowd for two dollars. Murdoch is distracted and his partner ends up getting pinned. Cryme Tyme leave through the crowd singing "MONEY MONEY - YEAH YEAH" in front of one fan with the incomprehensible sign "HUSTLE IS POSTING RIGHT NOW."
Ron is with Maria on their date. He orders chowder - CLAM. For his entree - LAMB. He doesn't want butter with the bread - he wants JAM. Santino shows up with Jillian (he keeps calling her Lilian) and joins them making it a double date, pulling up a chair on either side. Jillian sits on Ron's left, Santino sits on Maria's right. Simmons shakes his head but Maria's already said she doesn't mind. The waiter comes up and says he forgot to tell Ron his entree comes with vegetable. Ron is stumped, Santino asks for two more menus. Ron finally says "YAM!!"
Booker comes out and Sharmell is carrying a crown on a pillow. Big Triple H chant. Booker insists that Hunter Hearst Helmsley comes out and crowns him. "Bow Down to the King" plays and out comes Conan the Insignificant - some skinny white dude with a big fake schnozz vaguely ressembling Hunter's. Conan places the crown on his head and kneels to swear allegiance to King Booker. "And now you and I will meet this Sunday at the SummerSlam games, where this Sunday I will make you bow down! You may go now." Booker says he has one other small matter and steps through the ropes to the announce table. Tazz gets out of the way as King Booker gets behind the table to address "James Ross." Booker is irate about J.R.'s commentary that "he's no king" last week. Booker says all J.R. has to do to redeem himself is kiss Booker's ring. J.R. stands up, takes off his glasses, and shakes his head no. "I'm not telling you. I'm ORDERING YOU. Do it or suffer the same fate as Jerome. Now kiss my ring! Do it now man!" Ross: "I'm not gonna kiss your ring." Sharmell shoves his head into Booker's hand from behind, then Booker shoves James down. The royal King Booker music plays as Sharmell puts the crown on his head and they leave triumphant.
After break we're back on Maria's date and Jillian is singing. She says she didn't know they had karaoke here and Santino says they don't - she takes that mic with her everywhere. Next we go to the Cabana and Umaga comes out. Carlito says he should get a match with him on Sunday for the IC title. Kennedy interrupts and says he should get it because he destroyed Bobby Lashley. Umaga kicks Kennedy's teeth down his throat and starts destroying the Cabana set. After he heads out Regal comes to announce the only to settle this is for them to have a one on one match for the title shot against YEWMANGA... NEXT. Commercial.
Ken Kennedy v. Carlito Cool. Kennedy and Carlito go at it tooth and nail when we come back from break. Ross says both men deserve to be in there given their demeanor and attitude. Kennedy gets Carlito on the outside and stomps him hard before going to ANOTHER break. Finally Kennedy hits the Green Bay Plunge but Carlito hits a superplex and both men's shoulders are on the mat and it's a draw. Regal says that since both of them are tied they can both face Umaga this Sunday.
After break Ron Simmons calls over the waiter "SAM" and dumps a whole tray of food he was carrying into Santino's lap. "DAMN!" Melina and McMahon have a "chat" and he says now that you're not my daughter and we know it, maybe we can get together later and... Snitsky interrupts. He says he never knew his parents, he only knew pain, like the pain Cena caused McMahon tonight - only worse. So tonight, "DAD," Cena's pain will be my pleasure. Commercial break as Ross and Tazz mark out.
Gene Snitsky v. John Cena. Snitsky comes out first to show us his fake yellow teeth and J.R. wonders whether or not Cena can survive this man. Of course he can he's THE CHAMP J.R., you should know that by now. Gene Snitsky's theme music really ought to be "Welllllllllllllllllllllllllll HE'S A FREAK SHOWWWWWWW!" Odds are Cena wins with the STFU and gets jumped by Randy Orton. The bell rings and we're underway.
Snitsky gives Cena such a hard clothesline he does a lucha libre roll to the outside. Snitsky throws his head into the apron and throws him back in. Screen scroll reminds us that next week Raw will be on live at the same time except it will broadcast on the Sci-Fi Channel. Cena finally gets a top rope legdrop on his comeback and picks up Snitsky for the FU but Orton runs in BEFORE the match is over and hits the RKO. Cena wins by DQ and Orton sells his head before Orton gives him a second one. Orton goes out of the ring and picks up the WWE title. He stares at it as Raw goes off the air.
Normally I use the "win on Monday, lose on Sunday" rule but in Cena's case since he only beat Snitsky by DQ and Orton stood triumphantly over him after the beatdown, I have the sneaking suspicion Cena will find a way to retain at SummerSlam. Thanks for reading the live results and join Killa Kev later for the full recap!