WWE Armageddon Live Recap

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Welcome to Armageddon, where THE END IS NEARRRRRR! Tonight's event eminates live from the Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh, PA. There's a lot on the line in this show including two world titles, the United States title, and a future title shot at the Royal Rumble. So what's first on tap this evening? We're just about to find out. First up though is the ominous opening video with the mushroom clouds and the snarling Randy Orton, before Chris Jericho comes out to "save us" from the end of days. Next is a video of Edge's brutal attack on Undertaker, and Batista is under the gun as two different men are shooting for his title. And now, CALL OF DUTY 4 presents WWE ARMAGEDDON. Tons of pyros go off in Pittsburgh and we're underway!

* MVP {C} v. Rey Mysterio (United States Title)

Montell Vontavious Porter gets quite the reaction tonight at DJ's Dugout - half the bar booing, half cheering. He's wearing a red white and blue bodysuit tonight (mostly red with blue and white trim). Mysterio's reaction surprisingly is equally mixed. Here's wearing black and yellow trunks and a hood over his mask with the same color scheme inverted. He steps into the ring and we get a good closeup of the skull hood before he pulls it off and poses in the corner for the crowd, then rolls out to the floor to give the hood to a little big man at ringside. The ref takes the US title and holds it up then signals for the bell. Here we go!

Mysterio works leg kicks early and even goes for a lucha roll, getting a one count. MVP ducks down for a high back bodydrop and gets kicked in the head before Mysterio arm drags him to the outside. Referee Corderas stops Mysterio from doing the suicide dive so Mysterio jumps OVER him with a twisting corkscrew flip to the floor to wipe MVP out. MVP misses the boot in the corner but finally manages to hit Mysterio with snake eyes to take control. MVP goes for a quick cover and gets 2 and now the heat's on MVP as he works over Rey. Fans start chanting SIX-ONE-NINE but it's too early for the Mysterio comeback. MVP works over the left arm and neck. MVP does some leg kicks and a springboard crossbody but MVP kicks out at 2. Springboard Lout Thesz press appears to have been botched as Rey lost his balance. Cole sells the idea he tweaked his repaired knee but Mysterio appears to be running the ropes fine... except that MVP clotheslines himon the rebound.

Rey's big comeback begins with a 'rana of MVP off the top rope. MVP clotheslines him again and pickjs Mysterio up but Rey counters into a reverse DDT for 2.9. Mysterio shoves MVP into the ropes for the six-one-nine but MVP ducks and goes down to the floor. Mysterio follows him down and does a head scissor to the pads. Rey gets back in as the ref gets to a count of six. MVP decides to stay on the floor and take the countout. WINNER BY COUNTOUT BUT NOT NEW US CHAMP: REY MYSTERIO. Mysterio drags him back in the ring for the six-one-nine and a moral victory, but nonetheless he's not leaving with the title tonight.

Jeff Hardy interview backstage. He says tonight is the next he takes his career to the next level and he will not, CANNOT believe in never.

* Kane & CM Punk v. Mark Henry & Big Daddy V

Kane is out first, followed by Punk, then The World's Strongest Man and The World's Fattest Man come out together flanked by Matt Striker. Bell rings and we're underway! If you said "CM Punk will take the beatdown from both of his massive opponents early on" you were 100% correct - that's exactly what's going on. Sign of the night so far in the crowd is "GET A BEER MATCH." Well V probably doesn't need any more empty calories but for the fans watching this debacle it's not such a bad idea. Kane finally gets the hot tag and gets a top rope clothesline, then tries to get the chokeslam on V, but V gets the sitout powerbomb on Kane for two before Punk runs in for a dropkick to the head for the save.

V starts dominating Kane with his sheer fatness, including an MMA cover from behind with his giant boobs on Kane's back. Henry gets the tag for some double team action. The two behemoths cut off the ring and beat on Kane forever until Kane manages to finally crawl over and hit the hot tag. Punk kicks V all the way down to one knee before Henry comes in, and Kane helps him clothesline Henry to the floor. Matt Striker jumps up to the apron, Punk kicks him off to the floor, jumps off the top rope to nail V but V catches him in mid-air for a Samoan drop and it's all over 1-2-3. WINNERS: MARK HENRY & BIG DADDY V.

Nauseating backstage segment with Vickie Guerrero and Edge making sex eyes at each other as she sits in a wheelchair with a neck brace on. It can't end soon enough. Random patron at DJ's Dugout yells out "Edge, don't make out with your mom!" Exactly. Kennedy comes out to the ring for a promo. "Shawn Michaels it doesn't matter if I like you, respect you, mock you, taunt you, trick you or impress you. The only thing that matters tonight is that I beat you. And that's exactly what will happen tonight - you will be beaten by MISTERRRRRRRR KENNEDY! ... KENNEDY!"

* Mr. Kennedy v. Shawn Michaels

HBK is selling an injury to his lower back from very early on in the match. In return Kennedy is selling HBK's attacks to his left arm and hand, hammerlocking it, twisting it, even tying his arm up in the ropes to work it over. They spill out to the floor once, Kennedy knocks him off the apron to the floor the second time, hitting the small of his back on the steel ringpost in the process. Kennedy brings him back in and repeatedly throws his back into the turnbuckle with one arm. Shawn keeps trying to make a comeback but Kennedy stays on offense and stretches Michaels' back over his knee. It's one near fall after another. Scoop slam and Kennedy jumps up to the second rope. Michaels tries to get a boot up but Kennedy had it scouted and avoids contact before getting another near fall.

HBK's comeback starts when he floats Kennedy over the apron all the way to the floor. Kennedy gets back in at five or six to get rights and knife edge chops. HBK flies into Kennedy, knocks him down and kips back up. Straight right hands and a scoop slam, selling his back all the way to the apron as he goes up for the top rope elbow. Flying elbow connects and HBK is ecstatic! Sweet chin music is on the way. Kennedy avoids the teeth going down his throat and counters to a near fall. Kennedy tries to finish HBK and gets cradled himself for 2. Kennedy throws HBK into the turnbuckle face first, hits his weird DDT and goes for the cover.. 1-2-NO!!! HBK kicks out at the very last second. HBK is pulled back up, Shawn counters by grabbing the ropes, Kennedy goes for punches but creates too much distance between them and gets kicked right in the face! 1-2-3 it's all over. WINNER: HEARTBREAK KID SHAWN MICHAELS.

Royal Rumble commercial. All the WWE superstars are brawling in a subway car headed to Madison Square Garden. The commercial ends with Michael Buffer trying to say "LET'S GREAT READY TO RU..." before Shawn Michaels superkicks him and shrugs about it with a giant grin on his face. Next Randy Orton cuts a promo backstage and suggests Chris Jericho save us from empty promises before offering this code for Y2J to break: "RKO 18." 18 being the number of world titles held between the last three champions to fall victim to Randy Orton.

* Jeff Hardy {C} v. Triple H (IC Title NOT on the line, WWE Title shot at the Rumble is)

Triple H is all over Jeff Hardy early with power moves. Hardy eventually knocks him out to the floor and goes for a baseball slide but Hunter avoids it. Triple H tries to run him into the barricade but Hardy counters his face into it. Hardy jumps up to run the barricade but Hunter was out of position so Hardy feigns losing his balance and Triple H clotheslines him. They get back in the ring and Triple H slaps him in the face and implores Hardy to FIGHT, FIGHT ME, FIGHT! Hardy says okay and goes on offense, knocking Hunter down and splitting the legs to drop on his crotch, then giving him a slap in return. Triple H smiles. He throws Hardy out to the floor then into the steel steps. Hardy goes back first into the apron before Hunter throws him back into the ring. Hardy tries to climb up to the top rope and Trips shoves him off and he takes a flying bump into the ringside barricade. Ref starts the ten count and Hardy gets back in at 9.

Hardy's first offense after minutes of a beatdown is an enzuguiri, but Triple H quickly overpowers him again with a clothesline and a two count. Lawler speculates Hunter may be smiling not because he's in control but because he's impressed by the resilience of Jeff Hardy. Hardy comes off the top rope with a dropkick that connects but he's slow to get up. Hardy with a neckbreaker, Hunter comes back with punches, Hardy ducks a clothesline off the ropes and knocks Trips down repeatedly before going for punches in the corner. Trips slumps down and Hardy goes for a dropkick to the face but Hunter moves out of the way and Hardy eats canvas. Jeff clotheslines Hunter to the floor and kicks him in the face, then launches himself over the ropes for a crossbody to the floor. Hardy throws Hunter back in and comes back up the steps to the top rope, then hits a flying crossbody for 2.5. Whisper in the Wind gets 2.8. Hardy yells for the Twist of Fate but Trips counters into a DDT for 2.9.

Quick near falls are traded. Trips stomps on Jeff in the corner and gets warned by the ref. Trips charges in, Jeff avoids it, dropkicks Hunter in the corner and goes up to the top rope for a Swanton Bomb. Hunter gets out of the way and goes for the lateral press but Hardy kicks out! Hardy avoids the Pedigree but ends up eating a spinebuster for his efforts. Trips hooks the arms for the Pedigree but Hardy backflips over him and puts his weight on the shoulders for the cover... 1-2-3 WTF!!! Holy shit! WINNER AND RECIPIENT OF A WWE TITLE SHOT AT THE ROYAL RUMBLE: JEFF HARDY.I have to see the replay again to believe it. Hardy sweeps the legs, flips over Hunter, and bridges him for the pin. Hunter's face afterwards is shock and surprise, and he smiles like a Cheshire Cat. Hardy thanks the crowd and bows to them, walking away with his Intercontinental Title over his arm.

Undertaker promo follows for the "15-0" which is now being shown on PPV in case you didn't back up the DVD at Wal*Mart. Next is an incomprehensible promo from Great Khali which is dutifully translated by his midget manager. The crowd really gets into Khali and yells out a hearty "WHAT!" every time he pauses. Manager translates that Khali will decimate Finlay and leave him laying at his feet, then Khali demonstrates applying the vice grip claw with his hands.

* The Great Khali v. Fit Finlay

Khali beats the crap out of Finlay for the majority of the match, including giving him one of the hardest chops on the apron I've ever seen anyone take. Eventually Khali goes to take the cover off a turnbuckle and Finlay goes to the corner to grab a shileleagh. He and the translator get in fight over it and Finlay kicks him away, but when he goes to hit Khali with it Khali blocks it and grabs ahold of him. The ref spots the shilelagh and goes to take it away, and when he does Hornswoggle runs in with a SECOND one. He low blows Great Khali, hands the shilelagh to Finlay, Finlay clonks Khali in the head with it and disposes it just before the ref comes over to make the three count! WINNER: FIT FINLAY. Enjoyable comedy ending results in this being a short but surprisingly fun match. Recap video of the feud between Y2J and Orton follows.

* Randy Orton {C} v. Chris Jericho (WWE Title)

Chris Jericho comes out first and gets a nice Y2J pop from the Pittsburgh crowd. Orton comes out to a chorus of boos, slowly sauntering his way through the ropes before posing with his left arm holding the title high in the air. Lillian Garcia is in the ring to give each man his own introduction. I wish she'd wear that black dress with the gold belt trim more often, it's really hot. Mike Chioda calls for the bell and the match is underway!

Jericho is getting more than his fair share of offense early, even controlling Orton to some degree with arm drags. It takes a while for Orton to establish his dominance but his opportunity comes when Jericho goes for the Walls, Orton kicks his way out of it and then gives Jericho a short DDT to the canvas. Eventually Orton goes for a whip to the corner, Jericho blocks and their heads collide. Double ten count gets all the way to eight before both men get to their feet and trade forearms. Jericho gets the better of it and knocks Orton down with tackles and a clothesline and gets a 2.5 count. Uppercut forearm by Jericho and a dropkick off the corner ropes for 2.8. Snap powerslam from Orton for a near fall of his own. Orton posts Jericho's shoulder into the corner but Y2J counters with a backslide for a near fall. Orton explodes out of the pin and he rams Jericho's shoulder into the ringpost hard. Orton takes Jericho up the ropes, Y2J tries to punch out from the outside, but Orton connects with the superplex and goes for the cover - another near fall.

Y2J goes for the Walls again but Orton counters into an inside cradle. Jericho gets out and bulldogs Orton to the mat then goes for a lionsault off the second rope but Orton gets both knees up. Inverted backbreaker by Orton. Orton is crawling around Jericho, pounding his fists into the mat, waiting to hit the RKO. Orton runs over - Jericho shoves him off and down to the mat! Jericho quickly hits the lionsault! 1-2-NO!!! Jericho goes out to the floor. Orton follows. Jericho charges Orton and gets thrown over the Smackdown announce table and lands right on Bradshaw. Jericho eventually recovers as JBL glares at him. Back in the ring he hits Orton with an enzuguiri, but when he jumps up Orton throws him hard into the corner turnbuckle. Orton goes across the ring and measures Y2J for the soccer kick but he misses when Jericho avoids and inverts him right into the Walls! Orton reaches for the ropes and Jericho drags him back to the center but before Jericho can make him tap JBL gets in the ring and gives Jericho a boot to the head. WINNER BY DQ BUT NOT WINNER OF THE WWE TITLE: CHRIS JERICHO. Orton gives Y2J the RKO afterwards to rub salt in the wound and walks away as his theme music plays.

I got up for a break (you know the kind you take about this time) and when I came back Jillian Hall was in the ring bragging about how her Christmas album A Jingle With Jillian was blowing up on the internet and even read us some feedback from "shyguy3855" which said that all the great divas should move over because there was a new diva in town. She offered to sing us one of her favorites as a holiday gift and tortured the crowd for about a minute before Mickie James' music interrupted her and Jillian sulked away pissed at her ruined opportunity to show off such awful vocals.

* Beth Phoenix {C} v. Mickie James (WWE Women's Title)

Short match. Mickie James gets in more offense than you'd expect, which is acknowledged by both J.R. and The King on commentary, but in the end she falls victim to Beth Phoenix hitting a delayed fisherman suplex and covering her for three. WINNER AND STILL WOMEN'S CHAMPION: BETH PHOENIX. JBL has apparently been ejected from the building for his interference in the title match earlier so Tazz comes over to join Michael Cole on commentary for the main event. We get a promo video covering the events leading up to tonight's triple threat match.

* Batista {C} v. Edge v. The Undertaker (World Heavyweight Title - Triple Threat Rules)

Edge takes a powder to the floor right at the start when Taker charges the apron. Taker is knocked through the ropes and gives chase to Edge. Batista gives chase to Taker and they both end up fighting over who gets a piece of Edge, one holding each leg, until he wriggles away under the ropes while they fight over who gets to beat him up. Undertaker gets the goozle on him on the opposite side but Batista dropkicks him through the ropes and inadventently saves him. Taker lays Batista on the apron, kicks Edge in the face and does his three hundred pound leg drop on Big Dave. Edge finally gets his opportunity by knocking Taker out with a shoulder but when he charges Batista he gets caught in a side slam for 2. Edge whipped to the corner for a clothesline and shoulders to the gut. Edge slides out and knocks Batista's head into the turnbuckle and sets up for a spear but instead eats a boot and a running slam before Undertaker drags him off the cover to the outside and throws Dave into the steel steps. Taker rolls Batista back in and jacks Edge in the jaw. He sets Edge on the apron, kicks him in the head, and goes for another leg drop before Batista clotheslines him to the floor.

Batista hits Edge with a spinebuster and sets up to finish him but Edge hits him with a low blow and goes for the cover. Apparently no DQ rules are in effect for this, which includes Undertaker dragging the ref out to prevent him from making the three count. Taker gets in with a full head of steam and starts wailing on Edge before giving him the snake eyes and a big boot. Taker lays across him for the cover and Edge kicks out at 2.5. Undertaker goes up to the ropes and connects with the Old School. Edge's head is tucked between Undertaker's legs and he's picked up for the Last Ride but Batista spears Undertaker and goes for the cover himself, but 'Taker puts him in a picture perfect MMA leg triangle. Batista doesn't tap but Edge rings the bell. Mickie Henson emphatically signals that's not the bell and the match is not over. Undertaker comes over pissed off at the referee, Edge attacks him from behind and goes for the cover but 'Taker kicks out at two. Edge tries to cover Batista to no avail. He throws two chairs in the ring, puts one under Batista's head, but Big Dave gets a boot up to kick the other into Edge's face. 'Taker clotheslines Edge over the ropes but Big Dave clotheslines 'Taker in return. Dave to the top rope! 'Taker hits the ropes and Dave crotches himself. 'Taker goes up to the second rope and hooks the tights for a superplex and connects! Both men are down and Edge is still on the outside. Undertaker drapes an arm over for a cover but only gets 2.

Taker goes up for Old School on Batista but he turns it into a spinebuster. 'Batista spears Edge when he comes in and Edge goes back out to the floor. Undertaker gives him a high back bodydrop. There's two Edges outside the ring! Undertaker gives Batista a chokeslam and signals it's all over. He goes to pull Big Dave up but catches the fake Edge and gives him a chokeslam. The real Edge crawls by the fake Edge on the floor. Batista gets the snake eyes but responds with a clothesline. He covers for two and 'Taker kicks out. Scoop slam attempt by Batista countered into a tombstone piledriver! Taker goes for the cover and the real Edge whacks him with a steel chair! He hits him with a second one for good measure and then covers Batista for 1-2-3! WINNER AND NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: EDGE!!! Two fake Edges crawl away up the ramp, TWO OF THEM, as the real Edge poses at the top of the ramp with his title belt and both Undertaker and Batista look on in confusion. Edge licks his lips and holds up the belt with his left arm as the PPV goes off the air. Good night everyone!