Another in our weekly series of reviews covering RING OF HONOR DEE-VEE-DEEZ! For more information visit www.ROHWrestling.com and don't forget to buy a few DVD's of your own while there. This week we're covering "Expect the Unexpected" from March 15th, 2003. Let's get straight into the action!
The show opens with Chistopher Daniels and his entire Prophecy clique standing around him. Daniels: "Ha ha ha! You see, Xavier has proved that in ROH the more things change the more they stay the same. Congratulations champ, that was one hell of a match you put on at the First Anniversary." Xavier: "That's right, one hell of a match. Everybody thought I'd lose this belt but it's still on my shoulder. Everybody thought Low-Ki would beat me, he didn't. Everone thought AJ would beat me, he didn't. Everyone thought Jay Briscoe would beat me - he didn't. And Paul London - TWICE thought he could beat Xavier, and he didn't. And tonight - four of the best ROH athletes in a #1 Contender's Match for my title. It doesn't matter who it is, they're just going to get X'D OUT by the best." Daniels: "Tonight my friend you are a double champion - see ROH you think you've put one over on my by making Xavier and I defend the tag titles while Donovan Morgan is in Japan. Do you actually think you've caught me in my own loophole? If I had to search the world over for a substitute do you think I could find someone better than the current ROH champion? That's just another example of control - the Prophecy is in it, and you are under it. How did it feel to have the First Anniversary Show in New York and not have a tag team title match on it? And then the audacity of ROH, begging for me to cut promos just so I could be on the videotape. Remember that Ring of Honor, people say to see Christopher Daniels, not the so-called Ring of Honor style." Well he may have a point - I know I've bought a hell of a lot of ROH DVD's just to see the Fallen Angel. Daniels: "People buy the tapes and DVD's because they want to see me - I MAKE THIS COMPANY with my work in the ring AND I WILL CONTINUE to tear down the Code of Honor and rebuild this company in the Prophecy's own image. I look around and see so many new faces - the Backseat Boyz, the Briscoes, Hotstuff Hernandez, pure technicians like Chad Collyer and Matt Stryker, and guys who will go to any length to get their break in this business - men like CM Punk, Colt Cabana and BJ Whitmer. Despite this influx one thing stays the same - the champions. Xavier, ROH Champion since September! Donovan Morgan and Christopher Daniels - the first AND CURRENT ROH Champions. No matter who wins the Scramble tonight they will LOSE to Xavier and Daniels. And Corino it doesn't matter who you add to the roster, when you come for us we will be ready. I'm waiting for you to cast the first stone. Aren't we Allison?" Danger: "Oh yes. Steven, you dare come afer my men, and I will reveal every secret on you. Remember when we were kids, mom & dad would leave the house, and you'd beat me and force me to wrestle. Remember when you broke my leg? You left me in a cast for the entire summer. I haven't forgotten and I'm coming for my revenge. BACK OFF, or I will reveal every last story about you." Daniels: "You can't outbrawl us, outwrestle us, or put us down! We hold the titles, we hold the power. And the more things change, the more they stay the same." That ladies and gentlemen is the gospel, according to the Fallen Angel.
* Matt Stryker v. Chad Collyer
Holy crap it's like I'm watching an HWA Adrenaline match on a Ring of Honor show. Damn shame that HWA can't even seem to run anything but six month old repeats though, I gave up on that show altogether. Collyer and Stryker tie up and break. A second try and Stryker ends up grinding a forearm into the face of Collyer in the corner. Third try and it's ROH 101 with mat reversals and a standoff. Collyer works a wristlock into a headlock but Stryker fights up and out to his feet and pushes Collyer's back down in a bridge towards the mat. Stryker gets up and Collyer puts on an arm drag into an arm bar. Both men are basically on neutral ground with counters and more counters. The announcers make fun of Stryker's unibrow. Fujiwara armbar looks good but goes nowhere. Stryker goes for a submission and Collyer gets the ropes. Stryker with a back elbow to the jaw. Collyer with a reversal and an arm hold. Stryker goes for the Stryker Lock but Collyer gets the ropes for a break. Collyer and Stryker go to holds again, Collyer goes from a chinbreaker to a spinning toe hold and looks to be setting up a Texas cloverleaf. Collyer continues to work over and attack Stryker's leg and he limps along selling it. Stryker is now our valiant babyface fighting off the rudo Collyer, needing rope breaks to escape submission holds. Thankfully this makes it easier to tell them apart as they were both sporting sculpted physiques and generic one color trunks, and it's not as though the camera gives a close up of Stryker's unibrow every five seconds.
The announcers babble on and on about top five rankings as Stryker and Collyer continue to duel. Stryker misses a high knee to the corner and exacerbates his injury. Collyer turns him over for the cloverleaf, but Stryker guts it out and gets to the ropes one more time. Collyer gets a couple of near falls and stretches Stryker out, but he bridges up out of it for two 2 counts on Collyer. Stryker with a big forearm to the head, whip off the ropes, back elbow, leg lariat, 2. European uppercut, whip, high back bodydrop on Collyer. Boot to the face, 2 count. Stryker goes for a DVD and gets blocked, 'rana blocked by Collyer, near fall. Victory roll, near fall. More uppercuts by Collyer, Stryker gets a backslide for 2. La magistral for 2. Stryker gets an ankle lock and drags Collyer away from the ropes. Collyer rolls through it and gets 2 and the # of near falls in this match is getting ridiculous to the point the crowd seems apathetic to the whole thing. Stryker is kicked into the corner but reverses Collyer charging in for knife edge chops. "Listen to this crowd! You have to be in here for the atmosphere right now." What atmosphere - they yell TWO on every near fall and make as much noise as a church mouse between. Collyer goes for the cloverleaf one more time, Stryker tries to crawl away, Collyer sits down on it and Stryker taps. WINNER: CHAD COLLYER.
The crowd is happy but I think they're largely happy it's over - a respectful handshake occurs afterwards. Hit Squad and Low-Ki are hanging out backstage. The Squad seems to be upset that Ki is the star of the promotion and they are perennial midcarders. Low-Ki promo: "Special K you disrespect a lot of people, what we do, and the Code of Honor. Tonight Da Hit Squad and Low-Ki are gonna beat respect into you kids. You are going to respect the sport of professional wrestling. You have a lot of talent and potential, but you'll never realize that potential without respect. When we beat that respect into you, you'll realize it's not the size of the fighters..." and one of the Hit Squad interrupts "BOO-YA-KA, SPECIAL K! GET READY, WE AIN'T PLAYIN NO GAMES!"
* Slim J v. Amazing Red
Red puts Special K's Slim J in a headlock to start as we're informed this is J's first ever solo match. One of these two men is small and pale enough to be Hornswaggle's body double but I can't decided which. Slim J hits a satellite head scissors and takes Red over. They trade sweeps and drags and it's ROH 101 all over again. Red is the babyface to the crowd and he plays it up by offering J a handshake, which he at first seems to accept only to kick Red's arm away. J and Red end up nose to nose. J grabs the ropes to avoid a move and monkeyflips Red, but Red comes back with a clothesline that nearly flips J out of his shoes. J falls out to the floor and Red dives onto him, flying over Special K member Hijinx in the process. Special K's notty dread bodyguard looks on. Red knocks J down for 2. The announcers inform us Paul London isn't here last night since he had to have emergency surgery on his nasal cavity. Red hits a baseball slide kick for 2. Red goes to the second rope and misses, Slim J comes off the top and does not for 2. The Eminem wannabe Slim J does a step kick to the head and an inverted blockbuster neckbreaker. J distracts the ref and nails Red in the balls. 2 count. Vertical suplex and an arrogant one-handed cover for 2. J goes for the electric chair but Red reverses out with a 'rana. Two count before J gets the ropes. Red with a kick to the gut, whip off the ropes, J reverses a clothesline attempt into a cradle DDT, covering Red for 2 on repeated attempts. J with right hands and a springboard reverse DDT for 2.
Announce team: "Slim J might not be the biggest guy but he's going to take advantage of his size." Well the announcers are right - Slim J makes even the smallest WWE cruiserweight look GINORMOUS as Tazz would say. More distractions by J's posse at ringside. It's got to be getting near time for Red's comeback, he's been taking a beating for a while. Sure enough Red gets a boot up as J charges in, slams him face first into the canvas, 2 count. Red gets up to a round of applause. Another big boot to J's face, Red picks him up and does a Lesnar style F-5! Red covers him for 2.9. Low blow by J to regain momentum but the crowd doesn't even boo this heelish maneuver; probably because they were just looking forward to J's next move - a moonsault into a diamond cutter (or the attempt at one anyway) for 2. J goes for the electric chair again, Red blocks, J blocks the 'rana, Red hits an enzuguiri and the Red Storm Press for 2.98! Red pulls J up again, the rasta dread grabs him through the ropes, Red does his own version of a Styles Clash in the form of an inverted piledriver and gets 3! WINNER: AMAZING RED. Much better than the first match, not just for the spots but for the surprising amount of technique J showed as a singles wrestler.
I wonder what ever happened to that kid Slim J; turns out OWW has the answer as he's still kicking around in various NWA territories. Special K's bodyguard (who I guess is named Slugger) hits Red with a move called the Bodybag and a swarm of officials and refs hit the ring. The sell on this vicious attack is muted by the fact the video immediately wipes to a promo by Gary Michael Capetta. I can't make out shit from what he's saying due to the poor PA system other than the fact he's inviting CM Punk to the ring. Another video wipe and Punk is cutting a promo, but once again the system and the acoustics are making it hard to hear. This part however is clear: "If you don't know my name you should. My name is CM Punk, and I represent straightedge. I'm drug free, I'm alcohol free, that means I'm better than you!" Punk is getting over heel in Cambridge both for his temperance and his assertion that most of Massachusetts is a dirty hellhole. The crowd seems to be chanting "HO-MO" and Punk reminds them that their hero, the drug-addled Raven, isn't even here tonight. "I challenged Raven and he didn't have the balls to show up. He says I don't have the heart to walk on the wildside. Raven wherever you are laying in a gutter somewhere right now you don't have the heart to be straightedge. I showed up for your challenge
and you're nowhere to be found. My convictions speak for themselves. When you go to a crappy job you hate each and every day, I want you to think of me, you people aspire to be like me... drug free.. and BETTER THAN RAVEN."
Punk leaves the ring yelling "QUOTE THAT! QUOTE THAT BOSTON!" As he's about to step through the curtain and head backstage Raven decks him and comes out. Raven gets a big pop as he steps through the ring before slumping in the corne with a mic. Between the shitty PA system and the crowd noise most of his promo is getting garbled but this much comes through from Raven: "Maybe the kid has a point - I'm a little older, time has caught up to me, maybe I'm not the man I once was." He does a little dance. Punk takes the mic back: "Why would I be scared of you! You know why I'm not scared of you, you could never beat me in a normal match." More talking that can't be discerned other than Punk seemingly being goaded into a Raven's Rules match. Raven states that for the first ten minutes, he won't use a table or a chair, he'll wrestle Punk's style of straight up ROH match. "Welcome to Raven's Clockwork Orange House of Fun. Quoth the Raven, nevermore!" Raven walks away striking a pose and when he turns Punk runs up behind him to turn him around and punch him. Raven beats him to it with a right and I believe we are unofficially underway! Raven gets the best of CM Punk at the start, goes for the DDT, and Punk squirms away and runs outside of the ring. "No DDT's tonight Boston!" Punk heads for the curtain - as Ron Simmons would say DAMN. Guess we have to wait for this match until later. Instead we get...
* Loc & DeVito (Carnage Crew) v. Trent Acid & Johnny Kashmere (Backseat Boyz) v. AJ Styles (with Alexis Laree) v. Joel & Jose Maximo (SAT) - Scramble Match
Here's some food for thought. If you didn't know Christopher Street was one of the most famous places for homosexuals in New York City let alone the country (outside of Northampton or San Francisco) and ROH brought out the Backseat Boyz on their first ever show wouldn't you think based on the name alone that they were the gay tag team? In fact if Acid & Kashmere were the Christopher Street Connection you'd figure that street was a rough and tumble place full of greasers and bikers and homeless guys with shivs, a place where the toughs have long hair and tats and skulls around their necks. That's why without question the Backseat Boyz have the worst tag team name EVER. They are not a parody of the Backstreet Boys, they are not flaming queens who grab each other's backsides, so it's absolutely absurd. I'd have seriously given them more credibly if their name was "The New Rockers 2003." Incidentally the gimmick with AJ coming out by himself is that he picked Amazing Red to be his replacement partner but Red got creamed after his match with Slim J so he's out and Styles had no time to find ANOTHER new partner. Just call him Hard Luck Styles. Anyway I think we all know by now I'm not a big fan of ROH Scramble Matches so I'm just going to highlight the finish. Styles did a sunset flip over Jose Maximo off the top rope, stood up for the Styles Clash, Maximo fought it off, so instead Styles gave him a huge powerbomb and a reverse backbridge roll-up for the pin. WINNER AND ADVANCING TO FACE THE ROH TAG CHAMPIONS: AJ STYLES. I guess as Scramble Matches go this wasn't the worst, but it's a throwaway for two reasons: 1) They're just using it to build up a match on TONIGHT'S SHOW not the next PPV, something you might buy to see and 2) You've just had a one man team job out about half of ROH's other tag teams, so the whole division now looks weak. Proper planning prevents piss poor performance.
Afterwards the Outcast Killaz come out to the ring to cut a promo on SAT. Once again the echoing and the shitty PA system make this impossible to follow - couldn't SOMEBODY have patched the mic right into the camera filming it? No? Too hard for ROH? Anyway the whole point here is that Outcast Killaz jump the Maximo Brothers but end up eating a beating including a Spanish Fly off the top to finish them off.
* Special K v. Low-Ki & Da Hit Squad (6-Man Tag)
Monsta Mack, Mafia and Ki are billed at over 700 pounds, while Special K is billed as 360 kilos but somehow I doubt they're all a buck fifty soaking wet. Brian XL, Hydro (Black Machismo) and Slim J tease doing flip dives to the outside on the babyfaces but instead get down on their knees and beg for mercy, but they're just exposing their backs for Deranged, Angel Dust and Dixie to leap off them over the top rope to the floor. A second backflip attempt backfires. Low-Ki gets Deranged in the corner and unloads with chops. D comes back with a little offense before Ki wipes him out with a kick and tags in Mafia. Mafia plants him with a powerbomb and then throws him into Dixie. Monsta Mack gets the tag and the beating continues. Dixie gets a tag and actually manages to 'rana Mack but then eats an overhead release belly to belly. Ki gets tagged back in and Dixie tags out to Angel Dust. Ki with knife edge chops, uppercuts and punches. AD is down and out and the crowd pops for Low-Ki. If Special K weren't heels AD would be the face-in-peril after the beating he's taking. Ki unloads on his back with about 10 of the stiffest kicks I've ever seen.
Ki throws AD over the top rope, he tries to climb up for a move, Ki knocks him into a half tree of woe and kicks the back, then falls down the ropes with AD in a dragon clutch - he falls off the ropes and still has it locked on. Ki tags out to Mafia. Dixie in and he and D get picked up simultaneously for a suplex. Brian XL causes a distraction and Mafia becomes the face in peril as Special K all team up on him. Angel Dust covers Mafia for 2. Mafia gives Dixie a full nelson on his head and Dust an overhead facedriver. Mafia manages to tag out to Ki and he lights up anybody he can get his hands on. Hydro gets krush rushed and Dust gets rocked by a Monsta Mack clothesline. Hit Squad cannonball Angel Dust but Slim J brings a chair into the ring. It's not used by K though - instead Mack hits a coast to coast Van Terminator although they had to change camera angles really quick to make it look good since I don't think he made it all the way across the ring. Deranged starts throwing ROH turnbuckle barries and chairs at him and the ring goes clusterfuck with Special K to the point the ref finally has to call for the bell. WINNERS BY DQ: LOW-KI & HIT SQUAD... BUT HOLD UP. Ki says this isn't what he wanted or came here for and lectures Special K for costing their own team the match. Ki says bring all six of your Special K guys in the ring against the 3 of us and let's settle this. THE REF RINGS THE BELL AND THE MATCH IS BACK ON~!
Hit Squad chase Special K down before they can escape out the curtain. Ki takes out Slim J and starts to back down Dixie. Dixie offers Low-Ki some drugs and Ki at first seems to throw them away but then for no reason whatsoever changes his mind and decides to take a hit of E. The rest of the K kids come into the ring and hold Ki up since the drug seemed to have caused a loss of motor control, they all start dancing and partying as Ki hangs there limply... then all of a sudden he perks up and sticks out his tongue and THE PILL IS STILL THERE! He spits it out and starts to unload on Special K members left and right, using Dixie's arm and cane to beat up the rest of the group. Dixie tries to offer him the whole stash but he gets a clothesline and a tidal krush! Low-Ki puts on the Kangol hat, invites the Hit Squad in, and there's a simultaneous series of finishers by all three men on their puny SK counterparts for the 1-2-3. WINNERS AGAIN: LOW-KI & HIT SQUAD. Since ROH is now going to intermission I'll be back tomorrow with PART TWO!