| Date: 05/11 | 8:00 PM |
| Views: 3,439 | |
Join us in the live AngryMarks.com/chat room and follow the action with us tonight!
The WWE Raw Recap - Hit F5 for the Latest Update
We're live from Columbus, OH in the Nationwide Arena! Today is my 13th wedding anniversary, I gotta log into work later tonight for a boring-ass shift, but none of that matters because it's time for Raw! Michael Cole introduces us to the show, and then defers to Lillian Garcia, who introduces Randy Orton & Legacy. Orton & Co. take the top of the stage with a mic.
"The McMahon's pride themselves on listening to you, the audience." The fans start to cheer then boo Orton. "But what they need to do is stop listening and start acting more like you. You people deal with adversity every day of your lives, and what do you do? You don't fight back you just sit there and you take it! Life beats ya down... and you stay beaten down. And, why? Because all of you are cowards. You pay to live your life through people like me! You pay to watch me do the things that I do! Like last week when I put an end to the McMahon era."
We flash back to last Monday night's main event between WWE Executive Vice-President Shane McMahon and all of Legacy in a three-on-one nightmare that resulted in Shane McMahon's ankle becoming broken. We come back and Legacy has moved to the center of the ring.
Orton resumes his diatrabe, "You people need to recognize that this company revolves around me. And this goes for the rest of the WWE, including Batista. Earlier today Vickie Guerrero announced a no physical contact ruling between Dave and I. Of course that will end this Sunday... predictable, but smart, Vickie. Of course, just because we cannot touch doesn't mean we cannot talk. Batista, you're going to want to hear what I have to say, why don't you come down here and have a little chat!"
Dave Batista's music immediately kicks in and he hits the ring. Orton continues, "Batista, I'm going to tell you something that you and all of these people already know deep down inside..." The fans start a "BA-TI-STA! BA-TI-STA!" chant. "That is that you are not going to win this WWE Championship. Not this Sunday, not ever. You see, Dave... I want to give you an opportunity..." Fans interrupt with a huge "YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!" chant. Orton continues, "I want to give you an opportunity, and before you say no, I want you to realize that I haven't offered any WWE superstar this chance unless he was second or third generation. I want to offer you the opportunity to be a member of Legacy." DiBiase takes the mic and reflects on how he, too, was upset when he was kicked in the head and wanted revenge, but in reflection realizes that it was the best thing that ever happened to him. Orton takes the mic back and continues.
"Dave... when we were in Evolution together, we were unstoppable. The only person holding us back from going on to the next level was Triple H, and I took out Triple H so we don't have to worry about that problem any longer. If you joined Legacy it would be bigger than the Four Horsemen, bigger than D-X and even bigger than Evolution! Listen, Dave, you won't be champion, I'll be the champion, but at least you will be on the winning team. Arn Anderson, one of the greatest of all-time and a sure-fire Hall-of-Famer was Ric Flair's right-hand man for ten years, he was Ric Flair's enforce. Dave, I want to give you the opportunity to be my enforcer. What do you say?"
The fans boo Orton's last statements hard as Batista takes the mic. "Well, seems like a great opportunity, and I have to tell you that everything you have said makes perfect sense. But there's just one problem, I don't like you! NO NO! I take that back... I despise you! NO NO NO NO NO! I loathe you! I have never been, and I will never be, your backup! Don't you get it? I'm not here to help you... I am here to HURT YOU and there is nothing, and I mean nothing that you can stop me!"
Orton throws a hissy fit in the ring. "You have just made the biggest mistake of your life! You hear me? You're lucky that there is a no physical contact rule in place because I would drop you right now!"
"HAHAHAHA! Really!?" laughs Batista. "Well I tell you what, I'm tired of listening to you, I'm certainly tired of listening to Vickie Guerrero. I don't know about you, and I don't know about all of you, but I'm tired as hell of waiting! So, I tell you what... I dont' think that there's a chance in hell that Vickie Guerrero is going to call of the main event of Judgment Day, which means that there is absolutely nothing from keeping me from destroying you tonight!"
"Excuse me! EXCUSE ME!" Here come the boos! "I said EXCUSE ME!" shouts Vickie Guerrer as herself and nephew Chavo Guerrero step out onto the stage. "Was I just called predictable? Well how's this for predictable. I'll be waiving tonight's no physical contact rule! You see, I don't care if you guys tear each other up up! EXCUSE ME! I don't care if you guys tear each othe rup, I'm fine with that. I only care what condition either of you are in, but that title match will take place this Sunday! In the meantime, things are going to get interesting. Tonight, we will see Batista vs. DiBiase & Rhodes... you see, if LEgacy wins, just like last week, then we will have a three-on-one handicap match. If Batista wins, then Judgment Day comes early, and we will see Batista vs. Orton one-on-one."
"Randy? Randy? Are you listening to me? You need to leave the ring now because that two-on-one handicap match starts NEXT!"
Handicap Match: Dave Batista vs. Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase, Jr.
We join the match in progress after the commercial break, Batista had the upper-hand briefly but "the numbers" game gets the upper hand and Rhodes & DiBiase are able to start trading off hot tags to wear Batista down. DiBiase grabs Batista's leg, pulls it over the apron and slams the knee down on the edge, comes back in the ring, tries for a quick pin, then a Figure Four Leglock. Batista kicks him off into the turnbuckle, Rhodes tags in and continues the assault. Batista fights back with stiff forearm shots, whips Rhodes into the corner and follows up with a clothesline. Batista whips Rhodes off the ropes and backdrops him, then runs over and boots DiBiase in the face. Rhodes tries to attack Batista from behind, but Batista whips him off the ropes and boots him in the face to send him out of the ring. DiBiase distracts the referee as Rhodes grabs a chair and gets in the ring with it. Batista takes the chair away, just in time for the referee to turn around and see Batista with the chair swinging it just as Rhodes ducks out of the way and bails out of the ring.
WINNERS: Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase, by DQ. Tonight's main event will be another Legacy three-on-one match, this time against Batista. As Rhodes & DiBiase celebrate on the top of the ramp, Batista nods and comments, "So, that's how you want it? That's how you'll get it!" Off to commercial.
This week's WWE "Torpedo Takedown" sponsored by Quiznos "MMMMM... Toasty!" was the MMMM.... Tasty women's match between WWE Diva's Champion Maryse Oulet and Mickie James. Mickie James picked up the upset win.
WWE Diva's Champion Maryse Oulet & Jillian Hall vs. Mickie James & Kelly Kelly
Back on the show, WWE Diva's Champion Maryse Oulet is in the ring, cutting a promo in French. Unfortunately my practical French from high school has long faded, and I didn't understand a bit of it. She finishes the promo in English though, "If I wasn't Maryse... I would want to be!" Mickie James is introduced next, followed by Kelly Kelly. Jillian Hall is now in the ring and goes unintroduced.
We start off with Hall and Kelly, Hall with a wristlock on Kelly, Kelly uses the ropes to flip out, but Hall simply re-applies the wristlock. Kelly escapes with a forearm shot, Hall charges and Kelly cartwheels out of the way then fucks up a headscissor takeover. Kelly mounts Hall in the corner, Oulet comes over, Kelly is distracted which allows Hall to nail her from behind with a clohtesline and get a quick pin attempt. Hall mounts her from some ground 'n pound, tags in Oulet. Oulet with some hairpulling, a hair mare, and then into a Camel Clutch followed by paintbrush slaps to the back of the head. Kelly works her way to her feet, elbows to the ribs to break the hold, Oulet hangs on tough and then whips Kelly back with a hairmare, cutting off her tag, then cheap shotting James on the apron with a forearm.
Oulet grabs Kelly by the foot, Kelly kicks her off, tags in James who hits a flying forearm, a clothesline, whip into the corner but gets reversed, puts up an elbow to stop Oulet's charge followed by a headscissor out of the corner. James quickly climbs to the top turnbuckle and hits a Thesz Press, hooks the legs and goes for a pin, Hall runs in to break it up. Kelly Kelly runs in to take Hall out of the ring and clotheslines her off the apron. Back in the ring Oulet tries for a DDT near hte ropes, James holds the ropes to block it and counters with the Tornado DDT of her own, 1-2-3!
WINNERS: Mickie James & Kelly Kelly. Kelly runs into the ring to celebrate, Mickie James puts two fingers in the face of Oulet to remind her that she's got her number twice now.
Josh Matthews introduces us to WWE Champion Randy Orton backstage, asking his thoughts on Legacy's three-on-one fight tonight. Before he can even get started, DiBiase runs up and says that Cody Rhodes is missing. Orton shoves the camera away, they whisper, then openly asks where Batista is, and they all take off. GOOD, saves us from a boring fucking promo. Break.
"Last Tuesday, ECW was the SciFi Channel's highest rated television show for the 32nd week in a row." Wanna know why? Because Battlestar Galactica is over and Stargate SG1 is dead. DUH. Have you seen the rest of the programming on SciFi? Honestly I can't remember the last time I watched Sci-Fi. Oh wait, yeah I do... I liked CHA$E for some reason.
We recap the ongoing feud between John Cena and Big Show. We then go backstage to Vickie and Chavo Guerrero back in her office, Chavo congratulating Vickie on how she handled her business earlier in the night. Chavo then brings up John Cena, again bullshitting her with the "suggestions", he says that himself and Big Show were talking and think that Cena is "milking" his injuries and he should be forced into an "exhibition match" to prove himself to Vickie Guerrero, and the match doesn't stop until Vickie is satisfied that Cena is fit to compete on Sunday. Vickie says, "Let's get the word out, John Cena will compete in an exhibition match against ... The Miz!" Chavo congratulates her, then wishes her a happy Mothers Day.
Michael Cole and Jerry "the King" Lawler are in the middle of the ring to run down the Judgment Day card:
Backstage Orton and DiBiase split up to look for Rhodes. Orton finally finds him in a hallway talking some chick up, Orton is freaking out and Rhodes doesn't understand why, they walk back towards where him and DiBiase split off, Orton says he doesn't trust Batista to not do something. Suddenly a crew member runs past them shouting, "I'll get a doctor!" Orton's eyes shoot wide open and he shouts "TEDDY!", and then runs around the corner that the crew member came from. He finds Ted DiBiase, Jr. laid out cold with staff all around him. We take a commercial break and come back with a promo for the return of Mr. Kennedy. Bleh, like I even care about him anymore.
WWE Unified Tag Team Champion Carlito Colon vs. THE Brian Kendrick
Okay, what is this shit, is Primo hurt or something? Once again he comes out with Carlito, pats him on the back and leaves. Kendrick is hopefully going to pull a good match out of Carlito, and he starts with a slap to the face, which results in a whip off the rops and a dropkick into the face by Colon. Kendrick rolls to the apron and then kicks Colon in the face, clubs him in the face, puts him in the corne and delivers an aggressive forearm smash. Kendrick flies off the middle turnbuckle, Colon catches him with a kick to the midsection, dropkick, double legdrop off the ropes, cover and a two count.
Colon hits Kendrick with a forearm shot, whip off the ropes, reversal, Colon tries to use it for the reverse springboard elbow, Kendrick just plows him down with a clothesline to the back of the head and then whips him back down to the mat by the hair. Colon throws Kendrick head-first into the turnbuckle, Kendrick staggers out, quickly goes behind Colon, grabs the tights and throws him into the ringpost shoulder-first, rolls him up for the win.
WINNER: Brian Kendrick. Aggressive and quick! I like it! Kendrick quickly rolls out of the ring and grabs mic, proclaiming, "Ladies and gentlemen, than was jus step one. Step two, that's finding myself a partner. And not just any partner, THE partner! And when I do, I promise that THE Brian Kendrick will become one-half of the tag team champions... sssssss!"
Special Exhibition Match - no time limit: John Cena vs. Mike "the Miz" Mizanin
We come back from commercial waiting for this match to start. The Big Show is introduced first, though, and he comes down to ringside and takes a seat at the announcers table. Or should I say ON the announcers table. Cena's out next, and he's still looking a little rough. Little kids and their cougar moms are still cheering for him, though. The Miz is introduced next and immediately takes the mic.
"Cena... Cena... Cena... Getting thrown through a 7000-watt serach light, and getting beaten down by the Big Show last week... is nothing compared to what I'm going to do to you tonight. LOOK AT ME CENA! What's a matter, Cena? Are you a little hurt? Are you hurting, Cena? Awww... poor, poor Cena!" The fans start a "YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!" chant. "You see, you should be excited, because this is just an exhibition. It's not 12 Rounds, people are actually going to see this! Oh, did that get your attention? I know I've been picking on you about your movie, but to be honest, your rap album sucked too! Vickie Guerrero may be calling this an exhibition, but I'm calling this THREE AND OH because I am THE MIZ and I AM AWESOME!"
No bell since this is an exhibition match, but Cena immediately with a go-behind and a waistlock takedown. Miz gets to his feet, they lock up finges, Cena pulls him into a side headlock takeover, Miz gets to his feet, Miz punches Cena in the ribs and follows up with a belly-to-back suplex, a snap suplex, and then a second snap suplex. Mizanin gets in Cena's face, talks some smack, and stomps him on the back of the head. Cena crawls off into a corner, chokes Cena, steps back and then runs across the ring to deliver the bronco-bustery style clothesline. Mizanin talks more smack while blasting Cena with stomps on the back, then knees to the face.
Miz lines up Cena in the corner, measures out some punches, whips him out to the opposite corner, charges for the clothesline again, Cena sidesteps it, delivers a pair of shoulderblocks and the slam, then looks over at Big Show with disgust as he delivers the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Cena sets up for the Attitude Adjuster when WWE Raw GM Vickie Guerrero comes on the WWE Raw HD and makes an announcement.
"Excuse me! Excuse me! I have seen enough! I am stopping this exhibition. Cena, it's obvious that you have no chance against The Big Show!" Cena turns around from the screen and comes right into a kick to the midsection by the Miz, followed by a DDT. Mizanin raises his arms and shouts "THREE AND OH!" and then launches a snot rocket in Cena's face. Mizanin leaves the ring raising his hands. Big Show looks on with a grin on his face, then walks off.
Backstage in the locker room, Cody Rhodes says, "Randy, if it was Batista, then we have to take it to him before he gets to another one of us." Orton replies, "You're right, Cody, you're right. Batista is going to try to find us alone and pick us apart. It's time that you proved yourself. Find Batista and TAKE HIM OUT. You got this! You got this!" Rhodes walks off-camera.
Back in Vickie Guerrero's office she's called in Santina Marella to address the situation of being called a pig by Santino last week. "Santina" says that she wasn't even on Raw last week and she'd never do that. Chavo Guerrero tries to call out Santino's shenannigans and tries to throttle him, but "Santina" slaps him. Vickie then calls in Beth Phoenix & Rosa Mendez. Mendez comes over, grabs "Santina" by the face and then kisses her on the cheek. Marella grabs Mendez by the face and slaps a big kiss on her. Chavo starts jumping up and down, believing he's finally caught Sanitno. Marella responds that "her" secret is now out... she's a lesbian! "I've always preferred ... the women! But I still do not like... how you say it... THE PIGS!" Santino again pins his nose back and snorts in Vickie Guerrero's face. "She" then walks out, slapping Rosa Mendez on the ass!
WOW. See, if they keep this shit short, it's GREAT! Hopefully no more tonight! Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are laughing their asses off at ringside.
We then see Cody Rhodes stalking around backstage, pipe in hand, looking for Batista. He opens a closet and Hornswaggle jets out. Rhodes turns around and bumps right into Batista, who throws him head-first into a row of lockers.
Beth Phoenix (w/ Rosa Mendez) vs. "Miss WrestleMania" Santina Marella
NO NO NO NO NO! Damnit no! SAVE IT! Now it's going too far once again *sigh*
The fans now start up a "LES-BI-AN! LES-BI-AN!" chant, but Lawler tries to pass it off as a "SAN-TI-NA! SAN-TI-NA" match. Phoenix comes out brawling, throws Marella in the corner, shoulder blocks, whip to the opposite corner, charges again, Marella side-steps it, gloats, and gets clotheslined over the top for his efforts. Phoenix whips Marella into the apron. Marella tries to scramble into the ring, but Phoenix picks up Marella off the apron and press slams him back into the ring. Phoenix with a stomp on Marella, then whips him off the ropes. They both try to go for the Abdominal Stretch, Phoenix wins out, but Marella is able to hip toss her off. Marella tries for a clothesline, Phoenix ducks it and then tris for a Full Nelson. Marella is able to block it and uses his ass to break the hold. Marella tries a double-leg takedown on Phoenix, Phoenix blocks it and then straddles Marella and pounds him in the face, then slaps him around, finishing with a kick to the back. Phoenix starts to snatch the wing off of Marella, but he pulls her into a small package for the win.
WINNER: Santina Marella. Phoenix rolsl out of the ring disgusted. Marella celebrates by grabbing referee Chad Collins in a bearhug and slinging him arund the ring, followed by her little booty dance.
"Last Monday WWE Raw had nearly four times the number of viewers as the NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs." Gee, wanna know why? CALGARY SUCKS, THAT'S WHY! Nobody wants to see that shit!
Josh Matthews runs up on Cena backstage and asks him how he's going to be able to compete on Sunday night. Cena rambles on about being hurt and being no different han any other man in his stuation, but Cena summarizes it simply, "On Sunday I'm not going to compete. I'm going TO WIN!"
The V.I.P. Lounge w/ WWE United States Champion Montel Vontaveous Porter
MVP is introduced and comes down to the ring. "I am feeling the love up in here tonight, so let me personally welcome you to the first episode of the V.I.P. Lounge on Monday Night Raw! Now here on the V.I.P. Lounge it's 'Big Things Poppin', Little Things Droppin'!" MVP then comments on William Regal interfering in his match last week, and calls Regal out.
Regal comes down to the ring starting his commentary from the ramp. "It's quite revolting to me that you'd come on my precious Raw and act as if you own it. A year ago I was the General Manager and King of the Ring. It was great reward after waiting for so long. But, then, I was unjustly removed from my position. But I valiantly returned as an in-ring competitor. I paid my dues and I waited my chance to have my turn yet again. But then YOU... and all the other draft picks, came onto this show, ignored my tenure, and decided to leap above me in the pecking order."
MVP interrupts, "See, now I understand... you're miserable! You're absolutely miserable. And while myself and all of these people are STRAIGHT UP BALLIN', you are straight up BORING! See, unlike you, I'm not waiting for my turn. I'm the United States Champion!"
Regal interrupts in-turn, "You know, you perfectly represent the United States of America. You're arrogant..." The fans start a huge "U-S-A! U-S-A!" chant. Regal continues, "You're misguided, and you're despised by everyone else in the world!" Regal strips off his robe, but then we're interrupted by Matt Hardy's music.
Hardy comes out with a mic. "Since everyone seems to be airing their grievances tonight, I'd like to voice mine. I've been forced to compete for the last two weeks with a hand that is broken in three places, and all of my requests to the WWE Board of Directors has been completely ignored! You know what would be fair? What would be fair would be to completely erase my loss to Kofi Kingston last weekend. And you want to talk about waiting your turn? I think you need to wait your turn, William Regal. As soon as my hand heals I think I should be the first person to challenge for the United States Championship!"
Regal and Hardy start to argue when, out of nowhere, Kofi Kingston runs in and strikes Matt Hardy in the back of the head, the two start brawling out of the ring, Regal backs into a corner, not sure what to make of it and waiting for MVP to attack. Chavo Guerrero runs out, mic in hand shouting, "WOAH WOAH WOAH! On behalf of the General Manager, she demands that ring be cleared NOW! Because she has decreed that Kofi Kingston and MVP will be competing against William Regal and Matt Hardy. And that match will begin immediately!"
WWE United States Champion Montel Vontaveous Porter & Kofi Kingston vs. "King of the Ring" William Regal & Matt Hardy
We come back from commercial with MVP and Regal squaring off, MVP puts Regal in the corner, tags in Kingston, Kingston flying all over the place, takes down Regal, cheapshots Hardy on the apron, then delivers the double legdrop to Regal's misection, hook of the leg, two count. Hardy runs in to break things up, MVP runs in to chase him off, referee chases MVP back. Regal is throw into his corner and MVP leaps up on the turnbuckle to beat him in the head, Matt Hardy runs over and hits Kingston in the back of the head with the cast.
Regal beats on Kingston a little, tags in Hardy who hits Kingston with some punches, a clothesline, a body slam, goes for a cover, two count. Hardy sets up Kingston in an Abdominal Stretch, Kingston punches on Haryd's leg to break the hold, Hardy punches Kingston in the ribs and tags in Regal. Regal with a kick to the ribs, a wristlock, another kick to the ribs, shoves Kingston into the ropes and nails him with a pair of fists to the midsection. The fans are chanting "HARDY SUCKS! HARDY SUCKS!" Regal goes over to MVP and talks smack, turns around and Kingston tries to cheapshot him, but Regal straight throws him down and covers for a two count.
Hardy tags in, elbow drops on Kingston, re-applies the Abdominal Stretch. Kingston again punches on the exposed legs, hip toss on Hardy to break the hold, but Hardy trips Kingston and tags in Regal. Regail with some stiff forearm shots, then stretches Kingston backwards over his knee and grinds his elbow into the ribs and punches the midsection. Regal grabs the back of the head for a chinlock. Kingston gets to hsi feet, but gets a knee to the ribs for his efforts. Regal tries to backdrop Kingston, but Kingston rolls through and tags MVP. MVP comes out firing with lefts and rights, Regal is scrambling all over the ring and is dropped, then gets a facebuster.
MVP celebrates and calles for the BALLIN'~! Elbow Drop, connects to the chest, 1-2-KICKOUT as Matt Hardy breaks it up. Kingston runs in and kicks Matt Hardy in the cast, Hardy rolls out of the ring holding his hand. Regal runs up behind Kingston and dumps him over the top, turns around and eats a Thesz Press from MVP. MVP with some punches, whips Regal into the corner, delivers a clothesline, then finishes Regal off with The Playmaker.
WINNER: Montel Vontaveous Porter & Kofi Kingston. Jerry Lawler complaining that this turned into a 2-on-1 match because Hardy ran off to the back, even though Kingston was out of the ring for the remainder of the match (as we clearly see on the replay).
Randy Orton is walking towards the ring as we go to commercial. Tomorrow night on ECW, the return of The Peep Show to WWE programming as it makes it's extreme debut, as host ECW Champion Christian Cage welcomes JACK STHWAGGAH! :-)
WWE Champion Randy Orton vs. Dave Batista
Randy Orton is introduced first, gets in the ring and takes a mic. "Batista, you made your point. But there's no reason that we should fight each other six days before Judgment Day. You can't even win the title tonight! So what I'm going to do is leave this ring..."
No you're not, Batista's music hits and he isn't leaving this match. This is exactly what Batista wants, he feels the odds are in his favor. But did Orton plan on this? We'll find out!
Bell rings, Orton with ak ick to the midsection, tries for the RKO early, Batista blocks it and shoves Orton into the ropes, hits a backdrop. Orton tries to escape out of the ring, Batista chases him down, throws him back in the ring, delivers TWO spinebusters, then gets out of the ring and grabs a chair, throwing it in the ring. Referee Chad Patton warns him not to do it, Batista ignores him and blasts Orton in the back.
WINNER: Randy Orton, by disqualificaiton. Batista blasts Orton in the back several more times, then pins down a leg and crushes the edge of the chair into Orton's ankle. Orton rolls around the ring in pain as Batista nails him with several more chair shots. Batista leaves the ring and kicks the top of the steel ringsteps off, shoves it in the ring. Orton is holding his leg, Batista picks up the chair and smacks it again, then chases off the referee, throwing the chair after him. Batista picks up the ringsteps, Cody Rhodes runs in and eats a Batista Bomb as Randy Orton rolls out of the ring. Ted DiBiase is able to ambush Batista from behind, Orton rolls into the ring, DiBiase tries to feed Batista into Orton's RKO, but Batista shoves him off and sets up for the Batista Bomb. DiBiase runs in again, Orton escapes out of the ring, but Batista hits DiBiase with a stiff clothesline instead. Orton tries to limp up the ramp, Batista picks up the ringsteps and hurls them halfway up the ramp! Orton scrambles out of the way, but then falls down, unable to continue!
Batista leans over the ropes and shouts, "YOU'RE DONE! YOU'RE DONE!"
This PPV could actually be hot this Sunday! We'll find out!