03/07/07: Killa Kev's ECW on Sci Fi Recap

First off as it's now a quarter 'til 5am on Wednesday  morning, I just got in from work, and I read the news about the passing of Bad News Brown. My condolences go out to his family, it's sad to see another member of the brotherhood pass on, always, but let's remember the joy he brought us all over the years.

We start out this week's ECW with a recap of last week's actions surrounding McMahon vs. Trump's Hair-vs-Hair match and ECW Champion Bobby Lashley, from RAw to ECW to SmackDown (for those who missed it, on SmackDown, Mr. McMahon attempted to buy Lashley off, Lashley refused him, McMahon slapped him, Lashley nearly snapped, then had to defend the ECW Championship against Ken Kennedy in a match where Kennedy had no rules applied to him. Lashley slapped his ass around.

Tonight we're live from Tuscon, AZ as Mr. McMahon opens the show. He greets the crowd on the apron with a BLACK POWER FIST TO THE AIR! HOLY SHIT that's balls man! That's fucking BALLS! That's fucking cool enough to make *ME* want to join the "Kiss My Ass" Club!

Mr. McMahon comes out and talks about last night's RAW where "Stone Cold" Steve Austin was named the special referee for this Hair-vs-Hair match. Vince says that Austin is in the building tonight. Vince says that he also gave Donald Trump a warning. The contract signing is this coming Monday on RAW, and as Mr. McMahon intentionally fucks up his speech so that the crowd can chant "WHAT!?" after every sentence, he tells the crowd that Tuscon sucks. The fans start a "You Suck" chant right back. Vince gets back to his point, if Trump so much as looks at him long, he'll get a "billionaire bitchslap". Vince says that Lashley is already familiar with the bitchslap, and he replays the clip from SmackDown OVER AND OVER. And HOLY SHIT watch it in slow motion you can actually see McMahon's fingers leave imprints! Shit, he don't pull his punches! He says that he can smell the fear in Bobby Lashley, he saw Lashley tear up, and that Lashley actually apologized to him and humbled himself. McMahon says that he won't accept Lashley's apology unless he does it in public, and he says he'll get it right now as he introduces Lashley.

bobby Lashley steps out and calls for his piro on the ramp then walks down to the ring. Lashley steps in the ring and greets the fans, then faces Mr. McMahon with a smile. He hands Lashley a microphone and tells Lashley he can go ahead. The fans start a "Lashley! Lashley!" chant (you can tell the turned up the mics for this, but it was still a chant!). Vince says they need to get this over with quick. Lashley takes the mic and says he DOES need to apologize, he says he wants to apologize to all the fans, and apologize to "Vince, I mean Mr. McMahon". He sticks out his hand and Vince accepts it. As they shake, Lashley says he wants to apologize ... and squeezes Vince's hand tighter and tighter. Vince says it hurts. Lashley says he wants to apologize because he should have beat the hell out of Vince last week. As he clamps down on Vince's hand, he kneels down in from of Lashley in PAIN! Lashley looks down on a frightened McMahon and tells him that if he EVER touches him again, Lashley will break him in half! Lashley releases his grip and walks to the back, Vince McMahon is left frightened and shocked as we go to commercial.

We come back with a recap of the Batista vs. Undertaker feud, and Ashley's actions on SmackDown the last few weeks.

Mahoney is already in the ring, no introduction. Holly makes his introduction, gets right to the ring, no messing around. Holly with a boot right at the bell to the gut of Mahoney, then lays in the rights, pulls his hair over the ropes, overhand fist to the chest as Mahoney is weaved into the ropes. Holly follows it up with repeated stomps to Mahoney's head, then a right, whips him off the ropes and nails a clothesline, covers Mahoney and gets a two-count. Holly picks up Balls by the hair, headbutts him into a turnbuckle, then lays in more kicks to themidsection, and more rights to the head. And more rights to the head. Whips Mahoney to the opposite corner, charges, Mahoney with a boot to the face, and Mahoney follows it up with several rights and the wind-up clothesline. Balls decides he's going to the top turnbuckle for a legdrop, Holly moves, Balls busts his ass. Holly picks up Mahoney, spins him around a few times, Alabama Slam, 1-2-3 and that's it.

Then Gene Snitsky runs in and kicks his fucking head off. HELL YEAH! I liked that this week! Just out of fucking NOWHERE! why does Snitsky look like Kurt Angle on steroids? OOPS! I don't think I was supposed to say that LOL!

Backstage Rebecca is with C.M. Punk, she asks him about going to the "Money in the Bank" Ladder Match at WrestleMania. Punk says that this is the biggest WrestleMania of all time, reminds us that he gets a title shot anytime, anyplace at one time. He says that this Friday he will be going to SmackDown to take on Ken Kennedy. Elijah Burke then walks up and interrupts him, Punk gets upset. Burke says they're cool, Punk says they ain't. Burke says he wants to congratulate Punk on his win and his going to WrestleMania, he says he is a future WWE champion. Punk asks if he has a point. Burke says that every man has to make a choice in life, and Punk is at a crossroads. Burke wants Punk to join the New Breed. Rob Van Dam walks up and tells Punk not to listen to Burke, who can't even spell "E.C.W.", and he should stick with the ECW Originals. He then tells Burke that he's about to find out what that's all about and walks off. Burke walks off and tells Punk to think about it. Commercial.

The ECW Originals make their way to the ring, and we recap the end of last week's match where Burke interfered and crotched RVD on the top turnbuckle to cost him the match. The New Breeders arrive next, Burke takes his time stepping into the ring with his comrades at his back. We get the bells and RVD & Bruke circle each other. Fans start an "RVD! RVD!" chant. They lock up, Burke with an armdrag, RVD stands up. They locks up, Burke with another armdrag, this time he gloats a little, RVD stands up again. They go to lock up, Burke with a kick to the midsection and a side headlock takeover, RVD gets out, Burke with another side headlock takeover, RVD with a headscissor, Burke flips out into a pin, RVD bridges out, rotates it over into a possible backslide,  Burke gets out and goes for a clothesline, RVD with a pair of armdrags and a kick to Burke's face. Burke gets up, staggers, grabs his face and then falls backwards, clutching the ropes and crawling into a corner. RVD goes into the corner, Burke kicks him, throws him in the corner and lays in some punches. RVD comes out, Burkes starts to bounce off the ropes, RVD floats over, whips burke off the ropes, Burke grabs the ropes as RVD goes for a spinning heel kick, RVD follows up with a cross body block right at the ropes that sends them both over the top, and both sides gather around and referee Scott Anderson has to break it up as we go to commercial.

Back from break we have Burke with a side headlock on RVD. we recap the commercial break, RVD goes for Rolling Thunder, Ariel gets on the apron to distract RVD for a second, allowing Burke enough time to get his wits about him and put the knees up when RVD goes for the splash. Back tothe action, RVD works his way back up to his feet, elbows out, burke cuts him off with a knee lift, followed with a German suplex and a belly-to-back suplex, covers for a two-count. Burke tries to wear down RVD by pulling back RVD's arms and putting th knee in his back. RVD powers up to his feet again, armdrgs Burke over, lays in a right. Burke staggers to a corner, RVD charges, Burke moves and RVD eats the turnbuckle. Burke follows up with a dropkick right to the face, leaving RVD laid out on the mat. Burke covers but RVD barely kicks out. Burke starts stomping on RVD, wre recap the dropkick. Burke covers RVD, but RVD kicks out quickly. RVD staggers to a corner, Burke follows behind and rakes his forearm on the back of RVD's head, steps back, pulls down his kneepads, charges, and drives both knees to the back of RVD's skull into the turnbuckle. Burke with a pinfall attempt. Burke then goes for a modified abdominal stretch down on the mat. RVD powers up again, punches his way out, Burke again cuts him off with a knee to the face, then shoves RVD into a corner. RVD puts a boot up to stop it, turns around and Burke clotheslines him. Burke gets up, RVD starts slugging away, hits a clothesline, another clothesline , a sidekick and Burke is down. RVD picks up Burke, throws him in a corner, follows up with a monkey flip. Burke staggers to a corner, RVD with a windmill kick in the corner, leaps to the top turnbuckle for a split-leg moonsault, covers and gets a two-count. RVD pulls Burke up, Burke pokes him in the eyes, goes for a boot to the midsection, RVD spins him around, nails another kick to the face, goes up for the top turnbuckle, nails the 5-star Frog Splash, goes for the pin and gets it clean without any run-ins for interference from the New Breed!

I'm VERY impressed. I highly expected a screw-job run-in from the New Breed here, but it didn't happen. the ECW Originals get in the ring and celebrate as the New Breed stat to walk off. Tommy Dreamer grabs the mic and tells the New Breed that they're not going to stop bringing the fight to them. Dreamer challenges them in a 4-on-4 match at WrestleMania. WOW! That's gonna be a pretty damn good match!

We go to commercial and come back, we're told we're still waiting for the arrival of Steve Austin. While we're waiting, we see some members of the Chicago White Sox in the crowd, including AJ PERZYNSKI (he was JUST on a TNA PPV last month!). We then look at the latest inductee for the WWE Hall of Fame, AWA World Heavyweight Champion Nick Bockwinkle. We then go to the Extreme Expose. And this is fucking NICE - they're touching themselves with pistols. What nice family programming! At least they kept it short this week. We recap the opening segment again. We're reminded that the "battle of the Billionaires" contract signing is next Monday on RAW, and SCSA is coming up next. Commercial. And back from commercial we're also told Mick Foley will be on ECW next week.

Back to the ring, we hear the glass break, and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin makes his return to an ECW ring. And HOLY SHIT they're right, he DOES look fat. But you can also tell he still has some decent arms. Austin gets on the turnbuckles and greets the fans with the upturned middle-fingers, which the camera just barely cuts off each time. Austin says it's good to be back home in Tuscon, AZ. Austin says he knows he doesn't live in Tuscon, but every town the WWE stops in, that's Austin's home for the night. What a cheap fucking pop! He says it's hot in Arizona, but it's dry heat, and it makes him pretty thirsty. He asks a ringside attendant to toss him a beer, which he promptly gets. Austin cracks his beer, takes a swing, says he came out to talk about the "Battle of the Billionaires", Trump vs. McMahon, Lashley vs. Umaga, and Hair vs. Hair -- which he's an expert on. He says fans want to know how he's going to call this match, considering the way Mr. McMahon has treated him. Austin says he's going to call it right down the middle, because that's the way it has to be. Austin says he's been asked if he has a favorite, he doesn't answer it, but instead he wants to know what the fans think. He rolls out and asks a guy wearing a ref shirt, the guy says "Who do you think?", Austin moves on. He asks a fat chick, she says she wants McMahon to get his hair shaved. He asks some slacker dude, he says McMahon as well. Austin moves on and says he doesn't give a rat's ass who gets his head shaved, but SOMEBODY is getting it. He asks Dick if this is going to be a classic mat match or a slobberknocker, Dick says it's a slobberknocker. Austin says he hopes Lashley and Umaga realizes how big a deal it is to be at WrestleMania, but if they get in his face, somebody is getting a Stunner. He grabs a cameraman and asks if he's gonna get in his way. The cameraman can't barely contain his smile. Austin asks the fans if they want him to lay out the cameraman, the fans cheer, but Austin moves on. Austin says he's gonna be at RAW, then walks up to another guy, shakes hand. The kid asks Austin how he's doing, Austin asks the kid how he's doing, the kid says he needs a beer, then the kid asks the fans who wants to see Austin hit a stunner and to give a hell yeah! Austin wraps it up by going back to the ring, says he's going to Washington D.C. next Monday for RAW for the contract signing. Austin says that next week in the ring there will be $2 billion worth of assholes there, he doesn't know what's going to happen between now and WrestleMania, but at the end of it there will be a bald-headed millionaire, AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE -- 'CAUSE STONE COLD SAID SO!

Austin cracks some more beers, gets on the buckle, guzzles and flips them off, catches two more beers, cracks 'em, smashes, guzzles, wash, rinse, repeat as we close out the night.

Overall, another good ECW if you ask me. I wasn't even pissed off at Snitsky this week! See you this weekend on the podcast!