Smackdown 10/10/08: Khali TRIUMPHANT~! (Taped on 10/7/08)
So last Sunday, Big Show and the Undertaker had a competitive, if somewhat boring, match where Big Show won by ramming Taker into an exposed turnbuckle and KOing him with the SUPER RIGHT HAND PUNCH OF PAIN AND SUFFERING~! We see a video highlighting this.
Tonight, one of the BIGGEST AND MOST EPIC MAIN EVENTS, AND WE ARE DESPERATE FOR RATINGS - Triple H vs. The Big Show for the WWE Title.
We cut to the ring with Vickie in a wheelchair with a neckbrace. Chavo is behind her. I guess now she's REALLY in a wheelchair. :blues:. Vickie talks about being tombstoned by Undertaker two weeks ago. This is melodramatic as fuck. Tons of heat here. I'm shocked people would boo a cripple - buncha savages in this town. Vickie says Taker got HIS on Sunday and got dominated and humiliated. She says Taker was quivering. Big Show will be rewarded tonight with a title shot. She introduces her friend - The Big Show.
Big Show comes out. Chavo is displeased. He says he heard the fans cheer and it meant absolutely nothing. He says he felt Taker's face crumble and crack. He says he will never be the same. We see another highlight of the SUPER RIGHT HAND PUNCH OF PAIN AND SUFFERING~! Please, not this gimmick again. He says he's on a higher level than Heavyweight punchers. He says he's KOd tons of people with it. He says he will be WWE Champ tonight. God I'm sick of these played out promos.
Vladimir Koslov comes out and says some shit in Russian. I'll translate: "I really like Triple H's hairy man sack. There are little children running up and down my ass". He then talks in English and says no matter who the champ is, he is challenging the winner. Big Show says he's a giant and he's American. Whatever.
Match #1: Brie Bella vs. Natalya Neidhart (w/ Victoria). Brie starts the match quick with a Lou Thesz Press and they roll around the ring, catfight style. We see some very nice high flying moves, including a high cross body by Brie for a 1 count. Brie avoids Nattie and hits a nice double leg. They fight for a backslide and Brie gets 2. Nattie hits an explosive Roaring Elbow. Brie got ROCKED. Nattie slaps her around a bit. Brie hits a sunset flip for another nearfall. Nattie with a stiff clothesline. Brie crawls under the ring and Victoria snatches her leg and drags her down. Victoria is spooked. Hornswoggle pops up from under the ring and dives on her. He wants Victoria. Can't blame him. Suddenly, Brie (Nicole) pops up from the other side of the ring. Nattie is confused. She goes back under and Brie (the real one) is back in the ring. That was quick.. huh. Nattie runs at her and gets caught in a crucifix and pinned. Winner: Brie Bella.
JR and Tazz put over John Cena as this genetic freak and we see the video package from Monday with everybody sucking Cena's dick. This video is long as shit.
Backstage, Funaki (he's got a job?) is with Ron Killings. Funaki is practicing. R-Truth hands him a microphone. Funaki says he loves his song. Ron Killings asks him what his Government Name. Funaki says his first name is Kung, middle is Fu, and last is Naki. R-Truth sings "Kung-Fu Fighter", but with Funaki's name instead. Fail. This ISN'T funny whatsoever, specially since his first name is Sho (as they've said on TELEVISION before). Fail.
Elsewhere, Triple H is playing with his phone gimmick. Jeff Hardy sits down next to him. Triple H says he is voting for the Special Referee Vote for the RAW World Title Match. He can't decide whether he wants HBK or Austin. Well he's had bloodfeuds with both of them, so it's a toss up. I didn't know employees, much less SON IN LAWS, were allowed to vote. Jeff puts over the match on Sunday. He wishes him luck. Gay. He comes back and says he's going to challenge the winner, and he doubts itll be him.
Killings comes to the ring with the WASSUP as we go to commercial.
Match #2: Ron Killings vs. WWE United States Champion Shelton Benjamin in a Non-Title Match. Shelton Benjamin talks more bullshit with another pre-match promo. I'm legit sick of these. Plus, they are so obviously written. JR says R-Truth's first goal is the US Title. Why does Shelton wrestle in all these non-title matches? Put the fucking belt up pussy! Shelton assaults Killings to start and wears his ass out. Benjamin just brawls all over Ron Killings, and I like it. Shelton just chucks Truth into the guard rail and it moves a couple of inches. Killings catches Shelton in a double leg and starts to beat Shelton down. This is a fun brawl. Truth gets Shelton in the corner and scores with a BIG right hand. Shelton comes back with a freaky clothesline, according to JR. Two Count. Camel Clutch on Truth. I don't mind Shelton being so upset that this TNA geek is coming in to take his spot. Killings with the comeback, but gets cut off. He does the spinning forearm but Shelton fires back with a backbreaker. This is a very good match. Killings reverses a tilt-a-whirl into a mexican cradle for the flash pin. AWESOME. Winner: R-Truth.
Shelton loses ANOTHER non-title match.
Tonight, Jeff Hardy vs. MVP. Boy I wonder who's gonna win this one.
Match #3: Jeff Hardy vs. MVP. MVP is coming off the embarrassment at No Mercy and his current BERIAL~!. Gregory Helms pop-up window talks about MVP's losing streak. JR says MVP was going to receive a bonus had he won one more match. What a load of bullshit. MVP and Jeff trade holds early on and this and that. Hardy gets on the offensive. They tease a Swanton early on, but MVP dips to the outside. We cut to a commercial break as they go back and forth. MVP kicks Jeff in the stomach and Jeff flies back. MVP starts to beat down on Hardy, garnering the heat. He uses knees and backbreakers to score nearfalls. MVP slaps on a nice abdominal stretch. MVP continues to work Jeff over. MVP does some headbutts to the stomach of Hardy - Mark Coleman style. MVP continues to work the midsection with a bodylock. Hardy fights back. He hits the corner kick not once, but twice. Hardy hits the Swanton and MVP crawls deeper in the doghouse. Winner: Jeff Hardy.
Koslov's music plays and out comes the MOSCOW MAULER. He wants to fight Jeff. They scrap a little, Jeff tries a move off the top and gets headbutted. Moron. Hardy is out.
Maria comes out and does her lame pose and does the ring announcement for the next match. She's pretty awful at it.
Match #4: Jesse, Festus, and WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito and Eddie Colon vs. Kurt Hawkins, Zach Ryder, Kenny Dykstra, and Ryan Braddock - THE NEW J.O.B. SQUAD. Another Gregory Helms pop-up. This is a joke of a match. Carlito starts it off with one of the Edgehomos. Carlito with a nice Asai Moonsault for 2. The other Edgefag comes in and stiffs Carlito. Quick tags with the heel. Dykstra all over Carlito. Dykstra supposedly has a large upside, but boy is he a jabrone. Dykstra all over Carly. Carlito with an awesome Frankenstiener. Festus kills Kenny (that bastard). He boots Kenny and gets 2 because of Braddock. A pair of suicide dives on the outside, and Dykstra is caught in that Flapjack move. Festus covers. It's all over. Winners: Jesse, Festus, and WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito and Eddie Colon.
I love how only 2 guys on the babyface team were actual legal men during this entire match.
A Video Package is shown putting over the SUPER RIGHT HAND PUNCH OF PAIN AND SUFFERING~!
Another JOHN CENA VIDEO PACKAGE. Remember folks - No Roids.
We cut back to the ring and Ranjin Singh is in the ring with Great Khali - The World's Biggest Pimp. We see another highlight of the JackassWorld deal with Johnny Knoxville and The Great Khali. This angle is nothing short of MANY BUYS~! Khali is smiling. Ranjin says Khali can be more entertaining than Johnny Knoxville - THAT IS TRUE! We see another video package of the Khali Kiss Cam. After this match, another Khali Kiss Cam.
I LOVE KHALI.
Match #5: Great Khali vs. Three Geeks. OH GOD LOOK AT THESE GEEKS. THIS... THIS.... WAS FUCKING AWESOME. THE JABRONIS ALL RAN AT KHALI AND HE PUT HIS ARMS HIGH IN THE AIR AND ROARED "ARRGHH". TWO GEEKS LEFT ONE GEEK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING ALONE AND HE HAD A LOOK ON HIS FACE LIKE "OH FUCK, IM FUCKED", AND HE GOT FUCKED WITH THE BIG CHOP AND PINNED. FUCKING AWESOME. FIVE FUCKING STARS. Winner: Great Khali.
Khali truly is GREAT.
They start to find bitches in the crowd, and they find this FAT SLOB and she's called to the ring. Her name is Jennifer Swanson. Sounds familiar. He asks her how much she weighs and she goes "A LOT." I. AM. FUCKING. DEAD. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA. AAAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHA. Ranjin says "HIT THE MUSIC" and Khali goes "NO!". HE DOESNT WANNA KISS HER! Khali argues with Ranjin but finally plants one on, then he RAISES HIS HANDS IN VICTORY.
THIS WAS A VICTORY. KHALI CONQUERED THE UNCONQUERABLE MONSTER! AND THE FANS WENT ABSOLUTELY NUTS.
Raw Rebound.
Next week, Jeff Hardy vs. Vladimir Koslov.
Koslov is in the back cutting a promo in Russian. I will gladly translate: "Stop that, you wedged the pickle too deep. My gift of sardines to the pope did not go over.", then in English he says he crushes Jeff Hardy and breaks him in half. Alright Drago.
Match #6: WWE Champion Triple H vs. The Big Show for the WWE Championship. Big Show and Triple H brawl to the outside. Big Show misses a tackle into the turnbuckle. They fight back in the ring and Show hits a sidewalk slam. I'm surprised they haven't played up that Triple H beat Show and vise versa for the WWE Title in late 1999, but I guess that's ancient history. Big Show twerks Triple H's neck. He does the superhero comeback, but gets a headbutt to the back of the head, Andre style. Big Show's spinning legdrop is awesome. Big Show dashes at the Game but he dodges. Triple H with a big sleeper hold but Show breaks out. Triple H with right hands and this a facebuster and teases the Pedigree but Show backdrops Triple H. Nasty. Big Show cocks back the big right fist, he misses and Triple H goes to work, but gets caught in a chokeslam. Big Show is about to nail Triple H with the SUPER RIGHT HAND PUNCH OF PAIN AND SUFFERING~!, but the lights go out and we hear a gong. Again? The lights come back on and Undertaker is in the ring and starts to tee off on Big Show. Lights go out again and Big Show is in the aisle with Taker behind him. Taker's should've used the teleportation technique to avoid the fist at the PPV. Lights go out again and they continue to brawl to the back. Triple H gets back up and out of nowhere Vladimir Koslov runs down and they trade right hands. Triple H teases the pedigree but gets headbutted. Jeff Hardy runs in and gets taken down. Triple H and Hardy then get back up and double team the mauler. This is definitely going to be a threeway program. The mark fans chant USA. Triple H turns and Jeff catches Hunter in the Twist of Fate. Hardy stares down Koslov.
I guess Show wins via DQ due to interfierence. Winner: Big Show via disqualification.
A fine show, nothing too special. Three good matches and an AWESOME Khali segment. Definitely not a waste of time if you have nothing better to do.