| Date: 04/21 | 9:15 PM |
| Views: 2,462 | |
Unfortunately Nikes the Sneaker Pimp is laid up from an accident which completely totalled his car and was unable to provide a recap for tonight's show. Godspeed Nikes, we hope you're on the mend and back on your feet soon. Please send your well-wishes to nikes@angrymarks.com. In his absence I'll bring you up to speed on the results from Raw so far and recap the final hour of the show.
* King of the Ring #1: Chris Jericho d. MVP to advance to the semi-finals.
* King of the Ring #2: CM Punk d. Matt Hardy to advance to the semi-finals.
* King of the Ring #3: Fit Finlay d. Great Khali to advance to the semi-finals.
Finlay suffers a knee injury at Khali's hands and Khali gets disqualified. Big Show confronts Khali afterwards and he backs down and leaves.
* King of the Ring #4: William Regal d. Hornswoggle to advance to the semi-finals.
Regal jumps Hornswoggle as he's trying to help Finlay to the back then puts him in a Regal stretch for the tap.
* Shawn Michaels promo on Dave Batista.
HBK notes that Dave feels he's morally superior but the man whose morals he hates the most is his Backlash opponent. Good luck Dave, you'll need it. Superkick tease! NO SELL OF IT BY BIG DAVE. He shoves Shawn aside and leaves.
* Hillary Clinton campaign promo.
The junior Senator from New York dubs herself "Hill-Rod." Seriously. She says she's ready to rumble!
* Carlito d. Hardcore Holly in a bad match.
Both of their respective tag partners were at ringside. Santino promo afterwards about getting the tag titles around their bellies.
* Triple H promo for Backlash.
Blah blah blah, I'm the standard bearer, I'm The Game, I'm going to dominate on Sunday.
* Barack Obama campaign promo.
He actually says "Can you smell, what Barack is cookin'?" That shit's gonna catch on!
* King of the Ring #5: CM Punk d. Chris Jericho to advance to the finals.
Punk gets the clean pin off the Go 2 Sleep in a good TV match.
* King of the Ring #6: William Regal d. Fit Finlay to advance to the finals.
Regal posted Finlay's bad knee into the steel steps, worked him over, then pinned his arm underneath his body and gave him the Regal stretch. He was unable to tap so his eyes glazed over and the ref called for the bell.
* John McCain campaign promo.
Easily the worst of all three. That thing sticking out of the side of his face is horrifying, it's like an Alien is laying eggs in his cheek. McCain vows to stay on the attack in Iraq and says he likes his government small and wrestlers big. (Seems like a pro-steroids argument from the good Senator if you ask me.)
* John Cena promo for Backlash.
Cena says you're hearing everyone talk about what they'll do, and Orton will have his say too, but he doesn't have to talk because whoever wins the 4-Way Elimination on Sunday will have to GO, THROUGH, HIM, FIRST. He's locked and loaded!
* Barack Obama v. Hillary Clinton.
A fake Bill accompanies Hill-Rod to the ring. Hogan entrance music. They both do the ear cup. Hill-Rod tries to cut a promo and Bill keeps interrupting. The fake Obama has huge ears glued onto either side of his head. Rock entrance music for Obama. He shakes hands with all the fans on his way to the ring. Bill finally gets out of the way and the match starts. Hill-Rod does a takedown and some ground'n'pound! Whoever they got to play her is pretty damn good. The fake Obama is terrible. (Seems like the woman is always the better wrestler when they do this gimmick.) Barack lays out Hill-Rod and goes for the People's Elbow but Bill trips him. "I did not have illegal contact with that candidate!" Okay I admit I laughed. NO CONTEST - Umaga comes down and destroys them both. No braids! I like the new look for Umaga.
* Divas come out to congratulate Mickie James.
You can pretty much guess the story here - the babyfaces were all happy for her, then Beth Phoenix came out with all the heels to get in her face. Beth says it's not a matter of IF she gets the title back but WHEN. McCool slaps her and a brawl breaks out, et cetera.
* King of the Ring #7: William Regal d. CM Punk to become the WWE King.
Well I may have been painfully wrong about MVP winning when I called into Kayfabe 4 Dummies last night, but I was NOT wrong about the Kingdom being a heel gimmick that a heel should win so he can lord it over everyone else. There's no better choice for that than the sneering, bullying, primping and posturing Sir William Regal. GOD SAVE THE KING~! I think Bryan Alvarez may have called this one too on one of his weekend B&V shows.
* 8-Man Tag Main Event
I'm caught up just in time for this recap to be live. Our heel team is Edge, Orton, JBL and Chavo. Our babyface team is Cena, Hunter, Kane and Undertaker. It looks like Edge and Taker are going to start the match. Orton faked Taker out by making him think he'd go first. Flying clothesline by the Dead Man takes Edge down! Old School! Heels bail to the floor to avoid taking punishment from Taker as we go to commercial.
When we come back Chavo had Hunter covered for two before tagging in Edge. Edge set up for a spear but Trips sidestepped it and hit a spinebuster. Hunter crawls for a tag with Edge holding onto his leg but manages to leap out and tag Cena! Cena gives a YOU CAN'T SEE ME and hits the ropes for the five knuckle shuffle but Chavo pulls the ropes down so he spills to the floor. Bradshaw throws Cena back in. Orton tagged in and he's teeing off on Cena. Bradshaw tagged in. Leg sweep and cover for two. Heels cut off the ring and all take their turn beating on him until we come full circle back to Orton. It's another chinlock by Randy! Just kidding, I don't even mind them any more. Cena crawls to his knees and slowly stands up with Orton on his back, then falls backwards into the ringpost to shake him loose. Double clothesline by both men! Cena gives Kane the hot tag just as Chavo comes in. Kane cleans house! Side slam with authority on Chavo. Top rope Kane! Flying punch and a cover for two before the heels break it up. Clusterfuck in the ring! All the men spill out except the two legal. Chavo tries to stun Kane with a DDT and go top rope but he jumps right into a chokeslam. Edge made a blind tag we didn't see and speared Kane as he turned around. HEELS WIN THE MAIN EVENT. John Cena gets a measure of revenge by giving Edge an FU! He tries to FU Hunter too but he counters and goes for a Pedigree. Pedigree blocked and Hunter eats a clothesline. Orton RKO's Cena! Undertaker with a double chokeslam on Hunter and Bradshaw! Taker stands strong over them all and his music plays. Ross questions whether the Age of Orton will survive at Backlash as we go off the air!