12/09/08: ECW on Sci-Fi Live Recap

Our recap of ECW on Sci-Fi is as always LIVE so hit F5 or refresh as often as you like for updates! Cue the usual "Andre the Giant" promo, but not the "DON'T QUESTION MY HEART" just yet... because we have a pre-music promo for "the man who loves to fight" Finlay with Mark Henry threatening his son Hornswoggle's life. It's Finlay & Horny vs. Henry and Tony Atlas TONIGHT. Okay NOW you can roll that beautiful bean footage.

"DON'T QUESTION MY HEART, DON'T QUESTION THE FIRE THAT BURNS INSIDE~!"

Matt Striker and Todd Grisham welcome us to Bridgeport. Tommy Dreamer is already waiting inside the ring in blue jeans, sneakers and a t-shirt with a mic in his hand. "For more than 15 years, ECW has been my life, it has meant everything to me. Good times, to the bad, from the rise..." and he's cut off by the Moscow Mauler himself Vladimir Kozlov. "Matt Hardy {something untelligble} and now, I am here,t o challenge you to a match!" Kozlov kicks Dreamer in the gut and then picks him up for a spinebuster, to a chorus of boos. "Yes Matt. {something untelligible} This is, your future." Even Striker has to admit he could only understand a small part of that. Kozlov exits the ring and the building by going over the ring barricade. Moments later Jack Swagger's pseudo-RATM music hits and he comes down to the ring. He sees the prone carcass of Dreamer on the canvas but puts a boot to his butt just to make sure he's down and not moving. He picks up Dreamer and hits the Dr. Death Bomb, then signals that he just hit one out of the park and uses his hands to indicate he's watching it sail towards the heavens. Swagger smiles and poses for the crowd as his music plays again. Dreamer is left laying as we go to highlights from the 2008 Slammy Awards. This takes us to commercial.

DID YOU KNOW that ECW was Sci-Fi's most watched telecast last Tuesday for the 10th week in a row. Thank you stupid DID YOU KNOW fact! In the ring we have Kung-Fu Naki and Jimmy Wang Yang. Apparently they're going to be wrestling as a tag team tonight against... NOW LISTEN, THIS AIN'T NO MAKE BELIEVE... ahh, squash match.

* The Two-Time Slammy Award Winning Miz & Morrison v. Kung-Fu Naki & Jimmy Wang Yang

Todd Grisham and Prince of Persia (the video game, not Striker... although he is a prince of announcing... actually since they won a Slammy they BOTH are) remind us that Armageddon is in just five days. Miz and Morrison take off their shirts and pose for the ladies as the bell rings and we get underway. Miz mocks Kung-Fu Naki by doing some faux karate moves of his own. Miz spends too much time mocking him and gloating and eats a couple of karate kicks for a near fall. Yang tags in and manages to get Miz down for a near fall, then blast him in the back with a kick of his own before crashing him into the corner turnbuckle. Grisham says Yang practices "Honky Tonky Fu." Har har har. Head scissor and a dropkick to the mouth lead to another near fall. Maybe this isn't going to be a two minute squash after all. Morrison tags in and eats a standing moonsault, then Funaki comes back in for a double team. Morrison tries to pin him in the corner and eats an arm drag before a one count. Morrison finally manages to throw him off and waylay him with an uppercut. Funkai kicks Morrison out to the floor and prepares to dive out but Miz snaps his neck off the ropes to cut him off and we go to commercial with the heels in control. Before we come back to live action, a promo for Edge v. Hardy v. Triple H on Sunday at Armageddon.

Miz has Funaki in a front facelock as we go back to the ring. Yang rallies the crowd to see Funaki make a comeback and get the tag. Funaki nearly gets a sunset flip style pin before getting cut off again and thrown into the corner for closed fists. Miz hits his trademark splash into the ropes, makes the cover for two, then drags Funaki over to the heel corner for the tag and the slingshot punch to the face. Morrison is all over him with stomps and forearms as Striker credits Morrison for ring awareness and knowing he has until the count of 4 to use as many "questionable tactics" as he can. Morrison even chokes Funaki with his own ghi for good measure. Morrison puts him on the mat, wraps his body weight around Funaki's head, and puts him arm in a submission. Morrison gets bored with that and tries to pick up Funaki for a slam but nearly gets reversed into a schoolboy. This leads to a comeback where Yang gets the hot tag and hits a sky high crossbody plus an elevated monkey flip on Morrison. Clusterfuck in the ring. Miz provides a distraction that does not help, Morrison and Yang take turns going for and missing high-flying moves, then Morrison finally hits paydirt and gets the three count. WINNERS: MORRISON & MIZ. We see a replay of what Striker describes as "the boot compounded by the ropes" and return to see the winners holding up their Slammy Awards and celebrating in the ring.

We get a strange backstage segment where Tony Atlas shows off his old Mr. USA wrestling tights, he's so excited about the fact that they (barely) fit and then Henry starts berating him more or less saying, "You think I give a SHIT" without using those words verbatim. He even pulls out the old line about how Atlas was supposed to carry his bags and wasn't doing his job. Finally he chuckles a little and looks at Atlas. "It's a shame about that red, white and blue... it's going to have green all over it when I squash that leprechaun!" More highlights from Raw last night and a commercial break.

The title song of "Chinese Democracy" is the official theme for Armageddon this Sunday. Thanks for letting us know WWE. After this we get highlights of the incomprehensible Kozlov, who is getting a title match with the ECW champion at Armageddon this Sunday. Hardy: "Kozlov wants to call me a coward because he couldn't beat the clock on Smackdown. Let's see what he has to say when he can't beat me at Armageddon!" And now... I'M THE BOOGEYMAN, AND I'M COMIN' TO GET'CHA!!

* The Boogeyman v. Scott Reed

Time for a spooktacular squash match. Boogeyman circles his opponent in the trademark voodoo step manner only he can pull off. He picks up Creed for a powerslam, poses, runs over him with a clothesline, pull him up for a whip into the corner face first, splashes his back, picks him up for a double handed chokeslam then holds his shoulders down for three. WINNER: THE BOOGEYMAN. Boogey grabs his satchel full of worms, eats a mouthful, then shares his bounty with Reed. Striker has all he can take to not gag during this segment. Grisham says you don't want to invite Boogey over for your potluck dinner this holiday season. We get highlights of the match, which are nearly as long as the match itself. Striker: "Nightcrawlers down your throat!" Backstage Hornswaggle is TOO excited about tonight's main event, and Finlay looks on with concern as he runs around and we run off to a commercial break.

* Hornswoggle & Finlay v. Henry & Atlas

Finlay and Atlas start off in the ring, although "start" would be a stretch since they spend a lot of time stalling and teasing Henry interfering in the ring. Atlas and Finlay finally tie up and Atlas shoves him down with ease, then overpowers him into the corner on the second try. Finlay briefly pushes Atlas into the corner on try #3 then gets reversed until the ref can call for the clean break. #4 results in a side headlock, and for what it's worth you can tell Atlas is still lifting weights... but he still looks small standing next to Mark Henry. That's telling - Atlas is bigger than your average man but still not anywhere near as big as The World's Strongest Man. Finlay decks Henry to goad him into trying to come in, then lays out Atlas so Horny can give him a tadpole splash while the ref throws Henry out. This enrages Henry even more and he rushes in to splash the midget himself, but Finlay pulls him out of the ring at the last second and we go to commercial with another promo for Cena v. Jericho at Armageddon this Sunday on PPV.

When we come back Henry and Finlay are in the ring, and Henry overpowers Finlay down to the mat hard. Henry comes over to Atlas and yells in his face: "YOU SEE THAT! THAT'S HOW IT'S DONE." Powerslam with authority and Henry stomps around the ring riling up the crowd celebrating his awesomeness instead of going for the immediate cover. When he kicks out, Henry decides to take five and let his tag team partner wear down Finlay for a little bit. Finlay manages to make a comeback with an uppercut and a knee lunge for about five seconds before Atlas takes him down again and tags back out to Henry. Mark attempts to push Finlay's head all the way through his shoulders as Finlay fights him off as best he can. Finlay tries to make it a slobberknocker when he gets back to his feet and fails. Henry gets ready to splash him in the corner, Finlay gets a boot up to block, but seconds later Henry hits him with an even BIGGER boot for a two count. Every attempt at a comeback ends with another power move by Henry to lay Finlay out flat, with Horny looking on from their corner with concern. At 2 'til the top of the hour Horny starts trying to pump up the crowd and succeeds, but who knows what good it will do since this will be over quick. Finlay escapes a choke with a jawbreaker, evades a Henry splash in the corner, chops away at the legs of Henry then hits a DDT for two. Finlay gets knocked out to the floor, Henry goes to grab his son and toss him high in the air. Hornswoggle is laid out prone for a big splash but at the last second Finlay runs in and shoves his son out of the way. Finlay eats the splash and gets pinned 1-2-3. WINNERS: ATLAS & HENRY. We are so out of time there's no time for a replay so it's thank you and good night and on to whatever crap Sci-Fi shows after ECW that I never watch. See you next week!