Killa Kev's "Better Late Than Never" Raw Recap!
Last week fans were left hanging as to just who the play-by-play man for RAW would be after Joey Style's abrupt resignation from the post. PFFFFFFT! What the fuck ever, we knew that answer already - Good Ol' JR is back at the helm! Honestly, I didn't see Styles quitting, but hey sometimes WWE *does* manage to shock me.
We start out or show live from Anaheim, Californication this week and Triple H is already all up in my area, great! He says this week he's not out here for games but he's here to come after what he diserves, the WWE championship, and he wants a title shot tonight. That of course draws out John Cena, who starts cutting down HHH's rep immediately. Hunter starts fuming, Cena says fine we can have a match RIGHT NOW. Triple H calls for a referee he's ready to go. They look like two starving men staring down the last chicken dinner on the planet!
Noop, ix-nay on that ish, Vince McMahon comes down to the ring and puts the squash on all of that. Vince rips into Trips about continually demanding a championship match. Trips starts sucking a little ass but at the same time does a little ripping of his own into Vince's favorite pet project, the Spirit Squad, as well as taking another dig as Cena, calling him a "poser". Cena hijacks his ego and starts showing him some "poses", which elicits Cena and Triple H to start trading barbs again. Trips then starts trying to tell Vince what to do and Vince just flat out tells him to SHUT UP!
Mr. McMahon re-asserts himself in the ring and reminds everybody that he's nobody's friend, he is THE BOSS. He respects Triple H for all he has done, and because he's the boss he will give Triple H his championship match -- just not tonight. In fact, he's giving Triple H the whole night off. Triple H can't believe it, he came to fight. Vince politely suggests that he not be given reason to change his mind. Cena gets in one last jab to Triple H before he leaves the ring. Vince turns to Cena and tells him that he does NOT have the night off. Tonight Cena will team up with John Cena to take on the Spirit Squad in a 5-on-2 handicap match. Cena starts to cuss McMahon and he orders the mic to be cut.
Mr. McMahon then announces that we will start the show with an Intercontinental Title match RIGHT NOW!
WWE Intercontinental Title - Fatal Four-Way Match:
champion "Mr. Money in the Bank" Rob Van Dam vs. "the Masterpiece" Chris Masters vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Charlie Haas
RVD is out first and gets on the mic. RVD chants are pretty loud. RVD says he has something important to say. He says everything that went down with Joey Styles last week was a bunch of crap, and he agrees with everything Styles had to say. He respects Styles for having the balls to say it. ECW chants start in the crowd. He says he gets a lot of energy out of fans chanting his initials, but tonight he wants to hear fans chant "E-C-W" to show some respect to Styles. We go to break after the speech. Charlie Haas and Chris Masters make their entrances on Unlimited, and Shelton Benjamin makes his entrance on RAW after the break.
Masters jumps RVD before the bell, Shelton jumps Haas as well. Benjamin throws RVD out immediately, and then helps Benjamin take on Haas. They both whip Haas off the ropes and nail a pair of shouldertackles. Masters hems up Haas, Shelton lays in some punches before Masters lets go. Haas tries to fight back but he continues to get doubleteamed. They set him up for a double snap suplex. Benjamin covers, Masters breaks it at two an throws Benjamin off, then covers Haas himself for a two count before RVD runs in and breaks it. RVD with European uppercuts on Masters, Irish whip into the corner, Masters reverses it, charges the corner, RVD with a boot up, goes up top and delivers a side kick right to Master's jaw! OUCH!
Masters goes out of the ring, Haas comes back in the ring, RVD with a spinning heel kick. Benjamin runs in, RVD with another spinning heel kick, and all opponents are outside the ring as we cut to a commercial.
On Unlimited RVD is still in the ring, Charlie Haas comes in first, grabs RVD by the neck and hammers on the back and neck. Whips RVD out of the corner, Haas charges, RVD meets him with a back elbow, comes out of the corner, Haas is waiting with a belly-to-belly suplex, covers for a two count. Masters breaks the pin, boots Haas and stomps on him. Benjamin pulls RVD out of the ring and suplexes him on the floor. Masters whips Haas off the ropes and delivers a back elbow smash, covers for a two count as Benjamin breaks the count. Benjamin picks up Haas and throws him out of the ring. Benjamin grabs Masters, delivers some punches, Masters fires back. RVD in the ring, cuts off Shelton, naisl Masters, irish whip, reversal by Masters, catches RVD in a powerslam, covers for a two count. Benjamin breaks, Masters puts Benjamin in the corner, kicks him down and chokes him, pulls him out and nails a double underhook suplex, covers, RVD breaks the count. RVD picks up Benjamin and throws him out, then goes after Masters. RVD shoulderblocks Masters in the corner several times, backflips out and then spears Masters one more time. RVD with a small package rollup on Masters, gets a two count, Masters is up first and cuts off RVD with a clothesline. Masters with a series of kicks. Outside the ring Has is pounding on Benjamin throws him in the ring, where Masters nails Benjamin with a clothesline as we fade out.
Back on USA, Masters picks up RVD and executes a vertical suplex, covers and Benjamin breaks it with a rake to Masters' eyes. Benjamin kicks RVD, then goes after Masters. Haas runs up behind and schoolboy's Benjamin, gets a two count. Masters grabs Haas, headbutts him in the corner, whips him out to the other corner, charges, Haas moves, schoolboys Masters out of the corner for a two count. Shelton Benjamin breaks the count, throws Haas, off, grabs Masters, whips him off the ropes, executes a dropkick to Master's knee, Haas follows up with a boot to that knee. RVD is back in, dropkicks Masters in the head, then follows up with Rolling Thunder. Benjamin picks up Haas and throws him over the top. Benjamin then jumps on RVD and punches him in the head several times, then gets on the mat and chokes him. RVD scrambles away, Benjamin picks him up by the hair, sets up for a back suplex and nails it, hooks the leg and gets a two count. Haas back in the ring, naisl Benjamin in the gut with a kick puts him in the corner, irish whip to the opposite corner, reversal, Benjamin charges, Haas with the back elbow smas, goes up top and delivers a clothesline on Masters, gets back up and a dropkick on RVD to cut him off. Haas follows up with a knee to the back of RVD's neck, sets up for a butterfly suplex, coverrs and gets a two count.
Haas with several sharp kicks to RVD's back, throws him back on the mat, covers, gets a two count. Masters in grabs Haas, Irish whip, reversal by Haas, throws Benjamin over the top. Haas turns around and Benjamin executes a back brain kick nailing him, covers for a two count. RVD breaks the count with a baseball slide dropkick. Benjamin scoops up RVD and sets up for a powerbomb. RVD floats through it, rolls off the back, pulls Haas over into a sunset flip into a pin, covers and gets a two count. RVD immediately goes for an inside cradle, pin gets a two count. RVD tries for a short clothesline, Benjamin cuts him off with a modified backbreaker, covers RVD for a two count. Haas is back in and hits Benjamin from behind with a double axehandle smash, whips Benjamin into a corner, follows it up with a shoulderblock in the corner, pulls Benmajin out, Haas with knee strikes to Benjamin's head. Haas charges with a big boot, Benjmain ducks it, returns the favor with a Samoan Drop. Benjamin scrambles up, decides he's going outside for a slingshot over the rope, but Masters grabs him by the boot, pulls him down to the apron, clotheslines him. Masters back in the ring, hovers over Haas, locks in the Master Lock. RVD out of nowhere flys off the top rope, sails over Masters' back with sunset flip, pulls Masters over and gets a fast three count for the win! WOW, amazing series of events to really start RAW!
Backstage on Unlimited, McMahon is in his office with Candice Michelle on his lap, bitching about RVD retaining the title. Candice has her hands all over McMahon. He says that he has a crazy idea for RVD next week. Candice says she has a crazy idea for Vince RIGHT NOW. McMahon and Candice start playing touchy-feely and start playing doctor on each other before they just start sucking face. OH MY GOD Vince has his hands all on Candice's ass! I'm so f'n jealous! They then start making out hot and heavy on the couch. We go back to RAW.
Back on USA Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler intro another promo for Kane's new movie "See No Evil". This week the actors are trying to put over Glen Jacobs the actor as being one-in-the-same as Kane the monster as his character Jacob Goodnight. Ugh. This is getting worse, I swear.
Backstage we have Josh Matthews who has some of the stars of "See No Evil", asking them about Kane's presence on the set. One of the ladies says Kane has a horrible attitude and never smiles. Matthews asks another guy if Kane ever mentioned the release date, and of course he immediately says "May 19th" as many times as he can. Kane of course shows up and delivers the obligatory choking of his victim.
Anyhow, coming up later, Edge vs. Mick Foley in a WrestleMania 22 rematch, and Cena/Michaels vs. Spirit Squad.
Next on Unlimited, Matt Striker has a pre-taped "Word of the Day" segment he wants to do. This week it's "audacity", and he tries to deliver some examples of it in use. He decides to cut down "West Coast Californians". He then rags on Carlito, and says he's not cool and neither are his fans. He says being smart is cool.
Our Burger King WWE "Slam of the Week" is Carlito spitting in Matt Striker's face last week. Which leads us into ...
Carlito Colon vs. Matt Striker
Carlito makes his way down to the ring first, taking a moment to flirt with Lillian Garcia. Matt Striker enters next. He wears a sweater out to the ring? How uncool. Even his ring entrance is uncool. I'm thinking this is X-Pac heat that Striker is getting at this point.
They lock up, Striker ducks the lockup, starts hitting Carlito in the back. Carlito fires back with a back elbow smash, STriker with a forearm to the throat. Carlito with a dropkick, punches, kicks, whips Striker off the ropes, ducks for a backdrop, Striker nails a neckbreaker. Striler rolls Carlito over, wails on him with the fists, then a double axehandle smash. Striker talks some trash, more forearms to the back, then goes into a reverse headlock to wear Carlito down. Carlito works his way up, powers out with elbows and punches, Striker cuts him off with his own punches. Carlito whipped into a corner, STriker charges, Carlito fires back with punches, and now we're getting into an ugly slugfest. Carlito breaks it with a pair of clotheslines. Iriship whip, Striker reverses, Carlito springboards off the ropes with a back elbow smash. From out of nowhere Eugene runs into the ring and starts wailing on Matt Striker. The referee calls for the bell and awards the match to Striker by DQ. Carlito has words with Eugene and walks off. Eugene attacks Striker in the corner, Striker counters with a jawbreaker. Carlito grabs Striker, nails a facebuster. He then goes to check on Eugene, but then decides to deliver a Back Cracker. Carlito laughs at the both of them as he exits the ring.
On WWE.com Unlimited, Goldust and Gene Snitsky are going to fill in for Maria this week to host the WWE.com Kiss Cam. Wow, a Trishie James look-alike starts making otu with her boyfriend. A Hulkster wanna-be picks up his platinum blonde babe and starts bouncing her on his lap. Two guys get on the cam and they flip the cam off. People are definitely egar to be on this tonight for real though, lined up and practically begging to be put on cam, tongues practically hanging out of their mouths! LOL it's funny.
WrestleMania 22 Hardcore Rematch: Mick Foley vs. Edge (w/ Lita_
Back on RAW, Edge & Lita make their way out to the ring, trashcan full 'o plunder! Edge gets on the stick and tells everybody to shut their mouths, then rips on the California fans again. At least he does it with a little more enthusiasm than Striker did! He says tonight's match will be beyond hardcore, it will be Rated R.
Mick Foley makes his entrance next, gets on the mic, and Foley demands that tonight's match is on his terms, which tonight will be a THREE WAY HARDCORE MATCH, featuring Foley's guest - THE INNOVATOR OF VIOLENCE, TOMMY DREAMER! Dreamer & Foley roll down to ringside, Edge & Lita bail. Dreamer's got his kendo, Foley's got his barbwired baseball bat. Edge is trying to figure out what is going on. Dreamer & Foley in the ring are plotting. Dreamer advances towards Edge. Foley out of nowhere blasts Dreamer from behind with the baseball bat! Foley invites Edge into the ring, and then offers him the barbwired bat to use on Dreamer!
Edge gets a bright look in his eyes, then runs over Dreamer with the bat. Edge hands the bat back to Foley, who delivers a running drop with the bat on Dreamer's head. Dreamer is busted wide open! Foley places the bat between Dreamer's legs, Edge executes a legdrop right on top of the bat. Foley in Dreamer's face giving the Cactus Jack "BANG BANG!", Dreamer is bleeding like a stuck pig. Edge picks up Dreamer, Foley is trying to work out a spot with him. Foley pulls out Sock-O, the fans pop. Edge & Lita hold up Dreamer as Foley delivers the Mandible Claw. Edge backs up and nails Dreamer with a spear and covers him for a pin while Foley keeps the Mandible Claw locked on.
Foley shows off a bloody Mr. Sock-O before he pulls it off and tosses it a dreamer. Edge and Foley shake hands, Foley take's Lita's hand and kisses it, and they all leave the ring. Fans are still cheering for this. Bizarre. Can Mick Foley do no wrong? We'll find out in the coming weeks!
On WWE.com Unlimited, Maria is stretching out backstage, Trish gives some last minute advice to Maria. She says the key to beating Mickie is getting inside her head. Maria starts reflecting on Mickie jumping her afterwards on the Kiss Cam. Trish says that she's got Maria's back tonight. Almost a cute segment. Not as cute as Mickie's segments though *LOL*
Back on RAW we recap Mick Foley turning on Tommy Dreamer.
WWE Women's Championship: champion Mickie James vs. Maria Kanellis (w/ Trish Stratus)
Mickie James makes her bouncy bouncy bouncy entrance first, then Maria and Trish make their entrance next. Mickie starts mocking Trish's injured arm.
James come sout of the corner punching and jabbing the air, acting like she's ready to rumble. Stratus gets up on the apron to distract James, Maria tries for a schoolboy rollup for a quick two count. Mickie charges Maria, Maria ducks it, wraps up James, tries to push her off the ropes for another roll-up, but James holds onto the ropes, then kicks Maria in the face a few times. James grabs Maria by the hair and slams her into the mat, then grabs the hair again and starts pulling on it. James with a stiff elbow into Maria's back. Stratus on the outside encouraging Maria. James picks up Maria, Maria punches back, James counters with a knee and a kick and a axehandle smash before freaking out and choking the shit out of Maria. James sets up Maria for the Laree DDT, nails her FLAT OUT with it, covers and gets the three count.
Afterwards James talks smack to Stratus at ringside, then goes to attack Maria some more. Stratus gets in the ring to stop James and checks on Maria, then tries to charge at James with her right arm. Mickie counters by kicking James right in her injured right shoulder. She then grabs James by the hair, rips off the shoulder brace, and wraps it around Trish's neck. All the sudden out of nowhere, a blonde girl charges James from behind and there's a catfight! Security is quick to stop her and drags her out of the ring. James scurries off up the ramp crying about her runing everything.
Ladies and gentlemen, our newest WWE diva, long-time indie veteran Beth Phoenix! Let me tell you, ITS ABOUT DAMN TIME!
On WWE.com Unlimited, Da Grish host this week's edition of WWE Trivia.
Umaga vs. Tommy Wilson & Kevin Martinson
Back on USA, Armando Alejandro Estrada is in the ring introducing himself again. He's brought two men into the ring to face Umaga. He makes some speil about asking them if they have wife, children or health insurance.
Umaga makes his way into the ring, and attacks thim from nowhere, splashing Martinson in the corner. Wilson tries to attack Umaga from behind and gets a VICIOUS backhand and is throwed out of the ring. Umaga with a nasty chop on Martison, then delivers some hard rights. He chokes him in the corner, picks him up by the neck, puts him on the top turnbuckle, then nails a modified belly-to-back suplex using the guy's neck to send him onto the mat. Martinson is hung upside down in the corner, Umaga backs up and nails the diving headbutt.
Estrada outside the ring direct Umaga to go out and attacks Wilson. Umaga picks Wilson up from behind by the waist and tosses him into the barrier. Umaga starts to get back in the ring, but Estrada orders Umaga to attack Wilson again. Umaga with the big running ass drop right on Wilson's head. Umaga gets back in the ring and does the same thing to Martinson. Estrada tells Umaga to finish him off. Umaga drags Martinson to the middle of the ring, holds up the taped thumb and delivers a Samoan spike, then pins what's left for the kid for the victory.
Now, this was good, but i have to ask - shouldn't we have done this BEFORE we killed Ric Flair on PPV?
Kane vs. Big Show
Kane makes his pyro entrance first, fans are flashing tons of "May 19" signs. Big Show comes out next, taking time to slap hands with the fans.
Show and Kane stare each other down in the ring for a few moments. Big Show mouthing something like he doesn't want to do this, then offers his hand for a handshake, then a fist. Kane reluctantly touches fists with him. They lock up, Kane with an hammerlock into a waistlock. Big Show reverses waistlock with a takedown, and then they break. They lock up again, Kane with a side headlock, Big Show bounces him off the ropes, they try to shoulderblock. Kane charges again, Kane with a DROP TOE HOLD. WTF? Wow. WTF? LOL. That's all I gotta say.
They break again, circle the ring, Big Show raises his hand for a test of strength. Kane accepts and they lock up, Big Show with the advantage, Big Show steps his leg behind Kane and bends him over backwards. Kane powers back up, Show ducks down and pulls Kane over into a firemans carry takeover. Kane still holding the arm, goes into a reverse hammerlock. Big Show rolls out, legsweep, cover by Big Show for a two count. This is bizarre, I wouldn't have EVER epxected these two to actually put on a classic wrestling match! They lock up again, Kane with the hammerlock from behind, Big Show trying to work his way out of it, reverses into his own hammerlock, Kane reverses it again, Big Show with another drop toehold to escape it.
Big Show with a side headlock on Kane, Kane trying to elbow his way out, but then reverses back into a hammerlock again. Big Show backs Kane into a corner, breaks the hold with an elbow smash. Throws Kane into a corner, backs up, charges, Kane with his own drop toe hold, tripping Big Show into the corner. Kane goes up to the top turnbuckle. Suddlenly the arena goes dark, the sound system starts with the whispers of "May 19", then the lights go back on. Kane looks pised off, climbs out of the ring, grabs a chair and gets in the ring with it. Big Show tries to stop him, but Kane blasts Big Show in the gut and the head with the chair, and just starts beating the shit out of him with it. Kane then gets out of the ring and walks off.
They didn't announce a winner, WWE doesn't mention who won either. I'm assuming that means "No Contest". Best PURE WRESTLING match I've seen on RAW in awhile.
The Spirit Squad are backstage, Kenny says that because Shawn Michaels prevented him from beating Cena for the title last week, nobody should pin Michaels but him. The Squad back him up, they do their spot and head to the ring.
WWE 24/7 presents This Week in Wrestling History: May 11, 1985 marked the debut of WWF Saturday Night's Main Event on NBC. Hosts Vince McMahon and Jesse "the Body" Ventura led the broadcast with Hulk Hogan (w/ Mr. T) vs. "Ace Cowboy" Bob Orton, Jr. (w/ "Rowdy" Roddy Piper), and Piper later confronting "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff on a special edition of Piper's Pit.
5-on-2 Handicap Match: WWE World Tag Team champions The Spirit Squad vs. WWE Champion John Cena & "the Heart Break Kid" Shawn Michaels
The Squad make their entrance first, taking time to get in the ring and perform a special cheer to introduce themselves. You know who they remind me of? D-Generation X. Yes, they can be THAT DAMN GOOD.
HBK makes his entrance next, with a revamped RAW Tron and pyros, bowing down to pray to God before the pyros fire, then playing up to the fans to burn some time. The Squad and Michaels jaw at each other for a minute, then John Cena finally makes his seperate entrance. Cena and Michaels charge the ring and chase the Squad out.
HBK and Kenny face off against each other first, Kenny complaining that he should have been the champ. They lockup, Kenny pushes HBK into the corner, the ref breaks it, Kenny slaps HBK. HBK slaps him back, then chops him, winds up the arm, tags into Cena. Kenny breaks out and charges back to his corner, tags in Nicky. Cena and Nicky lock up, Nicky with a wiastlock, tries for a takedown, Cena evades it several times but Nicky finally takes him down, covers for a one count, then goes into a front facelock into a pin, covers, but Cena gets up, clotheslines, shouldertackle, and the rest of the Spirit Squad but Kenny get in the ring and get punched out. HBK gets in the ring to help clear everything out. Kenny has his back to the duo on the apron, the whip him back in, then toss Kenny out of the ring onto the rest of the Squad.
We go to break on USA, pick up the action on Unlimited. The Squad are still tryign to get up. Cena grabs somebody and drags him in, looks like Mitch. Punches him in the head, HBK puts a foot up, and Mitch's head connect with it. Cena tags in HBK. Mitch gets headbutted int he corner. HBK goes up top for a 10-count round of punches. Mitch slumps in the corner afterwards. HBK picks him up, whips him out of the corner, Mitch reverses, goes for a clothesline, HBK with a boot to the face. HBK with an armbar, rams his shoulder into the arm to soften it up, then re-applies the armbar.
Back on USA, apparently Mitch got the upperhand, HBK makes a desperate tag to Cena, and Cena starts cleaning house, eventually taking down Johnny with a series of clotheslines and a shouldertackle, followed by a HUGE powerslam. Cena signals for the Five Knuckle Shuffle and delivers. Cena lines up from behind, picks up Johnny in the FU. The Squad run in to break it up, letting Johnny set up for a back brain kick from behind. Jonny covers gets a two count, tags out to Mikey, who lays in some punches and knees. Mikey throws Cena outside and the rest of the Squad jump on him, and use the trampoline in a spot. Mikey throws Cena back in the ring, teases letting him tag to HBK, then pulls him back into the corner. The Squad choke Cena in the corner while Mikey runs interference. Mikey tags to Kenny, who covers for a two count.
Kenny whips Cena off the ropes and nails a shouldertackle, covers for at wo count. Kenny with a head vice to wear Cena down. Cena starts to power out, punches a few times, bounces off the ropes, goes for the Thesz Press, Kenny ducks it. Kenny wraps Cena up by the leg and drags him into the corner, tags to Nicky. Nicky talks some trash, punches Cena, repeats this several times, then covers and gets a two count. Cena works his way back up, starts punching his way out, Nicky with a sleeperhold, Cena fights to stay alive. Cena stretching for the tag, Nicky keeps pulling him away, finally dragging him back into the corner, tagging out to Mitch. Mitch works over Cena with knees to the head, covers for a two count. Mitch drags his forearm over Cena's head, then works him down into a Cobra Clutch to wear him down.
HBK is up on the buckles cheering Cena. Cena powers up again, works his way out with some punches, bounces off the ropes but Kenny nails him in the back with a knee. The Squad all jump in the ring for a gang beating as the referee tries to restrain HBK. Johnny is tagged in, and him and Mikey execute a double vertical suplex, Johnny covers for a two count, tags in Mikey, covers for a two count. Mikey with a powerslam, goes up to the "high rent district", goes for a senton splash and Cena moves out of the way, Mikey busts his back on the mat! Cena looks around, Mikey makes the tag to Kenny, Cena tags to HBK, the Squad in the ring and HBK is cleaning house again. Kenny gets tossed over the ropes, Mikey with a irish whip, Michaels counters with a clothesline, kips up. Cena is thrown into the steps outside. HBK with a superkick on somebody on the apron.
Kenny grabs a title belt, slides int he ring, and blasts HBK from behind, covers and gets the win. Afterwards Kenny knocks referee Mike Chioda out, strips his belt off, then uses it to start lashing Michaels on the back, with the rest of the Spirit Squad standing guard. Triple H storms down to ringside, looking pissed off. Cena out of nowhere gets in the ring and cleans house. Triple H gets in the ring, turns Cena around, boot to the gut, Pedigree and John Cena is laid out! Triple H looks around the ring, stands over Cena's body, and delivers the D-X chop befor leaving.
That's it for this week, what will Vince McMahon have to say about Triple H once again defying his orders? We'll find out next week. Thanks for reading, guys!
Oh, wait - there's more! Since I'm doing the late night recap (it's a quarter til five!), there was some action afterwards according to some new sites.
It was reported before tonight's show that a steel cage was over the ring, and it was assumed it would be used during the show. Instead Cena gets on the mic and challenges both Triple H and Edge to a steel cage match! Triple H nearly got the win by climbing over the ring and touching the ground first, but Cena beat him to the punch by inches after nailing Edge with the F-U and covering for the pin.