Movie Review: The Game Plan

To be honest I wouldn't have bought this movie if I couldn't justify it as a business, but WWE fans still care about Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson (well except for Nikes the Sneaker Pimp) and the Blu Ray was only $24.95 so I thought "What the hell! I'll give it a shot." Needless to say though it's a little disconcerting to pop the disc in my PS3 and almost immediately get a warning screen that says "You may experience delays of up to 2-3 minutes while loading content." Say there Mr. Blu Ray, I pay extra for movies in this format so they'll look better in HD, not so I'll have to sit and wait while looking at a blank screen. Of course the warning screen advises me to upgrade the firmware to the latest version, but the PS3 makes me do that ANYWAY every time I sign on, so I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed that everything is up to par.

Thankfully "The Game Plan" on Blu Ray at least has the courtesy to let me fast forward through a lot of the commercials at the start, something almost all DVD's won't let you do. It's not long before I'm watching the opening Disney Blu-Ray logo and the usual FBI & copyright warnings. Our opening shot is zooming over a waterfront and through a city skyline until we reach a football stadium for "Boston" with a B and three stars in the center of the field. The Boston what, I have no fucking clue. At least when the camera pans the trophy case I've already got Rock's character figured out - he's a football player named Joe Kingman. His pet bulldog comes over and starts licking his hand to wake him up, at which point every aspect of his luxurious computer controlled house is activated with the push of a button, from the windows to the TV to the fireplace. Kingman mixed up a creatine fileld smoothie, pumps some weights, puts on his helmet and uniform and heads to the stadium.

We see Kingman on the field in Boston (apparently they are "The Rebels") and he tells everybody to follow his lead and he'll lead them to the promised land. Even though he has a wide receiver wide open, we get our first glimpse of Kingman's arrogance as he instead opts to run the ball into the end zone himself. He plays the football like a guitar in the end zone as the crowd cheers him on. Next we're at a post-game party at Kingman's palatial estate. In true Rock fashion he refers to himself only in the third person, telling a female friend that The King is going to miss her a great deal before offering her a gift. One of his star players bails on the party (apparently on New Year's Eve) saying he'd rather be at home with his wife. After the party ends he plays with his bulldog Spike, throwing him a football shaped biscuit, before sitting down in a huge empty house - giving us a glimpse of how lonely he is when he's not being The King.

Next we see Stuart Scott doing a profile of Kingman on ESPN, noting that if football is all he cares about, there's obviously something amiss considering Kingman is in his 30's and he has yet to win a championship ring. After fast forwarding through the video, Kingman's doorman tells him he has a female visitor, very cute. He tells the doorman to send her up, opens his door and looks out to see nobody. "Hello. Goodbye!" He shuts the door. The door rings and this time he looks down to see a little girl, who we learn is named Payton. (I'm going to assume it's not Peyton like Peyton Manning, but what do I know.) At first Kingman thinks she's selling Girl Scout cookies and tries to shoo her away. Then he thinks she wants an autograph, and says he'll give her one for free. When he turns around to go get it she runs into his home and starts playing with Spike. "Be careful he's a vicious bulldog!" Payton: "Oh sure he's gonna lick me to death." She explains that he is her father, the daughter he had with his ex-wife. While he examines the birth certificate she brought with her she plays his Joe Kingman pinball machine, and Kingman calls (presumably) his lawyer.

While Kingman consults her about whether or not the girl could really be his daughter (which she confirms) he ponders how to "fix this" only to be told that if it got out he had a paternity test he'd look like a guy who abandoned his daughter and lose all his million dollar deals and endorsements. Not long after this comedy ensues, as the first mishap with his daughter occurs when he takes her with to Rebels practice and she offers him some cookies she made herself. Payton made them with cinnamon, Kingman is allergic to cinnamon, so every time he tries to call a play or shoot a commercial at practice he sounds like Sylvester the Puddy Cat. At least Kingman has the good sense to blindfold her when she follows him into the lockerroom, where she gets in an argument with one of his fellow players about her name (apparently she's named after a Nobel Prize winner).

Honestly at this point I had hoped I would be laughing out loud, and I'm even having a few drinks to help get the juices flowing, but so far there hasn't been so much as a chuckle. At least it starts to pick up when she causes a few pratfalls in the house, including tripping over her "bedazzler" and when she does a ballerina twirl and accidentally starts an open blender, sending his special "Joe Drink" shooting all over the kitchen floor and walls. At this point Kingman gets so frustrated he actually draws up a "playbook" for her with X's and O's showing where she is and isn't allowed to go in his place. From there he picks out a nanny for her at practice and takes her along to the opening of his brand new restaurant. At the party she starts bonding with the players, even getting the one who growled at her in the lockerroom earlier to help her pick out a dress for her doll.

Turns out at this point we find out the overbearing woman who I thought was Joe's lawyer earlier is his agent Stella. Stella tries to manage an embarassing incident which stems from Kingman forgetting his daughter was at the restaurant party (which made tabloid headlines) by getting him a stationwagon with "#1 DAD" license plates and bumper stickers all over the back. Joe tries to win over a press skeptical about his "BAD DAD" snafu but it turns out that Payton wins over them over with a cute smile and a story about how her dad is teaching her that she can do anything with "motivation and determination." When they're all smiling Kingman tells her that was very good and she says "It's gonna cost ya!" Apparently the cost is taking her to ballet class.

The comedy keeps coming but I'm still not laughing, including Payton accidentally turning off a basketball game when his teammates are over during a last second shot, switching the TV to "The Magical World of Ponies." He tells her she has to take a bath and go to bed immediately, which of course causes her to fill up his special shower with so much bubble bath it overflows and goes all over the place, at which point he discovers she "bedazzled" his Joe Kingman special football. At the end of the night she ends up sleeping in his $10,000 orthopedic bed with Spike, while he sleeps on the couch. The next day he tries to workout to rock music, and she keeps switching to classical so she can practice ballet. Kingman wins his playoff game but is late picking up Payton for her next ballerina practice, so her instructor comes and finds Kingman getting a massage. Not surprisingly this is the predictable romance portion of this family film, where through grit and determination (and pretending to be a tree) he falls for her and vice versa.

At least midway through this movie we're treated to an impromptu "Rock Concert," something I haven't heard since his last heel run in WWE. I'll say this much - The Rock is charming, the little kid is cute, but this movie should have been a lot funnier if they intended for it to appeal to kids AND adults. I know this was a big box office smash but right now I'm not seeing it. The only plus side I can offer right now is that $24.95 for the Blu Ray is still cheaper than going to the movies on a Friday night, but just barely ($10 for a ticket and $15 for a popcorn, drink & food combo). I would say the movie makes me a little envious of the bonding relationship between Kingman and his kid if anything, because my wife and I have been talking about having kids for a while now and still haven't gotten around to it yet. If anything I'll keep the Blu-Ray of this movie just so I can show it to my kids when I finally have some. (That will be my excuse for The Jungle Book too, but honestly I've loved that movie since I was Payton's age and I still do.)

The best part of the movie thus far has been watching The Rock and Payton's ballerina instructor solidify their romance by performing during Payton's ballet, but quite honestly I'd have been shocked if The Rock err Joe Kingman couldn't pull off ballet moves. After all even when he was playing for Miami there's a very real possibility ballet could have been part of his training regimen - how else do you think football players learn to balance on just one toe and stay in bounds when making the winning touchdown catch? Still not laughing though. I'm impressed that The Rock got into this role as deeply (and convincingly) as he did but I really thought this was supposed to be a family comedy but clearly at this point it's targetted for the 12-and-under set. Funny how the Pixar animated movies seem to work on levels for both kids and adults but the Disney live-action movie is having a hard time pulling that trick off.

There's an unexpected plot twist two-thirds of the way through the movie, and for those who haven't seen it yet or who plan on picking it up I won't spoil it, but Payton's life is a lot more complicated than she led Kingman or anyone else to believe from early on in the film. Nonetheless as you might expect from a sappy predictable formulaic Disney family movie Kingman discovers the most important thing in his life is the thing he never knew he had before the movie started - a daughter. Amazingly (or perhaps not so amazingly) this revelation even causes him to look at film of the very first game that opened this film, where he realizes just how selfish he was by running in the game-winning play when his receiver was wide open. Not surprisingly this leads to the heart-warming climax at the end where despite being injured Joe Kingman comes back out on the field to lead his team, only because he has truly learned what's important to him and it gives him new-found confidence.

Overall Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson's acting in this film - predictable and formulaic, but he makes the best of the script he was given to him (which just wasn't that good) and tries to inject enough charisma and personality into it to make it worthwhile. Madison Pettis as his daughter Peyton (which is it turns out spelled with an E - thanks Wikipedia) is way better than any young actress can be expected at her age though and is the REAL star of this show. The supporting cast is good, the quality of the cinematogrophy and directing leaves little to complain about, but the film as a whole is as predictable as a Ric Flair match right down to the knife-edge chops and figure four leglock. I give this film a mild thumbs up - probably a thumbs down if your only purpose in buying or renting it was to see The Rock, but a thumbs up if you picked it up for a good wholesome movie the whole family can watch. The only problem with wholesome family movies is that like Cam'Ron's rhymes they always stick to the same cliched scheme, which although sometimes appealing often leaves you feeling underwhelmed and a little bit let down in the end.