WWE No Mercy 2007 Live Recap

Refresh or hit F5 often for the results as we are reporting on No Mercy LIVE! For a look at the final known card as we go to air click here. The Allstate Arena in Chicago is going to be rocking tonight and so will DJ's Dugout in Omaha, NE. It's time to crown a NEW WWE CHAMPION and Vince McMahon has promised history will be made - so let's see if No Mercy lives up to the hype. The start of the show is just five minutes away!

"And the waters prevailed mightily" is the biblical quotation shown on screen to open the show, as is footage of John Cena and Orton laying him out, attributing him being injured almost entirely Orton instead of to the botched move in the match with Kennedy. Tonight someone will be shown No Mercy.

WWE NO MERCY IS LIVE IN CHICAGO! Vince McMahon is on his way out to the ring, flanked by William Regal. McMahon has a mic. "Last Monday night Cena suffered a debilitating injury - he will be out six months to a year. As Chairman of the Board, it's my duty to announce John Cena is no longer WWE champion. Some of you losers are still rooting for the Diamondbacks or the Cubs. My word is my bond! That's why tonight I guaranteed you that history will be made. I guarantee you that we will have a new WWE Champion, and we will have a championship match right here tonight! Why do I guarantee things like that - it's because I make decisions for each and every one of you. I give you what you want, that's what I do - which is what I'm about to do now." The crowd starts a very loud "Y-2-J" chant. Vince: "I'm not gonna give you that! Therefore by the power vested in me as the creator of all things WWE, I present to you the new WWE Champion.... RANDY ORTON!"

Orton's music hits and he comes down to the ring, his pyros go off, and he poses next to the podium in the ring holding up his WWE belt. He unstraps it and slings it over his right shoulder as Vince and Regal stand and look on approvingly. Orton has a slight smirk on his face but seems somewhat nonplussed. Regal: "Allow me to be the first to congratulate you on becoming the new WWE Champion. You must defend that championship tonight. You get to choose who you're going to defend it against." Orton takes the mic and people start booing. Vince: "Shut up! The champion's about to speak." Orton: "I know who I won't be defending it against tonight, and that's John Cena. Due to Cena's injury that's not going to happen. John I know you're at home watching right now, and it's a good thing you can't compete because it saves you the embarassment of being defeated." Orton stares at his belt as a Cena chant starts. Vince: "I SAID SHUT UP AND SHOW THIS CHAMPION SOME RESPECT!" Orton: "This right here has been a long time coming, and nobody... NOBODY deserves to be WWE Champion more than I do. The people I put on the shelf, with the latest being John Cena, and there is nobody... NOBODY in that lockerroom, in this industry, in this business who comes anywhere near..."

Triple H's music hits. I can't tell about Chicago, but the bar in Omaha loves this. Hunter has a mic but first he gives Orton a hand of applause. He looks around for the Triple H pop but it's not really that loud. "I wanted to come out here and congratulate you on being the new WWE Champion. I've known you a long time so I know you'll be a fighting champion. Since you have to defend it tonight anyway, what do you say, Triple H v. Randy Orton for the WWE Championship right here, right now." NOW there's a loud Triple H pop. Orton: "NO!!!" Triple H: "Good decision. If I was you I wouldn't want my second title reign to be shorter than my first one." Laughter. "Who'd like to see Orton defend the title against me tonight!" Loud pop. Triple H: "I don't know Vince that sounds like everybody here. I know you do it all for the fans. That's what they want, I say you give it to them. Unless, you're scared. You guaranteed to give them what they want, and I'm saying maybe the reason you won't do it is you're gutless. You're a coward! You're spineless. You have no balls! You know, you talk a big game, you come out all pumped up and full of yourself, but apparently it's all a fraud, a facade. I can look in your face right now and see you're scared. The sweat rolling down your neck. Standing here in this five thousand dollar suit looking big, but the truth is what's inside is a shriveled up little old man. There's no big grapefruits, it's just a tiny little set of raisins." Vince: "You son of a bitch! You're on! You've got your match!"

* Randy Orton {C} v. Triple H (WWE Championship Match)

Vince taunts Triple H as the bell rings, reminding him that he's beaten Hunter twice. While he's doing this Orton clubs Triple H from behind. If you thought this would get the heat on Orton, you just don't know Triple H. Within 30 seconds he was in control of the match. Orton tries to walk out to retain and Triple H throws him back in. A second attempt leads to the same thing. Triple H is largely in control from this point on save for a couple of minor Orton comebacks, although he's still kicking out of all the near falls. Finally when Hunter gives chase to Orton on the outside, Orton gets back in first, pulls him through the ropes and snaps him off head first into the floor.

Orton pounds the mat and waits for Triple H to get up for the RKO, but Hunter blocks it and sets up for the Pedigree... but Orton reverses it into a high back bodydrop! Orton misses with a knee lunge and Hunter goes for the figure four a la Ric Flair. Orton twists and squirms and gets his fingertips on the ropes. Orton misses a spear in the corner, Triple H rolls him up and gets the pin. WINNER AND NEW WWE CHAMPION: TRIPLE H. Before this show I was glad John Cena was no longer the champ - now I already miss him and wish he'd come back. Welcome to the new reign of terror for Huntor the Barbarian. Forget Monday Night Raw - who's playing Monday Night Football? Time to play a different game, one with pigskin and helmets. I'll be burning my King of Kings shirt later tonight. After a long in-ring celebration we cut backstage to Orton staring at Vince. McMahon just walks away.

* Jeff Hardy, London & Kendrick v. Kennedy, Cade & Murdoch (Special Six-Man Bonus Tag Match)

This is the best thing they could come up with for Ken Kennedy to do. They couldn't put him in a title match, oh no. He has to come out and to the shtick in the second match of the card. He's from Green Bay, he's Misterrrrrr Kennedyyyyyyyy, blah blah blah. Anyway all you need to know about this match is they kept the heat on the heels forever cutting off the ring beating up Jeff Hardy, and when Paul London was about to make the big comeback at the end Kennedy knocked him down on the ropes then went up for the same move he gave the midget off the top of the ladder at WM 23 and hit it for the pin. WINNERS: CADE, MURDOCH AND KENNEDYYYYY.

Hunter meets Batista backstage. Batista gives him the same speech that Hunter gave to him about winning and keeping the gold. Hunter says good luck in that Punjabi Prison Match. Vince comes up and says you did get one thing right, I give people what they want, and tonight I'm giving them you versus Umaga... and the WWE Title is on the line.

* CM Punk {C} v. Big Daddy V (ECW World Championship)

This match is mercifully short. V beats up Punk, Punk tries to make a comeback, Striker runs in and clubs Punk from being and the referee wins the bell. VISCERA IS DISQUALIFIED AND CM PUNK RETAINS. Punk is given the Samoan drop afterwards and beaten up. The officials have to help Punk to the back as Striker and V look on.

* Deep Dish Pizza Eating Contest: Matt Hardy v. MVP

Tazz is in the ring to kick things off and play MC. He makes some small talk about the difference between Chicago and New York "pizzer" and introduces us to our judges - Melina and Maria. U.S. and Tag Team Champ MVP comes out first, and Cole reminds us he's the only dual-champ in WWE today. (Give Hunter some time, he'll find somebody else to beat tonight for a belt.) After a whole lot of jibber jabber about how MVP thinks everybody in Chicago is fat, Matt wins the contest two slices to none and then pukes up the third slice he was trying to get down all over MVP's white outfit. MATT HARDY WINS.

* Triple H {C} v. Umaga (WWE Championship Match)

Raise your hand if you thought Huntor the Barbarian was going to lose this match - no hands, no hands... I see no hands up and I'm not surprised. Umaga got the heat early, Trips tried to go for a Pedigree and couldn't get him up. Umaga hit him with a Black Hole Slam and continued the beating. Umaga finally got it back on Triple H by missing the butt splash in the corner. Umaga tried twice more to get him and twice more was denied. Triple H kicks him in the gut, locks in the Pedigree, and pins him clean. WINNER AND STILL WWE CHAMPION: TRIPLE H. We get a promo backstage from Khali's translator saying that he is meditating and in deep concentration in order to get out of the Punjabi Prison Match the new World Heavyweight Champion.

* Fit Finlay v. Rey Mysterio

I hate to say a Rey Mysterio match is formulaic because I like the man, but if you were to guess the match format was "scrappy smaller man fights to overcome the bigger stronger man" you'd be absolutely right. Late in the match Finlay tries to go for the shilelagh after the ref warns him about bad behavior, Mysterio blocks him and knocks him into the ropes, misses him on the six-one-nine but Mysterio drops a leg on him and Finlay falls off the apron onto the floor, purposefully bouncing his head off the pads outside. He sells like he's had his bell rung and the ref throws up an X. Remember - if you see it on TV, it's a work. They call out the stretcher crew and put a neck brace. Mysterio follows the stretcher crew out and all of a sudden Finlay jumps off the stretcher and clubs his head from behind, throwing him into the barricade and then slamming him hard on the floor. Finlay stomps on his head and now it's Mysterio who is down on the outside. Loud FINLAY SUCKS chant. Finlay walks away up the ramp. NO CONTEST and NO WINNER.

Another promo with the Matrix graphics follows. This one flashes REV22_12, 2ND_COMING and SAVE_US.222. Afterwards Vince McMahon tells Hunter that more history will be made tonight - Orton requested his automatic rematch clause and furthermore since Vince "gives the people what they want" it's now a Last Man Standing match. Revelations 22:12: "Behold I am coming quickly and my reward is with me to render to every man according to what he has done."

* Candice Michelle {C} v. Beth Phoenix (Women's Championship Match)

The Glamazon is in control early. She wants to choke out Candice badly but Candice runs through the corner ropes to bounce Beth's head off the turnbuckle then gives her a spinning kick before going to the top rope. Flying crossbody connects but only gets two. Beth hits a backbreaker and a Perfectplex and gets the pin. WINNER AND NEW WOMEN'S CHAMPION: BETH PHOENIX. Beth says Vince McMahon promised history would be made tonight and she lived up to that promise - the era of the Glamazon has begun. WWEShop.com promo follows.

* Batista {C} v. The Great Khali (World Heavyweight Championship - Punjabi Prison Match)

Batista and Khali keep each other from escaping the first and second inner doors. Khali beats Batista with a leather strap for a while then calls for the third door but Batista hits a spinebuster. He recovers and tries to crawl out but Khali grabs a leg and hangs on until time runs out. Only one door is left. Khali goes for the Khali Claw, and Batista sinks to his knees. Khali calls for the fourth door and Batista punches him in the balls, which is perfectly legal since a Punjabi Prison Match is no DQ's. Batista slowly crawls for the door and gets halfway through it before Khali comes over and starts slamming the top of the door on his back. All four doors are closed for good. Batista yanks Khali off his feet and starts to climb, Khali returns the favor - Batista is down hard. Khali gets all the way up the inner cage and starts to come down the other side. Khali lands on the floor and starts up the second cage, but Batista is quickly climbing up the first and gets to the outside, then jumps from the outer wall of the first cage to the inner wall of the second! Batista climbs to the other side, goes about halfway down, and drops off to the floor before Khali can get there. WINNER AND STILL WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: BATISTA. Afterwards we get a video of Trips goading Vince into making the title match at the beginning of the show. Trips tells Todd Grisham that this is a dangerous business and people get hurt, so Orton should prepare to be hurt himself.

* Triple H {C} v. Randy Orton (WWE Championship - Last Man Standing)

Orton tries like hell to get Hunter down for ten. He drops him back first across the barricade, chokes him out, and after the closest ten count yet he nails him with a television monitor from a stripped announced table. He tries to give Hunter an RKO on the table but Hunter counters and launches him into the next table and Orton goes flying through it hard. Hunter gets up first but Orton still manages to get up at 9 - just barely. Hunter gives him a spinebuster on the floor and both men are down. Hunter gets up at 7, Orton gets up at 9 again. Hunter picks up the steel steps and clonks Orton directly in the head with them. Orton gets up at 9 AGAIN. Hunter throws him into the ring and grabs a steel chair. Orton kicks him in the gut to block and gives him a DDT onto the steel chair. Orton gets up at 8, Hunter at 9. Orton stomps the crap out of him and sets up the chair while Hunter is standing, and hits the RKO onto the steel chair, emphatically throwing it out of the ring to the floor afterwards. Hunter gigged before or after the shot and is bleeding. He starts to sit up at 7, falls backwards at 8, grabs onto the rope at 9 and pulls himself up before 10 before giving Orton a crotch chop... then slumping right back down to the canvas. Ref starts his count again. Orton tries to soccer kick the head but Hunter grabs his leg as he's charging in and won't let go. HUNTER HULKS UP. He throws Orton out to the floor and gives chase. He starts slamming Orton's head into the Smackdown announce table over and over then brings him to the Raw one which was stripped earlier. Orton slides right off. Hunter tries to set up a Pedigree, Orton counters and catapults him into the steel ringpost. Ref starts his count AGAIN. Orton tries to finish the job with the steps but Hunter gives him a low blow and he falls into them. Hunter slams a chair on his head for good effect. Orton gets to his feet at nine... AGAIN. Hunter tries to pedigree him on the Raw announce table but Orton counters into an RKO! Randy jumps in the ring and stands there waiting... Hunter is unable to make the ten count! WINNER AND NEW WWE CHAMPION: RANDY ORTON. Hell of a finish, and it goes 'til 5 minutes before they're out of time, so we're out of time too! Wild, bizarre WWE PPV - and Hunter actually lost to Orton in the end. I'm in disbelief!