| Date: 03/13 | 8:50 PM |
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More Wrestling Society X action than you can shake ten Vince Russo poles at all in one night! The first episode features Filth and the Fury, 6-Pac, Human Tornado, and the Anarchist Arik Cannon, plus we'll hear from the man who attacked Vampiro. We open with musical guest Jibbs, although sadly he doesn't seem to be doing the song "Chain Hang Low." Speculation is running wild about "who that guy was" who threw the fireball in Vampiro's face. Now we go backstage with the mystery man. "You rigged my casket with explosives, and this is the result. 6-Pac has no idea how lucky he was, he could have suffered the same fate as me. Vampiro your days on earth are numbered!" While this is going on Jibbs joins the announce booth and Fabien Kaelin introduces the first match as the scroll reminds us these are "insane professional wrestlers" so you shouldn't try this at home.
* Haraguchi & Yoshino (Team Dragon Gate) v. Teddy Hart & Matt Cross (The Filth & The Fury)
AMUSING~! They're coming out to the TNA "Adrenaline Rush" music. They put over the Hart family lineage as the match gets under way. Yoshino circles Hart, Hart quickly tags him over with a sseries of arm drags and hits a russian leg sweep for two. Matt Cross gets the tag as does Yoshino's partner. Cross teases a suicide dive but doesn't do it, then does a dropkick out and does a handstand off the SIDE of the ring post before dropping to the floor on his opponent. Back in the ring a double team by Dragon Gate on Cross and there's a two count. Cross gets back to his feet and does a modified FU but Yoshino takes exception and attacks Cross, only he gets reversed into a 'rana! We go to commercial.
"During the break" we see Filth & Fury double teaming Dragon Gate, Hart hitting the shooting star press, but Dragon Gate breaking it up before the three count. Hart's in the ring now and it's high speed action before a neckbreaker on Yoshino gets two. Hart gives the ref a dirty look thinking the count was slow. Hart nails a cradle DDT and the announcers are sure it's over, which of course means a run in from Haraguchi to break it up. Reverse DDT on Hart and he gets pinned for two. Hart does a Canadian Destroyer and tags in Cross. Both members go top rope for spinning moonsaults and BOTH members of Dragon Gate are pinned at the same time off the impact. WINNERS: THE FILTH & THE FURY. Now we go to Lacey backstage with Scorpio Sky. Sky: "He got lucky and I can prove it. I'm going to show the world Matt Sydal's win was a fluke by beating the guy who beat him, and that's you Jack Evans. Evans, if you got the guts come and face the one and only never lonely young and rowdy with a perfect body the best thing inside the ring so if you got the guts meet me next week."
* 6-Pac v. The Human Tornado
This is revenge after Tornado got laid out backstage last week. "You want to attack me from behind backstage, well if your balls are still attached after that exploding coffin, come meet me in the ring one on one." Out comes the P-I-M-P of W-S-X as they remind us he had a guest role in the movie Nacho Libre. Tornado jumps on 6-Pac right away, knocks him out of the ring, and does a dive on him to the outside. Chops on the railing, he misses with a punch, and 6-Pac picks him up and runs him into the steel ringpost. Now Pac lays in with chops and throws Tornado back into the ring. Kicks in the corner followed up by the Bronco Buster. Pac goes for a second Bronco but misses and crotches himself. Tornado does a little Boogie Woogie and then gives Pac a shot "to the testicle region" before an attempted pinfall. Tornado misses a spinning kick but Pac hits one of his own and goes out to the top rope. Tornado recoversand knocks Pac down onto the ropes, climbs up to the top, but Pac counters and powers him face first into the canvas. WINNER: THE NOTORIOUS P-A-C. Waltman walks around the corpse of Tornado celebrating and we go to commercial.
Once again we had action "during the break" and it involved Dragon Gate running into someone who says "you've lost one too many times, you need to be reprogrammed" and he kicks them out of the building and into a waiting van which speeds off with both men.
* Delikado v. The Anarchist Arik Cannon
Delikado is some unknown local under a zippered black mask. Arik Cannon on the other hand is the mohwaked Kool-Aid man of professional wrestling, an IWA Mid-South champion among other things. Swinging neckbreaker by Cannon. Commentary team makes jokes about anarchy v. social order. Jibbs says he's picking Delikado to win.. for no reason whatsoever. Cannon nails him with an enzuguiri though, sets him up on the ropes and hits a swinging neckbreaker. Both men are down, Cannon up first, belly to back suplex. Cannon waits for Delikado to get up and all of a sudden there's a run-in and Cannon is getting beaten up by some of Delikado's familia. NO CONTEST. One of the gang members for Delikado splashes him off the top rope through a table on the outside while the other mixes a wheelbarrow full of cement. Cannon's head is dunked in the wet cement as the announcers yell "I hope that's not quick dry!" They lay out Cannon and leave a dead fish on his chest as they continue to scream "we'll try to find out who the hell these guys are, but we'll see you hear next week!"
* 'Top of the Class' Scorpio Sky v. 'The Prince of Parkland' Jack Evans
Scorpio and Evans lock up as Good Charlotte join the announce booth. Evans twists and flies off the top rope and knocks Sky outside, then does a 450 on him to the concrete floor. Evans throws him back in as Charlotte say they are fans going back to Macho Man Randy Savage. OOOOHHHH YEAHHH! Sky whips Evans to the corner and he falls down hard, Sky slingshots him into a backbreaker and gets a two count. Evans whipped to the other corner but he jumps to the top rope and comes back down on Sky, follows up with a dropkick, and gets two. Evans jumps on Sky's chest and does a standing moonsault press for two. Evans whips off his red doo rag because he's MAD. Sky puts Evans in a dragon sleeper, but Evans manages to get to the bottom rope. The fans applaud The Prince of Parkland. Sky tries to take him up to the top rope but gets thrown off and Evans nails him with a 450 splash for the pin. WINNER: JACK EVANS. Now backstage we see Aaron Aguilera & Kaos talking about mamacitas and cervazas. Disco Machine was macking on their chicks and showing them the disco ball saying "you wanna touch it, it's magical" but he quickly gets thrown out and his ball gets confiscated. The team makes a vow that next week they're going to win over The Filth & The Fury or else, and that the ladies will be left at home and the cervazas on ice.
We're back with Disco Machine and Joey 'Magnum' Ryan. "Are those two looking for a disco demolition" says Ryan, and Machine says "let's go out there and make their mascara cry." Speaking of which Jimmy Jacobs is in the dressing room putting on mascara and eating a Quizno's sub. Seriously.
* Joey 'Magnum' Ryan & Disco Machine (That 70's Team) v. Jimmy Jacobs & Tyler Black (D.I.F.H.)
So if D.I.F.H. doesn't stand for Do It For Her, I have no idea what the fuck it is, but they continue to insist it can mean "anything at all." The crowd chants "disco sucks" as Jacobs flirts with a girl in the crowd. Shouldn't he be flirting with Lacey backstage though, well he pays for it anyway as he gets his butt kicked early on while Tyler Black is laid out on the conrete floor outside. Jacobs gets a comeback with a springboard on both men off the top. Black picks up Jacobs and throws him into their opponents like a battering ram. Jacobs does a top rope rana and Black picks up Jacobs and throws him on the 70's Machine outside. Ryan noggin knocks his opponent and the ref then takes a hit off his inhaler. Everybody goes top rope, a sunset flip attempt is countered by Black as he pulls down Ryan's trunks to reveal the thong. On the other side Black and Jacobs collide, then Black gets speared right out of the ring. Disco Machine goes top rope for a power slam on Jacobs and gets the three count. WINNERS: THAT 70'S TEAM. Now we're going to a video package of the Dragon Gate guys being abducted. The mysterious man who took them away says "you're almost ready, the time is near" and walks away as they're forced to eat a bowl of food he just spit in. Commercial!
We're back with Tyler Black freaking out on Jimmy Jacobs. "Dude I know we lost but I got a plan." Jacobs picks up his guitar. "Is this a joke" and Jacobs responds "just tell me your feelings dude and we'll get them out. We'll soar on the wings of a dove to victory." Black: "We lost to a bunch of hippies!" Jacobs: "But I could have found love with that girl, think of the bigger picture." Black walks away screaming. Jacobs: "Just let it out bro, relax!" Okay THAT RULED.
Fabien Kaelin starts to introduce the next match but he gets attacked and thrown out of the ring by Ricky Banderas. "The only reason I'm here is because of you, you Vampiro! You burnt my face! So Vampiro, get out here, so I can burn your face! I'm gonna be your worst nightmare!" Out comes Vampiro with the WSX Championship Belt. Before he can hit the ring 6-Pac jumps him from behind, Vampiro gets thrown in the ring, and he and Banderas give Vampiro a 2-on-1 beatdown. Music hits. Vampiro gets a run-in from Youth Suicide to little effect, as he immediately gets his butt kicked and gets thrown out to the floor. Banderas and Y.S. leave the ringside area while Vampiro and 6-Pac brawl in the ring before Vampiro gets rid of the ref and goes outside with a suicide dive, but Pac catches him with a boot as he crashes to the ground. The brawl continues with kicks and knife edge chops as they brawl out past the steel guardrail and start hitting each other with anything not nailed down. They head for the exit sign then all of a sudden the camera pans up to show Ricky Banderas throwing Youth Suicide off a balcony before spitting up blood. That's how this episode ends!
Welcome back to WSX. Youth Suicide v. Human Tornado and Arik Cannon will challenge the group labelled "The Cartel" but this time he has some backup. We open with musical guest Quietdrive. Never fucking heard of them, could honestly not give a shit about them whatsoever. They do at least finish nicely by saying "who wants to see some wrestlers kick the {shit} out of each other." This apparently was a cue for Banderas and Youth Suicide to brawl all the way out onto the music stage, the Quietdrive roadie gets killed, and Banderas throws Youth Suicide off to the floor and spits up blood. Vampiro is on a balcony above and stares down Banderas with a throat slash. Kris Kloss screams "that's not how we expected to start the shot this week" as Quietdrive joins the announce booth. Fabien Kaelin gets us started with an explosion and another match.
* The Cartel (Lil' Cholo & Delikado) v. The Anarchist Arik Cannon & Vic Grimes
The announcers put over Cannon's beatdown as happening "two weeks ago." Cannon gets a mic: "Last time it took four of you to kick my ass, but that ain't happening this week, please welcome my backup Vicious Vic Grimes!" The bell rings and Grimes gives Delikado a 400 pound splash, gut first, then butt first. Grimes does a second rope headbutt and Delikado writhes in pain. Grimes goes top rope for a twisting moonsault (seriously) but Delikado gets out of the way. Lil' Cholo gets the tag and does a leg scissor takedown on Grimes on the outside, then the Cartel come over to all jump Grimes. After a beatdown they roll Grimes back in but he kicks out at two. Grimes picks up a charging Cholo and drops him to the matt hard two before Delikado makes the save. Cannon gets the tag but eats a face full of turnbuckle. We get a run-in and Lil' Cholo gets suplexed and thrown out of the ring by a mystery woman in a mask. Grimes is back in but Cartel takes him out at the knees with a chop then deliver a dropkick. All three members of the Cartel pile on top of Grimes to hold him down for the pin. WINNERS: THE CARTEL. They leave a dead fish on Vic Grimes afterwards, but he EATS THE FISH. Mystery woman leaves with Grimes and Cannon. Backstage Lizzy is reading a fan letter, Sydal seems concerned about it but blows it off because he's more concerned about beating up "that poseur pimp wannabe." We go to commercial break.
* Human Tornado v. Matt Sydal (with Lizzy Valentine)
The crowd mocks both Sydal and Lizzy as losers before the man "from Hollywood - Alabama that is" climbs down the ladder and makes his way to the ring. Tornado shows off his 70's kung-fu blaxploitation flick moves and tries to mack on Lizzy, which Sydal definitely takes exception to. Dropkick and shoulder block by Tornado knocks him outside, Tornado jumps to the outside as Lizzy pulls him out of the way, and Tornado splashes into the crowd instead. Sydal throws him back in, spits on his hands, and rubs them in Tornado's face before knocking him off his feet with a dropkick and then doing some dance moves of his own. Catapault dropkick by Sydal only gets a two and a half. Roundhouse kick gets another near fall. Sydal can't believe Tornado is surviving. Tornado whipped to the corner and nailed with a southpaw clothesline but Tornado counters and does some moves from House Party before Sydal sweeps the legs and does a standing moonsault.. no pin! Tornado hits an enzuguiri, Lizzy tries to give him a nutshot but that doesn't work on the steel balls, Lizzy tries to hit him with the purse but the fan letter he was reading falls out, Sydal is distracted, tries to give Tornado a mule kick in the balls despite this but the balls of steel resist it, Tornado gives him "That Ninja's Dead" and gets the three. WINNER: THE HUMAN TORNADO. Now we get another video package of Team Dragon Gate being brainwashed as we go to commercial before the main event between The Filth & The Fury and Los Pochos Guapos.
"That letter cost me the match!" "Don't try to blame this on me, this has nothing to do with any letter. You lost again, and Matthew I don't dig losers." She tries to rip up the letter to prove her loyalty but Sydal's having none of it and he walks out, and some other guy starts macking on her as he looks on.
* Kaos & Aguilera (Los Pochos Guapos) v. Matt Cross & Teddy Hart (The Filth & The Fury)
Los Pochos give a girl in the crowd the disco ball from That 70's Team before starting. Teddy Hart and Aguilera to start, Aguilera is overpowering him easily and clotheslines Hart out of his shoes and socks. Aguilera with a back elbow to the head and a foot to the neck but Hart wraps his body around the leg to break it off, only he gets thrown out in the process. Cross gets tagged OUTSIDE the ring and Kaos gets tagged too. Kaos and Aguilera argue, Cross takes advantage for a second but ends up eating a clothesline. Cross avoids a second one, jumps on Kaos' back, and knocks him down for a two count. Kaos hits an Ace Crusher that looks like a modified RKO but the pinfall is broken up. Aguilera is flirting with the girl in the crowd holding the disco ball and Cross takes advantage to do a splash on the outside. Hart has had enough and he jumps out on top of Aguilera right onto the steel guardrail, hurting himself more in the process. Aguilera tries to give him a shoulder breaker but Teddy blocks it. Hart comes up to the announce position and does a moonsault onto Los Pochos from all the way up top. Kaos takes the disco ball from the girl, throws it to Cross, dropkicks it into him and it explodes into a million pieces, leading to a three count. WINNERS: LOS POCHOS GUAPOS. Kaos and Aguilera celebrate and that's where we end. Another episode is up next!
* The Cartel v. Los Pochos Guapos
Kaos gets the first near fall of the match. Scoop slam and moonsault on Lil' Cholo for two. Delikado gets the tag and there's a slingshot neckbreaker double team. Delikado with knife edge chops, Kaos whipped to the corner, A-Town stomp on his head, two count only. Delikado lays Kaos on the ropes, Aguilera tries to run in, this just results in the Cartel choking him on the ropes as the ref throws Aguilera out. Cholo back in and gets another near fall on Kaos. Reverse spring elbow a la Carlito gets two. Kaos finally gets a comeback with a second rope russian leg sweep and Aguilera gets the hot tag. Delikado tries to jump him but eats a top rope reverse elbow. Sidewalk slam gets a near fall. Aguilera tags Kaos back in even though he's hurting and he picks up Cholo, Aguilera was going to come off the top rope on him, he gets knocked to the floor and Delikado picks up Kaos for a piledriver. WINNERS: THE CARTEL. Both of Los Pochos Guapos are laid on and hurting, and another dead fish is left on Kaos chest. Backstage Alkatrazz and Luke Hawx are mad their scheduled match was cancelled, and they get in the faces of Vic Grimes and Arik Cannon. Hawx mocks the masked lady with them and says "you saved their bitch asses when they couldn't get the job done" and she punches him straight in the face! Commercial.
We're backstage with Lacey and Jack Evans. "Konichiwa Lacey you're looking fine as always. I am Jack Evans the man the myth the legend baby. I have the best moves in the ring and on the dancefloor. In fact I just picked this one up Lacey, check it out." Evans does a handstand in front of her. Tornado comes and interrupts. "I heard through the grapevine that you have these tight moves, but all these Tornadhoes say that I'm the king of the dancefloor." Evans: "Go puff your fro or whatever you do and I'll get my cardboard. You better be ready to judge because we about to have a danceoff!" This is followed by a recap footage of the feud between Vampiro and Ricky Banderas leading up to this point.
* Vampiro {C} v. Ricky Banderas (WSX Championship Title)
Banderas is introduced first and is listed as the IWA World Champion and Hardcore Champion, hailing from Puerto Rico. (He has also been Muerte Cybernitco in AAA.) Out second is the champion Vampiro, walking very slowly to the ring, wearing a Black Label Society Jacket. The announcers note there are two caskets at ringside and a third one wrapped in barbed wire. Double underhook up and over by Vampiro to start. Pitbull says Banderas should be nicknamed Caramel because his face is all burnt up. Banderas and Vampiro exchange punches and moves, Vampiro gets the worst of it and rolls outside, Banderas tries to dive into him but Vampiro pulls the steel guardrail right into his face. Vampiro gets reversed into a steel barricade and Banderas throws his head into it repeatedly. The crowd tries to cheer Vampiro on but Banderas stays in control and throws Vampiro back in. Vampiro is stomped down to the canvas, Banderas goes top rope, but Vampiro catches him and chokeslams him for a two count. We go to a commercial break.
We're back with a promo for Team Dragon Gate, noting they were defeated multiple times before being abducted by Sakoda. He reprogrammed them to succeed and they re-debut on WSXtra against D.I.F.H. But now we're back live and both men spill out of the ring onto the concrete floor. Vampiro gets up first, he and Banderas exchange chops, Vampiro drags him up on the music stage towards a table full of flourescent lights, but Banderas counters and drops him on the table instead. Vampiro's back is a bloody mess! Banderas powerbombs him through the stage to the floor! The fans aren't going nearly as crazy about this as they should be. Vampiro gets thrown back into the ring and chopped, double chokeslam teased for a second before Vampiro throws him off, they move towards the barbed wire coffin on the apron, Vampiro teases falling into it but fights Banderas off, reverses positions, Banderas gives him a headbutt to get away, chokeslams Vampiro into the coffin and it EXPLODES~!!~! The referee comes over and makes the pinfall as Banderas lays on him in the coffin. WINNER AND NEW WSX CHAMPION: RICKY BANDERAS!! Banderas puts on the belt and gets in the ring to celebrate as we get a promo for matches next week, including Jack Evans and Human Tornado along with musical guest Styles P.
* Luke Hawx & Alkatrazz v. Arik Cannon & Vic Grimes
Styles speculates that Grimes weighs a thousand pounds as Hawx and Cannon start. The edits are so quick I can't follow anything other than Cannon hitting a swinging neckbreaker and some knife edge chops. Cannon does a rolling neckbreaker off the top rope for a two count as Alkatrazz looks on, prompting Styles to say he looks like he just came home from jail. Grimes gets the tag and Styles says his favorite wrestler as a kid was Ivan Putski. Hawx tries to get a comeback on Grimes but gets back suplexed by his ankles onto his face. Alkatrazz comes in and gets driven face first into the mat. Grimes goes to the top rope, Alkatrazz tries to cut him off, but Grimes goes old school like Undertaker along the top and nails the arm before Cannon is tagged in. Luke Hawx gets the tag as well. Grimes gets a quick tag right back in and double teams both men and makes a pin before Alkatrazz breaks up the count and knocks Grimes outside. Back in the ring Luke Hawx suplexes Cannon, on the outside there's a bunch of flourescent light tubes, Grimes tries to charge his opponent but hits the electrified light tubes and they all explode. Back in the ring Cannon gets doubleteamed and pinned and it's all over. WINNERS: LUKE HAWX AND ALKATRAZZ. Commercial.
Lizzy is backstage with Los Pochos Guapos as we return from break. She wants to know how they feel about the beatdowns they've gotten, Kaos in particular. Aguilera: "Everything you said happened in the past, but we have a rule on Los Pochos Guapos that we only talk about the now, and now it's time to dish out some punishment to the Cartel. We're going to give them a taste of their own menudo. Next week a fish tank and none of this dead fish {bullshit}, it's full of live piranhas, we're going to have ourselves a good ol' fashioned Piranha Deathmatch." HE ACTUALLY SAID GOOD OL' FASHIONED PIRANHA DEATHMATCH~! That's why I love Wrestling Society X, it's unapologetically whacky and fun.
* Scorpio Sky v. 6-Pac
Sky jumps him even before the match starts and gives him a mocking crotch chop, although they bleep out the announcers saying "suck it." Pac gets back on offense and starts laying into Sky with kicks including one to the face, runs across the ring and connects with the Bronco Buster before giving some "suck it" of his own. Another roundhouse kick and a lazy pin by Pac that Sky kicks out of by two. Sky throws Pac out and dives over the ropes but Pac catches him coming in with a knee, picks him up, and crotches him on the ringpost. "Scorpio Sky will be singing high in the shower tonight!" Sky thrown back in Pac goes top rope but he misses completely. "I guess he was voted most likely to get out of the way in high school!" 6-Factor connects and Sky is now "most likely to be beaten by a greasy rat." WINNER: 6-PAC. Lacey and Lizzy Valentine are backstage, Lizzy yells at Matt to put his shirt on, and Lacey wants to do an interview. "6-Pac just blew through Scorpio Sky. So what's with all these rumors about you and 6-Pac," and Lizzy gets mad "Hello there's NOTHING going on between me and Pac. This interview's over." She storms out. Matt: "There was this letter she had.." and it cuts off there.
* Jack Evans v. The Human Tornado
Evans comes out and does breakdancing in the ring. Tornado comes out to the ring styling and profiling with a pinstripe suit jacket on. We're shown footage from WSXtra of Tornado and Evans doing a danceoff, which they shill as continuing in the ring as both Evans and Tornado start breaking and pop locking. Evans finally has enough of being shown up so he slaps Tornado in the face and the match officially gets underway. Tornado ducks and kicks Evans in the face and Styles P notes this is a "stylish affair" as they keep ducking each other's blows with dance moves. Evans dropkicks Tornado through the ropes to the concrete floor. He teases a suicide dive, stops and lands on the apron, then charges off the apron with a dive and pins Tornado on the floor for a two count. Commercial!
Human Tornado dominated during the commercial break and we come back to him getting a two and nine-tenths pinfall as Styles P says that "WSX is incredible, I haven't seen a match with this many moves ever." Evans hits a reverse 'rana and gets the 2.9 pinfall himself. P: "I really don't believe this~! Oh my God." Evans off the second rope with a springboard corkscrew but he misses. Tornado puts on the dragon sleeper and stretches Evans out, he tries to get to the ropes and fails as Tornado gives him a back breaker and then applies a rear naked choke. Evans did not tap out but the bell rings, and Fabien Kaelin enters the ring to declare a time limit draw. Even for a crowd full of plants this draw MASSIVE BOOS and a chant of LET THEM FINISH. The entire announce booth is pissed. Now we go backstage to Lacey with Matt Classic. Sakoda whispers something in Matt's ear and he leaves. Team Dragon Gate take the mic and cut promos in Japanese. I have no idea what they said except for right at the end "DOMO ARIGATO" a.k.a. "THANK YOU VERY MUCH." Sakoda explains they are challenging for an exploding steel cage match with a time bomb attached. Insane! That's where this episode and this marathon end. See you hear next week for the season finale!