04/27/09: Stevie J's WWE Raw Live Recap


Date: 04/27 8:00 PM
Views: 3,627

Written by Stevie J

Since Killa Kev covered Backlash for me (no internet at the bar last night) I'm returning the favor and covering Raw for him tonight! The recap will be LIVE so hit F5 or refresh as often as you like for updates. The show starts NOW and we have THREE new world champions in WWE tonight, so everything's gonna be different on Raw!

We open in the dark, and the lights come up after Lilian Garcia introduces Vickie Guerrero as the General Manager of Raw. She's already in the middle of the ring with a mic. "I am so proud! Last night, my husband Edge captured the World Heavyweight Champion by beating John Cena in a Last Man Standing match. However, as the General Manage of Raw, it is my honor to introduce to you the new WWE Champion - Randy Orton!" I HEAR VOICES IN MY HEAD. Here comes Randy Orton, flanked by Rhodes and DiBiase on either side, with the title belt over his left shoulder. THE AGE OF ORTON DAWNS ANEW!! Complain if you like, but you can't say the challenger didn't pin the champion last night, despite the stupid clusterfuck team stipulations of the match. Okay, so it took a soccer kick to the head, but as an Orton fan I'm not complaining. In fact as he goes to each corner of the ring to pose with the belt, I'm actually quite pleased this is taking up so much time at the open of Raw. THEY TELL ME THINGS THAT I WILL DO, THEY SHOW ME THINGS I'LL DO TO YOU - THEY TALK TO ME!

Orton takes a spot to the left of Vickie Guerrero, with the rest of Legacy on her right (reversed for TV of course). Vickie hands him a mic and he walks to the center of the ring as the crowd chants YOU SUCK. "The McMahon family, is mourning. All of them, because their last hope, their protector, their champion, has fallen. Last night after five long years, I beat Triple H. I didn't just pin him, no, I BEAT him. I kicked him in the skull, as hard as I could, and put him out! Just, like I said, I was going to do. I did exactly what I said was going to do. No other superstar backstage can say that, and none of you, can say that. All of you people in this arena, at home watching, you're all exactly the same. Those of you in your 20's and younger, you hope for big things, huge success, you have big dreams. In the end the odds are you will all amount to nothing. Those of you in your 30's, and older, chances are you already are nothing. But not me." YOU SUCK chants. "I am a success!!! I have made, HISTORY. I have created a Legacy, that has resulted in the destruction of the entire, McMahon family." This throws us to a video package showing just what Orton described - his systematic decimation of the McMahons - from Vince, to Shane, to Steph, to Trips.

Incidentally while this video reel is playing I have the time to say I couldn't be happier with how Backlash turned out - every person I wanted to win a title did!

Vickie: "Randy, I am so excited that you are on my show as the WWE Champion. I'm happy to announce you'll have your first title defense in three weeks at Judgment Day. Your opponent will be determined tonight in a match between the world's largest athlete, The Big Show, versus The Animal - Batista! On behalf of all our Raw fans, I just want to say congratulations." She hands him back the mic. "You people need to know something - I'm all you have left. You don't need to like me, but you have to respect me. And not just you, all of the superstars in the back as well. I'll have you know something - Vickie may be the GM, but all of you in the lockerroom will answer to me. If I don't get the respect I deserve you'll end up just like Triple H. I don't care if you've been here a day or ten years. Every single one of you..."

MVP'S MUSIC INTERRUPTS. I didn't see that one coming. Looks like Montel has a brand new t-shirt. "Randy, my name is Montel Vontavious Porter! Most people in the WWE Universe call me M, V, P." (The crowd sings along with that.) "What you've done is extremely impressive, you are WWE Champion. I'm the United States Champion though, and I don't answer to nobody." DiBiase takes the mic. M-V-P crowd chant. "I know you're new to Raw but you don't seem to be too bright. Unless you want your first night on Raw to be the worst night of your life, I suggest you turn around and leave under your own power while you still can." MVP: "Break yourself lackey, Orton didn't give you permission to speak! I don't have a couple of Abercrombie & Fitch lackies to do my talking so I do it myself. Last time I checked this wasn't the Randy Orton Show, this was Monday Night Raw. Dig this baby boy, yes, you are the WWE Champion, but newsflash that ain't gon' last forever. If the animal Batista or the world's largest athlete Big Show don't beat you, I ain't got no problem stepping up and handling that myself." Cody Rhodes takes a mic and begs Orton to let him make an example out of him. In fact he says Legacy will beat him up so Orton can kick him in the head.

Orton whispers something in Vickie's ear. Vickie: "Tonight, in addition to the first contender's match, I have added a second main event. For the first time ever the United States Champion, MVP, versus the new WWE Champion, Randy Orton!" MVP makes a swish motion with his hands and smiles about Vickie's decision. He stands at the top of the ramp grinning as we go to commercial break.

WWE is bragging again - this week's "Did You Know" fact is that more people watched Raw than any one game during the NBA Playoffs by 1,000,000 viewers. It's amazing how easily they come up with these ridiculous facts. Cole and Lawler discuss that both Triple H and Hornswoggle have been drafted to Raw, as well as The Brian Kendrick. In fact Kendrick's on his way down to the ring. "Listen close dollface because I'm only going to say this once. It's not Brian Kendrick - it's THE Brian Kendrick." Garcia seems surprised to be corrected. I don't think Kofi Kingston will be correcting her though!

* The Brian Kendrick v. Kofi Kingston

Kofi is chasing Kendrick all over the ring until Kendrick manages to drop toe hold him into a turnbuckle. Kofi floats him over the ropes on a charge, but he lands on the apron and comes back with a missile dropkick for a two count. Kendrick grounds the Jamaican Sensation and applies a chinlock. Kingston escapes and starts throwing his unique knife edge chops and strikes. BO, BO, BO for a double leg drop and two count. Lawler: "These two can wrestle faster than you and I can talk!" That's for damn sure. Crossbody by Kofi is rolled through by Kendrick for two, but Kofi Kingston responds with a spinning head kick that gets the three count. It's over that quick! WINNER: KOFI KINGSTON. Kendrick loses his debut match on Raw.

Kingston continues celebrating as Lawler and Cole show a photo montage of Cena being thrown into one of the spotlights by Big Show, which enabled Edge to remain the Last Man Standing and win the World Title. Backstage Vickie gives Show a huge hug. Show: "And thank you for putting me in this #1 Contender's Match." Show tries to lean in for a kiss and she backs off. "You know it's going to be awfully lonely on Monday nights." Vickie: "Please, for the sake of Raw, everything needs to be professional." Show accepts this, somewhat nonchalantly. "Okay, you're the boss." I suppose if I was frenching Vickie, I wouldn't be too upset that she doesn't want to make out any more either. Commercial.

Tonight's WWE Rewind is the Santina Kiss Cam segment with Khali from Backlash last night. Read Kev's Backlash Recap for the details. Back to live action, Santina is on her way down to the ring! "Her" tag team partner tonight is Kelly Kelly. So who are their opponents?

* Santina Marella & Kelly Kelly & Brie Bella & Mickie James v. Beth Phoenix, Rosa Mendez, Jillian Hall & Maryse

Okay, this is a bathroom break if I've ever seen one. Feel free to get some popcorn and beer, I know I will. By the time I come back Hornswoggle is under the ring being kissed by both of the Bella Twins, Beth and Rosa try to chase him but get sprayed by a fire extinguisher, Jillian is the legal woman in the ring and Santina tags in to roll her up on the Hornswoggle distraction. WINNER: THE BABYFACE WOMEN... AND SANTINA. Hornswoggle comes out from under the ring as Santina is celebrating, and goes for an upskirt view, then falls over backwards and faints from what he saw! He runs away past the heel divas visibly upset. Incidentally Santina was wearing an "I'm With Stupid" t-shirt instead of a dress - I guess to avoid any more "wardrobe malfunctions" like last night. We get teasers for tonight's main events as we go to commercial.

When we come back from break Lawler and Cole remind us that Mr. Kennedy, the Bella Twins and Matt Hardy have been drafted to Raw. There seems to be a pattern here because Matt is the last announced and his music is playing when we go back to live action. We watch him walk to the ring with a large visible cast on his hand. We get highlights of Matt begging off last night in his "I Quit" match with Jeff. Jeff still leapt off him to crush Matt through the table after he quit anyway. Matt has a mic in his left hand. "Last night, Jeff Hardy proved to me that he's nothing more than an insensitive, uncaring, heartless barbarian. As a result of that, I suffered a broken hand, a brutal break in my second metacarpal. But I did not quit. I am not a quitter! I've never quit anything in my entire life. But after Jeff broke my hand, I had no other option. What did you expect me to do! Much like I have no option tonight - I'm being forced to wrestle. But I want all of you to know that tonight I am wrestling under protest."

* Matt Hardy v. Goldust

I guess this match proves Goldust is still under contract. Matt dances away from Goldie when the bell rings and then ducks through the ropes to force a ref seperation. Matt again dances away from Goldust and gets another ref seperation. Goldie's getting ticked off. The third time Matt steps all the way through the ropes to the apron, when Goldie comes after him he jumps down to the floor. Goldie screams at the ref for allowing these shenanigans and while he's distracted Matt pearl harbors Goldust from behind with the cast, then covers him for the pin. Matt wins in his first official night on Raw after the Draft. WINNER: MATT HARDY. Cole and Lawler question just how injured Matt's broken hand really is. We see Randy Orton walking to the ring as we go to commercial.

* Randy Orton {C} v. MVP {C} (Non-Title All Around)

I mean no disrespect to MVP, but I don't see any chance in hell of him getting a pin in this match. The best he could hope for would be that Legacy interferes and he gets the win by DQ. I view it as much more likely that Orton pins him clean with the RKO and THEN he gets a 3-on-1 Legacy beatdown. Orton shoves him into the corner at the start forcing a four count for the clean break. The two trade headlocks and test each other's strengths, then trade holds on the ground, then Orton gets up with MVP working over his left wrist. Moments later Orton reverses and we get a near fall, then he does the same thing to his opponent. They're pretty much going even Stevens. Orton kicks MVP hard in the left arm, MVP shoots him off the ropes and drills the abdomen in response, then drops a knee on the midsection while Orton is down for two. Orton takes control again and lays in uppercuts in the corner. MVP is whipped to the corner but ducks a charging Orton and hits an armdrag. Orton gets the advantage again moments later and starts pummeling MVP in the corner. In the opposite corner MVP hits a drop toe hold into the turnbuckle, then kicks Orton in the head to send him tumbling over the ropes to the floor. He celebrates as we go to commercial.

During the commercial break Orton got back up, got in the ring, stretched MVP out from the ropes and cracked his head into the mat. That's how Orton winds up back in control as we come back to live action. MVP starts to fight back with punches, and we get the "boo" and "yay" segment from the crowd. MVP goes on a run after tossing his opponent, smiles, hits the ropes, signals the SWISH and drops the BALLIN' elbow for a near fall. Orton and MVP wind up in the corner and Orton tosses him over the ropes to the floor. While MVP is down Shane McMahon runs out and attacks Orton with a kendo stick! Shane hits a flying elbow just as Legacy run down the ramp with chairs, then bails out of the ring before Legacy can get there. He heads up through the crowd and posses up near the luxury boxes as Legacy check on Orton and glare at Shane. Shane's music starts playing. This entire time I never heard a bell ring. I assume Orton wins by DQ since Shane's attack benefits MVP, but this was never announced and I honestly suspect WWE doesn't even care. Commercial.

Replay of everything that happened before the break when we come back after it. Next we get highlights of the Last Man Standing match from Backlash. Cole says there's almost no chance Cena will be here tonight after what happened to him. Lawler and Cole run down Raw's draft picks again, including Big Show, Maryse and Chavo Guerrero. Are we getting a Chavito match next? Nope. We're also told The Miz came over in the draft. YUP, there he is. Miz is making his way down to the ring as we speak. "You are looking at the single most valuable draft pick in the entire WWE, The Miz! I'm a television icon. I was on MTV for years. I was the face of that network. Last week I was on ECW, Smackdown and Raw, winning WWE and World Tag Team Titles. Google my name and I will have more hits than each and every one of you." Let's try that. Stevie J - 79,900 hits. The Miz - 1,420,000. Okay - he's right. Miz says he's here to challenge John Cena and insists a ref come down to the ring. He yells that Cena is not the type of man to hide behind an injury and that he should come down to face him RIGHT NOW.

Cena's music starts playing and the crowd gets excited, but nobody comes out. "What is it Cena? Are you scared of me, huh? Are you gonna run and hide, or are you gonna come out here and face me like a man? What do I have to do to get you in the ring? Do I have to belittle you? Well you're always saying YOU CAN'T SEE ME. You're right John. I can't see you." Loud CE-NA chant from the crowd. "I'll wait! The fact is you're right, I can't see you, because your movies aren't in theatres long enough. Ya gonna step up now Cena? I'm sick of seeing these same main eventers, day after day, week after week, year after year. Tonight is my time to step up and grab the brass ring! Tonight I stepped up and challenged Cena, and he didn't answer. That means I win by forfeit. Lilian, stand up and make it official." She refuses to do so, and The Miz comes over and gets in her face. Miz takes the mic from her since she won't do it. "AND THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, BY RESULT OF A FORRRRFEITTTTT, IS THE MIZ!" He walks away smiling and posing as his music plays like he accomplished something. He yells on his way up the ramp too: "I'm Miz on Raw, and I'm not going away!" Yes you are, because we're going to a commercial break.

When we come back they're showing highlights on the screen from WWE's last European tour.

* Primo & Carlito {C} v. Chavo & Jamie Noble (Non-Title)

We're told that Carlito faces Ted DiBiase on WWE Superstars this Thursday night on WGN as the match gets underway. Lawler explains that because the Colons are the Unified Tag Team Champions they are "draft-exempt" and can defend their titles on any show they want. Primo and Carlito clear the ring in almost no time flat. Chavo and Jamie trick Primo into being caught from behind with an in-and-out ring chase and then start cutting off the ring to double team him. Jamie Noble, shaved head and all, is still recognizable by the fact he screams C'MON BOY at Primo. Noble drags his opponent over, grapevines the leg and makes the tag. Chavo tries to come off the top rope but gets a boot in the gut, and both men tag out to their partners. Carlito almost gets dumped to the floor but manages insead to snap Chavo's neck off the ropes and leap off both corners of the ring for a two count. Primo wipes Chavo out to the floor while Carlito hits the backstabber on Jamie Noble Boy to get the three count. WINNERS: THE COLONS.

Josh Matthews stops Batista for an interview backstage. He asks Big Dave if he feels responsible for Triple H losing last night. "I know what you're going through Triple H, and I know it's just a matter of time before you're back. I'm going to go out there tonight and become the #1 contender, and then I'm going to hurt Orton - just like he hurt me, just like he hurt you, just like he hurt your family. Then I'm going to take what matters to him most - the World, Heavyweight, Title." Commercial.

Backlash highlights when we come back from break. Lilian Garcia re-introduces Vickie Guerrero: "Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to make. But before I do, I'd like to remind you of recent current events." She throws to video footage of Randy Orton attacking Vince McMahon with a soccer kick, Shane McMahon with a soccer kick, et cetera. I think this is the same footage we saw at the start of the show. Orton's win over Triple H at Backlash is included. After the video, Vickie promises us Orton vs. Shane McMahon on Raw next week. Big Show comes out and exchanges a knowing look with Vickie Guerrero before heading down to the ring. Before Batista can come out we go to commercial.

* The Big Show v. Dave Batista (#1 Contenders Match)

Test of strength to start the match, which Big Show wins by pushing Dave into the far corner. Ref calls for the break. Go behind by Dave, who tries to pick up Show until he shrugs Dave off. Slobberknocker punches by Big Dave. Dave attempts a whip and nearly gets blocked into a chokeslam. Dave tries to get Show into a Batista Bomb and Show escapes that. This stalemate leads us to commercial again.

Batista kicks out of a cover attempt when we come back to live Raw at 10:57 EST. Cole describes Big Show as "wearing Batista down" with body shots. His offense does seem pretty punch-dimensional. I wonder how the live crowd feels about these two big slow behemoths having a power match full of punches, holds, and Big Show standing on Batista's chest. Well they're not booing at least, that's a good sign. In fact a BA-TI-STA chant breaks out. Show immediately hammers Dave to the canvas in response. Big Show grounds Big Dave with a chinlock as we go to the overrun. Show does squats on Dave's back to knock him down a couple of times, then applies A BEAR HUG. Yes that's what this has come to - a bear hug. Now I'm hearing a couple of boos. Bear hugs are not over in 2009. Batista starts trying to rip Show's face apart to get out of the power hold and succeeds. Show tries to charge Dave in the corner and he gets the boots up. Two clothesline attempts by Batista fail but he ducks Show on the third and instead hits a 500 pound spinebuster. Dave gets all pumped up and comes over to deliver the Demon Bomb but instead gets a chokeslam that sends him rolling out to the floor. CENA IS HERE. Cena is wobbling at the top of the ramp and the ref tries to hold him back. Big Show stares him down. Meanwhile Batista gets back in the ring and the ref starts a ten count while the camera isn't looking. Show finally realizes it and "runs" back to the ring but can't get in before ten. BATISTA WINS BY COUNTOUT TO BECOME #1 CONTENDER.

Man, that's some anti-climactic shit. At least Cena gets what he wants though - he screws Big Show for screwing him last night at Backlash. Show gets speared by Batista to boot. When he finally gets back up, he's ROARING with anger. "You're mine Cena! You can't hide!" We get a replay of Show failing to get back in the ring in time, belly fat jiggling all the way down to the apron as he "runs" to not make it in. Show keeps roaring as Cena stands at the top of the ramp with a satisfied smirk on his face, and that's how we go off the air.



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