06/16/08: Killa Kev's WWE Raw Recap

Date: 06/16 8:00 PM
Views: 2,400

Written by Killa Kev

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Killa Kev's WWE Raw Recap

We start out tonight with John Cena live and in the middle of the ring. He says that it is no secret that he loves WWE, and along with the fans they provide the best entertainment that money can buy. Cena says that every once in awhile even the WWE can produce moments that make the wrestling world stand still, that makes us all remember where we were when it happens. He runs down some exciting moments in WWE history, and then starts to go into about how history is giong to be made at WWE Night of Champions in two weeks.

Triple H's music hits, he comes out and says that he's starting to believe that things aren't starting to get a little personal between the two of them. He blames Cena for his loss to Jeff Hardy last week, and tells Cena that if he gets in his business again he'll destroy him. Cena calls Triple H a hypocrit. Triple H tells Cena that nobody told him to stand on the table, and he's so uncoordinated he probably fell out. Cena reminds Triple H that he's made Triple H tap out before, Triple H tries to say that things are different not, Cena says that nothing has changed, Triple H says that the difference is now he's the champion. Cena responds that the title means nothing, but until Triple H can beat him, Triple H is NOTHING!

OOOOHHHHH, schnap!

Triple H says that he knows it's going to be a long night for Cena at Night of Champions, because he knows he doesn't want to let his fans down, too bad most of Cena's fans will be in bed before his match goes on. Cena shoves Triple H off, strips off his shirt and is ready to fight. Triple H calmly throws the WWE Championship aside, strips off his shirt and is ready to go.

Mr. McMahon's music hits, he struts out and says this isn't going to happen tonight, they'll compete at Night of Champions for the WWE Championship. But nevermind that, Mr. McMahon is giving away $1 Million tonight. And tonight's password is....


Mr. McMahon says that John Cena's question should be "Will I win my match tonight?", because Cena's match is UP NEXT against Umaga, in a Street Fight! (because Mr. McMahon is still feeling generous). Triple H grins, picks up a mic and says, "Good luck, John, and don't get hurt!"

John Cena vs Umaga

Umaga's music hits, and the Samoan Bulldozer makes his way down to the ring, slaps the steps, gets in the ring, and Cena jumps him immediately, but takes a chop to the throat from Umaga. Umaga whips Cena off the ropes, Cena with a sunset flip, tries to pull Umaga over, Umaga goes for a fistdriver, Cena moves out of the way. Cena tries to pick up Umaga and slam him, Umaga is too heavy, Cena falls to his back, quick pin attempt. Cena staggers up using the ropes, Umaga charges at him and knocks him off the apron into the ring barrier. We go to our first break.

Back to the show, Umaga is punching Cena up the ramp, tries to throw him into the barrier, but Cena reverses it, punches to the chest, rights to Umaga's head. Cena charges, Umaga catches him and nails a Samoan Drop on the steel ramp. Both men are slow in getting up, but Umaga manages to make it up first. Umaga kicks Cena over, grabs his arm and drags him back to the ring, prompts him up on the apron, then chokes him by the throat. Umaga backs up, charges with the ass splash, but Cena moves out of the way, Umaga's ass eats the ringpost. Cena then charges, rams Umaga into the ring barrier, then turns around and rams him into the apron. Cena goes off and grabs a microphone as Umaga gets back in the ring. Cena uses the mic as a weapon, ramming it into Umaga's head. Cena goes up to the top turnbuckle and tries for a cross-body block, Umaga catches him and converts into a Swinging Side Slam, Umaga covers and gets a two-count.

Umaga pulls Cena up, tries for a right to the head, Cena blocks it, retaliates with punches, tries to whip Umaga into the corner, Umaga reverses and charges, Cena puts the foot up to stop it, charges out for a spear, but Umaga clotheslines him. Umaga goes out of the ring and starts stripping the top off the announcer's table, then decides to grab a chair and throw it in the ring. Cena sees it, crawls over to it as Umaga rolls into the ring, rams Umaga in the midsection with it, bounces off the ropes and nails a Blockbuster, climbs up to the top rope, nails a legdrop, then calls for teh F-U. Cena picks him up, but his knees buckles, he falls and rolls out of the ring. Umaga crawls out of the ring, slowly walks over to Cena, picks him up and rams him head-first into the steel ringsteps. Umaga rolls Cena into the ring, covers, hooks the leg, but still only a two-count.

Umaga rolls out of the ring again, picks up a section of the steel ringsteps, picks it up over his head and throws it in the ring. Cena rolled over towards a corner, trying to pull himself up by the ropes. Umaga takes his time getting back into the ring, picks up the steps, over his head again as Cena gets up. Umaga charges with the steps, Cena sees it, ducks down, catches Umaga on the charge, puts him in the F-U, stands up, EXECUTES! 1-2-3 we're done just like that!

WINNER: John Cena, by pinfall. We recap the weak-ass finish, then camera back on Cena giving the salute to the fans before he goes off to the back.

We go back to Mr. McMahon on the top of the stage, he says that he's going to start out by giving away $125,000. The phone rings three times, Mr. McMahon starts to wonder if the person is going to pick up. Denzel in Virginia Beach, VA answers, gives the right phrase and wins! Mr. McMahon then asks Denzel what his favorite animal is, he says it's a dog, Mr. McMahon asks Denzel if he'll bark like a dog. Denzel does, but Mr. McMahon says that Denzel's dog sounds like he's got laryngitis. Mr. McMahon then introduces us to the next event.

WWE Sumertime Beach Bikini Blowout

Maria Kanellis is introduced first, followed by Eve Torres, and we go to commercial. We come back and replay Charlie Haas (the host of this event) being mugged by Mae Young. Haas introduces everybody to the contest and explains the rules: each Diva models their bikini for 15 seconds, and the fans will sound off as to who is wearing the best bikini. I'll describe this to you, but you should know how these things go by now.

Melinia Perez unrobes first, wearing a cute two-piece black bikini. Maryse is next, another cute number, gotta love her legs. Lina is third... wait? Who is Lina? I don't remember her. Layla El is next, she does a little stripper routine, her bikini has chains and stuff on it. Jillian Hall is next, but she grabs the mic from Haas and says she didn't come her to model a bikini, but she came to sing! Haas takes the mic away from her and tells her that we're moving on. Eve Torres is next, her outfit actually looks quite sporty! Maria Kanellis is last, she takes her time to strip it down, it's seafoam green and purple, and it sounds like the fans are going to vote for her, although I think it's a toss-up between Melina and Eve. We go to the fans, everybody but Jillian gets a cheer, but Maria gets the most of them. Maria struts herself out and poses for the fans one more time. Jillians folds her arms and plays stuck-up.

Mr. McMahon tells the Divas to not go anywhere, they can stay in the ring and help give away the next $100,000 in Million Dollar Mania. Mike of Monroe, NC answers, Mr. McMahon asks for the password, of course Mike has it. Mr. McMahon asks Mike another question, "Who is the most handsome individual ever born in North Carolina?" Mike answers Ric Flair, which Mr. McMahon says is INCORRECT. I'm pretty sure Mr. McMahon was trying to allude to himself. Ric Flair is actually believed to have been born in Tennessee. Flair was given up for adoption as a baby, and was placed with the Fleihr family of Minnesota through an adoption agency in Tennessee. Now you know something, and now we take a break.

Back to the show, we see Chris Jericho with a particularly satisfying grin on his face as he's oiling down. We recap last week's Highlight Reel, where we highlighted Shawn Michael's battle with Dave Batista for the last two months, then Jericho turned on Michaels. We come back, Jim Ross says that Michaels is having problems with his eyesight, we'll try to get updates later tonight, and we'll also hear from Chris Jericho later tonight.

Back up to the stage, Mr. McMahon introduces a special guest for this week, "Hacksaw" Jim Duggias! Duggans struts out in a tux, and his 2x4 is wearing a tux as well! Duggans dials the number, and we get Don's VOICEMAIL! Mr. McMahon leaves him a message that he just lost his opportunity to win $50,000! Mr. McMahon says that he has been waiting for that. Gabe from ePrize.com brings out another number to dial, Duggan dials again, we get somebody's cellphone hold music playing the D-Generation X theme. Mr. McMahon says that it's a nice ringtone. Jesse of Bethel, OH answers and provides the phrase that pays, he gets $50,000! Mr. McMahon asks him if he's happy wit hthat, and Jesse says, "If you're not happy with that, I got two words for ya--". Mr. McMahon cuts him off and says instead of that, how about his best "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan impersonation. "HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Jeff Hardy vs. Carlito Colon

We go right into the next match, Jeff Hardy makes his introductions first. We recap Jeff Hardy wrestling Triple H last week, then attacking both Cena & Trips at the end of the night, then we take a break. We come back and Carlito is already in the ring, he doesn't get a walk-down introduction. Hm, I wonder who is going to win?

We get a lock-up, Carlito backs Hardy into a corner, gives Hardy a left before we get a break. Carlito headbutts Hardy into a corner, pulls him out, whip off the ropes, Hardy reverses, Carlito tries for a springboard reverse elbow, Hardy ducks it. Carlito charges, Hardy pulls down the top rope, Carlito sails over and into the floor. Hardy follows up with a plancha, throws Carlito back in the ring. Hardy elbows Carlito in the ribs, tries to slingshot in over the ropes, Carlito cuts him off, grabs Hardy by the head, and executes a swinging neckbreaker using the ropes, covers, two-count. Carlito puts the boots to Hardy, picks him up as the fans chant for Hardy, puts Hardy in the corner, shoulder into the midsection, but Hardy fights his way out of the corner. Hardy whips Carito, reversal and Carlito with a dropkick, cover, two-count. Colon recovers and puts Hardy into a reverse chinlock. Hardy grabs some hair, referee breaks it. Hardy works his way back up, elbows out, but Carlito takes him down, drops a knee in the chest, and lays in some lefts. Referee breaks, Carlito pulls Hardy up, bounces off the ropes and nails a stiff reverse elbow, covers, pin, two-and-a-half count. Carlito puts his knee in Hardy's back and pulls back on the arms. Hardy again works his way up, boot to the midsection, a second one, and a reverse mulekick that sends Colon into the corner. Hardy quickly tries to follow up with the dropkick in the corner, but Colon moves, and tries a pin attempt immediately afterwards.

Colon picks up Hardy, but Hardy with a jawbreaker to counter. Hardy boots Colon in the midsection, tries for the Twist of Fate, but Carlito shoves him off into the corner, catches him coming out of the corner, hangs him upside down into the Tree of Woe, tries for a baseball slide, but Hardy pulls himself up, Carlito misses. Hardy rights himself and nails the Whisper 'O the Wind, covers, two-count. Hardy pulls up Carito, plants him with a front-face suplex, then goes up to the top turnbuckle for the Swanton Bomb, but Carlito gets up and runs to the corner. Hardy spots it, jumps off the ropes. Carlito tries for the Backstabbler, Hardy blocks it, nails the Twist of Fate, goes up top, hits the Swanton Bomb, covers and gets the pin.

WINNER: Jeff Hardy, by pinfall. So the burial of Carlito Colon begins, maybe this will teach him to keep his mouth shut about his elders and his betters. We recap the match highlights, then get to see Jeff Hardy walking up the ramp. Mr. McMahon congratulates Hardy on his win, then starts to dial another person to win on Million Dollar Mania. Kyle in Hoyt Lakes, MN answers, he again has the phrase that wins. Mr. McMahon says that this can only happen in America, and only one billionaire would be giving away money. Mr. McMahon asks Kyle to sing the first stanza of the National Anthem. Kyle BARELY belts a few words out, Mr. McMahon cuts him off and says "And I thought Jillian was worse!" Kyle wants to say something before he leaves, Mr. McMahon is heistant but lets him. All Kyle wanted to say was that WWE Night of Champions was on his birthday.

Chris Jericho Speaks

Jericho's music hit, and the WWE Intercontinental Champion takes to the ring, mic in hand. Jericho says that he has noticed that people are looking at him now and are asking themselves how Jericho could do what he does. Jericho says that if we don't know what happened, he's going to show us now, and we get yet another recap of Jericho attacking Michaels last week. The fans start to boo Jericho, and he says it's like deja-vu all over again, he's tried to be honest with the fans, and they boo him. Jericho tells the fans that what happened to Michaels last week wasn't his fault, but the fans' fault. Jericho says when he came back to WWE last November was because he wanted to save them, but Jericho has decided that the fans don't want to be saved, and they want to be connected to "a back-stabbing hypocrite like Shawn Michaels".

Jericho says that he's now here to save himself. He says people accuse him of changing, Jericho says he hasn't changed, he can still look at himself in the mirror, he's still the hero and idol of millions. Jericho says that the fans have become morally corrupt, and with fans like them, who needs enemies. Jericho says that he no longer wants the cheers of the fans, and he did what he did to Michaels because the fans forced him to do it, he's now going to punish Michaels for their sins. Jericho asks the fans if they wished Michaels would show up right now to get revenge. Jericho says that he wants Michaels to do it as well, come out right now, and tells the fans to start chanting "H-B-K! H-B-K!" so he'll come out. The fans do, but Jericho tells the fans that Michaels won't come out because he's a coward, a liar, and a miserable excuse.

Jericho's rant is cut off... WHOOO! It's Ric Flair! The arena EXPLODES in cheers as Flair, dressed to the nines, appears on the ramp as we go to break. Back on TV, Flair is staring down Jericho nose-to-nose in the ring. Flair leans in a little closer and Jericho flinches. Jericho starts to say something, puts his finger in Flair's face, Flair smacks the mic away and tells Jericho to shut up. He tells Jericho that he knows Michaels isn't here tonight because of his injury. He also says that Jericho knows Flair can't wrestle anymore because he's retired, but that doesn't stop him from fighting him in the parking lot! Flair strips off his coat, nails it with an elbow drop, rolls out of the ring and walks off, daring Jericho to follow him. Jericho throws down the mic and does. Flair is stripping off his shirt and tie and says he's ready now, Jericho follows and tells Flair that he'll retire his ass for good, and Flair says, "I'll show you retired!"

Flair walks out an exit, Jericho follows, but then stops and backs up. In enters Triple H. Triple H asks Jericho if he's caused enough problems. Jericho tells Triple H this is none of his business. Triple H says that since Jericho has come back, Triple H has been looking to make it his business. Jericho asks if Triple H is going to be the knight in shining armor that saves other people. Triple H says that he isn't here to fight for anybody, he just wants a fight with Jericho. We go to break again. Back from the break, Triple H and Ric Flair are arguing about fighting Jericho. Mr. McMahon walks up and tells Flair that it's great to see him, he's doing a great job as an ambassador, but because he's retired he can't be interfering in the show, and is going to have security escort them out. Flair can't believe it, Triple H asks Mr. McMahon what his problem is. Mr. McMahon says that he doesn't have a problem, but Triple H has a problem now, because he's officially making Triple H vs. Jericho happen TONIGHT.

WWE World Tag Team Champions Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes vs. Cryme Tyme (Shad Gespard & JTG) (non-title match)

So we're about to see the champs go 0-3 in the last three weeks, both teams are already in the ring as we get the action started. Until Ted DiBiase, Jr. walks down to the ring. Gespard turns around to see DiBiase walking down, Hardcore Holly rolls up Gespard from behind and the referee quickly counts out a pin.

WINNERS: Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes, by pinfall. Okay, wow, I didn't see THAT coming! And it was fucking cheap, too! But, as Jim Ross said, these guys aren't being paid by the hour.

Mr. McMahon is back onstage, and the fans start to boo him. Mr. McMahon apologizes for having to throw Flair out, but how are they going to boo a billionaire like him. Mr. McMahon dials the next person, Becky in Advance, NC answers and gives the password. Mr. McMahon says that in honor of Ric Flair being the 16-time world champion, Becky is going to win SIXTEEN DOLLARS! The fans boo, Mr. McMahon says "Now you have a reason to boo me!" and the fans, indeed, boo even more. Off to break.

Mixed Tag Team Match: Paul Burchill & Katie Lea Burchill vs. Ken Kennedy & Mickie James

The WWE Raw Rewind is Kennedy beating Paul Birchill last week, Kennedy beating Burchill, then getting attacked by Katie Lea before getting laid out from behind by Paul. The Burchill clan is already in the ring as Mickie James & Ken Kennedy get their seperate introductions. Paul Burchill & Ken Kennedy start out, Kennedy with a reverse waistlock, Burchill tries to elbow out, Kennedy ducks it, lays in some punches, but Burchill with a clothesline and an European uppercut stops that. Burchill whips Kennedy off the ropes, Kennedy reverses and delivers a backdrop, goes for a quick pin attempt, then backs Burchill up into the corner for some kicks and punches before the referee breaks it. Burchill catches Kennedy with a kick tot he midsection and a high knee to the head, then locks in a reverse chinlock and abdominal stretch combo on the mat. Kennedy works his way out of it, punches, Burchill with a knee to the ribs and a short-arm clotheslines, covers and gets a two-count.

Burchill pulls up Kennedy, back into the chinlock/abdombinal stretch combo, demanding that Kennedy submit. Kennedy again works his way up, elbows and punches out, Burchill with another knee to the ribs. Burchill stomps Kennedy in the back, picks him up, whips him into a corner, charges, Kennedy with both boots up to stop him, Kennedy bounces off the ropes and nails the Yakuza Kick, rolls Burchill up, two-count. Burchill backs out quickly and Katie Lea tags herself in, runs up into Kennedy's face, Kennedy stop himself, but Mickie James gets in the ring, slaps Katie Lea across the face, and they start pulling ahir and throwing punches on the mat. Katie Lea with a knee to the ribs to stop James, whips her off the ropes, James slicdes under Burchill's legs, nails a pair of clotheslines, nails a forearm shot, whips Burchills, reversal by Burchill, but James stops it and nails a short-arm clothesline, low dropkick off the ropes, covers and gets a tw-count. James calls for the Thesz Press of the top turnbuckle. Paul Burchill comes over, Kennedy cuts hiim off with a spear that takaes them both out of the ring. Mickie James tries the Thesz Press, but Katie Lea ducks it, catches James from behind with a backbreaker, and covers James for the pin.

WINNERS: Paul & Katie Lea Burchill, by pinfall. Katie Lea stands over James and holds up two fingers, signifying two straight wins over the WWE Women's Champion. Katie Lea rolls out of the ring as Ken Kennedy comes in to check on James, the Burchills walk up the ramp.

Mr. McMahon congratulates them on their win, dials noather number. Alana of Westmont, IL answers, and immediately starts blubbering about how she loves Mr. McMahon and how much he inspires her, how he's changed her life. Mr. McMahon asks if she has the password, and she does. Mr. McMahon asks Alana who is the most handsome WWE superstar she's ever seen, she blurts out that Mr. McMahon is the handsomest man she's ever seen. Congratulations Alana, you've now won $174,984. Jim Ross ends it with, "Now go take your medicine, ma'am." LOL priceless. Off to another break.

And we come back with ANOTHER chance to win some money! Okay, this is starting to get silly, we've had THREE real wrestling matches on tonight. Another number dialed, and Peter in Bloomville, NY answers, delivers the password woohoo. Mr. McMahon says that in honor of nearly 75,000 pepole watching WrestleMania 25, Peter will win $75,000. Jim Ross reminds Peter to pay his taxes as we run down the line up for WWE Night of Champions:

No word yet on the WWE Women's Championship, the WWE Intercontinental Championship or the WWE Tag Team Championship. Jerry Lawler says he was just informed that Mr. McMahon will be back out in a moment to give away the final $300,000. We go backstage as Triple H is walking out of his locker room, John Cena cuts him off and says, "I'm going to tell you the same thing you told me: good luck, and don't get hurt." Triple H walks off as we go back to break.

Mr. McMahon is back, and says he doesn't know how long he's going to continue to give away $1 Million, but he WILL give it away again next week, and next week is also the three-hour RAW special for the WWE Draft Lottery. Mr. McMahon says it's time to give away the last $300,000. Frank in Haddon Township, NJ answers and says he loves Vince McMahon. I think Vince was caught a little off-guard by it, and then asks the fans if they all love him. The fans cheer, Mr. McMahon asks for the password, and of course it's right, FRANK YOU JUST WON THREE HUNDERD THOUSAND DOLLARS! Mr. McMahon says he's glad nobody from Salt Lake City won any money tonight, and the fans boo. Mr. McMahon says it made him feel good.

WWE Champion Triple H vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Chris Jericho (neither title is on the line, too bad)

The two champions get their seperate introductions and long-ass entrances, even though we're three minutes away from 11pm ET, so you know this is going over until at least 11:10pm. The bell rings, we get a ock up in teh ring, Triple Hi with a side headlock, Jericho shoves him off, Triple H bounces off the ropes and delivers a shoulder block. Jericho pops back up, rubs his head and they circle the ring. We go for another lockup, Jericho with a kick to Triple H's midsection, backs him up in the corner, lays in kicks and punches, referee Mike Chiota has to pull Jericho off. Jericho comes back in, Triple HI with a big kick and a punch, puts Jiercho in the corner and goes to town on him. Jericho is pulled up and headbutted into the corner, Triple H then whips him off the ropes and delivers a high backdrop.

Triple H pulls Jicho up, Jericho with a low punch an then a punch ot the head, whips Triple Hout out of the corner, charges, Triple H sidesteps it, whips Jericho out, Jericho reverses it and charges, Triple H sidesteps it, Jericho goes in shoulder-first and falls out of the ring, and we GO TO A FUCKING BREAK. C'mon now, this is fucking NONSENSE. Back to the show, we see Jericho hitting Triple H witha shoulderblock that sends him out of the ring. We recap Jericho hitting Triple H with an enziguri while we were on break. Triple H gets up, Jericho kicks him down again, then goes out of the ring, throws Triple H face-first into the steel ringsteps, slaps him in the back of the head, and throws him back in the ring. Triple H crawls up into the corner, Jericho gets back in and chokes him with the boot, referee break. Jericho pulls Triple H up, drapes him over the middle ropes and chokes him on the rope, then stands on his back and chokes him on the ropes more. Jericho with another slap to the back of the head, then bounces off the ropes, Triple H recovers and clotheslines Jericho, both men are down for the count.

Both men work their way up, trade rights, Triple H comes out on top, whips Jericho off the ropes, ducks down, Jericho kicks him in the face. Jericho bounces off the ropes, Triple H with a high knee, trhows Jericho in the corner, this him with a spear. Jericho whipped off the ropes again, Triple H reverses it into the Wall of Jericho. Triple H breaks out, throws Jericho in the corner. Jericho charges, Triple H catches him with a Spinebuster. Jericho pulls himself up, Triple H with a boot to the midsection, goes for the Pedigree, Jericho counters it and deliver sa face-first suplex. Jericho tries for the Lionsault, Triple H rolls out of the way. Jericho stands up, Triple H goes for the pedigree, Jericho tries to block it, Jericho flips Triple H over. Jericho tries for the enziguri off the ropes, Triple H ducks it and Jericho sails outside. Triple H immediately rolls out, they're brawling, and all the sudden Lance Cade comes out and attacks Triple H.

WINNER: Triple H, by disqualification. In the "WHISKY TANGO FOXTROT" of the night, Lance Cade attacks Triple H, and Chris Jericho helps to roll him in to make it -two-on-one. John Cena runs down and clears them out, only for Triple H to spear Cena and start brawling with him. Jericho and Cade both get back ijn and attack. Lance Cade takes out John Cena with a spinebuster, Jericho takes out Triple H with the Codebreaker. 

Wow, didn't see THAT one coming. Amazing. I guess Lance Cade gets to take a step up now, that's not a bad thing, I think he's ready for it. A tag-team run with Jericho would be quite good for him. Anyhow, that's it for tonight, we'll see you kids next week! 


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