| Date: 05/26 | 8:00 PM |
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Happy Memorial Day to all of our AngryMarks.com readers. I would personally like to thank all of our service members, home and abroad, active and inactive, the serving and the fallen, for their service to our country. Forever may you be remembered.
We're live and on the air this evening from the Pepsi Arena in Denver, CO. As always, "Good 'Ol" Jim Ross and Jerry "the King" Lawler are at ringside to bring you the action this evening. We cut to the TitanTron where Vince McMahon addresses the fans from his office. Vince McMahon starts the discussion by noting the public firing of former WWE Raw GM & "King of the Ring" William Regal after he lost to Ken Kennedy last week. He then asks the fans if they are getting the satisfaction they deserve from WWE. Mr. McMahon says that he is going to do something tonight which will deliver satisfaction to the fans, possibly never before seen in the history of television. Could it be the spoiler that Stevie J posted just a bit ago?
We then cut to Todd Grisham standing in the middle of the ring, with the red carpet and a pair of podiums. Grish says that there is going to be a debate between Triple H and Randy Oron. Fun, we all know how this is going to go, one blood-stained carpet and a couple of piles of scrap wood, with somebody's bruised and battered body laying in the heap.
The 12-time WWF/WWE World Heavyweight & WWE Champion, Triple H, makes his introduction. And. Takes. A. Really. Long. Time. Phew. I'm blown up just waiting for his ring entrance to end! Finally we get to the introduction of 2-time WWE champion, "The Legend Killer" Randy Orton. And. Takes. A. Really. Fucking. Long. Time. Christ, can we pad this just a LITTLE more?
Triple H / Randy Orton Debate
Grisham asks Randy Orton why he thinks he can beat Triple H, noting that in their last "Last Man Standing" match that Orton only had to fight twice that night, but Triple H had to fight three times. Orton complains that Grisham and others always downplay his accomplishments as if they are meaningless, and says that his respect will come due on Sunday. Triple H responds that people don't respect Orton because he's an ass. Triple H acknowledges that he knows just how good Orton really is, and how Orton tries to skate his way out of confrontations. He says that not even Orton himself is convinced that he is as great as he says he is, and is "a scared little boy in a man's world". If Orton wants to be the best in this business, he has to rise to the challenge and thrive on competition.
Orton counters that Triple H himself cannot even do this. When there is a perceived threat to his dominance, Triple H brings them in as a friend in order to avoid confrontation. He cites his long-time friendship with Shawn Michaels and how Michaels has never been able to challenge Triple H, and that while Orton himself was in Evolution, he was held back. Triple H tells Orton that himself and Flair groomed Orton to become a great wrestler, but was never there to protect him once he became ready to deal with the big men. Triple H never made any promises when it came to the WWE title, and Orton "has to deal with the sharks on his own." Orton says that Triple H's dominance at the top will end at the One Night Stand PPV, and he will beat the hell out of Triple H.
Orton drops his mic, turns his back and walks off. Triple H asks Orton if he thinks that is the last word. Triple H says the last word will be this Sunday, it won't be spoken, but it will be loud and clear: "Either the Age of Orton will continue, or it will be like the last several months meant nothing." Triple H promises to beat Orton within an inch of his life, and that it will be like Orton never even existed. Triple H cuts in front of Orton, steps through the ropes, starts to leave. He then goes over to Todd Grisham, retrieves the WWE Championship, then walks back over to Orton, raising it in his face. Triple H then departs the ring and walks to the back.
Later tonight, John Cena & Jeff Hardy will team against Umaga & JBL, but we're going to take a quick break! After break we find out that on the PPV this Sunday, Melina Perez will face Beth Phoenix in an "I Quit" match. We're then introduced to Beth Phoenix at ringside.
Jillian Hall vs. Melina Perez
Jillian Hall is introduced in the ring. She says that she loves Melina, but when it comes to her match this Sunday, she'll have "NO CHANCE IN HELL!" She then starts screeching out the lyrics to Vince McMahon's entrance theme (and BADLY!).
Melina Perez's music hits and she enters the ring. Jillian Hall IMMEDIATELY jumps on Perez, pounding her into the mat and finishing with a boot to the face. Hall whips Perez into the turnbuckle, hits her with a reverse handspring elbow, goes for a quick pin attempt, then starts pulling Perez's hair. Melina crawls over to the ropes, Hall chokes her. Perez recovers, pulls Hall over into a quick pin attempt, Hall with a forearm smash, puts Perez in the corner, then tries to whip her out. Melina reverss, puts Hall into the corner, kicks, goes for a pin attempt. Hall back up first, tries to put Perez on her shoulders, Perez rolls over and counters, goes for a pin attempt, then grapevines the legs and bridges into a chinlock, forcing Jillian Hall to submit.
WINNER: Melina Perez, by submission. Beth Phoenix gave a running commentary of how she dismantled Maria Kanellis last week. She then stood up and took her mic off, staring down Perez as she posed in the ring.
Backstage, Vince McMahon is asking Chris Jericho what he can do to give the fans some satisfaction. Jericho says that he thinks the fans deserve to see Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels in a rematch tonight. McMahon asks Jericho if he is getting frustrated, Jericho says he is, and McMahon says that they can work out their frustrations tonight, the match is on! McMahon further states that it will NOT be for the WWE Intercontinental Championship. Jericho says that he also has "a nickelbag-worth of free advice", based on Jillian Hall's poor rendition of Mr. McMahon's theme song, perhaps a heavy metal or scat rendition.
Cryme Tyme then enters the room. Mr. McMahon asks them if they realize why they were called in, suddenly you have Cryme Tyme, Jericho & Mr. McMahon all rapping! Cryme Tyme makes the suggestion that it's time for an AUCTION! AUCTION! (Yeah, yeah!), and start stripping the room of William Regal's posters of the Queen Mum and other English relics. Cryme Tyme cleans out the room and leaves, Mr. McMahon & Jericho prattle on for a few seconds more before we go to break. During the commercial break, Cryme Tyme went out in the crowd and auctioned off all of Regal's stuff. Ron Simmons makes an obligatory "DAMN!" appearance.
WWE World Tag Team Championship: champions Bob Holly & Cody Rhodes vs. Paul London & Brian Kendrick
Last week on WWE Heat (the last one to be filmed, I might add), London & Kendrick defeated Holly & Rhodes in a non-title match, leading to tonight's title match-up. The Hooligans are introduced first, then Holly & Rhodes. Rhodes and London square off first, Rhodes with a firemans carry takeover into a side headlock, London pushes off, Rhodes flotes over the corner and nails the standing dropkick. Rhodes tries a body press, London wiggles out, tags to Kendrick, they double dropkick Rhodes, Kendrick with a quick pinfall. Rhodes wtries to whip Kendrick intot he ropes, Kendrick with a block and a pin attempt, Rhodes whips Kendrick HARD into the corner, then rams Kendruck into the corner to tag in Holly.
Kendrick tries to fight Holly with some forearm shots, Holly catches him with a clothesline off the ropes, Holly with a pin attempt, pulls up Kendrick and tags in Rhodes, who hits Kendrick with a double axehandle smash from the top turnbuckle. Rhodes applies a rear waistlock, Kendrick refuses to submit. Kendtrick stands up and elbows Rhodes in the jaw a few times, then tries for a Dudley Dog out of the corner, but Rhodes shoves him off. Both men make a hot tag, London fires out of the cute with some dropkicks and a scissor takeover, hits an entering Cody Rhodes, ties up HOlly, Holly tries for the Alabama Slam, Kendrick enters and dropkicks the duo, allowing London to get a pin attempt. All chaos breaks loose, Rhodes & Kendrick end up out of the ring, Holly snatches up Kendrick on the ropes, hits the Alabama Slam, and then picks up the win.
WINNERS: Bob Holly & Cody Rhodes, by pinfall. As Holly & Rhodes are being announced as the winner, Ted DiBiase's theme music hits. He announces that Holly & Rhodes' title reign will shortly come to an end. He reveals that the reason he was on Raw last week was to meet with Mr. McMahon to introduce the newest WWE Raw member, Ted DiBiase Jr! Junior comes out and says that he's always dreamed of coming to the WWE and becoming a champion, and he plans on doing it at Holly & Rhodes' expense. He then ends with his new catchphrase, "Everybody has a price... but I am simply priceless!" Cute. We go to break.
The WWE Rewind was Santino Marella's immitation of Roddy Piper, the demanded apology from Cousin Sal, Piper's attack and the challenge of Marella vs. Sal, which will now take place next week on SmackDown. Jim Ross then cuts us to video of Piper starting to train Sal to wrestle. Piper starts with a nice slap across the face. Sal starts to walk away, and Piper says that they have to keep going. Sal's cousin, Jimmy Kimmel, enters and ask how Sal's training is coming. Kimmel asks what moves Sal has learned, and then sits at ringside and eats popcorn as Piper puts Sal through the paces. At the end, Kimmel tells Sal that he's proud of him, and the whole family is depending on him. Piper then slips in a sleeper hold to put Sal out for the count. Kimmell adds insult to injury by drawing a moustache on Sal's face with a magic marker.
Back on Raw, Mr. McMahon is asking WWE Women's Champion Mickie James about her ideas to give the fans what they deserve. James suggest that they go out in the public to entertain. JBL walks up and interrupts, suggests that James would treat the WWE Women's Division like a bunch of whores. JBL says that with five hours of WWE programming a week, Mr. McMahon is already giving away enough. He suggests that instead he could give away pieces of the ring mat stained with John Cena's blood, then turns to James and says "Your boyfriend!" James insists that they are not boyfriend and girlfriend. JBL retorts that Cena will have plenty of body fluids to give, given how much he suspects James & Cena have exchanged. James expresses her outrage at JBL's chauvinism as he walks off. Mr. McMahon suggests that JBL, perhaps, was only suggesting saliva. Off to another break.
We come back to break with some video tributes from a few of the active duty membes serving overseas to their families. Outstanding!
John Cena & Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga & John Bradshaw Layfield
Jeff Hardy enters first, does his ring entrance thing. We recap Umaga attacking Jeff Hardy last week, go back to the ring and Hardy is holding his back as if it still hurts. John Cena's inro is next. Umaga is next, then Layfield last (without his limo).
We're gonna start out with Cena and Layfield, but Layfield decides he's not going to start and tags in Umaga. The two men get nose-to-nose, Umaga tries with a right hand, Cena ducks it, immediately tries to put Umaga into the F-U, struggles, and Umaga nails him in the head with an elbow to break it. Umaga with a kick and a punch, a right puts Cena in the corner, and Umaga lays in several punches before whipping Cena to the opposite corner. Umaga charges, Cena moves and lays in rights, whips Umaga off, reversal, Umaga goes for a cross body block, Umaga catches him and nails him with a swinging side slam. Umaga goes for a pin, two-count as we go to breka.
Back from break, Cena just made a hot tag to Hardy, and Umaga is attacking him. Umaga puts Hardy in the corner, charges, Hardy with an elbow, goes to the outside paron. JBL comes over, gets a forearm from Hardy. Hardy tries to jump back in the ring, Umaga shoves him to the outside. As Umaga distracts the referee, JBL beats up Hardy and throws him back in. Umaga with a big splash and a pin attempt. Layfield tags in, clubs Hardy in the back, puts him in the corner and nails him with a dozen kneelifts untl the ref breaks. Layfield whips Hardy into the opposite corner hard to take him down, then sets up a modified abdominal stretch in the middle of the ring, pulling on the right leg to add extra pressure. Hardy struggles to make a break on the ropes with a leap to save himself and break the hold. Layfield clubs Hardy in the back again, an elbow drop, cover gets a two-count.
Hardy struggles for a tag, JBL stops him by the boot, Hardy slugs away in response, tries to whip Layfield into the corner, Layfield reverses, Hardy hits the Whisper 'O the Wind, taking both men out. The ref starts the count, Hardy gets up first, tags Cena, JBL is up, Cena with a clothesline, a shoulder tackle, a bodyslam, knocks Umaga off the apron, then sets up for the Five Knuckle Shuffle and delivers with AUTHORTAH! Umaga gets in and attacks Cena, puts Cena in the corner and he makes the tag. Hardy immediately tries for the Swanton Bomb, but JBL recovers and moves out of the way, Hardy crashes and burns. Layfield catches Hardy with a clothesline and covers for the win.
WINNERS: Umaga & John Bradshaw Layfield, by pinfall. Jerry Lawler notes that the Clothesline from Hell isn't going to draw first blood in his match this Sunday. We recap the match highlights, do the obligatory camera shots, then go backstage
Mr. McMahon is asking Shawn Michaels about tonight's "big surprise" for the fans. Michaels says that he is having a hard time grasping the idea that Mr. McMahon can do anything "decent". Mr. McMahon says that he is going to show his appreciation tonight, and that even he will "have to give the Devil his due". Michaels responds, "You certainly know about that." and walks off.
Break, we come back with some members of the Denver Broncos goofing off in the crowd. We then go to a video highight package of WWE's tour of Mexico this past week. Ken Kennedy cranking an organ grinder and shouting his name... THAT should be his new theme song! And a video of D-X in their own custom-made luchadore masks. Cute!
Ken Kennedy vs. Carlito Colon
Kennedy is introduced first, and gets a HUGE pop from the fans. We recap his win over William Regal last week. Kennedy does his own self-introduction, patting himself on the back for getting rid of Regal. But now, who is he going to face? Another piece of crap, Carlito Colon! Maybe we can get another "Loser Leaves WWE" stipulation on this match, too? Carlito comes down next, bell rings.
Carlito with the early offense, kicking and punching Kennedy. Carlito goes for the reverse springboard elbow off the ropes, Kenendy ducks it. Kennedy tries for the Mic Check, Colon stops it, swinging neckbreaker, pin attempt for a two-count. Carlito choes Kennedy on the middle rope, ref breaks. Carlito pulls Kennedy into a chinlock, Kennedy up and elbows out, Carlito pulls him back down to the mat, tries for a pin. Carlito with the lefts, Kennedy ducks one, tries for a kick, Colon ducks it, Kennedy whips him off the ropes and nails a clothesline, the sets up Carlito with the front roll, pin attempt, two-count.
Kennedy charges Colon, Carlito with a scoop and a powerslam, Carlito with a pin attempt, two-count. Colon taunts Kennedy, sets up for the Back Stabbker, Kennedy backs him up into the corner, charges, Colon elbows him, charges out of the corner, Kennedy quickly sets up the Mic Check and delivers, 1-2-3, stick a fork in him, he's done!
WINNER: Ken Kennedy, by pinfall. Katie Lea Burchill comes out with a mic and addresses Kennedy, and says that "some of us" are upset that Kennedy got William Regal fired last week. As Kennedy turns to address her, Paul Burchill enters from the crowd and attacks Kennedy from behind, takes him out with a swinging neckbreaker. Paul Burchill takes the mic and tells Kennedy that Regal was a great man, and now Kennedy is going to face dire circumstances. Burchill then grabs Kennedy from behind by the jaw, then gets kicked down, whipping his neck. Katie Lea raises Paul's hand, then they exit the ring.
Stick around, we still have Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels, and then the "EPIC ANNOUNCEMENT~!!!" from Mr. McMahon at the end of the night. Breaktime. We come back to Trevor Murdoch serenading Mr. McMahon with a country version of his theme song. Mr. McMahon says that it isn't what he's looking for, then tells Murdoch to spread the word that he wants EVERY WWE star and employee at ringside after the Jericho/Michaels match for his announcement.
We then get the rundown for this weekend's "One Night Stand" PPV:
We then go to a video package highlighting the Orton vs. Triple H feud, followed by Chris Jericho walking to the ring for his rematch. Another break, then we come back with more video tributes from overseas service members to their families. Including a shout-out to Ric Flair... WHOOO!
WWE Intercontinental Champion Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels (non-title match)
Chris Jericho enters first, he gets plenty of cheers, can't hardly hear any boos. Shawn Michaels makes his entrance next. Ever wonder what he's saying when he gets down on his knees and appears to pray? Hm, it's already 10:42 ET, I wonder how long this match will last?
Jericho and Michaels trade takedowns, counters and cross-counters for about 20 seconds before they revert to a Mexican Standoff. They lock back up, Michaels with an armbar, Jericho reverses into an armbar with a wringer, Michaels shoves off, hiptoss, Jericho counters by elbowing Michaels to the outside, Jericho tries to leap onto Michaels on the outside off the turnbuckle, Michaels ducks it, Jericho eats the floor and part of the announcer's table too, and we take a break!
Normally commercial breaks are not notable, but they go to a promo for USA's new show, In Plain Sight. Big Show shows up at the lead star's door (don't know her name, sorry!) and welcomes her to the USA family by offering her an autographed and bow-wrapped WWE folding chair. Awkward silence, then Big Show asks if he can use her bathroom, she says no, thanks him for the chair and shuts the door. Fucking GREAT!
Back from the break, Jericho has Michaels in the middle of the ring in a headlock. We highlight the action from the break, Jericho putting Michaels upside-down in the corner, then delivering a dropkick to the head. Back tothe action, Michaels escapes, backslide on Jericho, two-count. Michaels swing on Jericho, Jericho ducks it and hits his own enziguri, covers Michaels, two-count. Michaels put into the corner, Jericho lays in the shoulders, referee breaks it, Jericho shoves him off. Jericho with kicks to the midsection, ref breaks it, Jericho shoves him off again. Choke in the corner, Jericho then whips Michaels off the ropes, goes for a bulldog, Michaels with a desperation shove-off that hangs Jericho up in the corner. Jericho recovers, charges, Michaels countes with an inverted atomic drop, a chop, whips Jericho into the ropes, Jericho reverses, Michaels with a shoulderblock, both men down.
Michaels with the kip-up, was going for the superkick, Jericho counters and goes into the Walls of Jericho, Michaels counters with an inside cradle for a two-count. Jericho tries for the Lionsault, Michaels rolls out of the way, Jericho eats the mat. Michaels goes to the top turnbuckle for the elbow drop, Jericho moves and it's Michaels' turn to eat the mat. Jericho recovers in the corner, taunts Michaels to get up, Jericho moves in for the Codebreaker, Michaels wraps his arms around the ropes to block it, Jericho crashes and burns. Michaels sets up for the Superkicks again, charges, Jericho ducks it, whips Michaels around into the Walls of Jericho. Michaels desperately claws his way to the ropes, ref breaks it, Jericho lays in kciks, ref has to physically sperate Jericho, Jericho argues with the ref, then moves in and kicks Michaels in the ribs, sending him to the outside. Jericho prusues, Michaels chops him several times, Jericho with a double-leg takedown, then puts on the Walls of Jericho on the outside again. The referee starts his count, Jericho doesn't break, referee counts them out
WINNER: NO CONTEST, DOUBLE COUNTOUT. Jericho continues with the submission, refusing to break it, apparently so enraged that he is unaware of the count-out. The referee gets in Jericho's face, and Jericho snaps, grabs the chair, starts to swing, and then stop short. Jericho stares down at a prone Shawn Michaels as the fans boo him. Michales looks up with a look of genuine fear in his face. Jericho eventually reaches out his free hand, Michaels reluctantly accepts it, Jericho helps him up, then throws the chair aside. Jericho walks off with a disgusted look on his face, Michaels holds his back and catches his breath, realizing just how easily Jericho could have just taken him out. Break.
Mr. McMahon's Epic Announcement
Back from break, and all the WWE Raw stars are waiting at the top of the ramp for Mr. McMahon to enter. His music hits, and the chairman of World Wrestling Entertainment struts his way down to the ring as only the chairman can.
Mr. McMahon takes the mic and tells the fans that he had an idea of how he can show the fans some appreciation for watching WWE Raw. The fans start the "What!?" chants, Mr. McMahon tells them that they can chant that all they want, but they won't be doing that in a moment. Mr. McMahon tells them that he thinks the fans deserve to see ALL of the WWE roster on RAW in four weeks for the WWE Draft Lottery.
But -- that's not the announcement. He says that he's been thinking about this, and that it's "all about the money", and he asks the fans what they would think about him giving away cash money in the arena every week, say, $1000? Maybe $10,000? Why not $100,000? LOL the "WHAT!?" chants have certainly stopped. Mr. McMahon says that this isn't a hoax or a trick, but from his own personal bank account, each and every week on Raw, Mr. McMahon will give away a sum of ONE MILLION DOLLARS.
*jawdrop*
The fans are SILENT. HOLY FUCK. And that's how we close out Raw. We'll have more updates on this as they're provided!