05/12/08: Killa Kev's WWE Raw Recap

OMG! It can't be! What a swerve! The return of Killa Kev to live AngryMarks.com recap coverage of WWE Raw! It's true! Raw tonight is live from DETROIT, ROCK CITY! Meanwhile, Killa Kev is kicked back in his eastern Kentucky enclave with a 2 liter of Bubba Cola, ready to hit the recaps!

We start the show with a recap of last Monday's main event, Triple H kicking the entire ECW roster's ass, until the lights go out, cut back on and Randy Orton drops the WWE Champion with an RKO. We then fade into the Joe Lewis Arena, where once again we're draped in darkness. The lights come up, and WWE Raw GM William Regal is standing in the ring as Lillian Garcia serenades us with the first stanza of the British national anthem, "God Save the Queen". Whether you like Britian or not, damn she makes me hot singing that!

William Regal then, rather calmly, chastizes the crowd for disrespecting him and the British national anthem, and reminds the fans that he is the GM and King of Raw, and can do whatever he wants, including throwing the fans out. The fans start a typical "U-S-A! U-S-A!" chant as Regal steps out of the ring and threatens to set an example. He then picks out apair of teenagers in the crowd, and instructs security to escort them out. Several gentlemen in suits come down to the ring to escore them out.

Mickie James then runs down to ringside, tells Regal that it is her brother and his girlfriend, PLEASE don't throw them out! Regal instructs Security to continue their removal, and then goes back to the ring. James follows him in, still begging him. Regal then threatens James to either leave the ring, or risk being stripped of the WWE Women's Championship. John Cena decides, "The Time is Now", cues his music and makes his way down to the ring to put his two cents in. Cena escorts James out of the ring, takes a mic and tells Regal that they need to talk.

Cena tells Regal he understand the situation he is in, but that Regal is going about things the wrong way. Regal reminds Cena that WWE chairman Vince McMahon came out last week and endorsed him, Cena shoots back that McMahon is not only insane, but "has a list of sexual pastimes that you can't even find on the Internet!" Cena then proceeds to read several e-mails that fans have sent to WWE.com, including calling Regal's actions "WCW Thunder-bad" and "taking a crap in my mouth and calling it a sundae". One e-mail even said that he would start encouraging fans to start a "FI-RE RE-GAL! *clap-clap clap-clap-clap*" chant. Isn't THAT old school for ya?

Regal says if that is how the fans feel, then he will make a promise not to act badly tonight. Regal says that he realize that Cena wants some revenge for Randy Orton kicking him in the head, so tonight he'll make a main event of Cena vs. Orton. Cena says he know it isn't that easy, and wants to know when JBL will interfere. Regal says that to make it fair, if anybody "not directly involved in the match" interferes, they will be suspended. Regal says he hopes this has earned him some respect, and walks off.

Cena stops Regal and tells him that he did NOT earn the people's respect, he just made a good match. Cena felt that Regal having Lillian Garcia singing "God Save the Queen" was disrespectful to the citizens of the United States. Since they were in Detroit, the home of Aretha Franklin, so he asks Lillian Garcia to sing "R-E-S-P-E-C-T". Garcia rips off the first verse acapella, the fans start singing along, then Cena leaves the ring to his theme music.

Tonight, Chris Jericho is going to aplogize to Shawn Michaels, but up next, the WWE World Tag Team Championship is on the line as champions Bob Holly & Cody Rhodes defend against Santino Marella & Carlito Colon!

WWE Tag Team Championship: champions "Hardcore" Bob Holly & Cody Rhodes vs. Santino Marella & Carlito Colon

"Rowdy" Roddy Piper is introduced coming down to ringside first, he takes a seat near the announcer's table. Marella & Colon are introduced seperately, Rhodes & Holly next. Rhodes comes over and shakes Piper's hand, Carlito chucks an apple at the Hotrod.

We start out with Hardcore Holly stiffing Marella with a cheapshot right, then whipping him off the ropes for a shoulder tackle and a dropkick, then drapes Marella over the top rope and kicks him in the breadbasket. Marella makes a swipe at Rhodes to draw him in the ring, distracting the ref. Holly goes for the Alabama Slam, but Carlito enters illegally and breaks it up, then feigns the tag. Colon with a quick pin attempt, puts HOlly in the corner and tags to Marella. Marella with an elbow drop on Holly, then goes over to the ropes and taunts Piper. Marella whips Holly inot a corner, Holly nails him with a clohtesline out of it and falters. Marella tags to Colon, Holly hits a back suplex on him, and falls to the mat.

Both men make the hot tag, Cody with a cross body block out of the corner onto Marella, covers for a pin, two count. Rhodes with a powerslam off the ropes on Marella, another pin attempt, 2-count. Off the ropes, clothesline, pin attempt. Marella finally resorts with a Jawjacker. Marella goes to the top turnbuckle, then gets distracted by Piper, and they start a verbal exchange. Rhodes from behind with a swinging DDT, blindsiding Marella and pins him for the win.

WINNERS: Bob Holly & Cody Rhodes, by pinfall. Piper gets in the ring to celebrate with the champs, taunts Marella for some fun.

Jim Ross asks Jerry Lawler if he thinks Shawn Michaels suffered a legitimate injury at WWE Backlash. Lawler says he believes Michaels initially did, but he isn't sure now. Ross invites the fans to participate in this week's WWE Mobile poll, and we go to break. We come back with a promo for WWE Judgement Day this Sunday, featuring Undertaker vs. Edge for the vacant WWE World Heavyweight Championship.

Ken Kennedy vs. Gene Snitsky

Ken Kennedy takes to the ring first, and makes his self introduction from the top of the ramp, then Lillian Garcia introduces him, then introduces Gene Snitsky. Okay, now they're clearly coloring Snitsky's teeth to make him looks nasty. Ugh.

We get the bell ringing, Kennedy tries to take out Snitsky's legs, Snitsky puts Kennedy in the corner, ref breaks it up. Kennedy comes back with a boot to the face, gets caught, ref breaks. Kennedy then tries a double axehandle smash off the middle turnbuckle, gets caught again, and Snitsky starts to pick Kennedy apart. Elbow drop by Snitsky, cover, two-count. Snitsky then goes to finish off Kennedy with a beahug, applied to the small of the back. Kennedy elbows his way out, bounces off the rope, and gets caught again in the bearhug. Kennedy fires away with fists to break it, goes off the ropes again, Snitsky with a shoulder tackle.

Snitsky takes a minute to regain his senses, tries for a legdrop, Kennedy rolls out of the way and fires away with several right hands to the head, then bounces off the ropes and clips Snitsky in the left knee, then dropkicks the knee. Snitsky crawls into the corner, Kennedy with the running boot scrape to the face, then a chop block from behind to the right knee. Snitsky staggers and falls, but recomposes himself and delivers a clothesline. Snitsky setsup for the Pump Handle Slam, Kennedy wiggles out, kicks the left knee for a third time, locks in and delivers the Mic Check for the win.

WINNER: Ken Kennedy, via pinfall. We teas Cena vs. Orton for the main event as we take a commercial break.

Backstage, we get an interview with Santino Marella, complaining about Roddy Piper's interference. Marella makes some obscure 80s references to try to explain how Piper is outdated, and says that he'll find Piper and attack him. Elsewhere backstage, Mickie James comes up to John Cena and thanks him for stepping in and handling Regal. James then asks Cena if he wants to come out and hang with her, her brother and his girlfriend, go out for drinks. Cena turns stone cold and says he can't, because he has a commitment to his job, and has to stay focused on tonight's match, and then his PPV match. James is doing her damndest not to laugh and break this up, but Cena does it for her, they break down nearly laughing in tears, Cena says he's in for the post-show party. James walks off to the ring for her upcoming match, camera switches to Beth Phoenix & Melina Perez heading to the ring as well, back to commercials.

The WWE "Slam of the Week" was last week's WWE Women's Championship match between champion Mickie James and Beth Phoenix, Melina Perez attempts to take out James while the ref's back is turned, James ducks the boot shot, and nails Phoenix by accident, allowing James to pick up the win.

Melina Perez & "the Glamazon" Beth Phoenix vs. Maria Kanellis & WWE Women's Champion Mickie James

Everybody gets their own seperate introductions. Ross notes that Maria Kanellis "recently lost 225 pounds", by dumping Santino Marella several weeks back, of course, Har har, hardy har har.

We start out with Kanellis and Perez, Kanellis drops Perez with a backbreaker, tags to James, they double-team Perez, James goes for a pin attempt, Phoenix interferes. Ref gets Phoenix out of the ring, James whips Perez into the ropes, who accidently bumps Phoenix off the apron. Perez goes over to apologize, James rolls her up from behind for a pin attempt. Perez gets control, geos over to Phoenix for a tag, Phoenix backs off the apron and walks to the back. James nails Perez with a swinging neckbreaker and picks up the pin.

WINNERS: Maria Kanellis & Mickie James, by pinfall. Kanellis & James celebrate in the ring and leave, Perez is left holding her head wondering what happened. Ross again plugs the WWE Mobile voting, we run a promo for Judgement Day, featuring champion Triple vs. Randy Orton in a steel cage match for the WWE Championship, then we go to break.

Tuesday's ECW preview: who will rise up to seek vengance on ECW Champion Kane? Find out tomorrow night, live at 10pm on Sci-Fi Network. We come back with the results of the WWE Mobile poll on whether Shawn Michaels is telling the truth about his knee. 72% of voters says Michaels is telling the truth, 28% say he's not telling the truth.

Chris Jericho apologizes to Shawn Michaels

WWE Intercontinental Champion Chris Jericho is introduced, Jericho plays to the fans, gets in the ring, and replays the Michaels vs. Batista ending at the WWE Backlash PPV. Jericho says that for the last few weeks he felt Michaels had been faking his injury. Jericho then recaps the end of his match last week where he tagged with Michaels against ECW Tag Team champions John Morrison & Mike Mizain. Jericho goes on to say that he now realizes that Michaels is legitimately injured. He is making a public apology to Michaels, and says that in light of this he doesn't want to face Michaels at the PPV this Sunday, and wants to call the match off.

Shawn Michaels' music hits, he hobbles down to the ring, gets in. Michaels starts to talk, Jericho cuts him off in order to apologize several times. Michaels finally cuts him off and says that it isn't Jericho that needs to apologize, it's Michaels himself. Michaels admits that for the first time ever in his career, he faked his injury, he's not hurt. Jericho is stunned at first, then laughs, and he realizes that he realizes that Michaels is trying to play head games again. Jericho goes on a rant about how he's not a rookie, isn't new to this, etc. Michaels says that he told Batista, Jericho and everybody else that he would do whatever it takes to pull out a win, and that is what he is doing. Jericho says that Michaels is insulting his intelligence, and that Michaels just likes to think that he is better than everybody else.

Michaels nails Jericho with a superkick.

Michaels leans over a stunned Jericho and says, "Trust me when I tell you, I'm not hurt." Michaels drops the mic, flips over the top rope with a sumersault, lands perfectly fine on his feet, and walks off.

The Return of Jeff Hardy

Jeff Hardy's new theme music plays, and the fans go wild for the return of Jeff Hardy. Hardy runs around the ring and celebrates. The Prodigal Son has returned home (take three). So great, we're going to celebrate the return of a drug addict? I gues so, because the fans are chanting "HAR-DY! HAR-DY!" as loud as possible.

Hardy finally takes the mic, and says that it is good to be back. He says that he made a mistake, he paid a price for it, but now he has a lot of work to do. Hardy finds that his mic has stopped working. William Regal's music hits, he comes out and tells Hardy that nobody wants to hear his mea culpa. Great, just what I wanted to hear, one drug abuser giving another a lecture! HO HO HO, yes I went there. Regal says that he doesn't think Hardy has been punished enough, and he needs to pay for his sins still... by fighting Umaga! Now!

Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga

Umaga comes down to the ring, Hardy desides he is going to draw first blood by shouldering Umaga off the apron, then hits a suicide dive on the outside. Umaga throws Hardy into the outside protective barrier, then into the ring, and the match officialy starts. The fans are solidly behind Hardy as this feud gets re-ignighted. Umaga tosses Hardy around, goes for the middle turnbuckle, hits the diving headbutt off the turnbuckle and hits Hardy's arm. Umaga with a pseries of right hands puts Hardy in the turnbuckle. Umaga sets up for the giant ass splash, Hardy moves out of the way, quickly rebounds off the top turnbuckle and naisl the Whisper 'O the Wind, and pins Umaga.

WINNER: Jeff Hardy, by pinfall. So this is how WWE is going to sweep Jeff Hardy's recent infraction with drugs under the rug, a quick apology and a burial of it. Commercial.

Cryme Tyme vs. Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch

Lord, every time these guys come out, everybody starts with that dopey B-boy wannabe talk. Ugh. Can it already, fuckin' backpackers and biters the lot of 'em. Anyhow, nice "Cryme Tyme 4 Detroit City Council" sign, Cade & Murdoch get introduced.

JTG and Lance Cade start it off, Cade whips JTG off the ropes, he ducks a pair of clotheslines, slides out of the ring and celebrates with the fans. JTG gets back in, Cade nails him with a clothesline, whips him around, tags to Murdoch. JTG puts Murdoch in the corner, roughs him up, tags to Gespard. Gespard with a shoulder tackle and a bodyslam, followed by an elbow drop off the ropes on Murdoch. Cade runs in and gets a knuckle sandwich in the grill for his trouble. Gesaprd tags in JTG, who hits Murdoch with a sunset flip over Gespard, rolling Murdoch into a pin attempt. Murdoch recovers and clotheslines JTG.

Murdoch and Gespard tag out a few times in double teams, JTG recovers, another sunset flip over Murdoch and blows the spot, has to crawl back into position to attempt to pull Murdoch over. Murdoch sits on JTG's head and hooks the leg to grab the win.

WINNERS: Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch, by pinfall. Cade goes outside the ring to grab a mic, gets back in and tells Murodch that they're now back on a roll, and maybe Murdoch's recent singing career has been a key to it. Cade asks the fans if they want to hear Murdoch sing, the fans boo, Cade tells him that it doesn't really matter what they think, or even what he thinks, Murdoch got the win and he earned the right to sing their victory song. Murdoch asks if Cade is serious, Cade says he is, and so Murdoch rips off a rendition of Kenny Roger's "The Gambler."

Cade then cold-cocks Murdoch in the head. Apparently "the dealin's done" between these two former tag team champions. Murdoch is dazed, he staggers up, grabbing at Cade's kneepads for support. Cade sets him up and punches Murdoch right between the eyes. Cade then walks off as Murdoch is laid out flat in the ring.

We then go to a WWE SmackDown recap, this past Friday we had a one-night tournament to determine who would face the Undertaker at Judgement Day, featuring a series of SmackDown and ECW superstars, until there were 8 men left, who faced each other in the main event battle royal. Batista eliminated Big Show to win. Or so we though. Vicki Guerrero comes out and announces that Edge was "just now cleared" to participate, Edge runs down to the ring and spears Batista off the apron before he can even recover. Edge goes over to the title belt afterwards, which was on display, starts to pick it up, and the podium suddenly becomes englulfed in flames.

Back from break, backstage, Melina Perezhas an ice pack on her head while Jillian Hall is nursing her. Beth Phoenix comes up. Perez asks Phoenix what was up with her walking off, Phoenix says it was because Perez cost her the match last week. Perez says she apologized, it was an accident. Phoenix says that she knows Perez did it on purpose, because Perez knows that she can beat James for the title much easier than she could ever beat Phoenix. Perez hauls off and nails Phoenix in the face with a forearm shot, and this starts off a cat fight that requires several referees to break up.

We then run down the WWE Judement Day PPV lineup, then we go backstage where Todd Grisham interviews Randy Orton, asking his opinion on tonight's upcoming match against Cena, then his PPV match against Triple H this Sunday. Orton asks who has been on top of his game the last two weeks, and who has beaten more WWE stars than anybody else. Answer, HIMSELF of course. He says Triple H got lucky, but the "Age of Orton" is still dominant and Orton will take back his title on Sunday. As for Cena, he'll find out what Triple H already knows, which is that Orton is the smartest and most gifted WWE athlete of all-time.

"The Legend Killer" Randy Orton vs. John Cena

Randy Orton is introduced first. Fuck, he's got new music now as well? This music sucks. In fact, just about everybody's new music sucks. Jim Johnson, you dropped a turd on the theme music here! We take a retardedly long time for him to pose in the ring. Finally John Cena's music hits, he hits the ring, does his thing, yadda yadda yadda.

We get this main event started as Cena and Orton circle the ring, the fans start up a "CE-NA! CE-NA!" chant. We get a collar and elbow tie-up, Orton puts Cena in the corner, ref breaks it, Orton breaks clean, then locks in a headlock and pulls Cena out, taking him down to the mat with a side headlock. Cena works his way up and shoves Orton off, hits a shoulderblock, a pair of rights that puts Orton in the corner, whips him out and off the ropes, nails a bulldog, goes for a pin, two count. Cena elbows Orton into the turnbuckle, whips him out, catches him with a boot to the midsection, cradle suplex, pin attempt, two count.

Cena then whips Orton off the ropes, Orton reverses it and hits a reverse elbow to level Cena. Orton goe sfor a kneedrop, Cena counters it with a punch, whips Orton, gets reversed and Orton with a clothesline, pin attempt and gets a two count. Orton pulls up Cena, kicks him in the chest, right hand to the head puts Cena down on the mat. The fans start a dueling "Lets go Cena! Let's go Orton!" chant. Orton goes for a big boot, Cena puts up a hand to stop it, holds the foot, puts Orton on the ropes and them dumps him over the top, dropping him on his head as we go to commercial break.

So, while we were gone watching Subway commercials and ads for the new season of Burn Notice, Orton took control of the match by kicking Cena in the head, and then hitting a double-arm DDT. Orton has Cena in a delayed vertical suplex, drops him, pin attempt, two-count. Orton locks on a side headlock on the mat, Cena works his way up, shoves Orton off, bounces off the rope for a cross body block, Orton ducks it and Cena eats the mat. Orton sets up for the RKO, tries to execute it, and Cena blocks it, then hits a Blockbuster before going up to the top rope and hitting a leg drop from the top. Orton rolls out of the ring.

WWE Raw GM William Regal then comes out, followed by JBL, who is wearing a refeere shirt.  JBL says that Regal has determined that Chad Patterson is unfit to referee the match, and will be replaced by himself. JBL gets to the ring, and Cena clocks him. Orton tries to attack him from behind, Cena counters, puts Orton up on his shoulders for the F-U, JBL kicks Cena in the face, Orton covers him up and JBL quickly counts out a pin.

Winner: Randy Orton, by pinfall. Cena quickly recovers and attacks JBL, Orton attacks Cena from behind. Triple H's music hits, he runs down and evens the odds. John Cena & JBL roll out of the ring and brawl into the crowd. Triple H tries to charge Randy Orton in the corner, Orton puts up a boot to stop him. They brawl briefly with Orton taking control, a steel cage lowers from the top of the arena. Triple H recovers and nails Orton with an RKO, then throws him into the steel cage as it is lowering, Orton falls to the floor before the ring stops. Triple H climbs to the top of the ring poses, pointing down at Orton as we close out the show tonight.

I'll see you folks later this week as Killa Kev makes his triumphant return to the AngryMarks.com Pro Wrestling Podcast. It's been a blast!