07/21/08: Killa Kev's WWE Raw Recap

Killa Kev's WWE Raw Recap, Hopefully With No Bullshit but Excessive Explicitives

WWE Raw is LIVE tonight from Moheagan Sun, CT in a SOLD OUT house! We start the show with the highlights from last night's WWE World Heavyweight Championship match between champion CM Punk and Dave Batista, with Kane running in to attack both men. We then cut to a camera in the production booth, where Dave Batista is watching the same footage on a monitor. Batista then turns around and walks out. If you didn't watch the PPV, then go read my recap first!

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us to tonight's show, and announce that we're going to get a rematch from last week's main event for TONIGHT: John Bradshaw Layfield & WWE World Tag Team Champions Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBaise, Jr. against John Cena & Cryme Tyme. THRILLING! (not).

Batista's music hits and he calmly walks down to the ring and takes center stage. The fans start chanting "Ba-tis-ta! Ba-tis-ta!". Batista says that he had expected to come down tonight as the WWE World Tag Team Champion, but Kane prevented that from happening. He says that since there isn't any McMahon at the show tonight, he is putting himself in charge, and tonight he is declaring that CM Punk will be forced to defend his title against Dave Batista himself. He says that if Kane has a personal problem with that, Kane had better find him before he finds Kane, and if anybody else has an issue with it...

Well, we don't know how that is going to end, because John Bradshaw Layfield interrupts on the Titantron, he says that Batista doesn't run anything, and that because Batista did lose he doesn't get a second chance. JBL wants to know what makes Batista so special that he can get endless rematches. JBL, on the other hand, says that he left the Great American Bash last night winning his match, which means the next World Heavyweight title match is his. Batista laughs, and says that since they have a difference of opinion, JBL should come down to the ring and discuss it. JBL says he doesn't find this funny, he doesn't answer to anybody because he is the boss, by "law of the jungle" and he'll be taking the title back by SummerSlam. However, his body doesn't feel like a world title match, but Batista won't get one, either. JBL with a nice flub-up, though: "Tonight I finish off Kan - er - Pun - ah... I finish off Cena tonight!"

But, doesn't matter, because now CM Punk's music hits, and the WWE World Heavyweight Champion makes his way to the ring. He tells JBL that he's right, it is law of the jungle, and since he's packing the strap, CM Punk himself is the King, and since he's the king, he's tuning JBL out, he's got business to take care of. He turns to Batista and tells him that Kane screwed up their match last night, and Punk wants the opportunity to prove to the world that Batista can be beaten, and Punk can be the man to do it. Punk says they want each other, so let's do it tonight! JBL says this isn't happening, CM Punk responds, "Somebody put a mute on him!" and just like that, JBL is silenced! JBL starts throwing a fit on the Titantron. Batista turns to Punk and simply says, "You're on!", drops the mic and leaves. Off to our first break of the night.

Lance Cade vs. Paul London

HBK's music and video hit, but then it switches over to Cade's music and video. Is this part of Cade's introduction now? Lance Cade comes out to the ring, says that Michaels used to be hsi mentor, but last night he took the beating of his life. He knows that Michaels is at the show tonight and is listening, Cade wants Michaels to come down to the ring at anytime... but if he chooses to come out, "we're gonna have words taht we shoulda had a long time ago." Paul London hits the ring next, who is a noted long-time Shawn Michaels mark.

We start with London applying a reverse waistlock on Cade, Cade tries to elbow out, London ducks it. Cade whips London into the corner, charges, London folats over, punch, London tries a moonsault, Cade ducks it and London burns. Cade with a quick pin attempt, then nails London with a backbreaker, then bends London backwards over his knee. Fans start chanting "HBK! HBK!" as London punches Cade in the head several times until he's released. London pulls himself up off the ropes, Cade picks him up, whips him to the corner, charges, London with a boot up, springboard off the ropes with a cross-body block, cover, hook the leg by London, two-count.

Cade whips London off the ropes, ducks down, London leapfrogs him, bu Cade catches him on the return with a shoulder block. Cade grabs London by the tights, throws him head-first into the ringpost, but London falls to his feet and ends up sliding ribs-first into the bottom of the ringpost. Cade pulls London up by his hair, slams London to the mat, covers and picks up the win.

WINNER: Lance Cade, by pinfall. Cade picks up the mic and says that if this match didn't get his attention, maybe this will. Cade then introduces "the man that ended Shawn Michaels' career", Chris Jericho. Jiercho comes down to the ring as we take our first break. Jericho says that as much as we all want Shawn Michaels to be here tonight, he won't show up, and he's about to show why... recap the footage from last night's match between Jericho & Michaels, where Jericho bloodied Michaels' right eye, and apparently Micahels' retina was detached from his eye, his career is over. We go back to live and the fans boo as Jericho says that Michaels has cracked ribs, internal bleeding and his detached retina, "which will prevent him from seeing clearly for the rest of his natural life."

Jericho says that by closing Michaels' eyes, he opened his own and realized that he doesn't have to embrace egotistical, selfish fans who haven't supported him since the day he returned. Jericho says he has matured and grown up, but Michaels has not, and neither have the fans, who expected the Chris Jericho of old. Jericho says it may be disturbing to some, but he's proud of his actions last night... "saved", even. Wow. We go to another break with the fans stunned by Jericho's brazen declaration.

The WWE Rewind for this week was Beth Phoenix destroying and humiliating Santino Marella in an open challenge last week. "An embarassment to your gender," was what Lawler called Marella last week.

Kelly Kelly vs. "the Glamazon" Beth Phoenix

Kelly makes her ring entrance first, and I have to admit, while I'm not exactly a fan of her wrestling, she does seem a little more competent and confident in herself since moving to Raw. Phoenix makes her entrance next, not so much fan support. Bell rings and Phoenix gives a couple of shoves to Kelly, Kelly looks intimidated, shoves back, leapfrogs over Phoenix, kicks her in the face, dropkick to the shin. Phoenix rushes at her, Kelly side-steps her, Phoenix eats a buckle, Kelly tries to roll her up for a pin, Phoenix stops her, picks up Kelly, and rushes her into the opposite corner. Phoenix with a bodyslam in the middle of the ring, and Kelly looks like she's done.

Phoenix pulls Kelly up by the hair and whips her down onto the mat head-first. Phoenix wraps Kelly into the sit-out abdominal stretch, but Kelly punches her way up and out, uses the ropes to get out of an armbar, throws Phoenix into a corner and charges. Phoenix catches her with a reverse elbow, tries to put Kelly into an armbar, Kelly with an enziguri that stunns Phoenix, followed by a headscissors and a dropkick that puts Phoenix in the corner. Kelly tries the sommersault springboard reverse elbow in the corner, but Phoenix catches her in the chicken wing suplex. Kelly tries to roll out of it with an Oklahoma Roll, but Phoenix rolls through that, grabs both legs, picks up Kelly and plants her in the mat with a front-face slam. 1-2-3 stick a fork in 'er, she's done!

WINNER: Beth Phoenix, by pinfall. Recap the match highlights, plug the 6-man tag next, off to break.

Jim Duggan is standing in the ring, dressed in street clothes. He says he doesn't want to waste much time and hold up the next match. Duggan says that he's considering retiring. "It's been a great 30-year run. I won the first Royal Rumble, I made lots of friends, and with the help of God, I survived kideny cancer." Duggan says that DiBiase & Rhodes opened his eyes, it's time for him to leave. Jerry Lawler gets in the ring and tells him to hold up. "I know this is none of my business, but in case you didn't know it, there's no age limit in the WWE! I don't care what DiBiase and Cody Rhodes said last week, as long as you are passionate about getting into this ring, you can do it as long as you want to do it!" Lawler says that Duggan can do something that Barack Obama and John McCain would kill for - "get millions of people on their feet and chant U-S-A! U-S-A!" The fans chant with Lawler, and Lawler asks Duggan if he wants to give that up. Duggan says he doesn't, and he needed somebody like Lawler to tell him that.

This brings out the two non-dues-paying smartasses of the WWE, Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase, Jr. Look at them snot-nosed punks walking down to the ring with prestigious tag team titles that they didn't earn, and don't deserve to be wearing! DiBiase apparently finds it funny that Lawler is giving career advice to to Duggan. "Just because you date girls younger than us doesn't mean that you relate to us in any way! You need to hang it up, badly." Cody Rhodes says that he was only 2 when Duggan won the Royal Rumble, and he wasn't even alive when Lawler went on David Letterman and slapped Andy Kauffman. Lawler says, "Well if you didn't see it, it went something like this!" and slaps Rhodes in his eye. DiBiase pulls Rhodes back before he starts crying like a little bitch, I mean, starts fuming and ranting. DiBiase says that they'll discuss this another day, but they have a match to wrestle. Off to break as we hear JBL's music hit, and he limps, and I mean limps to the ring.

John Bradshaw Layfield & WWE World Tag Team Champions Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBaise, Jr. vs. John Cena & Cryme Tyme

We come back from break with JBL arguging with Lawler from the ring. Cryme Tyme makes their introduction, and they stop at the bottom of the ramp. Cena is out next, bandaged up left elbow (he did cut it open on the windshield glass pretty good), but he salutes with his right, not his left, so it's all good. Cena joins the CTC connection and they rush the ring, heels powder out. The babyfaces do their intro thing, referee orders them back, orders JBL & the tag champs to get back in the ring to start the match.

Looks like we're going to start with JBL and Cena, Cena with a cocky grin on his face, JBL looking hesitant... and, indeed, tags in Cody Rhodes. They lock up, Rodes with a side headlock, Cena shoves him off into the ropes, Rhodes floatover, Cena floatover and a hiptoss by Cena, cover, quick kickout by Rhodes. Cena punches Rhodes into the corner, whips him to the opposite corner, bounces off the ropes and catches Rhodes off the rebound with the bulldog, cover, two-count. Cena whips Rhodes off the ropes and delivers an excellent back body drop, Cena tags in Shad Gespard. Gespard with an elbow drop, cover, two-count. Gespard pulls Rhodes up, whips him into the ropes, charges and delivers a big clothesline. Gespard pulls Rhodes up, whips him to the opposite corner, charges, Rhodes puts both boots up to stop him, throws Gespard into his corner, tags in DiBiase. DiBiase with some forearm shivers, tries to whip Gespard off the ropes, Gespard stops it, executes a T-Bone suplex, covers DiBiase, two-count.

Gespard throws DiBiase into his corner, tags in JTG, whips JTG into DiBiase in the corner, JTG hooks the leg and covers for two. JTG taunts DiBiase to get up, whips him into the ropes, DiBiase reverses it, ducks down, JTG with a facebuster, but DiBiase pokes him in the eys, tags out to JBL. JBL with a few stomps, a bodyslam, cover for a two count, tags in Rhodes who gets in a few cheap shots to the ribs, then wraps JTG up with a reverse waistlock. JTG elbows his way out, forearm shiver, but Rhodes with a right to the ribs takes him down. Rhodes with an armbar on JTG, tags in DiBiase, double team armbar into a double sucker-punch to the gut, DiBiase with a cover, two-count. DiBiase slams JTG's head into the turnbuckle, bodyslam, DiBiase goes to the middle turnbuckle and delivers a mushroom stop to JTG's guts, covers, two-count. DiBiase tags in JBl, puts JTG in the corner, they deliver some knees to the ribs. JBl pulls JTG out, clubs him in the back a few times, followed by an elbow drop to the back, a kick to the back, and tags in Rhodes. Rhodes goes to the top turnbuckle and lands on JTG's guts.

Rhodes re-applies the reverse waistlock near his corner on JTG, JTG is struggling, but he gets to his feet, breaks it, tries for a dragon screw legwhip into a pin, but JBL with a kick through the ropes on JTG's ribs to break it up. Tag in to DiBiase, who distracts the referee as JBL and Rhodes double-team JTG. DiBiase with a quick cover, then kicks JTG in the ribs, kicks him in the head, then applies a bodyscissor around JTG's midsection. Referee warns JBL for his language as he taunts JTG. JTG gets to his knees, elbows DiBiase in the face, DiBiase goes for the Cobra Sleeper, JTG elbows out, standing dropkick on DiBiase to send both men to the mat. DiBiase maks the tag, grabs JTG's angkle, and Rhodes comes in and elbow drops JTG in the back to cut him off, cover, two-count. Rhdoes stands JTG up, punch to the face, puts him in the corner and delivers a couple of shoulderblocks to the ribs, referee breaks it up. Rhodes charges, JTG sidesteps it, Rhodes' shoulder eats the ringpost, both men down. JTG crawls to a tag, Rhodes tags in DiBiase, CENA IS IN! Cena with a pair of shoulderblods, side suplex on DiBiase, JBL gets in, Cena turns around and punks his ass, JBL rolls out! Rhodes in, Cena puts him in the corner, whips DiBiase into him. JBL IS LEAVING THROUGH THE CROWD! OMG! CENA PICKS UP THE TAG CHAMPS AND HITS THE F-U ON BOTH OF THEM AT ONCE! Rhodes rolls out, DiBiase takes the fall.

WINNERS: John Cena & Cryme Tyme, by pinfall. Wow, one hell of an ending to the match. Cena celebrates with JTG & Shad Gespard, then rolls out, spots his dad at ringside, hugs him and goes back to the ring. We highlight the end of the match. What a class move by JBL as well, bailing on his partners for two weeks in a row, this time taking the cowards way out through the crowd. the CTC Connection walk up the ramp onto the stage, turn around and raise their arms.

We go backstage with Jericho and Cade blabbing about something, they open a backstage door and then stop and stare, camera whirls around and we see Kane standing there. Jericho and Cade step aside as Kane steps through and continues to walk backstage, burlap bag in hand.

The WWE Foundation is helping to support Jenny McCarthy's Generation Rescue foundation, and they run highlights from a fundraiser they helped put on last Saturday, The upcoming Saturday Night's Main Event on NBC in two-weeks will also involve Generation Rescue.

WWE Women's Champion Mickie James & WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston vs. Katie Lea & Paul Burchill

Katie Lea shoves Mickie James first, James with a Thest Press to counter. Katie Lea throws James into the corner, charges, Jaems with the headscissor takeover out of the corner, Katie Lea ends up in the opposite corner. Paul Burchil reaches out to stop James, James slaps him and says she's not afraid to kick his ass! Burchill gets in the ring, Kingston leapfrogs over James from the top rope and plants Burchill, referee breaks it up. Katie Lea tags in Burchill, they tussle, Burchill whips Kingston off the ropes, Kingston leapfrogs, armdrag, dropkick, cover, two-count. Katie Lea gets in the ring to distract the ref, Burchill clips Kingston from behind.

Burchill wraps up Kingston to wear him down, picks him up for a slam, Kingston wiggles out, covers, two-count. Kingston whips Burchill off the ropes, Burchill ducks a clothesline but not the flying clothesline from Kingston. Kingston puts Burchill in the corner, climbs up and mounts him for some punches. Katie Lea approaches the corner, Mickie James runs in, knocks her off the apron, and attacks her on the outside. Burchill gets down and grabs James by the hair, pulling her off. Kingston gets down and tries to attack Burchill, shoves him into a ringpost and tries a spinning high kick, but Burchill ducks him and Kingston's kick hits the ringpost. Burchill rolls Kingston into the ring, executes a singing neckbreaker, and pins him.

WINNERS: Paul & Katie Lea Burchill, by pinfall. We highlight the match recaps, Jamie Noble is talking his game with Layla El, Batista walks up and asks if he sees Kane. Noble smarts off that he hasn't seen Kane recently, and that Batista should "go off and lift some dumbell fly's, or something". Batista picks up Noble by his neck and shoves him into the wall, and tells Noble that if he sees Kane tonight, tell him that he's looking for him. Batista drops him like a bad habit and wanders off.

Backstage Todd Grisham is interviewing CM Punk, asking him why he wants to defend against Batista again, some people say that he escaped with his win, why not move on? CM Punk says that he doesn't want to win by technicalities or the easy way out. If he goes down, he wants to go down swinging. JBL walks up, CM Punk asks him what he wants. JBL points to the title and says "That". JBL says that he fully expects to become the champion in four weeks at SummerSlam, and it doesn't matter to him whether or not Punk loses tonight or at SummerSlam. JBL again reiterates that CM Punk is nothing more than an "asterisk, a footnote" in the annals of WWE history. Punk says that JBL doesn't know if that is a fact or not, but the only fact that does exist is that CM Punk's first successful defense of the WWE World Heavyweight Championship came at the expense of JBL. Punk walks off and JBL is seething. Off to break again.

We come back and Jerry Lawler sends us back to the replay of Chris Jericho possibly ending Shawn Michaels' career at the GAB PPV last night.

Santino Marella vs. D-Lo Brown

Santino Marella makes his entrance, and we again replay Beth Phoenix embarassing him last week. Marella took the mic and said that he has to clarify that last week when he issued his open challenge, it was only meant for men, not women, or as he put it "ah-people with-ah tha falopian tubes!" Marella says he is re-issuing his challenge against a man. D-Lo Brown steps out and accepts that challenge, he makes his ring introduction, and then afterwards, Beth Phoenix walks down to the ring.

Marella tries for a headlock on Brown, Brown throws him into the corner, clubs him in the back, whips him out of the corner, charges, Marella sidsteps it, hits Brown in the back. Marella tries to whp Brown out of the corner, Brown stops it, hits a suplex, takes his time with a fancy legdrop, snapmares Marella, bounces off the ropes and hits the "Sudden Impact" clothesline. D-Lo Brown is going up top, goes for the Lo-Down five-star frogsplash, nails it, covers, pin. Marella is TOAST.

WINNER: D-Lo Brown, by pinfall. Not much to highlight here, D-Lo celebrates and steps out of the ring. Phoenix gets in and confronts Marella, who is backed up into the corner. Marella tries to talk his way out of it, Phoenix slugs him. Marella attacks with a reverse waistlock, screaming "NO MORE TOUCHING! NO MORE TOUCHING!" Phoenix reverses the waistlock and says "FIGHT ME!" Marella reverses the waistlock, Phoenix screams "Get off me!", Marella says "OK OK Enough!" He lets her go and they back off and stare each other down... OMG no... I see it coming... no... no... NO NO NO NO NO NO! GODDAMNIT NO! THEY"RE EYEFUCKING! GODDAMNIT NO!! Marella reaches out his hand and grabs Phoenix by the hair, she stiffens up, grabs Marella by the hair... and they kiss. GAH! DAMNIT NO! They break the kiss, Marella walks off, turns around and asks himself what the fuck just happened. Phoenix is glaring at him from the ring.

We come back with another promo for Generation Resuce, then back out to the announcer's table. Lawler says that he heard a rumor that the McMahons were looking for a new GM for WWE Raw, and they may have it within the next two weeks.

WWE World Heavyweight Championship: champion CM Punk vs. Dave Batista

A rematch from last night's championship match. Batista makes his way out, starts to pose down, then PYRO, FIRE AND BRIMSTONE! Kane walks out to the ring, Batista dares him to get in the ring, Kane slides in and they're fighting. Kane with a chokeslam on Batista! Fans cheer, CM Punk is out, kick to Kane's midsection, puts him on the ropes, clotheslines Kane out! Referee's scramble down to back Kane off, Punk wants Kane to get back in. Kane spots a cameraman and points to him, cameraman RUNS! Referee checks on Batista in the corner, asking him if he can fight. PUnk walks up and asks Batista if he wants the match. Batista shoves him off, and now the referee has to keep them seperated. We take another commercial break, apparently Batista won't be ready for a few more minutes. Back from break, Lillian Garcia makes the official introductions.

Batista still looks like he's shaking his head, hurting. bell rings, Punk with a reverse waistlock into a side headlock. Batista with a shove off the ropes but Punk puts the brakes on. Batista with a few punches in the ribs, whips Punk off and nails him with a shoulder. Punk gets up slowly, wringing his right arm. Punk with a kick and a few forearm shivers, Batista shoves him off. Punk again with forearms, Batista shoves him off then takes him down with a big boot to the face, cover and a two-count. Batista pulsl up Punk, headbutts him in the corner, delivers some rights and a knee to the midsection, finishes with a pair of reverse elbows before the referee can get a break. Batista whips Punk off the ropes, ducks down, Punk with a swinging neckbreaker. Punk stomps on Batista's back a few times, picks him up, forearm smash to the face puts Batista in the corner, followed by an elbow to Batista's left shoulder and a kick to the shoulder. Punk with a snap mare takeover on Batista out of the corner, followed bya dropkick to the head, covers, one-count.

Punk sits Batista up and kicks him in the back, elbow drop to the shoulders, pulls Batista up, forearm shot to the face, a second one, Batista fires back with his own forearm, followed by a kick to the ribs. Punk with a drop toehold and nails Batista in the back several times. Punk with a front facelock on Batista, looks to lock in a guillotine choke submission. Batista powers up, picks him up and tosses him off, Punk landing on his ribs, Batista looking gassed. Both slowly get to their feet, Punk bounces off the ropes, scissor kick to the back of the head of Batista, cover, two-count. Punk sits Batista up and nails him in th eback a few times, lays him out, legdrop, back up and off the ropes again, another legdrop, rolls Batista over and locks in a reverse chinlock. Batista lifts himself up, gets on his knees, then his feet, snaps Punk over his shoulder, Punk in the corner, Batista charges, punk with an elbow, catches Batista with a hangman's neckbreaker in the middle of the ring, cover, two-count.

Punk transitions into a headscissor submission, Batista being asked if he's ready to give up. Fans are starting a dueling chant for both men. Batista powers out of it, Punk on his feet and a pair of knees in Batista's face, bounces off the ropes, a running kneelift to the head, Punk rolls him over, cover, 1... 2... kickout. Punk puts Batista in the corner, kicks to the ribs and the head, referee breaks. Punk whips Batista out of the corner, Batista reverses it and Punk is slammed chest-first into the corner. Batista whips Punk out of the corner again, Punk reverses it and then drop toeholds Batista into the corner. Punk with the flying knee into Batista's face in the corner, bulldog coming out, Punk covers, 1.. 2.. KICKOUT! Punk goes out on the apron, waiting for Batista to get to his feet, springboards off the ropes for the clothesline, Batista catches him and delivers a spinebuster out of desperation! Both men are on the mat gasping for breath. Referee counting... 4... 5... 6... both men are up. Batista charges, puts Punk in the corner, shoulderblocks, more shoulderblocks, whips to the opposite corner, clothesline! Whips to the opposite corner again, charges, Punk with a boot up, Punk tries for the cross body quickly off the top turnbuckle, Batista ducks it, Punk eats the mat! Batista with the spear! Batista with the cover... wait, JBL is running down to the ring, Batista rolls out to meet him, the bell rings, its' over!

JBL attacks Batista, rolls him in the ring, Clothesline from Hell on Batista! Punk is pulling himself up from the ropes, boot to the face from JBL sends Punk outside! John Cena runs in and wails on JBL, backs up and bounces off the ropes, tries to swing on JBL with a Superman Punch, JBL ducks it and blasts Batista instead! JBL bails and Batista goes nuts on Cena, the referees are in and get both men seperated, and that's how we end the show for the night.

I'm assuming this match is going to go to ANOTHER double-DQ. Not a bad show overall, will be interesting to see where some of these storylines go! See you later this week on the podcast, folks!