WSX MTV Debut Recap (1/26)

Welcome to the debut of Wrestling Society X on MTV. 30 men will enter, only one man will... no wait, that's the Royal Rumble this Sunday. That's not to say there ISN'T an over-the-top battle rope challenge tonight on WSX though, with two contracts for a shot at the WSX championship on the line. Who will enter the fray, and who will leave with the "Money in the Bank?" First a word from our sponsors.

Wrestling Society X is a production of Big Vision Entertainment, appearing exclusively on the MTV Network, all rights reserved, inferred, or shoved up your ass by New Jack when he feels like it, just for the hell of it. If you're not a roody-poot candy-ass go to WSX.MTV.com for more information.

Alright now that we've got that bullcrap out of the way, on to our "debut before the REAL debut" next Tuesday night. This is the show they didn't want you to know about so keep it on the hush and make sure to tune in anyway on January 30th. You'll only be missing a half hour of ECW if you do, and trust me you won't miss that half hour. We open with the WSX logo and an announcer promoting the "hottest young superstar and most lethal legends," and of course lethal means we get a nice gruesome shot of New Jack's scarred up forehead. The opening graphic appears to be an animated entry into a secret club. First rule of Fight Club, don't talk about Fight Club. Second rule of Fight Club, invite Zakk Wylde and his Black Label Society to open your show. The performance is only a minute long and they bleep out Zakk saying "make some FUCKING noise" but you get the idea. Next up is introduction of the play-by-play team, Bret Ernst and Kris Kloss. Kris Kloss? Oh I remember Kris Kloss, he's on all of those shitty XPW DVD's. (Yes I know I'm playing myself by even admitting I have some.) Hopefully he won't suck too much tonight, I don't know anything about the other guy though. They put over the main event of tonight's show for the two WSX title contracts, but we have an opening match accompanied by a scroll that reads "these stunts should not be attempted by anyone at home.. or anyone anywhere else for that matter... enjoy the mayhem."

* Matt Sydal (w/ Lizzy Valentine) v. Jack Evans

It's the BATTLE FOR SHIBUYA TOAST~! Sorry, that's a joke only three people reading are going to get, so feel free to tell me to fuck off if you're not one of them. Zakk Wylde decides to join the announce booth while Evans does some pop-locking and breaking in the ring. Lizzy makes an "L" for loser in Jack's direction, and no surprise Sydal immediately dumps Evans outside the ring then comes flying over the top rope onto him on the hard concrete floor (no ringside mats in WSX). Evans reverses an irish whip and goes on offense, but gets cut off on a springboard with a roundhouse kick and pinned for two. Sydal stretches him out on his shoulder and stretches the neck but Evans spins out and gives him a tornado kick right out of his shoes and socks. Sydal falls to the floor and Evans returns the favor from earlier by flipping into the air and landing on him on the outside. Psychology in a WSX spotfest? Not bad! Back in the ring - pump handle slam for Sydal gets two. Standing press gets two. Lizzy grabs Evans by the ankle as he's on the apron but Jack knocks her down, jumps off her back and hits Sydal with a tornado DDT. Evans goes top rope for a BIG 630 SPLASH and connects for the pin! WINNER: JACK 'SHIBUYA TOAST' EVANS. Lizzy kinda makes the eye at him afterwards, Jack reciprocates, then does a corkscrew backflip off the apron to the floor to celebrate. Tag team video clip introductions follow, including a mention of Team Dragon Gate imported from Japan. They promise us the WSX Rumble is up next, so as Dr. keith would say PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE, STAY TUNED~!

We're back with PJ Polaco? No, it's Justin Credible! Somehow he got his name back - I wonder if MTV ponied up a little money to WWE for the rights. He's got a promo for us all: "Tonight, I got invited to take part in the WSX Rumble. Tonight is gonna be my night! TONIGHT IS GONNA BE JUSTIN CREDIBLE!" Up next New Jack cutting a promo on Chris Hamrick: "Tonight yo' ass is gonna get beat to death, BELIEVE THAT PUNK! You ain't got no business in the ring with me!" New Jack shoves him aside. Teddy Hart: "I am the past, present, and future of professional wrestling!" The tag team of Kaos and Aguilera cut a promo too, but the only thing you need to know about them is that Aguilera used to be Carlito's bodyguard on Smackdown, back when he was called Jesus.

"And NOW, for something, COMPLETELYYYYYYYYY DIFFERENT." Thank you anonymous screaming ring announcer who likes ripping off Monty Python trademarks in shitty ways. He says "LET'S SEE WHO DREW UNLUCKY NUMBER ONE" and the familiar "snap your fingers, snap your neck" music starts playing in the background - it's none other than Justin Credible. #2 is Teddy Hart, and Credible throws a bottle at him before the match even starts. IT'S ON BITCHES~!

* WSX Rumble (two contracts on the line)

Weapons are legal. Tables are set up and waiting. Explosive barbed wire is lit and ready. Yes I'm serious. Anybody getting tossed out of this ring may be regretting it. #3 to enter is Kaos, the two-time XPW television champion. Credible and Hart try to team up on Kaos but he gets a double clothesline for his trouble. Double team shooting star press leaves Kaos lying as Vampiro comes out #4. He's a house of fire with clotheslines before Teddy Hart gets in his face with forearms, but misses on a splash and rams himself into the turnbuckle. Hart gets a chokeslam from Vampiro for his trouble. We're going to commercial in mid-Rumble but we'll be right back!

Coming back from break highlights of Puma hitting the ring and immediately being eliminated by Vampiro. Sucks to be #5 dude. PUMA OUT #1. Al Katrazz comes out #6 and Vampiro is owning him. 6-Pac comes out #7 and is put over as the most decorated wrestler among all the WSX entrants, and they even put him over as an original DX member and "real gentleman," which even Kris Kloss has to mock him for. Chris Hamrick enters #8 and is followed immediately by New Jack, who I guess is #9 officially or unofficially. New Jack beats the hell out of him and gets a huge pop from the crowd. Hamrick thrown over the top but lands on the apron, and he points a finger at his head to show how smart he is, and New Jack comes off the ropes to tackle him from behind and send him flying through a table. HAMRICK OUT #2. New Jack immediately jumps down to beat on him so more, he doesn't give a fuck! NEW JACK OUT #3. New Jack takes exception to the ruling, throws the referee in, plays a little tune on one of Zakk's guitar and then EXPLODES it over the referee's head. Niiiice! Teddy Hart moonsaults off the top rope as New Jack continues a beating. Kaos gets thrown over the top but lands on the apron. New Jack climbs to the top of a large edifice as one of the wrestlers gets a suplex into live wire - I believe it was Kaos. KAOS OUT #4 WITH A BANG. New Jack jumps off the edifice onto Hamrick, who's laid out on a table. SMASH~! Al Katrazz kicked off the apron through a table onto the floor. AL KATRAZZ OUT #5. Teddy Hart reverses Vampiro into a DDT. The tenth entrant is Youth Suicide. Hart charges Justin Credible but gets floated to the outside through a table. HART OUT #6. Youth Suicide brings a bucket of tacks in the ring and dumps them out. Now that there's only four men left the rules change and the ladders and contracts are in play, as two of the remaining four get the title shot. Suicide to his credit immediately puts a ladder up. Vampiro picks him up off the ladder though and powerbombs him into the tacks - OUCH! Waltman climbs the ladder while they're all distractted by this carnage and grabs one of the title shots. 6-PAC GETS CONTRACT #1. Youth Suicide tries to climb the ladder again but Justin Credible tips it over into the electric wire box outside, which goes off with a HUGE burst of pyro. Justin starts to set up the other ladder, gives Vampiro a suplex, but Vampiro kicks his face off for his trouble. Credible and Vampiro climb up opposite sides of the ladder and battle at the top. Vampiro wins the fistfight, grabs the title shot and falls off the ladder. VAMPIRO GETS CONTRACT #2. The show immediately ends with a hype package for the action we'll see "next week" and a plug to visit WSX.MTV.com as 6-Pac and Vampiro continue to brawl before the credits rule. Tune in to see WSX crown their first champion!