06/17/08: ECW on Sci-Fi Live Recap

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"Don't question my heart! Don't question the fire that burns inside!" It's time for another week of ECW on Sci-Fi. Big Show and Kane are supposed to have a "confrontation" tonight, and CM Punk will have a match with John Morrison. First up in San Jose though is the biggest little man in WWE, Hornswaggle!

* Hornswaggle v. Armando Estrada

Would you give a guy who wasn't even under contract a rematch against an opponent who has already beaten him? Apparently you would if you were Teddy Long. Armando takes his sweet time taking his vest off as Hornswaggle smells one of his Cuban cigars, decides he doesn't like it, snaps it in two and throws it at Armando. He takes offense and gives chase, but Hornswaggle goes under the ring to pull a bucket of marbles and dump it on the floor. As you might expect Armando slips on the marbles. The slapstick match moves back in the ring where Armando gets sprayed in the face with a water gun, then back outside as Hornswaggle goes under the apron. When Armando tries to crawl under to find him it's FINLAY who soaks him with a water gun. Finlay throws him back in and Hornswaggle goes up for the Tadpole Splash, and hits it for the three count. WINNER: HORNSWAGGLE.

Tazz does one of the most retarded interviews I've ever heard on a WWE program afterwards with Finlay. I'm not going to even ATTEMPT to recap it. Meanwhile we're still supposed to believe a guy with "no contract" has his own entrance music and is showing up on TV every week. At least when Colin Delaney "wasn't signed" they kayfabed us by having him come out with no music before giant men beat the holy living hell out of him in easy squashes. For every tenth of a point Raw gained in the ratings this week, I hope ECW goes down in the ratings by at least as much if not MORE. Commercial.

We're back with a plug for one of the WWE magazines, as Tazz points out that Layla did a dance routine during the commercial break (even though this is pre-taped) before we see Matt Striker in the ring. It's time for another match!

* Matt Striker v. Evan 'Air' Bourne

The match starts with highlights of Bourne winning a tag team match with Kofi Kingston last week. Striker tries to snapmare Bourne but he lands on his feet. Bourne tries to charge Striker in the corner, gets floated over to the apron, tries to jump back in but "The Extreme Educator" catches him coming in and gives him a twisting neckbreaker hanging off the top rope. A couple of near falls follow as a ticker scrolls at the bottom of the screen reminding us to register to win McMahon's Millions on WWE.com. Meanwhile Striker says to no one in particular (audience, camera, it's hard to tell where it's directed) that Bourne isn't going to make a name on him. Bourne takes a boot to the groin area but still recovers and goes up to the top rope for a shooting star press and hits it for the three count! WINNER: EVAN BOURNE.

We see a replay of the SSP and it's a damn pretty one from Matt Syd.. err Evan Bourne. Unfortunately he can't celebrate for long because Mike Knox hits the ring and DOES THE KNOX to him. Adamle wonders why Knox would do such a thing and Tazz points out he was coming out for a match with Kofi Kingston up next anyway, at which point we go to commercial break. Knox is still in the ring when we return a few minutes later, which again isn't that hard since this whole thing was taped a couple weeks ago, and after a brief replay Kofi Kingston's music and pyro both hit.

* Kofi Kingston v. Mike Knox

Thankfully Adamle does not make me crazy by saying the worst catchphrase in all of wrestling commentary when Kingston comes out. Knox and Kingston have an aborted lockup to start the match and then Knox just throws him into the corner for a beating. He tries to throw him to the opposite corner but Kingston gets rolling with the kicks. He tries to leap on top of Knox but that's a mistake as Knox grabs him by the face and throws his head into the turnbuckle. The almost dead San Jose crowd starts to slowly clap for Kingston as Knox chickenwings him, and Kingston stands up briefly before Knox grounds him again and sticks a knee in his back. Knox gets out by stomping on the feet and starts his comeback with a crossbody off the ropes for two, then follows it up with a dropkick. Kingston is rolling and is prepared to go for a pinfall but Shelton Benjamin's entrance music hits and he jumps into the ring to beat Kingston up and suplex him across the ring. KINGSTON WINS BY DQ I SUPPOSE.

Kingston ducks further offense from Benjamin and in the process Shelton accidentally kicks Knox in the head. Kingston walks backwards up the ramp, clutching at his back, and laughing. The replay shows us the spear by Shelton that caused the DQ, the nasty suplex, and the kick to Knox' face. Knox is not pleased with Shelton as we go to commercial with a promo for Kane and Big Show's "confrontation" tonight and for The Rock's three-disc DVD set,and when we return there's a replay of the cash giveaway from last night's Raw. For all the details read Killa Kev's WWE Raw Recap. Tazz plugs the giveaway and Adamle reminds us to go to WWE's website and register. Backstage Teddy Long offers Finlay and Hornswaggle a contract of some sort, while Teddy's assistant Tiffany tells "Horny" that if he signs they'll get a shot at Miz & Morrison's tag titles during Night of Champions. Miz walks in just after "Horny" tried to molest her and Teddy Long gets pissed at him mouthing off in his office. Fortunately for Long, Finlay handles the situation by decking Miz and tell him that he's "dead serious" about their tag title shot agains the champs. CM Punk's match with Miz's tag partner is up after these commercials!

* CM Punk v. John Morrison

We return from break with Punk waiting in the ring, while Tazz & Adamle throw to a replay of Miz getting clocked by Finlay before break. Shortly after Morrison comes out and stops to pose with his WWE Tag Team belt for the slow-mo' hair blow. It's been said before but Morrison's physique really is freaky, to the point it's very hard to believe he's "natural" in any way. I suppose as long as he keeps testing clean and doesn't get suspended by WWE we'll just have to take their word for it. Nonetheless if you look at the difference between Punk and Morrison it's damn near night and day. The two lock up at the opening bell and Punk pushes him all the way to the corner, and Morrison screams at the ref to get him off. Punk shoves him in the chest, Morrison mushes him in the face, Punk gives him a kick and then knocks him down with a shoulder tackle. The two enjoy slapping each other in the face before Punk finally knocks him down and covers for a one count.

Eventually Morrison gets Punk off his feet and he hits the apron, and now Morrison's got the heat. He gets a cover for two as Punk clutches at his ribs and the crowd chants for Punk to make a comeback. Morrison rolls him to his side, drives a knee into the ribs and pulls up. Punk sells as Adamle discusses something similar happening to him at the bottom of an NFL pileup "where the ref couldn't see it." Fascinating Adamle. No seriously, you really add to the play-by-play of this show. In fact ECW has the best commentary team of any show on television, and if you believe all of that then Morrison is a natural athlete who's never seen a steroid in his life. It's not long before he goes back to the knee to the ribs, and this time the crowd doesn't bother to chant for Punk's comeback - he just starts making it anyway. Nonetheless it doesn't last long as Morrison picks him up and drops him chest first on the ropes. That's not enough for Morrison, who decides to stomp on the ribs for good measure before getting another two count. Tazz makes bad jokes about "Dr. Adamle" as Punk tries to get a G2S out of nowhere before Morrison blasts him in the ribs with a knee. He gives him a running kick to the midsection while he's on his knees and goes for another cover. Ground 'n pound by Morrison before another two count, followed by a body scissor. San Jose could almost not care less, but just when you think they're totally dead a LIGHT CM Punk chant breaks out.

Punk starts another comeback with an airplane spin, selling his ribs afterwards, then ducks Morrison coming off the ropes to hit him with a snap powerslam for two. Adamle keeps bringing up Grey's Anatomy, and I know he means the textbook and not the TV show on ABC, but I wonder if anybody watching ECW is paying enough attention to realize it. Sometimes matches get better the longer they go on, but this is not one of them. I think I'd actually rather listen to "The Tuesday Night Delight" cut promos about the "Palace of Wisdom" for four or five minutes instead. Punk keeps selling, Morrison keeps beating him up, and Punk is easily the most impotent Money in the Bank holder in all of WWE history. All you can say when this match comes to an end is that Punk LUCKED OUT by catching Morrison coming off the ropes and immediately hitting the Go 2 Sleep for three. WINNER: CM PUNK.

The way Punk's selling afterwards you'd think he lost instead of won, although he's smiling and laughing as he holds up his four star briefcase. Miz comes out holding an icebag to his face and a mic in the other hand, cutting a promo to remind us all that Morrison is still one half of the tag champions. Morrison's music plays as Miz says they'll be victorious at Night of Champions and closes with "BE, JEALOUS." The Kane and Big Show confrontation is NEXT!

Teddy Long is in the ring when we come back. "Ladies and gentlemen, in less than two weeks, the ECW Championship will be defended with one of the brand's biggest ever matches on PPV. Let's bring out the challenger, the world's largest athlete, and the only man to have held the WWE, World Heavyweight and ECW Championship - The Big Show!" Show's music plays and he's all smiles as he walks down to the ring, even slapping hands with fans on the ramp. Large and in charge has a mic in his hand and they're finally toned down the makeup job on his face selling his legit injury. Long introduces Kane and the champ comes out with the belt around his waist and no smile whatsoever on his face. Adamle puts them over as "agile athletes" and Tazz says he agrees "one thousand percent." Woo, excitement.

Long tells us that this is a forum where both men can say what they want, and Show goes first. "Y'know Kane, we've been opponents, we've been partners, we've been champions together in the past. The cold hard fact is, you have something I want, and at the Night of Champions, I'm gonna take it back." Kane: "Show you may be the world's largest athlete and one of the most dominant superstars in WWE history, but what you're NOT going to be is ECW Champion. You're right, you do know me. You've seen what I'm capable of, but you have NO idea what I'm willing to do to keep MY ECW Championship." Show: "You know what you're right, I do know you. You are a sick, twisted, sadistic FREAK. But you see, I went through hell to get this match, and if need be, I will put you through hell to win it." Kane: "Well big man, hell is standing right here in front of you." The two get nose to nose as Teddy Long tries to get them to calm down, then out of not-quite-nowhere Mark Henry's music hits.

"Just a minute before y'all start beating each other up. Both of you need to watch it and calm down for a minute. You're gonna need to save your strength." Henry marches down the ramp and up the steel steps into the ring. "Because if I'm not drafted on Monday night, you can bet yo' bottom dollar, that after the Night of Champions whichever of the two of you is holding the title, I'm coming after." Show looks at Kane and Kane looks at Show, and by non-verbal agreement they both give Mark Henry a double chokeslam. They immediately go back to staring each other down as ECW goes off the air, and that's our show (no pun intended) for this week!