| Date: 03/02 | 8:00 PM |
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The WWE Raw Report - Hit F5 for the Latest Updates!
So hopefully the server's issues are over and I can settle down and actually enjoy an episode of WWE Raw. Although last week's wasn't very enjoyable, so thankfully I didn't actually recap it. But, tonight we start out with a recap of Triple H's comments last week regarding Randy Orton's actions. We then go to Michael Cole as we find out that tonight Randy Orton will make his announcement on which title he will wrestle for at WrestleMania, that Shawn Michaels will face Smackdown star Vladimir Kozlov for the right to wrestle the Undertaker at WrestleMania, then we go to Jerry "the King" Lawler in the ring for an announcement.
"Before we came on the air tonight," shouts an excited Lawler, "interim general manager Vickie Guerrero asked me to make this announcement. And it's a blockbuster, it's certainly the biggest announcement that I've ever announced on Raw. In fact, it's the biggest match that's ever been made on Raw. Tonight there will be a world heavyweight championship match! The champion, Edge, will face, the former champion, getting his rematch, John Cena!"
With that said, we then go up to the stage where we hear bagpipes playing. Lillian Garcia announces, "And now, the host of Piper's Pit..." but then the music switches up to "Break the Walls Down", and Garcia introduces Chris Jericho.
"You know, I wasn't planning on doing this today, but welcome to Piper's Pit" says Jericho. "I've been berated by you fans for so long for berating the legends that I've went through great lengths to procure the original Piper's Pit set and host the show myself. Piper's Pit was a groundbreaking show that introduced many feuds and episodes, but the most famous was this one here." Jericho then segues to July 17, 1984 where "Rowdy" Roddy Piper insults and attacks Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka, assaulting him with a coconut, tearing down the set, and smashing a banana in his face. "On that note, let me introduce my guest tonight, 'Superfly' Jimmy Snuka."
Jimmy Snuka's music plays, and the legendary WWE Hall of Fame member comes out, poses for the fans, then gives Snuka a dirty look. Jericho invites Snuka to sit down. Snuka pulls up a chair and gets right into Jericho's face as the fans chant for him. "After that's Piper's Pit, you guy's tore it up all across the country. I want to show you some footage of some of those great matches right now." We then segue into several video clips from Snuka and Piper's feud in 1984.
"Sweet memories, Jimmy. You looked pretty good back in those days." Snuka starts to speak, but Jericho cuts him off. "You're also a grim reminder of what can happen. You were the poster boy for what Mickie Rourke's movie 'The Wrestler' is all about. You're in your mid-60s but you still embarrass yourself by working every weekend in high school gyms all across New Jersey. On top of that, you and Piper entered the Royal Rumble last year. How selfish was that? Do you know how many young men had to be put on hold because of that selfish decisions?" Jericho then runs down Snuka and calls him run down and says that him and the others are too egotistical. "I brought you on this show tonight to show all the superstars in the back what can happen if they're not careful. They can end up like you, a pathetic disgrace!"
Snuka stands up and throws his chair aside. "You don't have the right to be angry anymore. I'm going to say this slowly so that even you can understand. You are finished. Nobody cares about you anymore, Snuka. Nobody wants to see you anymore. So pack it in, go home, and stay home. Do you understand what I'm saying to you right now, huh?"
"No! I don't understand."
"Fine, you don't understand, it's obvious I'm not getting through to you, I'm not getting through to any of the fans... let's go old school! I brought some stuff to remind you of your glory days. You wanna feel like a big shot, you wanna feel like you're at home? Here you go!" Jericho pulls out a bag and starts throwing pineapples and bananas at Snuka. "Let's give Snuka what he wants, a return to his glory days! I got one more thing in this bag for you, Snuka, yeah, it's a coconut. Yeah, you wanna relive your past? you wanna relive the old days?"
Jericho starts tossing the coconut up in the air. Snuka takes it away from him, then starts approaching Jericho. Jericho starts begging off, telling Snuka not to get carried away, and then hauls ass off the set. Snuka goes for his trademark pose, but then suddenly the set falls on him. Chris Jericho busts through and then attacks Snuka with some kicks. He strips off his coat, rolls up his sleeves, then pulls off his belt. "You wanna relive the old days?" shouts Jericho. "You wanna relive the past, well here you go!" Jericho starts whipping Snuka's back and kicking him in the ribs. "You want more? you want more of this old man, huh? You want more? How about this?" Jericho grabs a banana and rubs it in Snuka's face. "You see what happens? You see what happens, huh? Stay down! Stay down!"
The fans boo Jericho heavily as he finally backs away, the fans starting an "Ass-hole! Ass-hole!" chant as we go to commercial. We come back to replay the highlights, go back to the announcer's desk, where Jerry Lawler takes particular offense to Jericho's actions. Which of course means that Lawler's going to get involved in this at some point.
Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Rey Mysterio, Jr. vs. Mike Knox vs. Kane
Well, let's see, last week it was the babyface against the two heels who tag with each other, and the babyface went over. I wonder if that will happen again this week. We're about to find out as the bell rings, and Mysterio immediately bails out of the ring. Knox follows, Mysterio comes back in the ring and gets attacked by Kane. Knox tries to get back in, but he slips off the apron, falls to the floor, holding his knee. Mysterio tries to use the high-risk offense on Kane, but gets caught on the hurracanrana. Knox gets back in and throws Mysterio out. Knox and Kane charge at each other and knock each other down with a big boot to the face as we go to commercial.
Back from the break, Knox has Mysterio bent backwards over his knee, Mysterio uses his knees to hit Knox in the head to break the hold, bounces off the ropes, Knox tries to go for the kick to the face, Mysterio slides underneath it, but Kane grabs Mysterio from the outside and pulls him out. Knox attacks Kane as he gets in the ring, headbutts him into the corner, whips him out to the opposite corner, charges and connects with a clothesline. Knox snap mores Kane out into a side headlock. Kane gets to his feet and delivery a belly-to-back suplex to break the hold. Kane bounces off the ropes, Knox kicks him in the face. Mysterio tries to get back into the ring, Knox catches him, but Mysterio delivers a few shoulder blocks, leaps off the ropes and catches him with a headscissor takeover, bounces off the ropes again, ducks the kick, another headscissor takeover, cover and a two count.
Mysterio with a quick dropkick to the face of Kane, goes back to Knox, Knox with a Tilt-a-Whirl Slam, cover and a two count. Knox picks up Mysterio on his shoulders, but Mysterio wiggles off and leverages it into a DDT, goes for the cover, Kane breaks it up and whips Mysterio into the corner. Kane tries to throw Mysterio into the corner, Mysterio with a headscissor takeover, Knox turns right around and attacks him. Mysterio tries for a seated senton off the ropes, Knox lifts him over his head and Mysterio hits the senton on Kane. Headscissor on Knox to take him out, Kane picks up Mysterio for a chokeslam, Mysterio again withe a headscissor takeover, goes for the 6-1-9, but Knox runs in to break it up. Kane knocks Knox out, chokeslam on Mysterio, chokeslam on Knox, 1-2-3.
WINNER: Kane. Kane becomes the second person to qualify for the Money in the Bank Ladder Match. Kane looks up at the briefcase, comes over to Rey Mysterio and chokeslams him again before leaving the ring.
Our WrestleMania Rewind is the "Iron Man Match" between Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart at WrestleMania 12. We then go backstage where Todd Grisham has Shawn Michaels for an interview about his match tonight against Vladimir Kozlov. I was on the pot so I missed most of it, but basically Micahels brags about being "Mr. WrestleMania", says he'll end Kozlov's undefeated streak tonight, then end the Undertaker's undefeated streak at WrestleMania.
Mickie James & Kelly Kelly vs. Jillian Hall &"the Glamazon" Beth Phoenix (w/ Santino Marella & Rosa Mendez)
James and Kelly are introduced briefly before the show. Curiously enough, we come back from break and the match was already started, neither Phoenix or Hall were introduced, but instead we're introduced to both WWE Women's Champion Melina Perez and WWE Diva's Champion Maryse Oulet, both at the announcer's booth to do commentary. The announcing isn't focused on this match at all as the champions trade barbs with each other instead.
In the ring, Kelly starts out against Phoenix, gets her ass handed to her, Hall tags in, gets overworked, but makes the hot tag to James, who cleans house, tags in Kelly, Kelly hits the sunset flip off the top turnbuckle on Hall to get the win.
WINNERS: Mickie James & Kelly Kelly. But the real action wasn't in the match, it was after the match. Rosa Mendez runs in and attacks Kelly Kelly. James runs in to break it up, Phoenix attacks James, Marella gets in the ring to cheerlead. Melina Perez leaves the booth to get in the ring, but Maryse Oulet pulls her off the apron and hits her with a DDT on the mat. We play the highlights.
We roll into a promo package for Triple H's "shoot" interview two weeks ago regarding Randy Orton's attack on his wife, WWE Raw GM Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley, and then Triple H attempting to run down the Legacy and Orton.
Randy Orton Announces Who He Will Face at WrestleMania 25
Randy Orton walks out on the stage, followed by Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase, Jr, who are followed by a team of legal advisors, all with briefcases, followed by a dozen armed security guards. The posse heads down to the ring, Orton and the Legacy step into the ring as we fade to commercial.
"As the winner of the Royal Rumble," starts Orton, "I am entitled to a championship match at WrestleMania. So I am officially challenging the winner of tonight's Edge versus John Cena world title match! Now, I'm sure that most of you thought I'd be challenging Triple H for the WWE Championship title, but that isn't going to be happening. Because Triple H isn't going to WrestleMania, he's going to jail.
"Tonight, I am pressing charges against Triple H. Last week he committed assault with a deadly weapon. You all saw it, I put my sledge hammer down, I dropped my hammer before he even got in the ring. I wanted to handle our issues like grown men, but Triple H had no intentions on doing that. He took a concealed sledge hammer and used it in excessive force against Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase. If I had not escaped he could have ended my life. So, Triple H, it is time to face the music. If you got anything to say, come on out and say it, because very soon you are going to be going away for a very long time!"
After about 30 seconds, Triple H's music hits, and the WWE Champion walks out, dressed in street clothes, weilding a sledge hammer. The fans cheer wildly for Triple H as his music fades away and he picks up a mic. "Your doctors and your lawyers say you have a disease called I.E.D. They say you are not in control of your actions, Orton. Let me make something perfectly clear, I am in complete control of mine." Triple H walks down further to the ring. Orton steps back in a defensive posture, and the armed security guards steps out in front of him, near the ropes. Triple H holds up his sledge hammer, then drops it. Triple H gestures to Orton that he has no concealed weapons, and spins around. Orton tells the guards to back off as Triple H steps up into the ring.
"They all tell you what you want to hear, Randy. I'm gonna tell you what you need to hear."
Orton replies, "Here we go, I attack a 63 year old man, and innocent woman..."
"No no no...," responds Triple H, "it's not about them. It's about you. It's about how you want this to end, how you need this story to end, Orton. You took out the entire McMahon family, now you need to go to WrestleMania and beat me for the WWE Championship. You need it, Randy, because you need to avenge the moment that defines your life. You know what I'm talking about. Evolution.
"I watched you become the youngest world heavyweight champion in history. What happened the next night, Randy? I turned on you. I beat the hell out of you. How long did you have that championship for, Randy, what it a month? Was it even that long? I don't run from my past, I'm not a good person. I never have been a good person. I wasn't happy for your success. I made a conscious decision and I took what was mine. Now you have that same opportunity, Orton. You have an opportunity to avenge that night. You have an opportunity to go to the biggest stage that has eve been, WrestleMania 25. You have an opportunity to beat me for the WWE Championship, and put all of this behind you. But instead you make a conscious choice to run. Why is that? I tell you why... it's because you're afraid."
Orton looks down at the mat. "LOOK AT ME!" shouts Triple H. "You have been afraid your whole life, because you know deep down inside you that you don't have what it takes. You can stand in this ring, hide behind your lawyers and your security, and you can talk tough, but I know the truth. The truth is you're that same kid... that same little kid that was carrying my bags around in Evolution."
Orton looks away and seethes.
"That same little boy...," ends Triple H, "with all the talent in the world but ultimately gutless."
One of Orton's lawyers steps in and says, "My client has nothing more to say to you, unless you willingly turn yourself in to the authorizes. Security will remove you from this ring." Security surround Triple H and try to pull him back. Triple H steps back as security attempt to boss him around.
"Wait! Wait a minute! Let him go!" shouts Orton. "I said let him go, get back! I think... I think I've changed my mind. I won't be facing Edge or John Cena at WrestleMania, I'm going to be facing you! I'm going to on one condition... we settle this at WrestleMania. You do not put your hand on me unless you're physically provoked. I don't touch you, you don't touch me. You violate that and you don't have a match, you'll spend WrestleMania behind bars. Do we got a deal?"
"DEAL", responds Triple H. He steps out of the ring and starts to walk off, but Orton stops him. "Oh, Hunter, there's one more thing. Since you want to get all personal and everything, I thought you'd just want to know that it felt great... regardless of whether or not I was in control o fmy action, it felt great when I kicked the old man in the skull! It felt even better when I did the same thing to Shane. But, Hunter... when I hit that RKO on your wife... I replay that over and over and over in my head. I can still smell her scent... her skin... so soft... at least that's what I remember. I wonder what the last thing your wife remembers when I grabbed her by the neck and I slammed her pretty face right down to the ground!"
Triple H turns around and climbs back into the ring, and gets head-to-head, nose-to-nose with Randy Orton, both men seething. "The last time you and I fought in this ring... I broke your collarbone. That was just business. This... is personal. I AM GOING TO BREAK YOUR NECK!!"
Triple H throws down the mic and storms out of the ring to the back. Randy Orton is still seething, gritting his teeth as we go to commercial.
"The Heart Break Kid" Shawn Michaels vs. "The Moscow Mauler" Vladimir Kozlov - Winner faces The Undertaker at WrestleMania 25
The WWE Raw Rewind was Shawn Michaels defeating John Layfield for the right to face the Undertaker at WrestleMania 25, but Vladimir Kozlov showed up and chokeslammed Shawn Michaels after the match, issuing his own challenge. We go back to the ring as Shawn Michaels is introduced first, followed by Smackdown star Vladimir Kozlov. Kozlov got a shocking upset over the Undertaker last week on SmackDown, scoring a clean pinfall.
Kozlov tries to back Michaels into a corner, but Michaels escapes. He tries again, Michaels tries to escape, but Kozlov catches him and throws him in the corner, but the referee makes him back off. Kozlov tries for a single-leg shoot on Michaels, Michaels backs off and goes for a side headlock, Kozlov shoots him off the ropes, Michaels goes for a sunset flip, but Kozlov catches him and pulls him up into a bearhug. Michaels claps the ears to break it, tries for the Figure Four Leglock, and Kozlov quickly reverses it, forcing Michaels to break. Kozlov tries to pick up Michaels for a belly-to-belly suplex, but Michaels scrambles and escapes to the outside of the ring as we go to commercial.
Back to the action, Kozlov has Michaels in the corner, Michaels turns it around for a chop, tries to whip Kozlov to the opposite corner, Kozlov reverses and whips Michaels hard into the corner, causing him to flip upside down, Kozlov catches him out of the corner with a slam. Kozlov puts Michaels on the top turnbuckle, laid out flat, and headbutts him in the ribs several times, before pulling him out and slamming him to the mat again. Kozlov then picks up Michaels and executes a pair of backbreakers over his knee, before letting him go and staring down at him. Michaels uses Kozlov's body to pulls himself up. Kozlov puts Michaels on his back and executes an Argentine Backbreaker, taunts the fans, carries Michaels around the ring while pulling on his neck and legs.
Michaels tries to use several fists to the head to break the hold, and is successful. Michaels bounces off the ropes and Kozlov catches him with a nasty reverse elbow, covers, hooks the legs, two count. Kozlov mounts Michaels and pounds him in the head several times. Kozlov pulls Michaels to his knees and executes a bearhug. Michaels gets to his feet, Kozlov applies more pressure, Michaels with clubs to the back to break it, chops Kozlov in the chest to back him up. Michaels with a second big knife-edge chop on the ropes, whips off Kozlov, Kozlov reverses, and the "Moscow Mauler" nails him in the chest with the battering ram as Michaels tries for his vintage Flying Forearm off the ropes.
Kozlov throws Michaels into the corner, then comes over and chokes him with the boot before the referee breaks it. Kozlov beats Michaels in the chest, then sits him on the top turnbuckle, Kozlov climbs up, latches on for a belly-to-belly suplex off the top. Michaels gets to his feet and tries to fight back with clubs to the back, Michaels digging deep with each punch, and finally shoves Kozlov off. Michaels tries to get to the top turnbuckle, stands up, flies and nails the big elbow off the top turnbuckle! Michaels rallies the crowd and Kozlov scrapes himself off the mat. Michaels "tunes up the band" in the corner, stomping on the mat, charges, connects with the superkick, covers, 1... 2... 3.
WINNER: Shawn Michaels. As Micheals celebrates his win over the previously undefeated Vladimir Kozlov, the arena goes dark, the lightning flashes, and the Undertaker's theme plays. The Dead Man himself comes out to much fanfare, and gestures to Michaels with his thumb slashing across his throat. Michaels is somber in the ring, not blinking or flinching.
After another commercial break, we run another promo for John Cena's new movie 12 Rounds. Afterwards, we are then introduced to the next inductee for the 2009 WWE Hall of Fame... "Cowboy" Bill Watts! Watts was a top challenger in the WWF and NWA territories in the 60s and 70s, and would later take over what would become the popular and influential Mid-South territory. After Watts sold out his territory to Jim Crocket, he would become a top executive for both World Championship Wrestling and World Wrestling Entertainment.
Backstage Todd Grisham interviews Edge, who babbles on about how his plan all along was to face John Cena here in Boston tonight, so that all of his friends and family would show up to watch Cena's last opportunity to go to WrestleMania for the championship be squashed.
WWE World Heavyweight Championship: champion "the Rated-R Superstar" Edge vs. John Cena
We replay this past Friday's SmackDown, where Cena showed up to face Edge only to end up at the receiving end of a big KO-right from The Big Show. Both men are seperately introduced, then Lillian Garcia provides the official in-ring introduction for both men. Referee Chad Patton pats both men down before the bell rings.
Cena starts with a side headlock on Edge, into a side headlock takeover. Edge gets to his feet and shoves Cena into the corner, Cena tries to shove him off but Edge hangs onto the side headlock, then executes his own side headlock takeover. Cena gets to his feet, shoves Edge off the ropes, ducks down, Edge catches him with a boot to the midsection, a few forearm shots, whips Cena into the ropes, Cena hangs on, Edge charges, Cena pulls down the top rope and Edge sails over the top and crashes to the mat as we go to commercial.
Returning to live action, Edge has Cena in a reverse chinlock, Cena gets to his feet and turns it into a side headlock, which allows Cena to elbow out and bounce off the ropes, but Edge catches him with a boot to the jaw, Edge covers, hooks the leg, two count. Edge pulls Cena up, elbows him in the back of the head, executes one to the back of the neck, Cena staggers off into a corner. Edge follows up with a few punches to the head before the referee breaks. Edge comes back with a few more punches to the head, then whips Cena to the opposite corner and catches him with a stiff clothesline, Edge covers and gets a two count.
Edge puts Cena back into the corner, whips him out again, tries for another clothesline, but Cena ducks it, bounces off the ropes to connect with a pair of flying shoulder tackles then the side slam, followed by the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Edge rolls out of the way, rolls up Cena, two count. Cena gets to his feet first, tries for the Attitude Adjustment, but Edge wiggles out, clothesliens Cena, covers, two count. Cena crawls to the ropes and gets on the apron. Edge approaches. Cena with a shoulder block and a sunset flip over the ropes, but Edge counters by not rolling over, instead goes for an elbow drop right on Cena's throat, cover and a two count.
Edge tries for a fisherman's suplex, hooks the leg, two count. Edge with a belly-to-back suplex, covers, Cena barely gets his shoulder up. Edge climbs to the top turnbuckle, but Cena gets to his feet and cuts him off with a punch, climbs up top, tries for the Attitude Adjustment from the middle turnbuckle, but Edge escape and shoves Cena down to the floor. Referee starts a 10-count, Cena just barely makes it back in the ring. Edge immediately tries for a punch to the head, but Cena counters with a punch to the face, bounces off the ropes and hits the Blockbuster. Cena goes to the top turnbuckle and catches Edge with the leg drop on the back of the head, then snaps off the Five Knuckle Shuffle successfully.
Cena waits for Edge to get up, tries for the Attitude Adjustment, but Edge wiggles out and shoves Cena into the ropes, catches him with a double leg takedown, and then flips Cena over into a Boston Crab/ankle lock combination, sitting all the way out on Cena's back. Cena crawls to the ropes and grabs ahold of the bottom rope, forcing a break. Edge backs off into a corner, waiting for Cena to get to his feet so he can spear him. Cena holding his back, barely on his feet, Edge charges, but Cena was playing possum, he drop toe holds Edge and locks in the STF! Edge drags himself to the ropes and grabs ahold of the bottom rope, now forcing Cena to break the hold.
Both men take a moment to catch a breath. Cena gets to his feet and Edge explodes with a spear, but he's limping, holding his knee. Edge barely rolls over, hooks the leg... 1... 2... KICKOUT! Edge slams the mat in frustration, rolls out of the ring, goes over to the timekeeper's table and grabs the title belt. Edge comes back into the ring with the title, attempt to hit Cena with it, Cena ducks it and catches him in the Attitude Adjustment. Edge drops the belt and the referee picks it up, tries to take the belt out of the ring. Edge snatches the belt from the referee, smacks Cena in the head and draws the disqualification.
WINNER: John Cena, by DQ - Edge retains the title. A sharp move for Edge, he doesn't win the battole but he's still winning the war. Edge quickly escape and scrambles up the ramp as Big Show walks out, looking into the ring at Cena. Edge looks up to Big Show and reaches out a hand, expecting to be helped up. Big Show looks down at him, then ignores him, turning back to Cena. WWE SmackDown GM and Interim WWE Raw GM Vickie Guerrero comes out, mic in hand.
"Allow me to introduce to you the number one contender for the World Heavyweight Championship at the 25th Anniversay of WrestleMania... THE BIG SHOW!" The crowd goes MILD at this announcement, Cena is dejected, but Edge is absolutely FLOORED! Guerrero cocks a grin as she walks off, the Big Show turns around and walks off as well without any emotion. We go back to Edge he's still in a state of shock.
Michael Cole summarizes it all very nicely, "Edge really has lost it all tonight!"
See you on the podcast this Thursday!