02/10/08: TNA Against All Odds Live Recap

Yes believe it or not I bought a TNA PPV. It's Sunday night, it's $29.95, and I've got to see Awesome Kong vs. ODB and Booker T vs. Robert Roode so what the hell! Live coverage starts in just five minutes. Hit F5 or refresh as often as you like for updates!

Welcome to Against All Odds 2008, live from Greenville, South Carolina - live except for Barbed Wire Massacre 2 that is! For the last 48 hours the story going around online is that TNA was so desperate to fill up the Bi-Lo Center that they were giving away tickets at the box office. We'll soon now how well they succeeded in filling up the venue. The satellite farm has played and here's the six-sided ring... and out comes the color guard and some singer from Greenville named Joe Trusty to sing the national anthem! So far we can't really tell because the cameras are focused on the soldiers.

Okay now the camera is panning the building and B.G. James is standing on the ramp with Bullet Bob. I've never heard of Joe Trusty but he's doing a fine job - much better than Roseanne Barr at any rate. It looks like they gave away as many tickets as they needed to because the Bi-Lo Center looks full of fans and they're all happily screaming "U-S-A! U-S-A!" Now TNA is doing a video package full of national monuments and focusing on all the current feuds going into tonight's PPV. They use a voice modulator to make Father James Mitchell sound more creepy, which in my book isn't really necessary. Robert Roode and Kurt Angle are paired with Richard Nixon and George Bush in the package - appropriate choices!

We're back to the Bi-Lo Center again and the South Carolina Army National Guard are accompanying B.G. and Bullet Bob to the ring. Time for B.G.'s promo! "Now then, in honor, of all the men and women in uniform not just here but abroad, we got three words for ya - GOD BLESS AMERICA!" It would have been so much funnier if he had turned heel on them and said "SUCK IT" but I guess patriotism is B.G.'s new gimmick.

* AJ Styles & Tyson Tomko {C} v. B.G. & Bullet Bob (TNA Tag Team Titles)

As usual Mike Tenay is overexplaining the hell out of everything, reminding us that AJ Styles & Tyson Tomko aren't getting along, and that Styles has joined forces with Angle while Tomko has reaffirmed his friendship with Christian Cage. What's funny is that despite how shitty Impact often is, this is one storyline that doesn't need explaining - they've made it CRYSTAL CLEAR. Styles takes a mic: "Tomko you ain't called me back in three weeks. You want to be your own man, that's fine! Then you go and side with Christian Cage. I need an explanation right now before we start this match!" Tomko: "You see that there, that's representing the best wrestling family ever, and they're supported by the marines. You need to get your head straight or we're gonna lose these belts!"

You might suspect a title change here, because they sent out Jeremy Borash to do the "big match" introduction for both the challengers and the champions, including stating that Styles & Tomko weighed in at "a combined 502 pounds." I'm going to assume that's 170 for AJ and 332 for Tomko, and I'm not only being generous to AJ I'm probably inflating Tomko by 52 pounds because there doesn't appear to be any fat on him. The bell rings and B.G. comes out first, with AJ Styles smiling at him.

There's no question that Styles & Tomko are the heels in this match, because the crowd is all the way behind B.G. and pop big when he finally smacks the taste out of AJ's mouth with a punch and tags in his father. Bullet Bob is in remarkable shape for a man old enough to be my dad, and probably the grandfather of many people reading. Bullet Bob gives AJ a knife edge chop and he falls down in pain and bails out by tagging Tomko. B.G. asks Bob if he's sure he wants Tomko, dad says yes. Tomko yells at B.G. he should have tagged his father out, but Bob slaps Tomko in the face. Bob unloads with chops and tags B.G. back in, and they whip Tomko off to knock him down with double elbows.

B.G. goes for a series of quick covers that don't work, then throw Tomko back to their corner - they're doing a good job of cutting off the ring so far. Tomko finally gets Bob up and gives him a big power slam. AJ tags in and now they have the heat on Bob so I'm gonna go get a slice of pizza. Bob finally knocks Tomko off and gets the hot tag to B.G. AJ is the legal man. B.G. ducks a clothesline, pop locks and punches AJ with a right hand. He drops a knee and goes for a cover but Tomko makes the save. Tomko gets ahold of B.G. but he escapes and AJ hits his own partner with a flying forearm. Pump handle slam by B.G. and AJ kicks out at 2.9! B.G. rolls out to the floor to beat up Tomko, who was beating up Bob. B.G. comes back in and AJ comes off the top with a missile dropkick to the knee, then starts stomping on B.G.'s head. AJ pulls him up and throws him back down as B.G. sells the knee hard. Double team tornadoplex, Tomko makes the cover, the champs retain! WINNERS AND STILL TNA TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: TOMKO & STYLES.

Kip comes out to the ring to check on B.G. who is still selling the knee. AJ backs up the ramp with the crown on his head, smiling and laughing, and Tomko pulls his arms down and points a finger in his face to lecture to him. Kip, bullet Bob and the officials help pull B.G. up. The Vince Russo double swerve is in effect since Kip DIDN'T turn on his family. Karen is screaming at Borash and Angle when we go TO THE BACK so I fast forward through her obnoxious yelling BULLSHIT.

* Traci Brooks v. Payton Banks

Don West actually has to explain to us that Brooks is pretending Payton is Robert Roode. Brooks spears Rain I mean Banks out of her shoes and socks and they roll out to the padded floor. Brooks pounds on her back, kicks her butt, and we get a nice shot of her cleavage in the pink top she's wearing. Ooh la la! Brooks throws Banks into the barricade for some knife edge chops. It's a beautiful beating from one buxom bodacious babe. Banks responds by throwing Brooks into the steel steps and whipping her into the guardrail. Banks throws Brooks back into the ring and brings down boots on her boobs. Brooks battles back with chops but Banks blows her up with elbows to the back. Banks hits the backstabber a la Carlito but can't get the bin.. err pin!

Crowd is cheering Brooks on to give her strength and she makes a comeback with knife edge chops and knees to the rack of Banks. Banks slumps into the ropes a la a six-one-nine but Brooks gives her a tomato buster instead and covers her for two. Brooks goes to the top rope but Banks cuts her off and knocks her down - very sloppy looking. Shoulders to the gut of Brooks... Brooks moves out of the way, Banks spears the corner post, and Brooks rolls her up for three! WINNER: TRACI BROOKS.

Brooks is so happy after the match she's near tears but Banks wipes her out with a northern lariat. Brooks gets back to her feet and throws Banks out to the floor, and Banks decides discretion is the better part of not getting your ass kicked. We throw to Scott Hudson IN THE BACK. Or do we! They promised us Scott Hudson but instead we get a video package for Make Believe Muscle... although it turns out it's actually MAPLE LEAF MUSCLE. Who knew! We finally go to Scott Hudson and Petey cuts a SHOCKINGLY GOOD PROMO, saying he was doing curls in his mother's womb and snapped his own umbilical cord, and that TNA stands for his TOTALLY NATURAL ABS. Steiner warns Williams not to copy him in the ring tonight, no matter how much of a fan he is, but Williams tells Hudson that Steiner needs to turn down the volume on his vocals and that tonight is Maple Leaf Muscle's night!

* 'Maple Leaf Muscle' Petey Williams vs. 'Big Poppa Pump' Scott Steiner (Winner Gets Both Cases)

After being warned not to copy Steiner, TNA has Williams do the obvious thing and copy every single thing Steiner does, including posing on the turnbuckles while Steiner's sirens wail and doing an arm curl pose at the start of the match. Steiner overpowers him with a hip toss and Williams rolls to the floor. Steiner chases him outside and Williams rolls back in the ring and does sit-ups! We get dueling "LET'S GO STEINER" and "LET'S GO PETEY" chants. Steiner knocks down Williams and pumps up an elbow but Williams rolls out to avoid the drop. Jawbreakers and a spin kick knock Steiner down for a quick coer but Steiner responds with a belly to belly suplex, then hangs Williams in a tree of woe for a beating.

I wish I had a "pyro and ballyhoo" script so I knew who was the face and who was the heel in this match. Steiner does power moves and finally gets to drop the elbow, opting to do push-ups instead of go for the cover. Steiner drops him off the ropes with a fall away slam but pulls him up instead of pinning him for more punishment. Eventually this backfires and Williams makes a comeback. Scott cuts him off and goes outside the ring to get the cases, sets them up wedged between the ropes, Slick Johnson gets in the way of Steiner and Williams ends up throwing Scott into a case! He goes for a Canadian Destroyer but can't lock it on and Steiner escapes. Petey goes for a Steiner Recliner but Steiner escapes. Williams gets low-blowed but responds by throwing Scott into another case then going for a missile dropkick off the top! Some gigantic muscular black woman comes out to the apron, challenges Petey to a posedown to distract him, he accepts and Steiner hits him with a big powerbomb for three! WINNER OF BOTH CASES: SCOTT STEINER.

Steiner's new freak poses with him and she's actually an inch or two taller than he is. We go TO THE BACK and as Borash is trying to run down the card Angle tells Borash "SHUT UP WITH THE ANNOUNCING SHIT" (paraphrased) and wants to know what he's going to do now that Karen walked out on him. Borash says you're talking to the right guy because I wrote a book about relationships, so Angle says "okay how do I treat her - PROPERLY." Borash tells Kurt he has to hold her, caress her, whisper sweet nothings in her ear.. and he demonstrates by doing all these things to Kurt. Kurt slaps him. Borash asks Kurt what day next Thursday is, and after Kurt guesses that it's July he finally figures out that it's Valentine's Day. Borash tells him to renew his vows next Thursday, and again demonstrates how to show her love.. and AJ walks in behind this and only sees Borash and Angle making googly eyes at each other. Angle professes innoncence: "He was me, I was Karen! You don't understand!" Ha ha ha - except it's not funny. Neither is watching Eric Young "train" for his beer drinking championship, although it does make me want a cold Michelob.

* Eric Young {C} v. James Storm (Beer Drinking Championship)

God damnit Mike Tenay can't make up his mind. First he says this is not an official TNA title, then he says counting the BDC we have FIVE titles on the line tonight, not just four! Fuck it this title means more than the X Division title at this point. Storm cracks Young over the head while he's getting moral support from the crowd, then throws him back into the ring for the bell. I guess we're going to have a traditional wrestling match as opposed to a drinking contest. Young throws Storm out and does a HIGH crossbody off the top rope to wipe him out on the floor. Young chases the pride of Tennessee, Miss Jackie herself away, then throws Storm ribs first into the rail before throwing him back intot he ring. Jackie grabs a leg to keep him from going back into the ring, he chases her through the ropes, then Storm spits in his eyes and gets the advantage.

Storm kicks Young in the head and sends him flying to the floor, where he peels up the pads at ringside to slam Young down hip first. Storm throws him back out to the floor again from the ring, goes for a suplex, but Young counters into a suplex of his own on the concrete. Young throws Storm back in, blocks a punch, but gets hung up on the ropes for a DDT. Tenay reminds us that tonight's PPV eminates from TWO cities so the Impact Zone will host Barbed Wire Massacre 2. Storm airplane spins Young with his "Eye of the Storm" and releases him hard before stomping on him some more. You know in any other match the beer-drinking trash-talking charismatic Storm would actually be a babyface. Young gets a comeback and powerbombs Storm across the ring, then clotheslines Storm down once he gets back up.

Young gets a belly to belly suplex and covers for 2.5. He pulls Storm up but Storm gets a jawbreaker and a scoop slam then applauds for himself to make the crowd boo. he goes up to the top rope for a senton and misses as Young gets out of the way. Young goes to the top for a backwards moonsault and CONNECTS but can only get 2.9 on the pin. Jackie interferes, Young uses her as a battering ram on Storm's nuts, then does a DOUBLE death valley driver with both of them on his back! Young still can't get three. Storm throws Young down hard and tries to use the ropes for leverage but can only get two. Jackie throws a beer bottle in to Storm and he drinks it but Rhino hits the ring and GORE GORE GORRRES Storm! Young crawls over and makes the cover for three. WINNER AND STILL BEER DRINKING CHAMPION: ERIC YOUNG.

Rhino: "You know, I've got a lot to say, but... but tonight is not the time or place! So Thursday, on Impact, that might be the time and place, but there's one thing for sure - Rhino's back to KICK, SOME, ASS!" Rhino gets to pose in the ring for all of two seconds before we throw TO THE BACK IN ORLANDO where Jim Cornette is being interviewed by Generic Blonde #7. Cornette says the South Carolina Athletic Commission stepped in and said because somebody could be injured or maimed Barbed Wire Massacre 2 was not allowed to take place anywhere in the state. Cornette says that because they booked and promoted the match the match is still going to take place, even if it has to take place in Florida. Cornette puts over the four-pronged barbed wire, saying it can rip up the flesh of a thousand pound bull, and the rubs a fruit skin against the wire to show how it will cut you up. We throw to a video package for ODB v. Awesome Kong.

* Awesome Kong {C} v. ODB (TNA Women's Knockout Championship)

Hell yeah! Time to get my $29.95 worth. This is what I've been waiting to see! Tenay reads us a completely useless "tale of the tape" for both women - I mean it's not like this is UFC. ODB comes out first having spastic fits on the ramp and drinking from her ever-present flask of booze, as a fan in the crowd says "FORGET WRESTLING JUST GET NAKED." You know I might be crazy, but I wouldn't mind seeing ODB in a Jewel D'Nyle porno video. Kong comes out next with her manager Cheerleader Melissa Saeed. ODB lets her enter and walks around the ring staring her down. Senior official Rudy Charles holds up the belt as she jumps up and down outside the ring, giant boobies bouncing. ODB finally slides in and the bell rings. ODB yells at Kong, Kong shoves her away, ODB comes over and shoves Kong away! Kong yanks ODB's hair, ODB yanks her braids, and Kong finally overpowers her with a shoulder tackle. ODB rolls out to the floor for a drink and Saeed starts yelling at her. ODB yells at her "don't mess with a BIG ANGRY BITCH" and scares her off.

ODB gets back in the ring but Kong knocks her down and puts a boot to the back of her head. She pulls ODB up by the hair and then flings her out of the ring to the floor. Kong throws her into the steel guardrail knee first. ODB whips her back first into another barricade as the front row fans chant "O-D-B" at the top of their lungs and the Bi-Lo Center picks it up. Kong throws ODB back in and follows her slowly, and ODB starts screaming to pimp herself up. Kong pulls her up and clubs her down with a blow to the back. ODB blocks an Awesome Bomb, ends up sitting on the ropes, tries to give Kong a Dirty Dozen but can only get off one. Kong goes for a spinning backfist and misses. ODB goes for a dropkick and connects. ODB to the second rope, slaps her boobs, and does a Lou Thesz press for two!

ODB tries to pick up Kong for a slam but she's just too big. Kong hits ODB with the Implant Buster but she kicks out! Kong goes to the second rope for a splash but ODB cuts her off, gets underneath her, and picks her up for a slam! ODB goes for the cover and gets ... 2.9! Damn, I thought she had her! ODB screams out loud, and goes for the flask to get some liquid courage. She psychs up and charges Kong to punch her in the chest once... twice.. Saeed gets on the apron, ODB knocks her down to the floor but Kong finally connects with the spinning backfist. Huge Awesome Bomb follows! WINNER AND STILL TNA KNOCKOUT CHAMP: AWESOME KONG. Great match! I hope they give ODB another shot, because these two big brawling bitches make for some great chemistry in the ring. Kong glares at her from the ramp as ODB gets up, and we get thrown once again TO THE BACK IN ORLANDO.

Father James Mitchell is cutting a promo, looking like a painted up harlot (somebody cut down on the rouge) and he says that when barbed wire rips into Abyss' skin mommy won't be there to save him, nor will she when it cuts into his bones. "Please daddy, make it stop, don't hurt me anymore! That's when I'm going to show you the truest parental love possible, and have Judas Mesias send you straight to hell." Apparently Mitchell got his book of parenting skills from one Vincent Kennedy McMahon. We get the video package for Barbed Wire Massacre 2 that they've been showing in all the Against All Odds commercials, so I can only assume this pre-taped match airs next!

We're in Orlando now, and Cornette is there with a six sided ring where the ropes have been replaced by barbed wire, and there's a full crowd in the Impact Zone watching. Logically you'd have to question why a whole crowd would show up at the Impact Zone for just one match, but since this is wrestling I encourage you to ignore the obvious logic holes and just watch the match - or in this case read the recap of it.

* Judas Mesias v. Chris Abyss (Barbed Wire Massacre 2)

Mesias is lead the ring by Mitchell, wearing a metal mask, which he rips off to let the blood capsules pour out of his mouth. Abyss comes out next and Tenay warns us that if you are faint of heart, don't watch, and that women and children shouldn't watch either because this match has no equal when it comes to violence. I hope they've got enough big video screens at the Bi-Lo Center for everyone to see this match, although I suspect some people may be going to take a piss or get some popcorn right now since nothing is happening live there. Abyss and Mesias test their strength and then push apart, circling each other inside the confines of the wire. If you're wondering how they got in without cutting each other up, it appears they left a foot of space at the bottom of the wires for both men to roll under.

Mesias charges Abyss, Abyss tries to scoop him up to drop him in the wire, Mesias escapes and dropkicks Abyss into it - he catches his scarred up arm on the wire. Mesias tries to attack him again and Abyss drops him chest first into the wiring. Abyss charges him and Mesias hits a drop toe hold to send him into the wire. Raven would no doubt approve of this if he hadn't already left TNA. Mesias tries to charge Abyss again but Chris Abyss gets a big boot up to block and rolls out under the wire... to get MORE wire from under the ring, which in this case is wrapped around a steel chair. The crowd chants "WHO'S YOUR DADDY!" at both men. Abyss lays the barbed wire chair on Mesias but before he can splash it Mesias kicks the chair's edge up into his crotch. For no good reason the crowd chants that was awesome (nah it really wasn't) then Mesias starts beating him over the head with said same chair.

Mesias rolls out to the floor to get a board that's covered in barbed wire, which Mitchell helps him toss over the "ropes" so to speak. Abyss rolls out to the floor to avoid any punishment on the board, but Mesias follows him out and starts punching him in the head, before biting Abyss' cut in his head to "make the blood flow faster" according to Don West. Abyss responds by flinging Mesias into the steel steps and searching under the ring for a weapon, which turns out to be another barbed wire board. Abyss sets the board across the guardrail all the way to the ring apron. Abyss tucks Mesias and prepares to bomb him into the stretched out board, but Mitchell makes the save with a blow to the back and Mesias throws him back into the ring. Mitchell hands Mesia a length of barbed wire and Mesias uses it to break open the skin on his arm, before putting it in his mouth and biting down on it. Mesias continues to pound the length of wire into Abyss' forehead and then rakes it down his arm.

Mesias is in such complete control here I can take a beer break, but before I do I must note that it's unavoidable that this looks and feels like an Impact match after the rest of this PPV has been taking place live in the Bi-Lo Center. Okay I'm back just in time for Mesias to be dropped face first by Abyss into the barbed wire board! Well actually West SAID face first but the replay looks more like CROTCH first. The action spills outside and Abyss chokeslams Mesias into the board he stretched out across the guardrail earlier. Abyss chases Mitchell into the ring and gives him the Black Hole Slam dead center of the six sides, then Mesias gets one too... but he kicks out at 2! Abyss gets speared into a barbed wire board that Mesias had thrown over the top rope earlier. Abyss sells the hell out of it, rolling around on the ground, both arms sliced up from earlier barbed wire attacks. Both men get to their knees and start trading punches. Mesias gets to his feet first and charges Abyss but Abyss catches him for a BLACK HOLE SLAM INTO THE BARBED WIRE BOARD and that's going to do it. One.. two.. three! WINNER OF BARBED WIRE MASSACRE 2: THE MONSTER ABYSS.

Tenay says we can add Abyss' name to the ranks of Bruiser Brody and Cactus Jack as we throw back to the Bi-Lo Center almost immediately, so Scott Hudson can interview Robert Roode. "You're the reason Sharmell's jaw was broken, not me! Remember when you said what baby wants, baby gets, well baby got a fistful of it at Final Resolution. I tried to be a gentleman and apologize to you, but you wouldn't accept, so be it. Tonight at Against All Odds, Robert Roode both publically and personally takes his apologies BACK. I hate everything about you, the way you look, the way you SMELL, and I hate your horsefaced skanky wife Sharmell! Tonight there will be no accidents, and when I shatter your jaw and show you it pays to be Roode, it will be the furthest thing from an accident you can see or feel. Now can you dig that... BITCH!" Video package follows. Booker T gets an interview with JB. "If he's sick and tired, I'm going to administer a little treatment. In about 30 seconds your punk-ass belongs to me!" Short sweet and to the point.

* Robert Roode v. Booker T (Grudge Match)

I know I'm probably one of the few people in the world who would buy a TNA PPV just to see Booker T, but it has to be said - ALL HAIL KING BOOKAH~!!~! Even the fans in the crowd agree, with signs that say "No longer a King, but Booker still rules the ring!" Before the bell even rings Booker charges Roode, knocks him to the canvas, and starts beating the hell out of him. He pulls him up just to hit him with a knee then picks him up for a side slam. Booker is nearly overwhelmed with excitement, he's jittery in the ring, bouncing around like a crazed man - nice bit of storytelling by T on how badly he wants to beat up Roode. It certainly doesn't pay to be Roode when Booker gets him in the ropes for some chops, and the crowd loudly chants "BOOKER T" as he unloads on Bobby. T dumps Roode over the rope and follows him out, and some fan on the guardrail with a blue shirt and glasses gets so excited he starts caressing Roode's arm. Eventually Booker gets away from Creepy Fan #1 and hits Roode with a short-arm clothesline before throwing him back in.

When Booker comes back in after Roode he gets the advantage and starts laying in the boots, but Booker blocks a whip and hits a reverse kick to Roode's head. Muay thai clinch and some knees from Booker! Maybe he was at UFC 81 too. Payton Banks gets into the ring and Booker nearly hits her but pullsup short, and Roode takes advantage to clothesline Book from behind. Roode continues the beating and unloads with punches to the jaw in the ropes. Roode blocks a possible Book End and hits a dropkick to knock Booker down for a two count. Chinlock rest spot follows as the crowd tries to chant Booker back to his feet. Booker manages to get an arm drag when he gets back up, hits a superkick, follows up with a spin kick and flies off the ropes with a forearm.

Roode charges him yelling "YOU SON OF A BITCH" and Booker calmly gives him a spinebuster in responds. Booker drops to his knees and does a SPINAROONIE to celebrate! Book goes out to the floor and yanks Roode by the legs straight into the corner post, although they say it hurt his leg and not his ball. Roode indeed sells by limping on his left leg. Book misses on a scissor kick and ends up in the ropes. Roode tries to charge in for a clothesline and Book floats him out to the floor. Book follows and whips him into the guardrail, then right back into the ring. Book rolls under the ropes, Roode rolls out on the other side and runs away up the ramp with Payton in tow. Booker follows him through the ramp and a camera man follows them both. Backstage it's so dark we can't see the action but in the ring Slick Johnson continues the countout all the way to ten. NO WINNER - DOUBLE COUNTOUT. The lights finally come on and Booker and Roode fight their way to his car, where Roode throws Banks out of the driver's seat and hops in to get away. Booker angrily mutters "IT AIN'T OVER" as we go to a video package for Joe being the special enforcer.

The video package is cut short to go TO THE BACK. That's got to be a new one - they're not even happy with cutting the post-match short any more, now they've got to cut their own promo videos short. Kurt is backstage with Karen and he tells her he has a big announcement. She says it better be good, and Kurt says that it is - next Thursday on Impact they will renew their wedding vows. Karen immediately starts gushing with excitement and says she's going to go make plans, and AJ grumpily says "NOW EVERYBODY'S HAPPY" and storms off. Angle then warns Cage that tonight is his LAST SHOT and that Samoa Joe better NOT INTERFERE.

Next Scott Hudson finds Team 3D backstage, where Brother Ray says "You're new here, so keep your EYES OPEN and your MOUTH SHUT. Do any of you have what it takes to win a match like this! Do any of you have the will to win a match like this! Most importantly do any of you have the heart to win a match like this! Machismo we give you credit, you've got guts, you've got balls, you don't have this title but you've got heart. Heart is 50% of the job. Machine Guns, we wish we could say the same about you. You'd rather sit there and go like this (palms open) than go like this (balls up his fist). You've got no respect for this business, and that's why we don't respect you! Win lose or draw tonight we go down as one of the greatest teams to ever exist. Win lose or draw tonight Machine Guns you're another flash in the pan and your 15 minutes of fame is almost up." Devon: "OH MY BROTHER TESTIFY!"

* Team 3D & Johnny Devine {C} Black Machismo & Motor City Machine Guns (X Division to disband if they lose, but the winner gets the X Division title either way - yes I know that makes no fucking sense)

The X Division team jumps 3D and Devine before they can even get to the ring. One lone fan in the crowd seems insistant on holding up a "USE MY SIGN" sign and is clearly a plant, which is proven when Jay Lethal takes it and uses it in the ring then rips the paper off it to reveal it's a "DEAD END" street sign. All three X Division wrestlers do slingshot dives over the ropes to their opponents on the floor. A triple tornado DDT and triple covers follow when they're all thrown back in, for a triple two count. Triple trash cans to the head for another triple cover for two. For some reason there's also an inflatable doll in the ring. Jackass Part 2.5 I guess. The Team 3D faction finally gets control and Brother Ray decides to powerbomb the inflatable doll. Can somebody just get that stupid thing out of the ring, please! It just reminds me of when Vince Russo started to book this whole division into the ground in the first place.

The crowd chants "WE WANT TABLES" as Devine picks up Machismo to suplex him into a trash can and cover him for two. Brother Ray nearly trips over a trash can trying to get to a kendo stick, but before he can use it on Machismo, Sabin makes the save. machine Guns go high-low on Devon and get a two count but Sabin gets 3D's shortly after. Shelley gets one too but Lethal comes off the top rope... all for naught as Brother Ray clotheslines Machismo inside-out. Ray looks around at the carnage and can't seem to decide what to do. He signals Machismo to get up then punches him back down as the crowd continues to chant "WE WANT TABLES." Machismo keeps getting up then punched back down. Ray grabs a board and cracks Machismo in the face as his Miss Elizabeth at ringside begs Ray to stop. Machismo tries to block Ray using a trash can to no avail as SoCalVal gets on the apron. Ray grabs her by the hair and pulls SoCal-Lizabeth into the ring. He's got a cheese grater and he's going to use it on her but Machismo cracks him in the face and clocks him in the nuts with the grater for the save.

It's become 1-on-3 now as both of the Machine Guns are laid out and Machismo is having to do it all by himself. He wipes out Ray and Devon in succession and even manages to hit the Lethal Combo on Devine, but onlt gets a two count. Team 3D set up a table in the middle of the ring, but Machismo hooks the ropes on a whip then gives an enzuguiri to Ray. Devine pulls the table to the middle and tries to crack Machismo with the DEAD END sign but misses. Machismo gets the sign cracks him and lays him out on the table, then does the Macho Man elbow on Devine from the top rope through the table! ONE TWO THREE. WINNERS OF THE MATCH: TEAM X DIVISION and WINNER OF THE X DIVISION TITLE: BLACK MACHISMO. Ray tries to leave with the belt but Machismo slingshots over the top to wipe him out and take it back. Sonjay Dutt comes out to give Machismo a hug and congratulate him and we go to a video package for the main event - the same one that was interrupted earlier.

Scott Hudson is backstage with Christian Cage. "Do I know you? Should I call security or get you a prescription for Rogaine?" Cage begs Joe to do his job. "We've all heard you yapping and running your mouth about how you deserve a title shot. You're right, you do deserve a shot, but not tonight! Tonight belongs to the Instant Classic and all my Peeps in Greenville. Tonight I walk to the ring and make it official, the champ becomes the World Heavyweight Champ for the third time. If you don't know, now you know!"

* Kurt Angle {C} v. Christian Cage (TNA World Title - Samoa Joe as Special Enforcer)

I must say honestly this hasn't been a bad PPV. A few moments of stupidity, but nothing egregious. Some backstage bullshit, but nothing that made me foam at the mouth in anger. The wrestling has on the whole been really good and even the NO CONTEST result in Roode v. Booker T could work for the best, since I don't mind if that feud continues. Joe comes out first, then Cage, and Angle last accompanied by Karen on his right arm. Once again we get Jeremy Borash doing the "big match" introductions, including mentioning that Kurt Angle is the only Olympic gold medalist in wrestling. Angle immediately gets in Joe's face and tells him to do the right thing. Joe jumps down to the floor and the bell rings. Cage immediately gets in Angle's face to start talking smack and signal with his hands that the belt is going to end up around his waist.

I apologize if the updates are coming a little slower - a lot of people are hittng the site right now so I end up with a one minute + delay whenever I hit "post" to update this thread. Anyway Angle is in control early and Karen is screaming encouragement. Cage fights him off, ducks under, leapfrogs over, and Angle knocks him down with a shoulder. Karen's happy and starts yelling at the unhappy fans at ringside. Cage makesa comeback with a side headlock but Angle gets a backdrop suplex when he gets to his feet. Cage never lets go of the headlock though. Joe sits at ringside watching. Angle gets Cage into the ropes for an uppercut but Cage ducks the next blow and gets a snap slam straight into another side headlock. Tenay feels obligated to point out we saw Joe sitting at ringside even though we just saw it on camera and it doesn't need explanation.

Cage tries to wipe out Angle outside on the floor but when we get back in the ring Angle yanks Cage off the ropes and he lands hard on his shoulder. Angle cinches up a suplex and goes for two quick near falls. Cage crawls to the ropes and Angle puts a knee to his neck before the ref makes him break at 4. Angle is using closed fists on Cage and pushes his neck down into the ropes again but Joe gets on the apron and breaks it up. Cage tries to come back with chops but Angle hits him with a boot and gives him a belly to belly suplex to the floor. Angle tries to follow him out to the floor and use a chair, but Joe takes the chair away. Angle shoves him and Joe shoves him back so hard he falls to the floor. All of this gave Cage a chance to recover but Angle still posts on the bad shoulder. Back in the ring Angle tucks the head and powerbombs Cage into the corner, right onto the shoulder again. Two count.

Angle tries to go for the triple germans but Cage fights off the third one and manages to toss Angle upside down onto his head. Cage slaps the mat trying to will himself back up, and gets up before Angle does, hitting him with elbows. Angle ducks a couple of clotheslines and gets planted on his face for his trouble. Inverted neckbreaker by Cage for a 2.9. Karen is at ringside screaming "COME ON!!" at Kurt. Cage signals that he's going to the rop rope but Angle cuts him off. Cage throws him off before a belly to belly and hits a frogsplash for another 2.9, Angle getting his shoulder up JUST at the last second. For the next few minutes we get near falls and blocked finishers back and forth. Angle tries to get the Olympic Slam and is blocked. He tries to get the ankle lock and Cage gets to the ropes. Cage tries to finish Angle with the Unprettier but Angle kicks out at 2.9999. Sooner or later Karen Angle is going to interfere and Joe is probably going to kick her butt.

Ref bump! The ref is down and Cage has Angle in the ankle lock. I guess Joe can act as the ref since he's the special enforcer. Joe asks Angle if he's going to tap, and Angle keeps saying no. He reaches and reaches for the ropes where Karen is, manages to get it for a second, Karen tries to help him hang on and gets dragged into the ring in the process. Joe looks at Karen and says screw it Cage, do what you want to her. Karen slaps Cage in the face, Cage shoves her into the corner, Kurt charges Cage and runs into Karen instead! Karen is down on the apron. Angle and Cage charge each other and hit a double clothesline! Joe pulls Karen off the apron and down to the outside, then sits her down in the chair he was sitting in. AJ Styles tries to leap over the ropes and Joe grabs him by a leg and yanks him out of the air, then wipes him out over the barricade. Meanwhile Angle gets a chair and brings it into the ring. Cage ducks the chair, kicks Angle in the cut, takes the chair but Angle gets a low blow to the nuts and cracks Cage on the back with the chair. The ref is STILL down. Angle signals Cage to get up but Tomko runs down and takes the chair out of Angle's hands... then picks Cage up and slams him to the mat! Angle wakes the ref up and covers Cage for 1-2-3! WINNER AND STILL TNA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: KURT ANGLE.

Well congratulations TNA. You had a good PPV 90% of the way through, but instead of doing the obvious swerve where Kip James attacks B.G. and Bullet Bob, you do the UN-obvious swerve where Tomko turns on Cage and helps Angle retain. Russo I suppose you feel all clever now for fooling people, but when you fool people into a shitty ending to a PPV, it's STILL a shitty ending to a PPV. In fact this dumb-ass move nearly made me give this PPV a thumbs down despite the fact I was enjoying it until the last five minutes, but I can't do that to everybody else who had a good match up to that point. Therefore NOT COUNTING THE MAIN EVENT I give this PPV a thumbs up, but if you do count it, thumbs in the middle pointing SLIGHTLY up. In closing I'd like to say to TNA that although you got my $29.95 for this month because of my interest in Roode vs. Booker and Kong vs. ODB, after pulling that stupid stunt in the main event I don't care HOW GOOD next month is - I won't be buying (we'll still bring you results though). Thanks for reading the live recap!