| Date: 01/15 | 8:55 PM |
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We'll be recapping ECW live so hit F5 or refresh as often as you like for updates! Coverage starts in just five minutes.
Welcome to another week of ECW on Sci-Fi, right here on AngryMarks.com."DON'T QUESTION MY HEART! DON'T QUESTION THE FIRE THAT BURNS INSIDE." Tonight we'll see CM Punk v. Chavo Guerrero for the third time. Birmingham, Alabama will also be home to the ECW debut of The Cutting Edge. Speaking of which, here comes the four-time World Heavyweight Champion himself!
* The Cutting Edge
The champ comes down in a leather jacket and t-shirt with the strap over his shoulder. Edge's set is already in the rin gand he poses for the fans with his shades on even as they hold up huge green EDGE SUX signs. Rated R Superstar takes the mic. "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a very special edition of The Cutting Edge. You know what, I'm really excited to be here on ECW tonight. Just like I'm excited for the Royal Rumble, where I defend my World Heavyweight Championship against Rey Mysterio. For those of you looking for a competitive match, you might wanna look elsewhere." All the children in the audience start screaming SIX ONE NINE. Edge: "Not gonna happen to me. In case you missed it, last Friday on Smackdown, this is what happened to your hero Mysterio."
We throw to Smackdown footage of Rey hitting Chavo with the six one nine and a frog splash, hooking the leg for three right before Edge gets up from the announce table and hits the ring. The Rated R'my join him in a three-on-one beatdown. Mysterio tries in vain to kick at Edge before they leave him laying and Edge holds the title over his face and screams at him "YOU CAN'T DO IT!"We go back to Edge live. "That's just an inkling of what happens when you mess with me, The Rated R Superstar! Rey wants to be champ one more time but that's just not gonna happen. And speaking of champions, my guest backstage has butterflies in his stomach and his palms are clammy. Who can blame him. My guest tonight is the ECW Champion, CM Punk!"
Punk hits the ring and the crowd goes wild while the fat chicks mark out and take photos. Seriously. "Thank you for having me." Edge: "You know I've been watching your career really closely. In fact you remind me of me, a PUNK version of me. I also wanted to wish you congratulations on becoming the ECW Champion. Since you've been champion though who have you really beaten. You beat Chavo twice, by countout and disqualification. What would you do if Chavo were to challenge you for a third time." Punk: "You see a lot of yourself in me, well the difference is I respect my opponents. You can run do Rey all you want but I respect Chavo, I respect what he's done in this business. He's a Guerrero and that means a lot. If he challenged me for a third go around I'd say yes. I can beat him anytime." Edge: "That's a pretty bold statement." Punk: "No this is a bold statement - I can beat you too!"
Edge: "Okay you know what I'm gonna let that slide, because I was like you once, I was young and I was stupid." Punk: "I didn't say it to make you laugh. Take a look around, this isn't Smackdown, this is my show! And I feel I can beat anybody at any time, including you." Edge: "Oh you think so, maybe we should just do something about that!" Chavo's music hits. He's coming down to the ring in a pastel blue dress shirt and a pair of slacks. He doesn't exactly look "ready to wrestle" tonight. Chavo has a mic too. Guerrero: "CM Punk. Let me remind you, that if I beat you, I get an ECW title shot. And you just said to Edge, that if I were to challenge you for a third time, you'd accept. Consider this a challenge, for TONIGHT!" Punk: "Chavo we had this conversation a week ago. Now we're having the same conversation. We'll probably be here next week, same Punk time, same Punk channel, after I beat you for a third time." Chavo piefacess him but before Punk can respond Edge clocks him from behind and they give him a 2-on-1 beating. Edge and Chavo take turns posting him into the corner steel as the crowd gives loud BOOOOOOOOOOOOOS. Chavo's music plays as Edge picks up his belt and walks away, leaving Chavo standing over Punk. ECW gives us a replay and then throws back to Edge walking backwards up the ramp. Commercial.
We're 16 minutes into the show and no wrestling so far - you'd think this was a Monday night and we were watching Raw. In fact the first thing we get after the commercial break is a promo for Armageddon on DVD, "available now." We go back to Birmingham and they're showing another replay of the two-on-one beatdown on Punk. Edge is walking backstage, apparently headed for the exit, and Styles & Tazz both note he seems to be done for the night. This leads us to John Morrison and his slow-mo' hair. What does the theme song say anyway - it sounds to me like "NOW LISTEN! THIS AIN'T NO BAKE SALE!" Morrison hits the ring and poses with his fut coat and title belt before The Miz music hits and he comes out with HIS title belt and the stupid hat and bandana on his head. HOO-RAH!
* Miz & Morrison {C} v. Rory & Robby (The Highlanders)
Presumably non-title, as this is The Highlanders first ever appearance of ECW. Morrison decides to LITERALLY walk over his opponent, and Rory takes exception to this and gives him a flapjack right on his face. Miz knocks Rory down to the floor and Morrison goes outside to throw him back in. I presmue M&M are working as the heels here since they're cutting off the ring with quick tags and laying the beating on Rory. The crowd doesn't seem to be buying The Highlanders as babyfaces though; then again, Birmingham has been quiet all night. They didn't react nearly as strongly to the 2-on-1 beating of Punk as I thought they would. Rory finally manages to escape and get the hot tag, and he clears Morrison off the apron before hitting Miz with a standing dropkick and a powerslam. Morrison breaks up the three count and Miz throws his opponent into the turnbuckle nose first before finishing him with the Reality Check. WINNERS: YOUR WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS, MORRISON & MIZ. Sadly I guess this must mean their feud with MOORE WANG~! is over. Styles plugs the CM Punk v. Chavo Guerrero match as we go to commercial and yet another Kofi Kingston promo but this one promises KOFI WILL DEBUT ON ECW NEXT WEEK.
The WWE slam of the week is the danceoff from last week's ECW on Sci-Fi. Weaksauce! Kelly Kelly comes out in what APPEARS to be nothing more than a bathrobe and Tazz compliments her on her big beaming smile. A fan in the audience holds up a "HAPPY BIRTHDAY KELLY" sign. Kelly: "If you think the divas of ECW look great now, wait until next week. It's going to be crystal clear in high definition. Which ECW diva has the best body!" Kelly takes off the bathrobe to reveal a teeny tiny swimsuit and top. Styles: "Kelly would be attractive in a 1950's black & white television." They promote the WWE HD "Best Body Contest" as Kelly works her way from the ring back up the ramp.
Tazz: "Let's hear it for Kelly Kelly!" Colin Delaney is in the ring. HOORAY FOR COLIN DELANEY! Tazz: "Let's take a look at Colin's matches." We see Shelton Benjamin, Big Daddy V and Mark Henry mercilessly beat the crap out of him. COLIN IS THE BEST JOBBER EVER~!! Tazz: "How ya feelin'!" Colin: "I'm here, barely." Tazz: "That's what I admire about you, it takes a tough guy to be in this great industry. When it's all said and done how do you think your career will turn out." Delaney: "I don't know but I'm here to fight another week." Tazz: "It's a pretty big opportunity, you're about to go one on one with a former WWE Champion!" Cue the pyros. Here comes Kane! NOW Birmingham sounds excited.
* Kane v. Colin Delaney
Styles says this might be like watching Bigfoot squash a Smurf. Delaney tries to put his fists up and Kane launches a big foot at his head. He throws Delaney to the corner for more of a beating then hits a sidewalk slam with ease. Kane pulls him up for the chokeslam, throws him down with authority, and hooks the leg for three. HOORAY FOR QUICK SQUASHES!! YOUR WINNER: KANE.
The Colin Delaney gimmick gets better every single week! Iron Mike Sharpe, SD Jones, and Salvatore Bellomo have nothing on Delaney! Styles: "This is getting really difficult to watch." No it's not Joey, shut the fuck up! Armando goes backstage to ask Punk if he's still going to be able to compete tonight, even as a trainer is icing him down. Punk angrily stares at Armando and says "I'LL BE THERE!" Styles promises us an update on Orton & Hardy after the commercial break.
When we come back WWE Magazine airs a Raw Rebound of the match between Orton and Hardy from last night. For those who didn't see it Orton got himself intentionally disqualified despite the IC title being on the line just so he could beat up Jeff Hardy. When Hardy made his comeback he gave Orton a backdrop off the stage, climbed up, and then did a swanton on him from up high. Jeff Hardy "staggered out of the medical facility last night" before even being evaluated while Orton "sustained back and neck injuries" but is otherwise okay. Thanks for the non-update update gentlemen. They run down the Royal Rumble card. AIN'T NO STOPPIN' ME NOW~! Shelton Benjamin's music hits and he heads down to the ring with a big smirk on his face.
* Shelton Benjamin v. Nunzio
Apparently WWE.com changed the story YET AGAIN today because they announced earlier that Benjamin IS in the Royal Rumble, so this isn't even a qualifying match. Nunzio tries to sunset flip on Benjamin but Benjamin pulls him back to his feet and t-bones him right out of his Italian leather boots. Benjamin throws him to the ropes and tries to rip his nose off his face, then punches him back down to the ground. The Gold Standard sells a couple of kicks from the goomba before unloading with a big boot that turns Nunzio inside out. Benjamin pulls him over to the corner and Nunzio is already a worse jobber than Colin Delaney because he hasn't died yet. Benjamin sets him up on the top rope and then sinks him back down with an uppercut. Another clubbing blow to the back and I've honestly never heard a crowd so quiet - I'm honestly not sure they're even breathing. Mercifully Benjamin finally ends it with his inverted bulldog. WINNER: SHELTON BENJAMIN. He takes a mic from ringside, screams his catchphrase again, and hits the move again before we go to commercial.
After a promo for Rey Mysterio v. Edge at the Royal Rumble two weeks from now we go back to ECW live and the champion's music hits. CM Punk comes out holding his left shoulder and selling the beatdown from earlier, but he still has the ECW title around his waist and manages to unstrap it and hold it up to the crowd. It's time for our main event but we get one more replay of the two-on-one beating first.
* CM Punk {C} v. Chavo Guerrero (Chavo's Third Chance at a Title Shot)
Before the match can even start Edge's music hits and he comes back out to the ring in a white tee with a skull on it and the title over his shoulder. Tazz offers Edge a handshake as he sits down at the announce table. Meanwhile in the ring Chavo is avoiding kicks from Punk at the start but finally gets caught coming off the ropes. Chavo responds with a wristlock and he starts twisting up Chavo's left arm in knots. Ring psychology! Edge must be catching a cold because he sounds awfully hoarse chastizing Joey Styles for calling the Rated R'my "flunkies." Punk gives Chavo a toss to the outside, where he lands face down on the floor, as we go to commercial.
Chavo is working over Punk in the ring as we come back from break, while Santa Claus and his friends sit at ringside taking photos. Styles tries to apologize for unintentionally offending Edge, and Edge says too bad offense was taken, sarcastically replying he took UMBRAGE and PROVOCATION to CM Punk saying he could beat him. The fans try to cheer Punk back to his feet and succeed when Chavo grabs a leg and Punk turns itn into an enzuguiri. Unfortunately Chavo dropkicks him right in the injured shoulder and covers him for 2. Tazz encourages Edge to be on ECW more often and Edge says he probably should since he gives ECW something special it doesn't otherwise have. Edge puts over Chavo strong saying once he picks a body part to work on like this you won't feel the same for weeks. Chavo attempts to lock Punk's left arm behind his back but he fights out with elbows and chops. Chavo cuts him off again with a somersault senton and a two count before going for a cross armbreaker.
Punk keeps kicking out, Chavo keeps working over the arm and the shoulder, and Edge and Styles keep arguing about what the Rated R Superstar takes UMBRAGE to. Punk hits a surprise backslide for 2, a backfist, and the running step up knee. Chavo blocks a bulldog and puts Punk in the corner but Punk gets a boot up to block Chavo. Chavo snaps his arm over the ropes and Punk falls down in pain, and Edge says "timing is everything" and gets up to crack Punk in the head with his title so he's unable to answer the ten count, coming back to the announce table and acting like nothing happened. "What a match!" YOUR WINNER AND NEW #1 CONTENDER: CHAVO GUERRERO. Joey Styles: "That sucks!" Edge: "You suck. I'm outta here!" Edge walks backwards up the ramp for the second time tonight as Chavo stands victorious in the ring and Punk is laid out on the floor, and that's how ECW ends tonight.