06/23/08: Killa Kev's WWE Raw Recap

Killa Kev's Completely Improvised, Off-the-Top Recap of WWE Raw, Million Dollar
Mania & the 2008 WWE Draft, sponsored by Layfield Energy and Skittles!

"16,668 fans have sold out the AT&T Center", says Jim Ross as he introduces us to the show, then to broadcast partner Jerry "the King" Lawler. We're then bumped over to Michael Cole & Mick Foley and then to Mike Adamle & Tazz. According to all three, we'll follow the same format as last year, whoever wins their match, their brand will draft a wrestler from any brand immediately after the match.

Tonight's WWE Million Dollar Mania Password is: NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS

WWE Champion Triple H vs. Mark Henry (non-title match)

Well, I'm pretty sure who is going to win the first match. They should have humored us and put the title on the line. Triple H gets introduced first, Mark Henry second, and referee Chad Patton last. Yep, referees are on the line too!

Mark Henry starts with a bunch of smack talk, Triple H tells Henry to cool for a second, then delivers a D-X crotch chop for insult. They lock up, Henry with a side bearhug, shoves Triple H off the ropes and knocks him down with a big shouldertackle. Triple H is rocked for a second, pulls himself up by the turnbuckle, and then lays a punch into Henry. Henry shakes it off, headbutts Triple H, then delivers a stiff right to knock the champdown, and mocks Triple H with his own crotch chop before delivering another headbutt, putting Triple H in the corner. Henry whip him out to the opposite corner, slowly approaches, Triple H with a boot to the face, a trio of right hands, Triple H bounces off the ropes, Henry takes him down with a clothesline, he covers and gets a two-count. Henry pulls up Triple H by his hair, levels him with a stiff right to the stomach, followed by a club to the back. Triple H tries to crawl away, Mark Henry cuts him off and bodyslams him, followed by an elbow drop, covers, two-count.

Henry pulls Triple H up, delivers another headbutt that puts Triple H in the corner. Henry throws him onto the mat in the corner, lays him out, climbs to the middle rope and goes for a SLOPPY looking Vader Bomb, covers, Triple H throws his leg over the ropes to break the count. Henry pulls him out to the middle of the ring, cover, another two-count. Another pin attempt, another two-count. Henry puts Triple H in a head vice as the fans chant for the champion. Triple H works his way up, punches his way out, Henry picks up Triple H for a military press. Triple H wiggles out, nails Henry with a couple of shotts to the back, tries to whip Henry into the ropes, Henry reverses and ducks down, Triple H with a facebuster that doesn't phase Henry. Triple H with some fists, bounces off the ropes again, goes for a high kneelift and takes Henry off his feet.

Triple H pulls Henry up, tries for a Pedigree, but Henry blocks it with a bodyslam, cover, two-count. Henry tries for a giant splash off the ropes, Triple H rolls out of the way, waits for Henry to get back up, nails him with the Pedigree again, 1-2-3 we're done.

WINNER: Triple H, by pinfall. WWE Raw gets the first draft pick of the night. OH NO!! They're using the same damn system they used last year! LAME! And result... REY MYSTERIO IS DRAFTED TO RAW. Triple H has a huge grin on his face as Rey Mysterio, now recovered from his arm injury, walks out on the stage. I guess he's not going to get his revenge against La Famalia. Mysterio comes out to the ring, shakes Triple H's hand, points to his belt, Triple H pats the belt and nods in agreement, Rey Mysterio holds him his finger signifying he wants one shot, then goes and poses on the ropes. Off to our first break.

Back from the break, we get our first round of tonight's WWE Million Dollar Mania. Mr. McMahon says that the trade of Rey Mysterio is the first of many surprises tonight. Mr. McMahon reveals that tonight five people will win $100,000 and one lucky winner gets $500,000. Mr. McMahon says he needs some help to give away the first $100,000 and he introduces Kelly Kelly. Holy crap, that dress just doesn't work for her IMO, it's not very flattering. Maybe it's the yellow color. Kelly helps to dial the number for Mr. McMahon. Crystal from Bronx, NY answers the phone, and she's very excited. Somebody in the background screams as she gives out the correct password. WHAT? Vince McMahon says that is the WRONG ANSWER! Huh? Wait, Kelly Kelly says that is the right answer. Vince mcMahon corrects himself, and then asks Kelly to dance for us. Whee.

Backstage, Triple H welcomes Rey Mysterio to the show, Mysterio says it's great to be on-board, and John Cena walks in, congratulates Mysterio, who then departs. Cena says that Triple H has a funny way of thanking people for their help, after Cena came down and helped to even up the odds between Triple H against Chris Jericho & Lance Cade. Triple H tells Cena that he didn't ask for his help, didn't need his help and to stay out of his business. Triple H says that this has now gotten personal, he's tip-toed around the situation long enough, he's been eating away inside at his loss to Cena two years ago, but that will change. Cena spouts off "to be the man you got to beat the man", and Triple H espouses back with "until you take this (the WWE Championship) from me, you're nothing." Off to break again.

For those who don't want to read the full results of tonight's WWE Raw, here's a recap of which wrestlers will be going to which show:

Fit Finlay & Hornswaggle vs. Santino Marella & Carlito Colon

Well I have a feeling that Finlay & Little Bastard will be picking up the win here, not because it makes it even between the Raw & SmackDown picks, but because Carlito is in the doghouse still. Marella calls out Hornswaggle as the bell rings, even getting on his knees and posing his muscles. Finlay kicks Marella in the gut then tags in Hornswaggle, who hits Marella with a Stunner and a pin attempt, then a leg drop and a pin atempt. Hornswaggle tries to tag out, Marella grabs him by the jacket. Hornswaggle wiggles out and tags Finlay. Marella clotheslines Finlay out of the ring, tries for a baseball slide, Finlay backs up, pulls out the ring apron, catching Marella in it. Colon comes over to hep, Hornswaggle with a splash off the apron on Finlay.

Back in the ring, Marella is rolled back in, tags in Carlito, who goes to town on Finlay, tags in Marella. who whips Finlay in the corner. Marella charges, Finlay with a boot up, then goes over and smacks Colon. Referee stops Colon from getting in, Finlay goes for the shillelagh, but the referee turns around and catches it, takes it away. Marella tries to take advantage of the ref's turn again, but Finlay nails him with a fireman's carry, tags in Hornswaggle, who hits the Tadpole Splash on Marella for the pin.

WINNERS: Fit Finlay & Hornswaggle, by pinfall. SmackDown gets the next draft pick, and they get... JEFF HARDY IS GOING TO SMACKDOWN. Hardy comes out and acknowledges the fans as Finlay & Hornswaggle celebrate. Off to break.

More Million Dollar Mania after the break, Mr. McMahon introduces "The Legend Killer" Randy Oron. Orton comes out wearing a sling on his arm, and receiving a lot of boos. Orton says that he was forced to be here tonight because he's eligible for the draft. Orton has something on his mind, he wants John Cena and Triple H to know that he doesn't care who is champion after Sunday, because if he comes back and is still on Raw, he will become the WWE Champion again. He then turns his back to Mr. McMahon and says, "With all due respect, I'm not in a mood to give away $100,000" and walks off. Mr. McMahon says he's not only in a mood to give away $100,000 tonight, he's in the mood to give away a great main event, WWE World Heavyweight Champion Edge. vs. former WWE Champion John Cena! Sweet. But off to the next $100,000 giveaway, Mr. McMahon dials the number, Samira from Hamtramck, MI answers the phone and gives the right password, woohoo Samira is $100k richer. Mr. McMahon asks Samira who is going to win the main event, Samira says Triple H. LOL Really now? Alright! Off to another break.

WWE World Tag Team Champions Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes vs. Chavo Guerrero & Bam Neely (non-title match)

Mike Adamle and Jerry Lawler are going to team up to call this match, and Ted DiBiase, Jr. will be joining them for guest commentary. DiBiase gives a plug to his dad's book and says at the PPV he's going to teach the WWE World Tag champs a lesson. Bell rings and Bam neely takes Cody Rhodes to the corner quickly, tags in Chavo, who kicks and punches Rhodes, but Rhodes works his way out and hits Guerrero with a dropkick, makes the hot tag to Hardcore Holly. Holly slaps the crap out of Guerrero, backdrops him off the ropes, sets him up for a kick to the midsection, runs over and takes off Neely, but walks into a cross body block by Guerrero off the top turnbuckle.

Guerrero tries to set up a move, Holly reverses and sets up for the Alabama Slam, Neeley gets in and kicks Holly in the face. Rhodes gets in and nails Neely with a forearm shot to the head that sends Neely out of the ring. Guerrero hits a headscissor takeover on Rhodes to take him out of the ring, but Holly grabs Guerrero and plants him with the Alabama Slam, 1-2-3 it's done.

WINNERS: Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes, by pinfall. WWE Raw gets the next pick, and the result... "Mr. Money in the Bank" CM Punk goes to WWE Raw. Punk comes out and celebrates with the fans, we see Chris Jericho walking around in the back as we go to break.

Chris Jericho is in the ring when we come back, he starts complaining about how the fans have been brainwashed into believing that Shawn Michaels is a decent human being, and they should be ashamed of it. Jericho says that he continues to come out every week to tell the truth, and the fans treat him like garbage, and HOW DARE THEY do that? Jericho says that he's right about Michaels, and it will not be long before Michaels turns on the fans as well. He says that Michaels has a long history of lying to his friends and his fans, and has proof on the TitanTron. Of course, we go back to Michael's watershed entrance as a singles competitor, turning on his own tag team partner, Marty Janetty. We then see him turning against Diesel, Hulk Hogan and John Cena over the years.

The fans cheer as the clip ends, and Jericho continues to deride the fans and goads them into an "H-B-K! H-B-K!" chant. Jericho tells the fans that he is no longer going to allow the fans to chant for him, he's an honest man and a good-hearted person. He says that the only other person who has as good a heart as him is Lance Cade, who wasn't going to wait for Michaels to turn his back on him. Cade appears on the TitanTron, Jericho asks him about his past relationship with Shawn Michaels. Cade says that he was Shawn Michaels' best student at his wrestling school, but knew that Michaels was going to try to attack him once he became a WWE superstar, he's not giving Michaels a chance. He tells Jericho that the fans may not appreciate him, but Cade does.

Chris Jericho says that he still doesn't have an opponent at WWE Night of Champions, and as much as he would love for it to be Shawn Michaels, he isn't going to be able to make it due to Jericho's attack two weeks ago that put Michaels on the shelf. We recap THAT segment, and afterwards Jericho says that "the worst is yet to come."

Well, apparently Shawn Michaels has something to say about that, as Shawn Michaels' music hits, and the veteran appears. Michaels takes off his hat, streaks down to the ring and pummels Jericho. The two brawl around the ring, roll out of the ring, and Jericho is taking a beating. Jericho grabs Michaels by the waistband of his pants and throws him face-first into the corner of the announcer's table, hitting that damaged part of his eye. A ring attendant runs over with a towel to cover Michaels' eye, Jericho stands over him and smirks. We recap what happened, then go back to Jericho walking away as Michaels is holding his eye, screaming in pain. We take a break, come back and recap it again. We then recap teh trades sofar

WWE Tag Team Champions John Morrison & Mike "the Miz" Mizain vs. Zach Ryder & Cody Hawkins (non-title match)

Morrison & the Miz go to the ring first. As they are celebrating, WWE SmackDown GM Vickie Guerrero comes out with Ryder & Hawkins, and says that she originally planned to have Ryder & Hawkins face Morrson & Miz to secure another draft pick for SmackDown, but recent events has forced her to change the match...

WWE Tag Team Champions John Morrison & Matt & Jeff Hardy (non-title match)

The fans explode as the Hardy Boys have been reunited to take on the WWE Tag Champs. Matt & Miz start off first, Matt with a shoulderblock off the ropes, sending Miz to the mat. Mizain recovers, they lock up again, Miz with a hammerlock into an armbar, Hardy reverses the armbar into a hammerlock of his own. Miz backs Matt into the corner, boot to the midsection, punch, kick, punch. He tries to throw Hardy's head into the turnbuckle, Matt Hardy reverses it, then nails a stiff clothesline off the ropes, covers, two-count. Matt ties up Miz with a front facelock, tags in Jeff, they whip Miz into a corner, Jeff with a leg lariat on Miz using Matt as a springboard, then goes over and lays out Morrison, dropkick on Miz, cover, two count.

Jeff pulls up Mizain into a side headlock, headlock takeover to the mat. Miz works his way up, elbows out, shoves Jeff off the ropes, Jeff ducks a clothesline, but Morrison with a knee to the back on the ropes, Morrison with a clothesline. Miz tags in Morrison, then slingshots Jeff into a forearm shot by Morrison, Morrison covers for a two-count, then goes into a side headlock on the mat. Fans start up a "Har-dy! Har-dy!" chant. Hardy works his way up, tries for a jawbreaker, Morrison blocks it, pulls Hardy out to the apron, rolls out, kicks Hardy in the head, rolls back in to distract the referee as Mizain attacks Jeff's head. Morrison pulls Jeff back in, tags in Mizain, they double-team Jeff Hardy with a gutbuster over th eknees, Mizain covers, one count. Mizain transitions into a side headlock, then to a reverse chinlock. Jeff works his way up, elbows out, Mizain with a knee to the midsection. Mizain whips Jeff into a corner, charges and nails a clothesline, covers for a pin, two count.

Mizain with a front facelock, tags in Morrison, they double team Jeff with a pair of reverse elbows, Morrison covers, two count. Morrison mounts Hardy and lays in multiple rights, grabs Jeff by the leg, drags him to the corner, tags in Miz, who stomps on Hardy's guts, legdrop, cover, two count. Morrison into a reverse chinlock. Fans start cheering for Jeff Hardy again, Matt is itching for the tag. Jeff gets to his feet, punches Miz in the head, Miz whips Jeff into the corner, Jeff comes back with the Whisper 'O the Wind, both men are down. Referee Scott Armstrong starts the count, both men make their respective hot tags, Matt Hardy punches and clotheslines Morrison, whips him to a corner, clothesline, bulldog out. Mizain charges with a clothesline of his own, but Matt Hardy catches him with a clothesline instead on the way to delivering the bulldog.

Matt Hardy with a Side Effect on Morrison, covers, two-count as Miz break it up. Jeff Hardy clotheslines Miz out of the ring. Matt Hardy goes to the top turnbuckle, John Morrison cuts him off, climbs up to the top. Matt Hardy punches him off, delivers a legdrop, covers, hooks the leg, but Mizain gets in the ring and distracts the referee. Matt Hardy grabs Mizain and throws him out of the ring, but John Morrison grabs the tights and pulls Matt Hardy into a pinfall.

WINNER: John Morrison & Mike Mizain, by pinfall. ECW gets its first draft pick of the night, and... MATT HARDY IS DRAFTED TO ECW! Matt & Jeff Hardy hug in the ring, the Hardy Boys reunion is over (since ECW now tours with Raw), and the WWE United States Championship is no longer on SmackDown! We go to break.

We're up for the next segment for Million Dollar Mania, where Mr. McMahon introduces the Man, the Myth, the Living Legend, "the Nature Boy" Ric Flair! whoooo! Mr. Flair helps to dial the number, Donna from Selden, NY answers the phone and delivers the correct password, and she's $100,000 richer! Mr. McMahon asks Flair for just one word, one expression to summarize it... "WHOOOOOOO!" A picture may be worth a thousand words, but one word is worth $100,000 apparently! We see WWE Women's Champion Mickie James & Melina Perez walking backstage as we go to break again.

"Announcers-Only Draft Match" - WWE Women's Champion Mickie James & Melina Perez vs. Natalya Neidhardt & Victoria

Apparently the only people eligible to be drafted in this match are TV announcers, ring announcers, and backstage interviewers. Perez & James get seperate introductions, Victoria & Neidhadt are introduced together. We're going to start out with Perez and Neidhardt locking up first, Neidhard taks Perez down with a reverse armbar into a front facelock. Perez punches out, reverses into a hammerlock. Neidhard locks the wrists up and picks Prez up, throws her into a corner. Perez fires out with punches, bounces off the ropes, Neidhardt with a quick slam, cover, two count. Neidhardt tags in Victoria, who kicks Perez in the side of the head. Victoria picks up Perez and rams her into the corner, followed by several shoulderblocks, then whips her out for a short-arm clothesline.

Victoria whips Perez off the ropes, ducks, Perez kicks her in the face, bounces off the ropes, Thes Prezz, hooks the leg, two-count. Victoria pulls up Perez, Prez with a small pakcage for a pin attempt. Victoria recovers first, whips Perez into a corner, charges, Perez puts a boot up to block it, tries to go to the top turnbuckle, but Victoria shoves her off, injuring her heel. James goes out to check on her, followed by the referee. Reere gets back in the ring, Victoria hops out, and James and Victoria come to blows as the referee gets out and breaks them up. Prez says she's sorry a few times as James tries to help her up. Victoria and Neidhardt both go to the floor and attack James & Perez. James fights off Victoria, and goes to protect Perez. Referee calls off the match.

WINNER: DOUBLE DISQUALIFICATION, both Raw & SmackDown will get a draft pick. And in this unusual move... Raw & SmackDown will switch lead announcers! Jim Ross is drafted to SmackDown, Michael Cole is drafted to Raw. Jim Ross silently stands up and waves to the fans, he's not very happy by this, neither is Ross. Cole says that he is happy to be coming to Raw, but he's called all but two shows for SmackDown, he's slightly peeved as well. Off to break. Wow, I can't say I can approve of this switch.

Mr. McMahon is back with another segment of Million Dollar Mania, and Mr. McMahon introduces our next superstar, The Great Khali! Mr. McMahon introduces Khali as one of the stars of the nations #1 movie right now, Get Smart, and asks Mr. Khali to talk about it. He delivers a great promo for the movie... but not in English. Hey, whatever he says, I'm convinced to watch it! There's also a cheap plug for Dwayne Johnson & the new Rock DVD. Mr. McMahon dials the number, somebody answers. Mr. McMahon asks who it is, and they say, "Wrong number!" Khali starts cursing out the guy in Punjabi, or whatever language he speaks. They dial another number, and somebody answers, Mr. McMahon asks who it is, the person on the other end asks who is calling, Mr. McMahon introduces himself, and they put him on hold. Somebody else picks up the phone, Justin from Somerset, NJ answers, gives the right phrase. Mr. McMahon asks Khali if he gave the right answer, Khali yells into the phone. Mr. McMhaon tells Justin that he has the right answer, he's the winner.

WWE World Heavyweight Champion Edge vs. John Cena (non-title match)

Well, wait, I thought Mr. McMahon said he was making this the main event? Grrrrr. Edge is introduced first, we go to break and come back for Cena's entrance. We get a bell and a lockup, Cena puts Edge right into the corner, referee breaks them. Lock up again, Cena again backs Edge into the corner, but Edge punches Cena in the head and stomps and kicks on him, forearm shot, headbutts Cena in the cornrer. Cena counters with some rights, headbutts Ege into the corner, whips him out, charges, Edge with a kick to the head, but Cena tries for a bulldog out of the corner, Edge shoves Cena off and kicks him in the head again. Edge pulls up Cena and headbutts him, forearm shots, then tries to headbutt Cena into the corner. Cena blocks it, whips Edge off the ropes, reversal, Edge with a powerslam, cover, two count.

Cena crawls off to a corner, Edge comes over and kicks him in the ribs, punch in the head, Cena gets up and staggers towards the ropes, Edge runs over and chokes Cena over the top rope, Cena to a corner. Edge with a forearm shot, Cena slumps in the corner, Edge closes in for a choke until the referee breaks. Cena staggers out of the corner, Edge raises his hands. Edge whips Cena off the ropes and clotheslines him. Edge stands over Cena for a moment before laying a knee into his back, then executes a calculated elbow drop. Edge pulls up Cena and nails him in the head witha few rights, but Cena with aquick right of his own, bounces off the ropes and hits the Blockbuster, covers, hooks the leg, two count. Both men slow to get on their feet, but Edge with a desperation dropkick, covers, hooks the leg, two count. Both men slow to get up again, but Cena is on his feet first, nails Cena with another pair of rights. Cena gets up and throws his own rights and gets the upper-hand, bounces off the ropes, both men take each other down with a clothesline.

Referee Chad Patton starts the count, Cena pulls himself up by the ropes, Edge is in the middle of the ring. Edge goes for a clothesline, Cena ducks it, hit a pair of shoulderblocks, then picks up Edge for the side slam and then raises his hands, "YOU CAN'T SEE ME", and delivers the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Edge gets up and staggers, Cena goes for the F-U, edge wiggles out, but Cena catches him in the F-U again. Edge again wiggles out and thsi time plants Cena with the Impaler DDT, covers, hooks the leg, 1.. 2... KICKOUT! Edge can't believe Cena escaped. Edge goes to the corner and sets up for the Spear. Cena near the opposite corner, staggers up, tursn around, Edge charges, CENA DROP TOE HOLD! STF! Edge is caught in the middle of the ring! Edge tries to roll to his side, then grabs out for the ropes and reaches it. Referee breaks it.

Edge pulls himself up on the apron, Cena comes over to grab him, Edge with a neckbreaker over the ropes. Edge goes to the top turnbucke, but Cena cuts him off, tries for an F-U off the turnbuckles, but Edge throws him off to the outside! Refere starts the count, but Edge goes outside to break it, leaps off the apron for a cross-body block, but Cena catches him, puts him on his shoulders, Cena goes over to the ringsteps, climbs them, but Edge escapes, tries to throw Cena's head into the ringpost, Cena blocks it and delivers a right to Edge, sending him to the mat, Cena gets back into the ring. Edge throws his hand up and declares that he's quitting. Referee finishes the countout.

WINNER: John Cena, by countout. Edge is walking away, but Dave Batista runs down and clotheslines Edge in the back of the head, throws him in the ring, delivers another clothesline and Edge rolls out. Raw gets the next draft pick...DAVE BATISTA IS DRAFTED TO RAW. John Cena immediately eyes Batista up and down as Edge taunts Batista. Batista still faces Edge at Night of Champions this Sunday, if he wins then the WWE World Heavyweight Championship will be moving to Raw.

Backstage, Edge is talking to Vickie Guerrero, they're happy because Batista is now out of their hair. Mr. McMahon comes up and tells Vickie & Edge that all title matches are STILL on the line this Sunday. Vickie starts blubbering about losing the title, and Mr. McMahon makes the suggestion that perhaps Vickie's "love of her life" Edge might also end up drafted somewhere else by the end of the night. Vickie nearly breaks down into tears.

Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Tommy Dreamer (w/ Colin Delaney)

Not much of an intro for everybody, but we get a bell and a lockup in the middle of the ring, MVP starts clubbing Dreamer in the back, Dreamer fires back with rights, whips MVP into the ropes, reversal, MVP with a punch to the gut and a kick to the head to take Dreamer down, another boot and a pin attempt. MVP mounts Dreamer's back and lays in corss-face punches, Dreamer escapes to the ropes. MVP with a snap suplex, cover, one count. MVP kicks Dreamer in the back, walks around the ring a little, nails an elbow drop. MVP pulls Dreamer up, forearm shot, Dreamer trades one back, VMP with another forearm shot, then a headbutt into the corner, turns Dreamer around, lays in some body punches, referee backs MVP off. MVP approaches aain, grabs Dreamer, headbutts Dreamer into another corner, whips him out to an opposite corner, goes for a splash.

Dreamer moves and catches MVP with a bulldog, throws MVP into the corner and mounts MVP, lays in some punches. MVP quickly escapes, kicks Dreamer in the knee while he's on the ropes, and Dreamer crashes. MVP sets up for the big boot to the face in the corner, charges and nails it, covers, hooks the leg and we're done! Wow, what a lackluster match!

WINNER: MVP, by pinfall. SmackDown gets the next match, and... UMAGA IS TRADED TO SMACKDOWN! Umaga's music kicks up, and without as much as a Three Minute Warning, Umaga comes stomping down to the ring, gets in and poses, then picks up Tommy Dreamer for a Samoan Drop. Colin Delaney is in teh ring, Umaga stares him down, charges and nails him with a splash in the corner, leaving the kid slumped over on his face. Umaga then charges Dreamer and hits him with the ass splash in the corner, then comes over and finishes off Delaney with a VICIOUS swinging side slam. God, this was more exciting than the match itself, even all the announcers got distracted by mention of Ms. Playboy 1982 (no idea who it was, I wasn't reading Playboy at that age).

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Kofi Kingston

Okay, I'm not predicting an ECW win here, each man gets introduced, we start up, and Kingston with quite the interesting lock-up style, JBL is having none of that though, throws Kingston in the corner and punches the shit out of him, kicks him in the face, pulls him out, club to the back, boot scrape across the face, and then slows things down with a side headlock. Kingston weakly elbows out, shoves JBL off the ropes, JBL with a shoulderblock, Kofi leapfrogs him, tries for a kick, JBL throws him over the ropes, but Kingston blocks it, lays in some punches, and manages to take JBL off his feet with a clothesline! Kingston bounces off the ropes, nails a high legdrop, cover, two-count. Kingston pulls up JBL, whips him off the rope, JBL counters with a big boot to the face. JBL pulls up Kingston and lines up a big punch to the head, elbow drop, then stomps on Kingston's right hand, then clubs him in the back, pulls him up by his dreadlocks and locks in a cobra sleeper! JBL yells out "Give up, punk! Give up, boy!"

Kingston tries to power out, a few elbows and some forearms does break it, Kingston bounces off the ropes, ducks a clothesline, tries for a cross body block, JBL catches him and nails a fallaway slam, cover, hook the leg, two count for JBL. JBL pulls Kingston back up, clubs him on the back, kicks him in the head, cinches in a side waistlock to wear down Kingston by the ribs. Kingston with some elbows to break it, goes off to a corner. JBL charges, Kingston puts the boots up to kick JBL in the head. JBL staggers, charges again, Kingston ducks it, leapfrogs JBL, JBL tries for a powerbomb, Kingston wiggles out, nails a dropkick, covers, hooks the leg, kickout at two. Kingston scrambles to the top turnbuckle, leaps, JBL sidesteps him and swats him to the mat, bounces off the ropes and nails the Clothesline from Hell, covers and gets the win.

WINNER: John Bradshaw Layfield, by pinfall. Raw gets the next draftpick... Kane has been drafted to Raw. The ECW Championship has now come to Raw, so will Big Show be making the move to Raw or ECW as well? This could be interesting folks.

Mr. McMahon is back after a break, we're dialing the next winner. Vanessa of San Antoni, TX answers the phone - SHE'S AT THE SHOW! The camera crew finds her! Vanessa just became the most important fan at the show! Wow, how cool is that? There's one more winner to go, and they're gonna get $500,000! Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler run down the Night of Champions card briefly.

Raw vs. SmackDown vs. ECW Battle Royal: winning team gets two draft picks

For SmackDown: The Big Show, The Great Khali, MVP, Jeff Hardy, and Edge. For ECW: The Miz, John Morrison, Matt Hardy, Shelton Benjamin, Chavo Guerrero. For Raw: Triple H, Kane, CM Punk, Batista, and John Cena Anyhow, I'm surprised they're not using the scrubs for this match. Well, then again, half of ECW is basically scrubs. Another break.

We come back and the battle is in progress, Khali and Big Show are being ganged up on, and Khali is the first man dumped over as everybody els abandoned Big Show... which was probably a mistake, because Big Show gets back to his feet and he's PISSED. Everybody attacks and he's throwing elbows and headbutts all over the place. Triple H is the only guy left statnding, and Big Show takes him down with a side slam. Everybody recvoers and decides it's better to pair off with somebody their own size. Matt Hardy is nearly eliminated over the top, but he saves himself. Big Show choking Morrison over the ropes, Morrison with a thumb to the eyes, then goes after Batistta. Miz throws Edge over the top rope, but Edge is holding on, Morrison is using everything he's got, Edge finally kicks him in the head to stop it. Morrison & Miz then try to team up on Baitsta, Kane makes the save, picks up Morrison and puts him over the top, he hangs onas Chavo leaps on Kane's back to try to choke him. Big Show with a BIG chop on John Cena in the corner. Matt Hardy has Triple H over the ropes, but Triple H holds on and come back in. MVP with a big boot scrape on CM Punk in the corner. Batista overpowers Miz & Morrison and eliminates them both over the top.

Matt Hardy whips Triple H off the ropes, Triple H blocks with a boot to the head, whips him off the ropes, Matt ducks a clothesline, but can't duck a high knee. Jeff Hardy with a forearm to Triple H. Kane with a big backdrop on Chavo Guerrero in the middle of the ring, MVP nails Kane with a kneedrop and then lays in some kicks. Big Show choking Batista in the corner, CM Punk leaps on Big Show's back with a choke, Big Show tries to dump CM Punk over the top rope, MVP comes over to assist, they walk off but CM Punk hangs on. Big Show and MVP confer in the corner on some strategy, until Kane comes over and beats up on Big Show, MVP takes on John Cena in the corner. Triple H and Edge near the ropes trading punches. Cena has MVP in the FU, dumps him over the top rope, but MVP with a choke on the ropes, gets back in the ring. Triple H has Jeff Hardy on the top turnbuckle, laying in punches. Edge with a spear on Cena, then on Matt Hardy, then on Batistta, then on Kane, then on Triple H finally. We take another break.

Back from break, we find out that Big Show eliminated CM Punk with a chokeslam over the top rope. Back on live TV, Big Show tries to eliminate Chavo with a toss over the top, but Chavo hangs on. Triple H with a facebuster on Big Show, Kane follows up with a choke, John Cena follows up with a kneebar. Jeff Hardy with a reverse mulekick on Chavo Guerrero, Guerrero flies over the top rope. Big Show with a big splash on Triple H on the mat. Matt Hardy is the only ECW star left in this match. MVP lines up for the boot scrape on Jeff Hardy, Jeff ducks it, Matt Hardy from behind picks up MVP from behind and dumps him. Jeff & Matt shake hands in the ring, smooth out their brand-respective shirts, then go to town. Matt charges Jeff, Jeff pulls down the ropes, Matt sails over but holds onto the ropes, until Jeff nails him with the reverse mule kick, sending him to the mat. All ECW wrestlers are now eliminated.

Edge and Batista spear each othe rin the middle of the ring, they crack heads and are bleeding bad. Kane mounts Big Show's back, brings him down for a Rear Naked Choke! Jeff Hardy kicks Triple H in the face in the middle of the ring, backs him into a corner, whips him into another corner, Triple H reverses, Jeff Hardy tries for the Whisper 'O the Wind, Triple H side steps it, tries to throw Hardy over the top rope, Hardy hangs on, Triple H eliminates him with a reverse elbow. Big Show and Edge are the only two remaning SmackDown stars. A bloodied and battered Batista spears Edge, but doesn't eliminate him. John Cena runs over to try to finish the job, but Big Show picks up Batista and tries to throw him out. Batista hangs on with a Triangle Choke (damn they're stealing a lot of MMA moves these days!), but Big Show breaks it with a punch to the ribs, Batista falls ot the mat. Kane turns around and grabs Big Show in a chokehold, goes for the chokeslam. Big Show breaks it, tries for his own, Kane breaks it. Kane charges Big Show, Big Show kicks him in the gut and throws him over the top rope.

We're down to Big Show and Edge for SmackDown, John Cena and Triple H for Raw. Triple H & Cena attack Big Show, Big Show catches him both in a chokeslam, they break and try to take Big Show over with a double suplex, but Big Show reverses it and takes them both down. Edge is laid out in the corner, no doubt playing possum. Everybody else gets to their feet again. Big Show lifts Triple H over his head, Cena cuts him off. Triple H and Cena with double shoulder tackles on Big Show, then each grab a leg and eventually and hoist the Big Show over the top rope. Edge immediately recovers, grabs John Cena, throws him into Triple H, sending Triple H over the top turnbuckle. Triple H looks up at Cena, Cena looks back down on Triple H, and then Edge grabs Cena and throws him over as well.

WINNER: Edge, by elimination. SURPRISE FUCKING SURPRISE! SmackDown's last two picks of the night... first is... KEN KENNEDY IS DRAFTED BACK TO SMACKDOWN! And... OH MY FUCKING GOD WOW! TRIPLE H IS DRAFTED TO SMACKDOWN! Insane!

Mr. McMahon breaks the excitement by giving away the last $500,000 on Raw tonight. I'm so distracted I didn't even hear which guy won it, but it doesn't matter, because all the sudden something drops from the stage, then some electrical stuff explodes, then the portion of stage that Mr. McMahon is standing on collapses... THEN SOME LIGHTS FALL ON HIM! John Cena, Edge and Triple H run over to help the stage crew lift it up, you can see Mr. McMahon trapped inside. They try to lift it up, but the light rig breaks in half.

Okay, now that I can see that Mr. McMahon is actually safe, GODDAMNIT THIS PISSES ME OFF! Two weeks ago we had REAL stage members DIE because of a set accident, GODDAMNIT DO NOT WORK THIS SHIT ON TV!

Paramedics get in and get a backbrace in, get a neckbrace on him. Vince asks what happened, then hollars for Triple H, yelling "Paul, Paul... I can't feel my legs!". We go dark for the night.

I'm really pissed off about this. This could have been a really good night, and this now leaves a BAD taste in my mouth. I have nothing more to say, I'm done.