| Date: 05/05 | 8:55 PM |
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Our recap of ECW on Sci-Fi is LIVE so hit F5 or refresh as often as you like for updates.
HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO EVERYONE~! Cold open this week - no video package or recap - we go straight to the video and theme music.
Cue the pyros and ECW is presented in HD from the steel city of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Tonight's main event on the road to Judgment Day is Christian v. Mark Henry. First up though is Evan 'Air' Bourne in our opening contest! As always Matt Striker and Josh Mathews are providing the commentary.
* Evan Bourne v. Tyson Kidd (w/ Natalya)
Striker puts over Kidd like a million bucks as the last graduate of the Hart Family Dungeon and even calls him the 'Calgary Flame." We see highlights of Kidd getting the pinfall on Fit Finlay last week via video recap. The bell rings and Bourne stares down Kidd in the corner. This should be a hell of a match. The two go for a test of strength with no one gaining the advantage. A couple of standing switches until Evan Bourne manages to ground Kidd in a headlock. Natalya yells encouragement as Kidd stands up, pushes Bourne into the ropes, is forced to break by the ref and then puts an elbow to the back of Bourne's head. Now it's Kidd who has Bourne grounded. The two practice leapfrogs (or mock leapfrogs) until Bourne tricks Kidd into eating a dropkick. After a video replay Bourne is on the outside yelling at Natalya about a distraction. Kidd tries to attack him from behind and misses. Kidd tries to drop an elbow on him coming back into the ring and misses. Bourne gives him a head scissor after climbing the ropes and he gets fed up and rolls out to the floor as we go to commercial break. Yeah I'd leave the ring to be consoled by Natalya too. Rowwwwr.
Annnnd we're back, but not live - instead it's a preview for Jeff Hardy facing Edge at Judgment Day in two weeks. We finally come back live and Kidd plants an elbow in a charging Bourne's face, but he responds with a spin kick to knock Kidd down for two. Bourne attacks Kidd in the corner with clotheslines, jumps to the ropes when Kidd ducks him on a whip to the corner, then Kidd nails his left leg to knock him down to the canvas. Snapmare and a knee to the back for the pain and/or to see if Bourne will tap. The crowd applauds Bourne back to his feet, who manages to reverse Kidd into a cover for two. Kidd responds with a knee to the back for two as Natalya applauds him on. Striker reminds us she's Jim 'The Anvil' Neidhart's daughter. That's a sure fire way to ruin her sex appeal - have us all thinking about Anvil's greasy goatee instead. Bourne finally gets free of Kidd for a second only to be hit with a back breaker and two covers for a near fall. Every attack is now aimed at the "lower lumbar region" as Striker notes. Suplex for two followed by a crossface. In the good old days it was okay to mark out for a crossface, but now we have to pretend that one Canadian didn't perhaps emulate it from a much more infamous Canadian... one who shares a name with a boxer on the Hatton v. Pacquiao card. Need I say more? Bourne finally gets a real comeback and hits a jumping elbow to the face for two. Kidd floats Bourne to the apron, Natalya yanks him off the apron not once but twice, the second time smacking his face into the canvas. Kidd tries to go up the ropes, Natalya gets in the ring to do I don't know what, Finlay attacks Kidd with the shilelagh while the ref is dealing with her, ref doesn't see it, Bourne hits the ropes and gets the shooting star press for three! WINNER: EVAN BOURNE.
Oh I see why she got in the ring on the replay - she was running away from Finlay. Okay the finish makes sense. Finlay and Bourne are both all smiles. Good opening match! Replay of last week's title match between Dreamer and Christian, including the interruption by Swagger. Swagger is wearing a suit and tie and is all smiles talking to someone backstage as we go to a commercial break.
* The All-American American Jack Swagger
I've got to agree with my good friend GG from FightGameBlog.com, I see a lot of potential in this guy. "It wasn't right somebody got an ECW championship match before I did." Mathews wants to know why it matters. "It matters to me Josh. For over three months I added prestige and credibility to the championship. Then Christian comes along, he's all hype and talk, and cheats his way to winning my ECW championship. That's not fair. That's not fair! To make matters worse he gives the first title shot to the never-was, washed-up, Tommy Dreamer. Are you kidding me? You people think he's the heart and soul of ECW, please. Dreamer is the fat and cholesterol of ECW. Thankfully in five weeks we get to unclog our arteries and rid ourselves of Fatty Dreamer forever. I'm glad I ruined his pathetic little dream to become champion..." and the promo is interrupted by Dreamer running down from the back to attack him. Dreamer pulls both legs and Swagger hits the canvas and the two briefly brawl.
Swagger finally gets away screams at him from the apron that Dreamer messed up his suit. Dreamer begs him to do something about it. Swagger backs up and goes up the ramp instead. Backstage Zach Ryder keeps saying "woo woo woo" for Cthulhu knows what reason. He's wearing wrap-around googles like a b-ball player, a purple shirt, and a headband. "Woo woo woo!" Dude STFU. On second thought we have to watch a crappy weightlifting video promo from Kozlov. Bring back Zach, woo woo woo! Commercial break.
Everybody take a taco break right now. Seriously. It's time for a Vladimir Kozlov match.
* Vladimir Kozlov v. Jesse Guilmette
The angry Russian soldier snaps Jabroniette's head backwards to the mat with ease. We get a U-S-A chant for no good reason. Kozlov tosses him around like a rag doll. Striker is making Ivan Drago jokes about Kozlov being programmed to win. Terrible looking power bomb which could have seriously fucked up Jesse Jobberette's neck connects for the three count. WINNER: THE ANGRY HAMMER & SICKLE OF E-C-DUBYA. He yells something in Russian into the mic after the match. We get a replay of a suplex, a headbutt, and then the power bomb Striker calls 'The Iron Curtain.' Can we bring out any MORE cliches for this man? Mercifully we go to a Raw Rebound.
Hurricane Helms is backstage asking Mark Henry about his dominance of ECW. "My dominance doesn't need restating. LOOK AT ME! I'm the World's Strongest Man. When I want something I don't ask, I take it. Christian might be the ECW champion, but tonight, he's my victim!" Commercial.
* Christian Cage {C} v. Mark Henry (non-title match)
We get photo snaps of the ECW title match at Backlash before Mark Henry makes his way down to the ring with Tony Atlas following closely behind. Henry is moving rather quickly to the ring by his own standards, so we can at least BELIEVE he's pissed off and wants a piece of Christian tonight. The bell rings and a test of strength goes poorly for Captain Charisma. Christian does a little better with punches, knocking the soul glo out of Henry's hair. Seriously - juice is flying everywhere around the ring. Ref warns Henry about an illegal choke so he uses a supposedly less illegal headbutt instead. He throws Christian up and down in the air like a pancake for a near fall. Christian gets the boots up when Henry charges him in the corner, tries a sunset flip, then gets out of the way before Henry can hit a butt bomb. While Henry is down, Christian hits a dropkick to his back, and then he jumps on Henry's back and pulls on the ropes. SWAGGER HITS THE RING FOR THE DQ. Dreamer will have none of this and hits the ring to help. TIFFANY COMES OUT. She rules that we'll have a tag team main event instead and the match will start right now. We'll see it after these commercial messages!
* Tommy Dreamer & Christian Cage v. Jack Swagger & Mark Henry
Annnnnnd we're back, but once again we're getting a Judgment Day promo first. This time it's for Randy Orton v. Dave Batista. Unless ECW is going back to overruns now that they've got the 10 PM EST timeslot again, this tag match will be over in five. We go live and Christian covers Swagger for two before tagging in Dreamer. They double team him and Dreamer gets a two count. Striker says that Cinco de Mayo celebrates 4,000 Mexican soldiers defeating an entire French army. Thanks Matt! Now get me some sopapillas and a torta por favor. Henry gets the tag and cranks on Dreamer's neck. He tosses Dreamer around for fun until Swagger tags back in to get some. If I didn't know better I'd say he had Dreamer in a guillotine choke. Dreamer tries to reach out for a tag but can't get it as Swagger takes him down, then reapplies the guillotine. Striker admits he's rooting for Swagger at Judgment Day. High back bodydrop by Dreamer as he crawls for the hot tag and gets it. Christian tries to go house of fire on Henry, never the easiest thing to do, but a flying elbow and clipping the left knee help him get Henry in position for a near fall. Christian attacks Swagger on the apron which enables Henry to blast through Christian, then tag Swagger back in again. Yup, looks like we're back in the good ol' days of overrun again as it's now 11 EST.
Swagger throws Christian into the corner for another tag. The two cut off the ring and work him over. Henry cranks on Christian's neck as Tony Atlas yells advice. Near fall. Swagger in. Rinse lather attack. Christian hits a tornado in the corner and tries to get up for a tag but Swagger gets to him first. Backbreaker by Christian. I am sincerely wishing the show ended at the top of the hour. Dreamer gets the TRUE hot tag and runs wild on Swagger, hitting a neckbreaker and pumping up the crowd. Bulldog for two. Tree of woe. Henry tries to break it up and splashes his own man. Christian hits him with a missile dropkick to get him out of the ring. Christian tries a crossbody to the outside, Henry catches him, Dreamer does a senton onto both men to knock them down. Dreamer tries to get back in for a DDT, Swagger trips him headfirst into an exposed middle turnbuckle, Atlas covers it up to fool the ref as Swagger hits the gutwrench Oklahoma bomb for three. WINNERS: HENRY & SWAGGER. That's where ECW ends. G'night everybody!