| Date: 07/20 | 8:00 PM |
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Join Killa Kev in the LIVE AngryMarks.com/chat room tonight as we recap WWE Raw!
The WWE Raw Recap - "Cheap Sunglasses" Edition - Hit F5 for the Latest Results
OK so it was either "Cheap Sunglasses" or "Pearl Necklace", and as everybody knows, AngryMarks.com is a family website so I didn't want to get too obscene because tonight rock & blues legends ZZ Top is hosting tonight's show LIVE from North Carolina. And our main event is already announced - Triple H & John Cena vs. Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase, Jr.
But first out we get John Cena cutting a promo, talking about the Triple Threat main event at WWE Night of Champions is going to be wild, exciting and a rematch from WrestleMania 22. Randy Orton comes out and asks Cena why he's excited over this rematch, because the last time resulted in Orton kicking Triple H in the skull and pinning Cena for the title. Cena interrupts, stating that he wasn't paying any attention to Orton because he's too focused on the fans and ZZ Top hosting the show tonight. He also says that he thinks the fans want him to get a jump-start on the match tonight! Orton poses like he's ready to fight, then steps out of the ring, eliciting boos from the fans. DiBiase & Rhodes run around the ring and we now have a three-on-one situation, which Cena doesn't mind, he strips down and says he's ready to go, he's calling 'em out! Orton steps back inside the ring, but then pauses when Triple H's music comes out and "the Game" steps out. Orton steps off the apron and the rest of Legacy regroup near the announcer's table. Triple H steps in the ring and grabs a mic.Triple H asks, "You and the girls wern't going to start the fight without me, were you?" And from this point on I tuned out the rest of this worthless promo wah wah wah.
WWE United States Champion Kofi Kingston, Primo Colon & Montel Vontaveous Porter vs. Big Show, Carlito Colon & "the All-American American" Jack Swagger
Swagger and Kingston are going to start things out, Swagger with a single-leg takedown into a reverse waistlock, Kingston gets to his feet, Swagger tries to slam him again, Kingston tries to break it, rolls up Swagger for a quick pin attempt. Kingston with a front face lock, backs into his corner, MVP tags in, they whip Swagger off the ropes, he ducks the double-team clothesline but can't avoid the double-team flapjack. Carlito Colon runs in and gets taken out by Kingston. Porter goes for the BALLIN~! elbow drop but Swagger avoids it when Carlito pulls Swagger out of the ring. The heels pow-wow on the outside and we go to a commercial.
During the commercial, Kingston tried to hit a suicide dive on Big Show on the outside of the ring. Yeah, take a WILD guess how that went! Back to the live action, Big Show tags himself in and chops Kingston in the chest, then wraps up his head in a side headlock, followed by a takeover to the mat. Big Show plants a big knee into the chest, then puts Kingston back in the corner, chops Kingston in the chest again, tags in Carlito. Boot to the midsection and a vertical suplex by Carlito, cover and a two count. Carlito applies a head vice to Kingston, Kingston gets to his feet, forearm shots and punches to break the hold, Carlito counters with a sweet standing dropkick, grabs a leg, drags Kingston back to his corner and tags in Jack Swagger. Swagger with a knee to the chest, cover for a two count, Carlito tags in as Big Show lays in another chop to Kingston's chest.
Kingston delivers forearms to Carlito, tries to hit him with a dropkick after an irish whip, Carlito holds on to the ropes to stop it. He goes over to the side to talk smack to Primo, Kingston catches him with another dropkick. Primo tags in and levels Carlito with a pair of clotheslines, delivers dropkicks to all the heels, covers Carlito, Swagger breaks up the pin, MVP runs in to take out Swagger by throwing him out and hitting the slingshot dive over the ropes to the outside. Carlito tries for the Back Stabber on Primo, Big Show runs in to try for a spear, Primo ducks out of the way, Big Show spears the shit out of Carlito. Kofi Kingston with a hurracanrana on Big Show that sends both of them to the outside. Primo finishes off Carlito with a diving headbutt off the top rope.
WINNERS: Kofi Kingston, Primo Colon & Montel Vontaveous Porter. Big Show gets back into the ring, spears Primo, chokeslams MVP. Swagger gets in the ring and Big Show choke slams him as well. Big Show reaches over the top rope, drags in Kingston by his dreadlocks, and chokeslams him as well. Giant Soup, anybody?
Backstage Santino Marella is dressed in a fake bear and cowboy hat, guitar slung around his neck, hanging out with ZZ Top. Chris Jericho walks in to join the trio. "ZZ Top and Chris Jericho, together for the first time. Two icons of entertainment in the same room! I'm a big fan of your band, and I'm sure you're a big fan of mine as well, Fozzy." ZZ Top has no clue who Fozzy is. Jericho suggests that ZZ Top and Fozzy should get together later for a big jam session. Dusty suggests that Jericho should have a match against Mark Henry later tonight. Jericho is offended and wants to know "How am I supposed to have a match against Mark Henry?" Which gets several responses of "How?" followed by a lead in of "Howhowhowhow" followed by an impromptu performance of "La Grange". HEHEHE. Commercial.
Speaking of commercials, don't forget after WWE Raw tonight is the DEBUT of our newest show on the AngryMarks Podcast Network, The sWo Show with Stevie Graham! Check it out at www.blogtalkradio.com/steviegraham right after Raw!
We come back from break with Brian Kendrick at the announcer's desk asking Jerry "the King" Lawler to beg Chris Jericho to be his new tag team partner. Lawler is trying to get rid of Kendrick, which insults Kendrick. Kendrick looks over to Lillian Garcia and says, "Just introduce my opponent, toots!" Garcia introduces Kendrick, but then Lawler stops Garcia and informs her that HE is going to be the opponent as he gets in the ring!
THE Brian Kendrick vs. Jerry "the King" Lawler
Kendrick strips off his jacket, gets in Lawler's face and talks some smack, grabs his hand and points to where Lawler's rings usually are, asking him if he wants them kissed. Kendrick then lays in an assault on Lawler, enziguri to the back of the head, a camel clutch, a dropkick, and then another submission move that Lawler weathers. Lawler gets to his feet, elbows his way out, and starts hitting the left-handed jabs on Kendrick, followed by his own dropkick square to the jaw! Kendrick is whipped off the ropes, Lawler ducks down and Kendrick kicks him in the face, followed by a reverse spin kick to the head. Kendrick tries for Sliced Bread, Lawler blocks it. Lawler goes to the middle turnbuckle and delivers the Fist Drivers square in Kendrick's head and Kendrick sees nothing but pain and a knuckle sandwich.
WINNER: Jerry "the King" Lawler. Lawler celebrates, Kendrick eventually sits up, holding his nose. Commercial. Wow, what a worthless match. Did Jerry Lawler need put over? Back from the break Todd Grisham is interviewing Mickie James. James says that WWE Divas Champion Maryse Oulet has been ducking her. Mike "the Miz" Mizanin comes out to kiss up for Oulet and insult James, claiming "in ten years you'll be working at a Waffle House". LOL... what, couldn't have thrown in an Olive Garden reference? James laughs and says, "At least I can score a pinfall against Maryse where you... haven't been able to score at all!" Maryse Oulet comes out, poses, gets in James face, and then hits her with some hairspray right in the face. James falls down and flails around like a fish out of water. Oulet walks out, followed by Mizanin. Commercial.
WWE Unified Tag Team Champion Chris Jericho vs. "the World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry (non-title match)
Another re-match, are we going to get another count-out win for Henry? Bell rings, Henry circles around, Jericho immediately bails out to re-think himself, or at least buy some time. Jericho steps back into the ring, Henry goes to lock up, Jericho bails out again. Referee starts to count Jericho out, Jericho eventually gets back into the ring, locks up and gets slammed to the mat. Jericho responds with a kick to the knees, some forearm shots to the head. Henry responds by dead-lifting Jericho into a Gorilla Press Slam, followed by Henry standing on Jericho's chest.
Henry eventually breaks, pulls up Jericho by the arm, drags him into the corner, goes for a Banzai Splash, Jericho gets to his feet and kicks Henry in the hamstrings, knocking him off the corner. Jericho with some kicks to the ribs and head to keep him down. Jericho picks up a leg and kicks him in the hammy's again, followed by a dropkick to the face. Jericho mocks Henry's strength with a pose-down. Henry gets to his feet, Jericho with a punch to the head, bounces off the ropes for a dropkick to the body, Henry still stands. Jericho with a clip to the back of the leg, Henry still stands. Jericho with a low dropkick to the knees and Henry finally gives, Jericho goes for the cover, two count. Jericho tries to put Henry in the corner, Henry blocks it, Jericho with another dropkick to take Henry down.
Jericho charges Henry, Henry catches him with a hip toss. Jericho tries to bounce off the ropes and hit the Codebreaker, Henry blocks it, grabs the legs and then slings Jericho around in a Giant Swing. Henry pulls up Jericho, Jericho rakes the eyes, bounces off the ropes, grabs the head and slams him face-first into the mat. Jericho actually tries to flip Henry over for the Walls of Jericho, and Henry kicks him off, sending him through the ropes. Henry follows him out, Jericho grabs a chair and jabs it into Henry's ribs, drawing the DQ.
WINNER: Mark Henry by DQ. Jericho lands a chair shot to the back, tries for another chair shot, Henry blocks it with his fist and throws it into Jericho's face. Henry throws Jericho into the ring, but Jericho counters with a baseball slide dropkick into Henry's face as he tries to get back into the ring. Jericho dares Henry to get up, Henry gets to his feet, Jericho tries for the Codebreaker again, Henry grabs the legs, blocks the move, and then counters with the World's Strongest Slam. Jericho quickly bails and Henry celebrates with the fans, leading the crowd to cheer as he wants them to as they raise and lower their arms on-command.
Backstage Santino Marella is asking ZZ Top on beard grooming tips. Chavo Guerrero comes in and complains about how he's been disrespected by having to wrestle Hornswoggle for the last few weeks. ZZ Top agrees and says they have a match for him... another match with Hornswoggle, this time a "Sharped Dressed Man" match... I'm assuming that means they're both dressed in tuxedos and first one who gets stripped loses. Commercial.
Sharp-Dressed Man Tuxedo Match: Chavo Guerrero, Jr. vs. Hornswoggle
This match is so funny even Lillian Garcia can't keep a straight face and is stumbling over her lines. Hornswoggle is introduced first, he comes in and starts flirting with Lillian, which gets her laughing even more. Guerrero comes out, only partially dressed, and apparently Guerrero's legs have been sewn together. Hornswoggle is ready to get the match started and imitates Chavo walking like a penguin! Oh lord... Guerrero can't even step between the ropes, he has to roll in under the bottom rope. Chavo shouts, "I can't wrestle like this" and the referee says, "You're going to have to wrestle like this - RING THE BELL!"
Chavo waddles around the ring until he falls down. Hornswoggle strips off the jacket, kicks Guerrero in the chest, hits a Thesz Press, strips off the bow tie. Hornswoggle lays in a few forearm shots and a kick to the face, and rips Guerrero's shirt off. Hornswoggle parades around the ring with the shirt, Guerrero cuts him off with a clothesline from his knees. Guerrero gets to his feet, strips Hornswoggle's jacket off and beats him with it. Hornswoggle climbs to the ropes, Guerrero grabs the feet and removes a shoe, throwing it at his head, then removes the other and throws it at his back. "You think this is funny?" shouts Guerrero as he grabs Hornswoggle by the neck. Hornswoggle grabs the waist of Chavo's pants, sends him through the ropes. Guerrero tries to hang on but the leverage allows Hornswoggle to strip off Chavo's shoes and pants.
WINNER: Hornswoggle. Chavo gets back in the ring, trying to cover up his crotch (even though he's wearing a fashionable pair of Joe Boxer boxer shorts. Hornswoggle charges and headbutts Guerrero in the gut, sending him out of the ring.
Backstage Triple H is taping up, John Cena comes in and thanks him for what he did earlier. Cena wants to be re-assured that they're on the same page for tonight against Legacy. Triple H says, "We're on the same page. I can count on you, and you can count on me. But, then, there is Sunday..." Cena says, "Yes, there's Sunday... and I wouldn't have it any other way!" Cena walks off and Triple H mutters, "Me either." Break.
We return with Santino Marella and ZZ Top again, Kelly Kelly comes in, strikes a pose... yeah... "Legs". Suddenly Alicia Fox walks in, and shoves Kelly off. Gail Kim comes in and pushes Alicia Fox out of the way. Rosa Mendez takes her turn, and then Santino chases her off, strips off his pants ... Dusty Bonner says, "I can't take this! I'm outta here!" as Marella dances away.
OK, individually, these segments are funny. As a whole, though, it's not making for a great night of wrestling.
We have Jerry Lawler & Michael Cole in the ring to run down the Night of Legends card:
Their line-up is interrupted by Chris Jericho, limping away to his vehicle when he is intercepted by Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase, Jr., demanding to know who Jericho's partner will be this Sunday. "Who would want to be associated with this self-righteous, condescending loser!" declares DiBiase. Rhodes chimes in, "That is a little harsh! After all, Chris is a second-generation superstar too. Albeit his father was a bench-warming hockey player. But, eh, not everybody's dad can be a WWE Superstar!"
Jericho shoots back, "First of all, let me remind you who you are talking to, kid! I have held more titles than both of your fathers combined! Second of all, I am condescending, I am self-righteous, but I'm not a loser! I have the entire WWE locker room beating down my door. Now do you think you have what it takes to defeat a legend?"
DiBiase responds, "Yeah, I do. And after we pin you on Sunday for those titles, perhaps Randy Orton will kick your head off your shoulders!" Jericho smirks and says, "How do you know that Randy Orton isn't my partner?" Jericho walks off.
How do we know? Well, that might be because Orton is ALREADY a champion and is ALREADY in the match at the PPV. Next week's guest host: NBA All-Star & Olympic Gold Medalist Shaquille O'Neal!
She's Got Legs Divas Tag Team Match: Gail Kim & Kelly Kelly vs. Rosa Mendez & Alicia Fox
Well... okay, this will be another blow-off eye-candy match, but with only one woman with significant wrestling experience, this isn't going to be pretty. Mendez starts off with a kick to Kelly's midsection, arm wringer, shoots her into the corner, Kelly rebounds off it, throws Mendez in the corner, users her legs to choke Mendez then headscissor out of the corner. Mendez tags Fox in, she doesn't want to get in, so Kelly grabs her by the hair and drags her in. Kelly leaps on on Fox's shoulders, Victory Roll into a pin, two count. Gail Kim tags in, forearm shot, tries to whip Fox off the ropes, reversal, Kim counters with a headscissor takeover then a shoulder block into the corner. Mendez runs over, eats a boot from Kim. Kim tries for a cross-body block on Fox, Fox counters with a dropkick to the knee, covers Kim, two count.
Fox whips Kim into the corner, follows up with a weak-ass shoulder block, tags in Mendez. Mendez with a boot to the midsection, hand-full of hair into the turnbuckle for a headbutt, snaps off a suplex, two count. Mendez slaps the mat in frustration, then slams Kim's head into the turnbuckle, tags in Fox. Fox with a snap mare takeover, cover, Kim throws her right off. Fox whips Kim into the corner, gets reversed, Kim charges, Fox puts up a boot, tries to follow up with a kneedrop, Kim rolls out of the way. Kelly Kelly tags in and immediately eats a boot to the midsection. fix whips Kelly off the ropes, tries for a scoop slam, Kelly counters with a headscissor takeover, Fox cowers in the corner, Kelly follows with a springboard somersault reverse elbow, goes for the cover, Mendez breaks it up and throws Kelly over the top rope. Kim gets in, hits a few forearm shots on Mendez, Kelly back in and they double-team dropkick Mendez out of the ring. Kim slingshots over the top rope to take out Mendez. Kelly tries to pick up Fox, but Fox rolls her up, grabs the tights and gets the pin.
WINNER: Rosa Mendez & Alicia Fox. Thank God that's over. Break. We come back and ZZ Top pulls out into the arena driving their famous roadster, they step out as Lillian Garcia introduces them and Michael Cole plugs their new album Double Down Live.
Three-on-Two Handicap Match: WWE Champion Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase, Jr. vs. John Cena & Triple H
Huh, I don't remember this being announced as a handicap match, but maybe I just wasn't playing attention. After five minutes of introductions, we start out with Cena and Rhodes, Orton whispering instructions into Rhodes' ear as the fans cheer for Cena. Cena tries to lock up with Rhodes, he backs up into his corner and demands a break. We go to lock up again, and Cena straight kicks Rhodes in his gut, beats his head in, whip into the corner and the bulldog out out of it. Rhodes is backed into Cena's corner, Triple H is tagged in, Rhodes gets a punch in the ribs followed by a delayed vertical suplex. Orton rushes over to his opponent's corner and tags DiBiase in the head, Orton bails off the apron. DiBiase gets in the ring for revenge and is clotheslined out of the ring, followed by Rhodes. Orton tries to attack Triple H from behind, Cena runs in and cuts him off with a clothesline that sends him out of the ring. DiBiase & Rhodes attempt the Pearl Harbor, Triple H & Cena sense it, side-step the greenhorns and throws them out over the top next to Orton. Commercial break.
Back from the break, Cena and DiBiase take each other out with clotheslines, hot tags made on both sides, Triple H drills into Rhodes' head, whips him off the ropes, Rhodes ducks the clothesline but not the high knee. Triple H whips Rhodes off the ropes again, Rhodes reverses and ducks down for a body drop, Rhodes eats a boot to the face isntead. Triple H runs over and knocks Orton off the apron as well. DiBiase gets in the ring and double-teams Triple H, throws him over the top, then distracts the referee while Orton slams Triple H head-first into the steel ringsteps. Orton tags in and beats down Triple H, Rhodes tags in and stomps him down, DiBiase tags in and kicks Triple H down more, Orton tags in for more stomps, Rhodes tags in and gets in... morestomps... wash rinse repeat.
Referee finally gets in the corner and breaks it up, allowing Orton to choke Triple H. DiBiase with a snap mare takeover followed by a kick to the back of the head, covers, two count. Orotn tags in and stomps Triple H's guts out, bounces off the ropes and delivers a HUGE leaping knee drop, covers, Triple H kicks out. Rhodes tags in, Orton hems him up, DiBiase with a stomp to the head, followed by eye rakes using the toe of his boot. Rhodes shows off his own rolling kneedrop, cover, two count. Rhodes goes for a second one as Cena tries to rally the crowd, DiBiase with a cover, two count. Rhodes applies a front face lock to wear Triple H down. Triple H tries to bolt for a tag, Rhodes cuts him off and beats him back down. Triple H tries to break again, again gets beat down just inches from the tag.
Orton instructs Rhodes to apply a choke, Triple H breaks again, Rhodes counters with a DDT, but is now weakened, so he tags in Orton. Orton cuts off the tag and kicks Triple H in the ribs, rolls him flat on his stomach and kicks him again. Orton sets up for the RKO, pronouncing it with huge fists pounding into the mat. Triple H gets to his feet, blocks it, throws Orton into the corner, charges, Orton puts a boot p to stop it, charges out of the corner himself and walks right into the Spinebuster! Both men are down, their partners calling for the hot tags... Orton gets to Rhodes first, Cena gets the tag in, and explodes with the pair of shoulder blocks and the side slam on Rhodes. Cena runs over and knocks Orton and DiBiase off the apron, then hits the Five Knuckle Shuffleon Rhodes. Rhodes gets up, Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, DiBiase runs in and eats a fist from Cena. Cena locks in the STF on Rhodes, DiBiase again runs in and beraks it up, this time Triple H runs in and takes out DiBiase. Orton tags himself in and tries to punt Cena's head off his shoulders, but Cena sees it coming, sidesteps him, and simply rolls Orton up for a pin!
WINNERS: Triple H & John Cena. Legacy quickly gather outside the ring and regroup, Orton upset that he got pinned. We play the highlights at the end of the match. Go back to the ring, Triple H and Cena are staring each other down hard, hesitant pause between them, and then they shake hands. Orton stares on.
That's it for our show tonight, now get your asses over to www.blogtalkradio.com/steviegraham and listen to the NEW sWo Show on the AngryMarks Podcast Network!