Our thanks to Joe Laracuente from
The Doorstop Nation, who sent us the following review last night.
UWF on ESPN Classic Jan 16thI know I said yesterday I wouldn't review any more UWF then I realized this is kinda funny! The only time I talk about wrestling is shitty UWF,
LOL. Okay before the show starts it's New Year's No Limits with some guy jumping across a football field.
Opening (BTW this is the WORST opening video EVER)
Paul Ordorff vs The GrapplerThe Grappler is from Parts Unknown BTW
Paul Orndorff completely owns he piledrives that's IT! WOW!
2 minutes!!!! Not even more like 1 minute!!
Steve Williams promo on how he will destroy Paul Orndorff OK....
Commercial Wait it's 12:03!!! WTF?
Captian Lou's cornerIt's John Tolos! John questions Lou and claims Lou is washed up.
John also claims how he has more talent in his finger than Lou's' fat body, then Lou eats John's tie. (That makes sense right???)
commercial! WHAT? it's 12:08 and 2 commercials???
Nikita Koloff promo. BTW he's coming to New York. Oh wait, here's Nikita!
Nikita Koloff v. Spitball Patterson
There's a sign that says "Send Koloff back to Siberia."
Oh wait the crowd is cheering for Koloff. What, is he face?
Koloff wins via clothesline
(Wait it's only 12:14)
commercial
Col. Debeers promo. He claims he's the best wrestler in the universe.
Billy Jack Haynes promo
Col. Debeers vs Billy Jack Haynes
Debeers puts Billy Jack in the ropes and we go to commercial.
Bruno: "Debeers is one tough tough tough Cookie!"
Col uses the ropes as a weapon....again
Col goes to the second rope the drops his fist onto Billy
1,2, kick out
Col pushes referee into Billy Jack
Billy gets Colonel into a Full Nelson while in the Full Nelson
Colonel kicks the Referee and gets DQ'd
Colonel attacks the referee LOL. He gives the ref a DDT and calls it the State of Emergency then he spits on him.
A 20 second Ice man promo and that's it for show one.
UWF ON ESPN CLASSIC SHOW #2
Opening video. STILL THE WORST OPENING EVER!!! Even worse THEY SHOW THE OPENING AGAIN - THEY SHOW IT TWICE!!!
It's Barry "The Star of David" Horowitz vs Sunny Beach
DAMN IT NO BRUNO!! DAMN IT!!! FUCK!
The ring apron says "UWF HOTLINE 1-900-490-4UWF" Why would anyone call that number? John Tolos is one of the commentators he says: " You are what you eat! If you eat sushi you are sushi!" Commercial break for energy drinks. Why are energy drinks so bad?
We're back and Sunny Beach still has a headlock on Barry.
knee lift to Sunny
Sunny rolls up Barry 1,2, kick out
Barry abdominal strech to Sunny he uses ropes as advantage
Barry rolls up Sunny 1,2 Sunny reverses the roll up 1,2,3 Sunny wins
Commercial (Time 12:42)
Pez Whatley vs. Vladamir Koloff
YES! YES! YES! YES!
I LOVE PEZ WHATLEY PEZ WHATLEY ONE OF THE BEST GOD REST HIS SOUL!
Pez starts a USA chant
Pez picks up a child at ringside and waves the USA flag
Pez rolls up Koloff 1,2 kick out
Commercial (and BTW it's a commercial for Nutrisystem)
The announcer claims Herb Abrams is recovering from his injuries.
Col. Red hits Pez with some sort of stick he has
Both Pez and Koloff go outside the ring Ref counts 1,2,3,4,5,6,7...
Koloff grabs a chair his Pez twice in the head...
PEZ NO SELLS!!! PEZ NO SELLS!!!
here comes more wrestlers and it's a good ol' clusterfuck...
Double count out
John Tolos claims this is weird how all these wrestlers are out here and there must be a full moon... and that's the END OF THE SHOW. Wait no, they show the opening of the show AGAIN!!! WHAT???? Now it's the end of show.
OVERALL: WOW I have no idea what to say it was pretty bad. I mean if you thought Raw sucked the other night well you were wrong my friend! I have to admit though Grappler vs Paul Orndorff was pretty funny and the same for Col. Debeers attacking a ref! I recommend if you want to watch this show with enjoyment please get beer and or hard liquor. I heard Liz (you know Liz from the Garfield cartoon) likes whiskey. Anyway I might review UWF on ESPN CLASSIC JAN 17th so stay tuned!