| Date: 01/29 | 9:00 PM |
| Views: 2,475 | |
This is the first thing I've felt up to writing in two days.
ECW is live! Joey Styles promises us a "championship fiesta" for the new ECW Champion, Chavo Guerrero. Before that though Kane is the first man to come out and some girls in the audience are screamingly REALLY loudly. Either that or the new HD mics are picking up sound WAY better... or WWE is sweetening the sound. My picture still isn't in HD though, I only have SD Sci-Fi.
* Kane v. Shelton Benjamin
Tazz notes that Shelton got superkicked very quickly out of the Rumble by HBK, calling that "a big time upset." Kane throws Shelton into the corner and unloads with an uppercut. Benjamin gets thrown out once, skins the cat, and then gets CLOTHESLINED out when he comes back in. Kane goes outside the ring to hunt Shelton down when he walks away and drags him back into the ring. Kane goes up to the top rope, but Shelton jumps straight to the top rope from the canvas and hits a superplex for two. Clearly the story of this match is agility vs. power - which one will reign supreme? Shelton pulls Kane to the corner and snaps a leg off the ringpost repeatedly, which Tazz and Styles describe as an attack on the knee from both sides. Shelton dropkicks the same leg to keep up the offense, and the crowd tries to cheer Kane back into it. Leg lock is snapped off on the bag leg, then a single leg Boston crab is applied. Kane rolls to his back to escape and manages to goozle Shelton, but he kicks the knee to break the chokeslam. Kane counters with uppercuts and hard clotheslines, then follows up with a powerslam for 2. Sidewalk slam by Kane. To the top rope for a flying clothesline! Kane signals it's all over. Spinning leg lariat by Shelton to block the chokeslam. Shelton gets to the ropes, Kane chases him down and puts the goozle on, but Shelton snaps Kane's neck off the ropes. He comes back in and Kane gives him a big boot, and Shelton rolls out to the floor and starts to walk away again. The referee makes the 10 count and it's all over. WINNER VIA COUNTOUT: KANE.
So now they're changing the story for Shelton Benjamin from "undefeated on ECW" to "UNPINNED." I'm not even making this up - Joey Styles said as much. That's why these win streak gimmicks usually become bullshit, sooner or later they have to be redefined and stretched beyond all plausible belief. Kane fumes at Shelton as Kelly Kelly heads towards the ring from backstage, and we head to a commercial break.
We're back with a WWE "Slam of the Week" presented by Rambo. It's the "Best Body Contest" from last week on ECW, in which Kelly Kelly beat both Layla and Lena Yada, at which point they gave her a double bulldog. Tony Chimel announces a divas match scheduled for one fall. SHIT. We have to watch Kelly Kelly wrestle. I'm gonna be sick all over again.
* Kelly Kelly v. Victoria
If Victorious doesn't beat Kelly quickly and cleanly there is no justice. Kelly tries to shover her and Victoria easily shoves her down to the ground. Lena and Layla come out from the back, apparently to watch at ringside. Legdrop on Kelly. Tazz ponders Victoria vs. Beth Phoenix and says it would be a hell of a match - I agree! Victoria yanks Kelly around by the hair and then gives her shoulders to the gut in the corner. Kelly tries to roll through for a pinfall and is not successful. Victoria responds by bashing her head into the canvas repeatedly. Kelly counters a fireman's carry into a spinning headscissors (which Victoria did all the work on) and then hits a series of clotheslines and blows for a two count. Victoria hurks Kelly up for the Widow's Peak and it's all over, thank Cthulhu! WINNER: VICTORIA.
Lena and Layla get in the ring to beat up an already beaten down Kelly Kelly, then they raise Victoria's hands in tribute to her win. She mocks Kelly one more time before leaving the ring by mocking kicking the dust off her shoes into Kelly's face. As we go to commercial Colin Delaney is taped up and banged up backstage, and Styles is incredulous that he's going to compete again TONIGHT.
We come back from break with a commercial full of highlights from the Royal Rumble, including John Cena coming out at #30! Next we get a promo for No Way Out, three weeks away, where Cena will be challenging Orton for the WWE Championship. Tazz is in the ring and asks for a round of applause for Colin Delaney. Some cheers, some boos. Tazz says we have to catch the viewers up on what's happened to you, whether you want to see it or not, and helps turn him to face the video screen. We see him enduring one brutal squash after another from everybody in WWE, including taking the vice grip from Khali last week. Tazz compliments him on still standing - more cheers and boos. Tazz says his good news is that he doesn't have to face any of these guys tonight, he doesn't even have to face ONE guy tonight, but he does have to be in a 2-on-1 handicap match.
* The Miz & John Morrison v. Colin Delaney
Morrison bounces around the ring boxer style and slaps Delaney. Miz gives him a flying tackle in the corner. Delaney flops to the ground and Miz misses a possible neck snap off the ropes. Miz goes outside to pull him up and Morrison aims a missle kick at his chest. Two-on-one bulldog, two count, and Miz pulls him up saying "NOT YET" to the ref. Reality Check on Colin. Corkscrew neckbreaker by Morrison. Morrison puts a finger on him, Miz puts a foot on him, the ref counts three. WINNERS: MORRISON & MIZ. They start beating him down after the match but the crowd erupts when Tommy Dreamer comes out to make the save. Miz and Morrison escape the ring and leave gloating. Promo for "The Legacy of Stone Cold Steve Austin" DVD as we go to break.
Tazz thanks Airbourne for their song "Stand Up For Rock'n'Roll" - the Royal Rumble theme. It might just be me but Airbourne's logo looks like a parody of Metallice. CM Punk makes his way out to the ring, presumably for a match.
* CM Punk v. Elijah Burke
Tazz & Styles note that Punk last 24 minutes and Burke drew #28 in the Rumble. Punk hits a scoop slam on Burke and then unloads with chops. Punk throws Burke into the ropes but he counters, climbs to the top, and comes off with a forearm. Burke wails on him in the corner for a bit and finally Punk fights out as the crowd chants him on. A fan in the front row holds up a "CM GUT" sign. Burke grounds Punk and applies a chinlock. Punk fights his way back up but Burke grapevines him and takes him down in what's nearly a rear naked choke. Punk tries again to escape and Burke keeps grounding him. Finally Punk manages to shove Burke off in the corner and hits the running step up knee, then catches Burke on a leapfrog to give him the G2S. WINNER: CM PUNK.
Elijah Burke has hit that glass ceiling yet again. Styles throws us to a video package for Edge v. Rey Mysterio, which ends quickly as they show "Chavo Guerrero's Championship Celebration" on the screen again as Tazz screams "I LOVE FIESTAS! ARRIBA!"
Promo for Jeff Hardy being in the new issue of WWE Magazine as we come back from break, as Styles reminds us he can win another title shot at No Way Out by surviving the Elimination Chamber. Here comes Kofi Kingston! I hope his match this week is a whole lot less sloppy than his debut last week.
* Kofi Kingston v. Rob Ecko
Collar and elbow tie-up. Kofi overpowers Rob with ease and puts on a headlock. Kofi knocks Rob down with a series of shoulder tackles, hits a flying armdrag, and puts Rob in another headlock. Rob gets a reversal into a wristlock but Kofi sweeps the leg and goes back to controlling the head. Rob tries to punch his way out but Kofi hits a flying crossbody and clotheslines. Rob kicks him in the head so Kofi DROPKICKS him in the head. BO! BO! Double leg drop on the chest. Enzuguiri type kick and it's all over. WINNER: KOFI KINGSTON.
Kofi laughs and celebrates in the ring, then high-fives the fans at ringside. We go backstage to see Chavo's mariachi band warming up and then to another commercial break. I should note that Kofi was getting scattered boos during this match, but looked far more impressive than he did last week.
The teaser for Raw next week is all about whether or not Orton's days are numbered with Cena back. In the ring are the mariachi band and the ECW Commandante himself Armando Estrada. The crowd boos as the mariachi band plays. I'm with Tazz - they don't appreciate the art of mariachi. "Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor and pleasure to introduce to ju, the new ECW champion, Chavo Guerrero!" As Chavo walks out to the ring in a sportcoat and dress shirt with the belt around his waist, a fan holds up a sign reading "CHAVO: ECW CHUMP."
"Chavo, unfortunately, Vickie Guerrero is not going to be here tonight due to a tragic injury suffered at the Royal Rumble, nor will Edge who is by her side, but I'm happy to announce they sent along this pre-recorded congratulatory message." Edge: "Thanks to Rey six-one-nining Vickie, physically and emotionally she's not in a good place right now. I'm here to comfort here. Nonetheless we wanted to congratulate you and thank you, thank you for bringing us all together as a family of champions. And as part of my new familia, this is a gift to you." Edge throws to a video package of Chavo career highlights. It's sad when you think about it - Morrison lost the title for being busted with steroids, Punk won and he's "drug free," and now another man who was suspended for steroids holds the title.
Chavo compliments Edge and calls him "my familia, my brother, and my friend." He says Rey will get what's coming to him. "To all you fans, I wanna tell you, I TOLD YOU SO!!!" Huge chorus of boos. "You didn't want to listen, and I told you, that CM Punk is NOT the future of this business." (YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!) "I told you that CM Punk was NOTHING but a stepping stone. I also told you 2008 was gonna be my year to once again become a champion. So now take a good, long, look at your NEW, ECW, Champion!" He pulls his sportcoat open to show off the belt to even more boos. "And now, I want to invite all of you, in celebrating my championship, celebrate it with EL CAMPEON, and celebrate it with the champion's FIESTA! Hola muchachos!" The mariachi band starts playing again and Chavo struts around the ring celebrating. Red and green balloons drop down from the ceiling and Chavo jumps up on the ropes to pose, and all of a sudden a mariachi cracks him over the head with a guitar! The mariachi takes off his hat - CM PUNK IN DISGUISE! He pulls the belt off Chavo's waist and poses over him with it. He carefully puts the belt back on his waist as we get a replay of Punk cracking him with it, then ripping off his fake mustache. That's how tonight's show ends!