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* R-Truth vs. Ricky Ortiz
Oddly enough I was just dubbing off Smackdown from last Friday and the last thing I remember seeing was Ortiz trying to tell Finlay to RALLY UP and getting a slap in the face for it. Ortiz comes out and starts mocking R-Truth. "You want to know WHAT'S UP? My hand at the end of the match!" Well he's more interesting as a heel than as a babyface, although he's a rather weak imitation of DDP when it comes to motivational speaking.
Jim Ross puts over Truth very strongly. "He's a very athletic, likeable young man." Ortiz on the other hand is described as "A little overbearing." Truth tries to take the teeth out of the bear with a kick to the jaw and a hard arm drag. Ortiz jackknifes him and throws him out to the floor in response. That sends us to our first commercial break.
When we come back Ortiz has Truth in what I will describe as a poorly applied half Boston crab. Truth crawls to the ropes and the ref calls for a clean break. Ortiz hits a backbreaker for a two count. The half crab is applied again. J.R. seems to be the only guy on all four brands who is actually allowed to call moves during a match. Then again this is the D show so they probably don't care if people mistake it for WRESTLING instead of SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT. This match survives on Truth's charisma and ability to take bumps alone. Imagine if this was Ricky Ortiz v. Abraham Washington. Ugh - that'd be an epic trainwreck. Yet another half crab and this time he tries to use a chinlock with a knee to Truth's back. Truth starts to get up and Ortiz faceplants him, then whips him hard into the turnbuckle back first. The crowd boos as he goes top rope. He does a Savage style double axe handle to Truth's back to put him back down. Speaking of using actual wrestling terminology, J.R. gets in a DANIEL MAHONEY reference, and I'm stunned. Truth finally fires up for a babyface comeback but Ortiz powers him back down to the mat, although he misses with The Big O and Truth gets a roll-up for two. Ortiz misses with a clothesline and Truth hits the Lie Detector for the three count. WINNER: R-TRUTH. The camera zooms in on a white girl in the crowd who seems overjoyed before and after the replay.
VINCE IS ON SUPERSTARS. He's on the phone with somebody and Hornswoggle runs in and tries to grab his leg. Chavo Guerrero runs in after Hornswoggle, McMahon wants to know what the hell is going on, Chavo starts to say well umm Vince and gets a stern THAT'S MR. MCMAHON TO YOU. Chavo says Hornswoggle bit his leg. Vince asks if it's true, Horny nods and grunts yes. Vince makes a match to settle it in the ring. Chavo: "Don't you think that's unfair? Look at how big I am compared to him." McMahon: "You know what? You're right. Therefore you're going to wrestle him ON YOUR KNEES." Hornswoggle cackles. Chavo vows he can beat him on his knees, it makes no difference. McMahon makes them shake hands before the match and Hornswoggle twists his wrist and bites his hand! Commercial.
* Zach Ryder v. Tyler Reks
As if Tyler Reks couldn't be any more of a California surfer stereotype, they give him some Dick Dale style Pulp Fiction music for his entrance. Like I always say, there's no region of the country or the globe that WWE can't turn into a stereotype of itself as a wrestling character. Mr. Woo Woo Woo tries to test strength with Reks and loses the battle as Reks wrings his left arm and takes him to the ground. It's night and day listening to Josh Mathews and Matt Striker. The long awkward periods of silence when they're not allowed to call moves or even offer commentary are not only painfully obvious, they should be an embarassment to Vince McMahon. He needs to stop riding them like a government mule and let them just call the matches the way they USED to, back before ECW sucked.
Back heel trip by Reks puts Ryder's shoulders on the mat for a two count. Mathews and Striker are reduced to mocking each other since Vince won't let them call moves. Reks clears Ryder over the ropes with a clothesline and he loses the headband they had been arguing about. Ryder tries to get back in the ring and gets an elbow to the face and an armdrag for his trouble, then the legs are hooked for a two count. Reks aplies an armbar and Ryder fights out with elbows, then dropkicks Reks all the way to the floor so he can paintbrush him outside. Ryder runs his abs into the ring apron and he falls down selling, when sends us to a acommercial break.
Ryder is in control in the ring when we come back from break and shoves Reks into the corner, then applies multiple MMA style kicks to the abdomen for a two count. He beats his head against the mat like a basketball for extra oomph. Striker compliments his ability to counter submission moves in a backhanded way: "He's a lot smarter than he looks." Reks gets a schoolboy for 2. Ryder sticks him on the ropes and pulls on his dreads, then knocks him back in with a hard kick to the chest for another cover. Ryder taunts Reks every time he gets up. "YOU AIN'T NOTHIN'!" Striker is allowed to actually call a move - the seated abdominal stretch. Wonder how he snuck that one past Vince. A long period of silence follows - obviously Vince told both him and Striker to keep their mouths shut.
Ryder goes top rope, adjusts his hairdo, but misses coming off the ropes with a missile dropkick and lands face first. Both men are slow to get up but Reks flapjacks his opponent and crawls over to cover for 2.5. "I admire his innate tenacity. This young man has it Josh!" Reks keeps going for near falls. "The ebb and flow of this match is a testament to what ECW brings every Tuesday night." Zach Attack is countered into a bridging pin for a near fall. Ryder drops his abs across the ropes and this time the Zach Attack gets the three count. WINNER: ZACH RYDER. Congratulations Mr. Woo Woo Woo, you're the official King of the D-Show. Replay follows. Honestly this crowd could have cared less - the match had less than zero heat and nobody even cares enough to boo when he gets the pin. Teaser for Chavo v. Hornswoggle as we go to commercial with a promo for 12 Rounds (Rated + Unrated)
We get a promo of John Cena in the announce booth at a Cubs game. We see Alfonso Soriano doing the YOU CAN'T SEE ME. Cena: "A guy who puts up numbers like that, you can't ignore him. You can't see him." We go to a Raw Rebound focused on Ted DeBiase Sr. being in charge (ALL HAIL THE MILLION DOLLAR MAN) and the finals of the Night of Champions tournament between Triple H and John Cena. They're very big on crowd shots of the fans reacting before we get the Legacy run-in, double DQ, and DiBiase ruling that both men will face Orton at Night of Champions.
* Chavo Guerrero v. Hornswoggle
Chavo comes out for his entrance and we go right to a commercial break. Garcia gives her official introduction for Chavo when we come back, and she informs the crowd that by order of Mr. McMahon, Chavo must wrestle on his knees. Hornswoggle comes out and gets the biggest pop of anybody on Superstars all night long, if you can call it that. Well at least the children popped for it. Hornswoggle is actually taller than Chavo when he's on his knees. Hornswoggle points this out by patting Chavo on the head. Chavo gets mad and leaps up to his feet and the ref makes him go back down. Horny calls for a test of strength and Chavo gets mad he can't reach up to him, so he shoves Hornswoggle across the ring. Horny gets mad, goes on offense and starts kicking Chavo's butt. I'm not kidding in any way. Chavo bails and the ref tells him to get back in and get on your knees, causing the crowd to start an ON YOUR KNEES chant. That makes me miss Triple H's "Bow Down to the King" music. I wish he'd go back to it.
Chavo finally takes advantage of a ref distraction to stand up for a minute, then twists Horny up like a human pretzel. he tries to scoop him up for a slam and Hornswoggle falls on his chest for 2. Chavo gets him down again and tries to run the ropes on his knees (yes I'm serious) but when he leaps in the air Hornswoggle gets a boot up. Chavo gets back in control again and actually does the Three Amigos on his knees, though Horny blocks the third and reverses it! Hornswoggle tries to go top rope for a Tadpole Splash. Chavo gets up on the ropes to throw him. The ref makes him get back down on his knees. He goes up again. The ref makes him get back down. He goes up a third time and ignores the ref, so HORNY BITES HIS THUMB. Chavo falls down in pain and the Tadpole Splash connects! WINNER: HORNSWOGGLE. Hornswoggle laughs at Chavo from the ramp as the show ends. Don't miss the Thursday Night AMP at 11 PM EST, 10 Central tonight for the UFC 100 roundtable! Special guests include Brian Fritz from Between the Ropes, GG from FightGameBlog and more!