06/30/08: Killa Kev's WWE Raw Recap *NEW CHAMPION*

Killa Kev's "Right on Time" and MamaJuana-free WWE Raw Recap

We start out this week's Raw with a recap of the end of the end of last week's Raw, with the accident of Mr. McMahon. Shane McMahon came on the air and announced that Mr. McMahon's injury status would not be discussed in public for now. Next we go out to the crowd, and Jim Ross is introduced since we're in Oklahoma City. He comes out and talks about him being moved to SmackDown and how they're going to do innovative things, then puts over Michael Cole as the new voice of Raw (which gets booed by the fans). Ross thinks back on all the fun times he's had over the years, and invites the fans to join him on SmackDown. Ross concludes by saying that it's been a great run on Raw, he's glad to be back home in Oklahoma City, and he loves the fans.

Edge, Hawkins & Ryder interrupt the end of Ross' speech, however, coming out with full pyro and music. Edge gets in the ring and calls Ross arrogant and says nobody cares about Jim Ross or anything involved with him. The fans boo Edge now. Edge says that Ross can now start his career by announce Edge's matches and putting him over as much as he did for "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. Edge gives the mic to Ross to encourage him to say "EDGE WINS! EDGE WINS!", Ross throws the mic aside. Edge instructs Hawkins & Ryder to escore Jim Ross out of the building. They surround him and Ross steps out of the ring. Edge says, "Jim Ross, your farewell speech is now officially over, HIT THE BRICKS!" Ross walks off, Hawkins & Ryder behind him talking shit.

Edge says that he did have a purpose for being here tonight, mainly to point out that Raw, the "flagship show", doesn't have a few things, such as a general manager, the Undertaker, or a world champion. Edge puts over the fact that SmackDown GM Vickie Guerrero is "the love of his life", and that he put the end to the Undertaker. As far as the title goes, all the Raw superstars can bitch and beg for title shots, but they'll never get one from him and they'll NEVER see him on Monday nights again. Edge drops the mic and walks off with a cocky grin on his face up to the top of the ramp...

...where he bumps into an old friend, Mr. Dave Batista. Edge backpeddals as fast as he can in the opposite direction, and Batista chases him down, picks him up, throws him into the barrier, the apron, back into the apron, picks him up and throws him shoulder-first into the ringpost. Edge tries to escape over the rin barrier, but Batista chases him down, throws him back into the ring area, blasts Edge's head into the announcer's table several times, picks him up and press slams him into the table. Nope, Batista isn't done yet, Edge gets slignshotted into the steel ringsteps. Nope, still not done, Batista throws Edge into the ring and Edge tries to beg off. Batista gives no quarter and lays Edge out with the Batista Bomb. The fans go... mild. Well some of them are entheusiastic anyhow. Batista's music hits and he walks up the ramp and off the stage.

Right past CM Punk and a referee, CM PUNK IS CASHING IN MONEY IN THE BANK! Lillian Garcia makes the announcement, CM Punk is telling her to hurry it up, bell rings, CM Punk picks up Edge and nails the GTS, 1-2-3.

WINNER AND NEW WWE WOLRD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, C.M. PUNK!
Well he didn't cash it on on Sunday night like I predicted, but I did predict (privately to Stevie J & Nikes the Sneaka Pimp) that Punk would out-edge Edge himself and take the title back to Raw. The fans go NUTS! And th is certainly is going to make for an interesting year for Raw. We take a break, come back and recap the last half-hour.

WWE Women's Champion Mickie James vs. Jillian Hall (non-title match)

Mickie James comes out, hot as always. Jillian Hall comes out SINGING her own theme music. LORD, please, can we end the pain now? Mickie James throws up her hands asking "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot" and shoves Hall, Hall shoves her back, bell rings, James nails a Thes Press, Hall rolls out, James with a dropkick through the ropes on Hall then a huracanrana, throwsing Hall back into the ring afterwards.

Hall kicks James as she's entering the ring again, wraps her left arm around the ropes and starts pulling on it until the referee breaks, then dropkicks James in the shoulder, putting her into the corner. Referee forces a break to check on the injury. He clears ,James comes out and kicks Hall in the face, but Hall grabs onto the left arm (that Katie Lea Burchill may have injured last night), wrings her to the mat gets a pin attempt. Hall with a hairmare, goes for her legdrop, James moves, tries to whip Hall over, Hall rolls through, but James goes for a Mick Kick, Hall ducks it and kicks James in the left shoulder. Hall puts James in the corner, goes for a springboard reverse elbow, James kicks her in the back, Hall recovers, turns around and gets nailed with the Mick Kick, James covers for the pin.

WINNER: Mickie James, by pinfall. James celebrates in the ring, but holds onto her left shoulder. We go backstage to see Rey Mysterio walking in the back towards teh ring, he makes his WWE Raw debut next. We come back from break and find out that Chris Jericho has demanded a rematch against Kofi Kingston for the WWE Intercotinental Championship, that Kingston won last night after some interference by Shawn Michaels

Rey Mysterio's Raw Debut

Mysterio comes out, makes his ring intro, and takes a mic. Mysterio congratulates C.M. Punk for defeating Edge and bringing the WWE World Heavyweight Championship back to Raw. Mysterio says that felt weird to make an announcement like that, his entire WWE career was SmackDown. The fans start to boo, and Mysterio asks them to hold off. Mysterio says he was shocked that he was draged to Raw, but it's a good thing, he likes it, he's excited.

Santino Marella's music interrupts, he comes out and congratulates Mysterio for being drafted, then turns around and insults him by saying that Mysterio isn't so great because somebody who hides behind a mask is either ugly, dumb, or Batman.. "and you're ah no Bat-Man!" Marella then insults Mysterio more by saying he's only taller than Hornswaggle, and he's ticked that Rey Mysterio was picked for the cover of this month's WWE Magazine and not Marella, who shows off the photo he submitted, which was a pic of him laying in a bed holding a rose. Marella says that every man and woman would buy a poster of that and put it on their bedroom ceiling. Marella says that Raw is the show of champions, and Mysterio should just "mind your manners and duck your head". Marella then tells Mysterio that if he wants to speak, he will be permitted to, but to "say it in a language we all can speak".

Mysterio nails Marella with the belt, hits a drop toehold, Marella falls on the ropes, Mysterio nails Marella with the 6-1-9. Yeah, I think that's a language we all understood, including Marella. Mysterio walks out of the ring as Marella is laid out. Up next, we'll hear from C.M. Punk, but we come back from break with ANOTHER recap of Edge losing his belt.

Todd Grisham Interviews WWE World Heavyweight Champion C.M. Punk

Grisham says he wants to be the first to congratulate Punk. Punk says that there's so many people he has to thank, first of all Batista for the assistance, next his little brother and sister for their support. Punk goes quiet as we see a shadow approach, that would be John Bradshaw Layfield. JBL asks Punk if he's proud of winning a prestigious title by beating up a defenseless man. JBL tells Punk that he can either go to the bar tonight and be a paper champion, with an asterisk by his name, or he can face JBL in the ring for that title tonight. Punk asks JBL if he wants to be the first challenger to his title, then Punk will accept it. Off to break.

And, on that note, we just wasted sixty minutes with only one wrestling match. We start hour two with a promo from John Cena. Cena does his ring intro and then milks the fans for as many cheers as he can get. Cena says that tonight has been a night of fantastic surprises and great moments. Cena promised that his match with Triple H last night would be a classic moment. Although he didn't win the WWE Championship, he was proud to take that loss, and it proved that him and Triple H are the two best wrestlers in the business today and it will go down in teh record books. Cena says that the fans are all a part of history tonight as well with CM Punk becoming the new World Heavyweight Champion. The only thing he doesn't like is JBL trying to bully his way into a championship match.

However, he likes CM Punk, he showed he had brains to cash in the MITB to get the title, and he has guts to defend the title tonight. Cena says that he would like to challenge CM Punk for the title tonight, and since there is no WWE Chairman or Raw GM at the show, Punk as the right to choose who he wants to face. Cena eggs the fans into cherring for him to covince Punk that this is the match they want. The fans erupt, and Cena says that JBL should pack up his MamaJuana Extreme in his limo and go away.

John Bradshaw Layfield apparently doesn't want to hear it, his music plays and he comes out with a mic. Layfield tells Cena that he will not be wrestling Punk for the title tonight, that match is his. Layfield says that he is declaring "martial law", he will not have Cena in the building at all to interfere with his "God given right to destiny". JBL then calls out some security guards to escort Cena away, and they line across the stage. Layfield says that this isn't WWE security, this is his own private security force. He says people do not rule by popular support, they rule by money. Alluding back to his speech last night, he says that with Mr. McMahon not able to be here, he is the wealthiest man around and will be taking control. JBL then tells security to take Cena away.

Security marches down to the ring, Cena strips off his shirt and challenges them to come take him. They charge the ring on JBL's orders, and Cena starts fighting them. They get Cena hemmed up, JBL gets in the ring, strips off his jacket, and lays into Cena's head with several punches, then order security to drag him out. Cena tries to fight, but they've got him pretty well caught up. Although one guard takes a knee to the head, that's nice. They get him up to the stage, Cena breaks loose for a second, but they catch him again. WWE security just stands by and watches, taking no action. Cameras switch to backstage, Cena still fighting. I'm surprised nobody has broken out a tazer yet. JBL hollars "Get him out! This is my show! Money always rules! Now get him out of my sight, get him out of my face, get him out, and make sure he never comes back!" Security gets him out of the building doors, JBL slams the doors behind them. Break.

The WWE Rewind was Cody Rhodes turning on Hardcore Holly to team with Ted DiBiase, Jr. to become the new WWE World Tag Team Champions. It took more time for Teddy to explain it.

WWE World Tag Team Champions Cody Rhodes & Ted Dibiase, Jr. vs. Jerry Rave & Steve Anthony (non-title match)

DiBiase & Rhodes are introduced first, Rave & Anthony are introduced already in the ring. Rhodes and Anthony hook up first, they tumble a little Rhodes puts Anthony in the corner, referee breaks. Anthony whips Rhodes into the ropes, DiBiase with the blind tag, DiBiase ducks a clothesline, DiBiase with a club to the back from behind. Rhodes tags back in, puts Anthony in a frotn facelock. DiBiase runs back in and clotheslines
Jerry Rave off the apron, Rhodes nails Anthony with a DDT, covers and pin.

WINNER: Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase, Jr., by pinfall. Rhodes quickly takes a mic and explains that the reason he turned on Holly is because he was tired of carrying Holly. He says that his dad, Dusty Rhodes, taught him to be patient and pay his dues, but he's too impatient and he's too talent to pay his dues. DiBiase takes the mic that their peers of their generation don't have the guts to do what they did, take matters into their own hands, and that makes them "simply priceless". The fans boo, their music hits, and there you go.

Ugh, they make me sick, and I already hate them WAY faster than I hated the Spirit Squad. I can't wait to see these two punks get their asses kicked. But, question is, by who? Holly doesn't have a tag partner, they just split up London & Kendrick, Cade & Murdoch are split up too... Cryme Tyme? The Highlanders? Roddy Piper & Cousin Sal? Ugh. Break.

Back to the show, Paul Burchill & Katie Lea Burchill are talking backstage, Paul tells Katie Lea that he will guarantee she becomes champion, but he's going to take care of some business, he'll be right back. Jame Noble then steps up and introduces himself to Katie Lea, talks up his game like a true playa. Katie Lea says she likes his game, now he can prove himself a big man by meeting the man behind him. OH MY ACHING FUCK! Jame Noble cuts the GREATEST PROMO by getting in Kane's face, telling him that they are now EQUALS, and that Kane had better keep out of Noble's bag and leave his Larry the Cable Guy tapes alone! Kane grabs Noble by the throat, Noble kicks him in the nuts and runs.

Noble runs out to the ring, tries to hide behind the announcers table, then under the ring. Noble is scared out of his boots when Kane's pyros go off, Kane comes down to the ring. Noble tries a pre-emptive strike by hitting a plancha on Kane and taking him off his feet, but Kane sits up, grabs Noble by the throat, throws him in the ring, tosses him around, out of the ring, picks him up for a chokeslam and then drops him through the announcer's table. We see Chris Jericho walking towards the ring for his match next.

WWE Intercontinental Championship: champion Kofi Kingston vs. Chris Jericho (w/ Lance Cade)

The rematch is on, and Jericho is introduced first, we recap the way Jericho lost his title, then gets on the mic. Jerich mocks WWE.com for writing an article about his loss titled "Y2-Jaded". Jericho says he has the right to be jaded, he was chated out of his title by Shawn Michaels. He says that he's been told that Michaels isn't in the building tonight, he's been told that last night and last Monday, and it was ANOTHER LIE that Micahaels was caught up in, but he's ended up on his back both times. He says he knows Michaels is more injured than he is letting on, but he's only hurting himself every time. Jericho calls out Shawn Michaels and wants a match at the Great American Bash. Jericho says that Micahels took somethign important away from him, and at that match he will take something important from Michaels. As for tonight, "the worst has yet to come" for Kofi Kingston and he'll take his title back tonight.

Kofi Kingston is introduced and we go to break, we come back and Jericho has Kingston hemmed in the ring, Kingston rolls through, pin attempt, but Jericho is up first and hits a clothesliens ,then paintbrushes the back of Kingston's head. Jericho tries to throw Kingston out of the ring, Kingston blocks it, ducks a clothesline, hits a double axehandle to the throat. Tries to whip Jericho off the ropes, Jericho reverses, cross body block off the ropes, then that high legdrop off the ropes. Kingston tries to catch Jericho with a knee to the gut off the rope, but Jericho sidesteps it and takes Kingston down, gets a pin attempt. Kingston is up first though, whips Jericho into the corner, charges, Jericho with the knee up, then a bulldog out of the corner on Kingston. Jericho with a LIonsault off the ropes, cover, two-count. Jericho starts arguing with the referee, then picks up Kingston, slaps him, goes for a suplex, Kingston rolls through with a roll-up, pin attempt, Jericho rolls through it, pulling the tights. The referee catches the tight pulling and calls for the bell.

WINNER: Kofi Kingston, by disqualification. Jericho comes up behind Kingston and starts gouging the eyes from behind, blinding him. Jericho with a soured look on his face, referee gets him out of the ring. Chris, this is horrible. Who is responsible for this storyline? I demand that JBL call out his security and drag that writer out of the building RIGHT NOW. Speaking of which, that match is next.

Well, not quite. We have to review FOR THE THIRD FUCKING TIME the first half-hour of the show. We then go out to the arena where Edge is choking the shit out of Ryder & Hawkins, throwing a hissy fit, blaming them for his title loss, asking where they were at (DUH! They went where you told them to go!). Edge tells them to get in the car and drive him away, which they do, holding their jaws after he busted them in the mouth.

WWE World Heavyweight Championship: champion CM Punk vs. John Bradshaw Layfield.

We have the start of JBL's introduction, and then another fucking commercial break. For God's sake, can we just GET ON WITH IT ALREADY? It's 10:55pm ET, I know the show is going to run over but PLEASE at least pretend this is important or worth something! We come back and JBL is STILL being introduced! FUCk. Finally CM Punk gets his rightful and proper introduction, and the fans go... mild. Again. WTF is up with this? Do these people not watch ECW?? Do they not know who their champion is? Yeah, buddy, I see you in the crwod, drinking yoru Slurpee. Go right ahead, drink it all in.

Bell rings, and the current champ circles teh ring with the former champ. Until we pan over and see JBL's private security force walking down to the ring and surround it. We get a ock-up, JBL puts Punk in the corner, knee to the guts, punch, foot to he face, puulls Punk out and clotheslines him, nails him with a few elbow drops, cover, one-count. Fans are chanting "C-M! C-M!"... Nice. Layfield with a side headlock, Punk elbows a bit, shoves JBL ino the ropes, armdrag, spin kick, running kneelift on Layfield and JBL is out of the ring. Punk tries for a baseball slide and JBL sidesteps it, then clubs Punk with a clothesline. Layfield picks up Punk, throws him face-first into the announcer's table, throws him back in the ring. JBL goes for a cover, Punk kicks out immediately.

JBL bounces off the ropes and kicks Punk in the face. Picks up Punk, locks in a front facelock again. Punk with punches and kicks to the ribs, he breaks it, bounces off the ropes, JBL catches him with the sleeperhold. Punk goes down quickly, fans start cheering him on, he works his way up again, elbows his way loose, forearm smash, bounces off the ropes, JBL takes him down with a shoulderblock. Punk goes off to a corner, JBL charges, Punk puts a boot right into his face, runs out and nails the enziguri to the shoulder, both men go down. JBL pulls himself up in the corner, Punk charges and hits the knee to the face, bulldog, pin attempt, two count. Punk bounces off the ropes, JBL recovers, catches him in a scoop slam, cover, two-count. Layfield tries for a clothesline, Punk ducks it, kicks him in the midsection, goes up top, nails the legdrop, covers, two-count.

At the top of the reamp, John Cena and Cryme Tyme appear, the charge the security guards and they are brawling. Layfield is distracted, Punk catches him from behind with a kick, sets up the GTS, nails it and 1-2-3 it's done!

WINNER: CM Punk, by pinfall. Punk celebrates by hitting a suicide dive on the security guards outside of the ring, joining Cena, Shad Gaspard and JTG in the brawl as we close out for the night.

Wow, what a weird show. CM Punk's performance was A+++. Everything else was pretty much a D. Overall I'd give it a C. That's it for tonight, I'll see you on the podcast on Thursday!